UnNews:Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Friday, April 11, 2025
NEW YORK, New York — ICE Agents have arrested and detained Ms. Rachel, popular YouTube songwriter and baby educator, for online statements "tantamount to Hamas propaganda."
Ms. Rachel (real name Rachel Anne Accurso) was blindfolded, stuffed in a van, and transported via C-17 to the Central Louisiana ICE Processing Center, where she was interrogated for hours about her ties to Hamas, her potential involvement in a scheme to smuggle several Iranian-made ballistic missiles into Gaza, and a song she wrote about "sharing toys" which, according to White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, "may be a coded reference to the Israel-Hamas war."
Border czar Tom Homan released the following statement after the arrest: "Thanks to an anonymous tip, we were made aware of certain social media posts expressing sympathy to Hamas operatives disguised as starving children made by Ms. Rachel. Using a highly-advanced decryption algorithm, we were able to determine that these posts were really coded messages to Iranian spies on U.S. soil." When asked how a American citizen can be deported, Homan added, "Fuck you. She'll be sent to the Land of Make Believe! Lol! Just kidding! She's in El Salvador's worst prison."
Jewish civil rights group @StopAntiSemitism, led by a man who looks suspiciously like Ben Shapiro with a fake mustache, had recently called on Ms. Rachel to cease supporting Hamas with her pleas to stop the war. They have since claimed credit for her arrest.
"When liberals claim that they want to 'stop the genocide in Gaza', it's really a dog-whistle for hate," said the head of @StopAntiSemitism, known only by the nom-de-guerre Sen Bhapiro. "You flip the letters backwards and you get Azag ni raw eht pots: that sounds really scary!"
According to her lawyers, Ms. Rachel denies all allegations of being a Hamas supporter, or advocating for the destruction of Israel. In response, Bhapiro, unprompted, said "that's exactly what a Hamas collaborator would say!"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Dickson, E.J. (9 April 2025). "Ms. Rachel Accused of Being a Hamas Propagandist". The Cut. New York.