User talk:Sonje/5

User talk:Eric Sonje Frank

Hey Sonje

Rape! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:41, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Eww. I didn't want to see that. Sonje, put your burka back on right now!    Orian57    Talk   13:44 1 July 2009

What's wrong Orian? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:44, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Nothing. I was pretending to be more sexist than I normally am.    Orian57    Talk   13:47 1 July 2009

Ah Socky, this is the first time I've bee raped by you. Well apart from that one time... Actually, I bet Orian is just jealous, he wanted you to rape him too. But I am concerned about this burka fetish O_o --^Dame 13:53, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm jealousy. I've always known Orian was just pretending to be gay. Hahaha! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:56, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh no no no, you misunderstand. He is very gay. In fact he is a Gayhova's Witness. The other day, he was trying to make me be a boy just so that he could turn me gay. Also, he thinks all women should just die. If you want to gossip about him behind his back you can speak Flemmish now Socky, I understand it but I don't speak it very well. --^Dame 13:59, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Because you speak Afrikaans, right? Don't worry, I was just joking about Orian. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:01, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Yes, I have a few Belgian friends also though, so they taught me a little bit. --^Dame 14:13, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Maar 'k heb eigenlijk niks slechts over den Orian te zeggen (buiten et overduidelijke). Hij zit soms wel wa veel te klooien. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:26, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Ek heb self niks slechts te zeggen maar hij hoef niet te weten :P Nou sal hij angstig wees. Muahahahahaha! --^Dame 14:36, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh come on guys, that isn't fair!    Orian57    Talk   20:35 2 July 2009

Don't worry Orian. Socky was just confessing his undying love for you. --^Dame 22:29, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Lies! Horrible lies! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:29, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

A Quick Request For You

Could you shop me a logo for the fictional organization my new article is about? Ideally, something along the lines of what these wackos use, although you can do whatever you want. If you choose to accept, just add the image to the article, and then drop by my talkpage to let me know when you're done. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:54, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks so much! It's brilliant, like all of your chops, and damn-near exactly what I had in mind. I'm going to put it in the mainspace right now and put it up for Pee. I'd like at least one Pee review before it's nominated, though, just to see if I can improve anything. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:54, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm glad you like it. Let me know when the pee is done, though I'm sure the reviewer will nom it. --^Dame 16:50, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:36, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildy

---

Mahm00shA's B-Day

You didn't get my adoson a present yet. Ya know, some of the things you do make me think for a moment that you aren't a loyal follower. Just for a moment though, I know it's a crazy thought. Don Puttano cHeDDs 03:48,5July,2009

This is a Giant Ugly Template And it’s yours!

The actors would like to thank you! For voting for UnScripts:Heartbeat 2012 to become featured. Female Police Officer: Hel- Nathan: (interupting) Hello and thank you. We appreciate the recognition of our work and in recognition of this we give you this template. Female Police Officer: I swear to god if you cut across me like that again I'll beat you to death you bastard! Oscar: I apologise for the woman, she's not normally this vulgar. Must be her period or something.

And you esspecially for the nom!    Orian57    Talk   10:47 5 July 2009

Albrecht

Hi Sonje, thanks for offering to help, I'm very grateful. What I want doesn't have to be particularly authentic looking, unless you are able to do it like that, in fact if it looks more amateurish, it might be funnier... I haven't really thought out the text for the first entry yet, but I'll try to get the second diary entry to you by the end of the day. I don't know if you've played Thief, but even something like the Thief scrolls might be good enough, I'd have to try it out within the context of the article. --El Sid 12:57, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

I just looked at the article. It is really good. I know what you mean by the Thief scrolls, it should be easy to do. Just send me the text when you're ready and I'll give it a go. I am assuming you want it to fit into the spaces you marked <insert diary entry> so I'll try and chop it to look like diary cut outs instead of entire pages. We'll see what works. --^Dame 13:04, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Hi again, sorry for not getting back to you sooner, I was distracted by Roddick excelling at losing to Federer again, then I spent the rest of the evening half-dejected, half-plotting my revenge on the immaculate Swiss gimp. I'll try and get something done by the end of the week, thanks again for offering to help. --El Sid 12:53, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Take your time. I finally went to watch Transformers 2 last night so I would've been too busy anyway. Whenever you are ready is fine. --^Dame 13:03, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Picture ficks-up requestify!

This shit

Okie kokie. So I threw this shit --> together and I need it fixed up with some magic. Bassically what I'm after is the writing to be a bit clearer but in aroudn the same place but maybe in a better font (I'll leave that to your discression). And where there is that grey block sky if you could put in a stupid looking zombie's head, you know in the way you did that saving privite elmo one? That'd be great. Maybe scrub out my name aswell, looks a bit vein. Also if you could upload it over this version so the name isn't changed that'd help too. And thanks, hope this isn't too difficult or anything.    Orian57    Talk   19:56 5 July 2009

She'll need the background image, Orian. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:28, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Background?    Orian57    Talk   20:37 5 July 2009

The image you pasted those ugly letters on. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:44, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Well then she can have it, it's right there. Honestly socky, I can never tell when you're fucking with me.    Orian57    Talk   21:45 5 July 2009

Yeah, but without the ugly letters. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:47, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh I don't know where that is. I just threw that together to show a rough draft if you like, can the letters be erased or something, if needs be?    Orian57    Talk   21:49 5 July 2009

He means I need a copy of the picture BEFORE you stuck the ugly letters on. It is really hard to erase them. --^Dame 00:43, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh right, its here I cropped it a bit. Actually while you're there do you think it could be a tad thiner? it's a bit to square for a book as it is. I know I'm useless.    Orian57    Talk   00:45 6 July 2009

No problem. But not right now. I'm too sleepy. Will do tomorrow :) And you are not useless, you are just potatochopially challenged. I would be useless if you were not so. --^Dame 00:49, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Well not useless, we still need you for procreation but other than taht I suppose you woudl be. This is the article it's for. it got 45 on pee and I'm pretty sure it's the greatest thing since HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle, still doing some cleanup stuff on it though, which you're helping with. Also LazyTown is on VFH, FYI. I got boared so I nommed it. :) and yeah thanks again, and I'm considering sleep too so Night night.    Orian57    Talk   00:54 6 July 2009

How is this one? --^Dame 13:04, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

It's good, lot more flash and I was having second thoughts about putting a zombie in anyway. so yeah thanks! You read the article yet?    Orian57    Talk   13:06 6 July 2009

I'm still gonna put the zombie in, I was just asking about the text. If you are happy with the text I'll shop in the zombie. I read through it briefly but not properly yet. will do later though. Looks promising. --^Dame 13:08, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah, cool, cool. I also just noticed that that picture is of manchester so I suppose I've just found out where my story was set.    Orian57    Talk   13:11 6 July 2009

Is this a satisfactory zombie? Also, I only noticed the bit about the name now, do you want me to take it out? --^Dame 13:44, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Nah just leave it. I like it in that font. Also great zombie - great picture - I wish I was you.    Orian57    Talk   13:46 6 July 2009

You wish you were a girl? O_o --^Dame 13:47, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

No, Eric, don't be silly. You're not a girl.    Orian57    Talk   13:49 6 July 2009

Dammit! All these years I could've peed standing up and NOW you tell me! --^Dame 13:53, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Geezus Eric, I thought you'd have figured it out, you know?    Orian57    Talk   13:55 6 July 2009

Another request

Eric does have a rather large pair of bollocks...

Sonje, the people here love you. All they do is request images from you. and, the gresat thing is, you make them and you make them great. That is why they love you. Now. I have no idea why I said that. So, I got a review for Astronaut and the reviewer said I needed another image, or maybe two, to put on the bottom half to make it flow better. I'm running low on ideas, so I was hoping you could give it a read and perhaps make an image based on what you think would work the best. I don't need these done immediately, you can take your time on it. Thank you very much. Staircase CUN^t 17:37, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Steps. I don't know about love though. I reckon most ppl just tolerate me :P Anyway, I'll give the article a read and see what I can come up with. I'm going to be away for a while but I'll try to get it done before I go. --^Dame 18:05, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Where are you going? Staircase CUN^t 18:06, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

It is T in the Park (a Scottish music festival) next weekend so I'm going camping and I reckon it will be a while before I recover from the drunken revelry. So I'm going on a mini-holiday ^_^ --^Dame 18:10, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Hey, Eric,an I vandalise your userpage when your gone?    Orian57    Talk   18:23 6 July 2009

Yes, I noticed. You seem to be on a neverending quest to alter my gender. But I will not yield sir! I'm rather fond of being a girl actually. But tell me, why Eric? --^Dame 20:28, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

It's the most masculine sounding name I know. Eric.    Orian57    Talk   20:30 6 July 2009

Hope you have a good time at T, Sonje, I went there 4 years ago and had a great time... it's my favourite British festival (Ok, so I've only been to Leeds and T...), the campsite is cool, between the Scottish hills, very good for early morning revelry as the sun rises, so yeah, hope you have a good time! (I might actually get the diary draft done by the time you return, doubtful, but I might) --El Sid 22:17, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Her name's Eric.    Orian57    Talk   22:56 6 July 2009

Haha, apologies Eric --El Sid 23:20, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

See, Eric, even this Sid fellow can see your massive bollocks. How did you miss them?    Orian57    Talk   23:22 6 July 2009

I thought those were breasts... --^Dame Sonje Eric 15:28, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

They're in entirely the wrong place to be breasts.    Orian57    Talk   16:51 7 July 2009

Since when are your an expert on breasts Orian? Hmmmm? --^Dame Sonje Eric 17:00, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I am a man of science it is my job to know disgusting things about the human female.    Orian57    Talk   17:02 7 July 2009

Hey Eric...

An epic film

I know you're off but could you make me a couple of images, please? the article is here. Go through the article and see if you can make a fitting poster for the article. I'll give you the other one when you're done with this one. You can take your time 'cos I'm patient. :-) ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 14:56, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Sounds like a fun article. I'll give it a look. And patience is always appreciated. --^Dame Sonje Eric 15:29, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Unbenownst to some... ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:14, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

It was more the rudeness than the impatience that annoyed me. --^Dame Sonje Eric 20:20, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Either way, he's a douche and I'm glad to see him gone. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 13:08, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm a bit rusty but here. --^Dame 11:29, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

So yeah, seriously, Eric

You're the picture man. And the weakest part of this article was aparently the pictures. What woudl you suggest for changes? Cos I want to nom this but I don't want to utterly ignore the pee advice.    Orian57    Talk   17:08 7 July 2009

Yes, seriously. I'll practice my manliness just for you then. But I'm actually seriosuly going away for a few days, so you too will have to be a bit patient. Which I know is not an easy feat for you. I'll have a look as soon as I can. --^Dame Sonje Eric 20:22, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

You're leaving??

Who will I get to worship the ground I walk on for the rest of July? Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:35,8July,2009

Wait, did you get a sex change and not tell me? Don Puttano cHeDDs 13:41,8July,2009

I actually am still very much a girl, but don't tell Orian57. It would break him. And I wouldn't hold your breath on that worshipping thing... I've never really considered converting to the holy cheese faith. Also, I'm just gonna be busy for a few weeks. I'll still be around now and again. --^Dame Sonje Eric 20:28, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh no! A few weeks without pics and non-religious worship! AAHHHH!! Don Puttano cHeDDs 20:54,8July,2009

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  22:43, Jul 9

You're going? =(

CHEERS!
 Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.

Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!!
Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks anyway. And I'll make my own Corn Flakes packet. =) Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:35, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

LazyThnaks

Joshy would like to thank you all again! For featuring LazyTown on the front page, he’ll be pretty much thrilled. Not sure what his mum’s gonna say but it’ll all be fine... He might be grounded forever though.

Hope you're having fun by the way, where ever you are...    Orian57    Talk   20:28 15 July 2009

Arr! There be a Thanksplate at Thiry Noughts!

Martin would like to thank you! For helping him stay afloat during his time with Marline and until his rescue/untimely death.

And to you esspecially for nomming it!    Orian57    Talk   14:51 16 July 2009

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Happy Birthday To Me

Did you say you'll be back at the end of July? So, that'll still give you a week to get me a present. YAY! 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 14:48,21July,2009

Sonje! I miss you!    Orian57    Talk   14:52 21 July 2009

I miss you too Orian ^_^ I'll be back soon. I'm still on holiday, going to Isle of Skye next, but I'll be back sometime next week. And happy birthday cheese boy. --^Dame Sonje Eric 15:02, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

OHMIGOD! I just saw your edit and I peed a little!    Orian57    Talk   15:03 21 July 2009

Aw! That is a little creepy. But cute in a scary way. I'm just checking in for a few minutes then I gotta run again. Well done on all the features! Very impressive. Hope you keep it up when I get back. --^Dame Sonje Eric 15:06, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

It is, isn't it!? Apparently that's actually a record of some kind. Also yeah, I'm currently working on some ideas, although I think one of them might just be too long for Uncyc. And teh other is a little shit. Although more will come I'm sure, and then you can nomminate them. :) also Hope your having a good time and stuff.    Orian57    Talk   15:11 21 July 2009

I'm sure at least one of them will make it to top3 so that will be even awesomer. Anyway, gotta go. I'm off to drown myself in some single malt. Behave yourself in my absence! XD --^Dame Sonje Eric 15:18, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

Good behavior is over-rated. So you gonna bring me back any souvenirs? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 16:12,21July,2009

Me. behave? Thats not how I roll, bitch. I'm sorry. Some times I think I'm a rapper. me pulls out gun and busts a cap in your ass    Orian57    Talk   16:17 21 July 2009

*slaps hand to forehead* Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:28, 21 July 2009 (UTC)

*slaps Woody's hand to own forehead* —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:08, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Are you back yet? I'm still anxiously awaiting a present... 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:29,29July,2009

I would prefer it if you boys didn't slap your heads so shamelessly in public. O_o

And I am back now Cheese boy, is my backness not present enough? --^Dame 11:45, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, no. I like presents that I can hold, so unless I can hold you, I'm still needy. :D 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:39,30July,2009

No, no you can not. I'm not giving you a holdable present. I already gave you a voodoo doll. You want more?! You're more demanding than a woman! --^Dame 11:32, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

BUT I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!!!! please? 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 14:52,31July,2009

Where did my cousin go?

Who's this Eric people are referring to? Where's Sonje?! O_o *Panics* I want my Sonje back!!! :( -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:40, 21 Jul

Me too! I want Sonje with her beautiful sig back! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:10, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Hellloooo Cousin Luvvy, thank you for the beautiful present :D Orian just calls me Eric because he is offended by my girl-ness.

Hellloooo Socky, I've missed you too. I was cavorting across the highlands and islands of Scotland drinking all their whisky. But I am back in Glasgow now, and back at work, pretending to work while messing about on Uncyc. Hope you've all been well. --^Dame 11:37, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

And before I forget...

Here's something special for you, too ^_^

THANK YOU! In appreciation for tolerating me when PMSing I wish to thank you by handing you this lovely sample of potted cactus erectus, found in my backyard. For your enjoyment and pleasure. Love and respect ~ Huggybear

-- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:40, 21 Jul

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:58, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Eric's back!

Wow. I missed your manly musk!    Orian57    Talk   12:00 30 July 2009

Orian! I missed your pervy, beer-guzzling, chick-loving, breast inspectorly, straight presence. How many bastard children have you fathered in my absence? :P --^Dame 12:07, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

One but SHH! It's a secret.    Orian57    Talk   12:09 30 July 2009

WHY AM I NOT INVALVED IN THIS CONVERSATIONZ?? ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 14:01, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

BECAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED    Orian57    Talk   14:01 30 July 2009

Another one of your illegitimate offspring Orian? Hi Longkidney :) I'm working on your unscripts cover btw. --^Dame 14:19, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Yay you're back! *insert joke about loyal following here.* 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:40,30July,2009

He's raised me well. The other day he shared a Lite with me and I thought it was the best thing ever. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:44, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

I dunno why he's so exited about diet coke... It gives you cancer, you know?    Orian57    Talk   11:54 31 July 2009

Perhaps he wants to change his name to LongCancerousLiver? ^Dame Sonje Eric

I geuss it's possible, but cancer has such negative connotations, esspecially if you choose that name.    Orian57    Talk   12:00 31 July 2009

What a very astute observation Sir Orian Mc57. But more importantly, diet coke tastes like shit. --^Dame 12:14, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

And it gives me headaches. I think we should turn this into like an anti-advert.    Orian57    Talk   13:16 31 July 2009

I'm sorry mam, but your excessive diet coke consumption seems to have given you a tumor. --Dame 14:40, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh that's good that is. You should make this into your first article Unfomercials:Don't Buy That Shit, Buy This Shit Instead or something.    Orian57    Talk   15:06 31 July 2009

I'll get to the article thing soon. I pwomise! --^Dame 23:34, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

And to think it has a picture of my brain in it... ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 01:05, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Sonje's back!

Wow. I missed your feminine touch! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:51, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Eh, It's Sonje! Your time of absence was a lot longer then I expected it would be. Staircase CUN^t 14:04, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Socky! I hadn't realised you were that familiar with my er... touch. But I missed you too :D

Hello Steppy :D Yes, I had a rather busy month. Lots of drinking and debauchery, you know, the usual. --^Dame 14:43, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh, the typical, just wash the scotch down your throat and get as much as you can before you pass out. Staircase CUN^t 14:51, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

You didn't miss me? When I greeted you, you just said "I am back cheese boy." 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 14:54,31July,2009

Ah Stepps, I see you are familiar with the pastime. Yes that is quite an accurate description.

And cheese boy, you never greeted me. You just said 'are you back yet, gimme present'. So stop whining or you wont get a present either. --^Dame 15:03, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh, so we're pulling the doyble conversation? Double the thinking for only half the price! Staircase CUN^t 15:11, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

HI SONJE WELCOME BACK I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND MATERIAL ITEMS ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOU BEING HERE! though they are appreciated HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? WHAT'S UP? GOOD TO SEE YOU'RE BACK HERE SAFE AND STUFF. YAY SONJE! 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:29,31July,2009

ah, getting desparate, are we? Staircase CUN^t 15:30, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah. Well, you might need it for this little request I have for you. I heard you're into music and stuff and was just wondering if you might do the audio for UnTunes:7 Shits. If you can't, that's no big deal of course. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:55, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Yay! I've been wanting an Untunes request for AGES! My guitarist will never EVER learn a Miley Cyrus song so I'll try and find a backing track. But I'd love to give it a try. Despite me hating Miley Cyrus like the plague. --^Dame 16:01, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Yay, thanks. It's a mockery of the song and the accompanied video clip, so I guess that corresponds with your sentiment. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:05, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

There appear to be several "karaoke" versions on YouTube. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:12, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

That's ok, I already found one. I'll work on it this weekend. My recording equiptment at home is quite shit so it won't be a masterpiece but it should be ok. I'm open to suggestions for improvements once its done anyway. --^Dame 16:16, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh awsome! I'll probablly be masterbating over your gruff tones.    Orian57    Talk   16:24 31 July 2009

And that will of course prove once and for all that you are a closet straight. When said tones turn out to be less gruff that is. --^Dame 16:27, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Erm, not to sound greedy or anything, but I'm still waiting for that Astronaut pic, Sonje. Staircase CUN^t 16:43, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

I've not forgotten about that. I've only been back for a day though. But I'll try finish it over the weekend. Can you give me more details of what exactly you want. Just carry on at the top section where you made the request. I like to keep these things organised lest I forget and someone has a hissy fit. But I'm gonna do Socky's first cause it looks like the most fun. I can multi-task, I'm a chick. YOU HEAR THAT ORIAN, I AM NOT ERIC! --^Dame 16:49, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm still waiting for you to admit you missed me. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 16:52,31July,2009

Nobody misses you, CHedds. Also, Sonje, I thought women had minds like 'spaghetti' and guys are like 'meatballs', eh? Staircase CUN^t 16:53, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh great, now I'm Frank. Sorry Chedds, what are you waiting for? My mind has no spaghetarial qualities. And Socky, could you please make sure that the lyrics are final and exactly the way you want it so that I don't need to re-record anything. Get it peed on or something. --^Dame 23:39, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm still waiting for you to admit you missed me. And I don't know what spaghetarial is. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:57,31July,2009

That's cause spaghetarial isn't a real word. I just made it up. --^Dame 23:59, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm still waiting for you to admit you missed me. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 02:44,1August,2009

I'm sure enough about the lyrics. If you want to change anything, you're free to do so, but ask me first. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:22, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Damn you Socky! My hatred for Miley Cyrus has grown exponentially since I agreed to do this. Do you have any idea how many times I've had to listen to that cursed song. But cool. I'm working on it. And yes Cheddar, fine, I missed you too. --^Dame 23:47, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

:D 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:48,2August,2009

And, Sonje, do you think you can get one of those pics of homless guys just sitting in a alley or something, and them put them inside of a space shuttle-type background? I think that would be swell. Staircase CUN^t 16:21, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for the nom for WOTM, I actually won! I suppose I should have invented one of those clever little thankyou notes people leave, but I'm too thick.--Sog1970 17:24, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

You very much deserve the award. Keep up the good work. I'll help you make a thank you template if you'd like. It's quite easy, just steal someone else's code and customize it. --^Dame 23:35, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

Orian57 would like to thank you! For voting him Playwright of the Month! He appreciates it and is also uncertain about why he is speaking in third person - he hates that. Seriously though, thanks, I'll almost certainly do more in the future.

   Orian57    Talk   22:15 1 August 2009

Always a pleasure my chick-magnet friend. I look forward to your next Unscript. --^Dame 23:32, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Hello, darling

Lovely to get in contact with you again. I was lucky to see that you've apparently returned from a break or some sort just as I decide to stop being a cunt to the people I know on the Uncyc community and get in touch once again, as well as writing a new article. How's it been since, my Gothic damsel? Is your chin anywhere upwards, I hope? ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 23:21, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Nachy! Yay! I've missed you! I've returned from my immoral gallavanting yes :) Managed to write a really angry hate anthem so my chin is now very smugly up. And you? I'm sure any cuntiness can be forgiven as long as you write again. What are you working on? Need pics? --^Dame 23:30, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

"Really angry hate anthem"? Lol, is that for the band? I wrote an infused poem just the other day, that syllable-wise, is hard to choke down, but I don't care. I'm fine, it still goes up and down but birthday money has eliminated pursuits of a job once more (not that I was in danger of getting one), so I'm using the money on clothes and possibly towards getting a bass guitar and keyboards. I regained some motivation recently so I've picked up the guitar once more, started banging the piano and trying to strain my voice. Only been doing this for a few weeks and I can perform a little already, lol.

I'm working on Battle of the Bulge in my Pants at the moment. I didn't really have an idea for this article until I realise someone had requested it, but I had a early 1990s character somewhere I wanted to use, and I've still got some material to play with. It would be darn lovely to acquiesce with your pictorial musings once more, I haven't thought much about images yet, but we've both done penis jokes before so I gather we could pick something up sooner or later. In the text, I'm trying to mix a little bit of WWII into it somewhat, maybe some references to the pulsating erection of blonde-headed warriors emerging from the seams of the Allied Y-Fronts of France, I don't know. Sometimes I'm probably thinking of so many dick jokes, it's a release for something else... ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 11:59, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Argh, don't mention bass in my presence. Have to audition 2 bassists next week. The horror. But good luck.

I have fond memories of our work with dongs. I'm sure this will be another memorable experience. Lemme know what you have in mind and I'll have a go. Sounds like a promising article. --^Dame 16:23, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Sorry for the late response (I was checking this page with much desperation when you hadn't responded earlier and presumed maybe you had gone on another much needed sabbatical). I haven't done much work on the article in the past week, but now you are here after all, I'll try and make a return to it this evening after seeing some friends. I'll try and think of something for us to mull over.

If you fear auditioning bassists, then at least it's not me. I only know the bassline for a Feeder song and I've yet to get a bass for myself. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 12:41, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

I have indeed been on another sabbatical. Actually still am. But I'm still keen to help with those pics so just leave me a message once you have ideas for what you want. --^Dame 11:28, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:43, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Boy oh boy

Is this ok?

Another bloody request. I sure wish I could use photoshop like you, then I wouldn't have to look like such a fool asking for all of these images. Yeah, so, I'm writing this article called Running a Red Light and all I need are images. I requested two over at UN:PIC, and hopefully they'll get here soon. The one I want you to potentially make is just get the standard like MLB or NBA logo or something, and then perhaps make it a guy running with a red light in the background? If this seems unclear, take a look at this, and then try to apply my sport to it. Think you can do that? Thanks, Sonje. You're so nice.

Also, above a couple sections I left a description for the Astronaut pic whenever you have time. I hate to build up your list, but.... yeah, I need that pic sometime. Thanks! Staircase CUN^t 16:13, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Here is an Astronaut one. Lemme know if it works. Will do the other one soon as I can. --^Dame 16:17, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

lol Staircase, this one is very good. Give me a chatter when you've considered the possibilities and we'll get together and think what to do next. --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 16:44, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

My god, that's amazing Sonje. I wonder how in the world you do it. Staircase CUN^t 23:53, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I'm VFPing it. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:12, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Hey Sonje!

How was T? I assumed you'd become a victim of the Ned Brigade like the other 3,000 (annually), but you haven't! :D --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 16:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Well she was alive. After not comming here for over a day I fear the worst.    Orian57    Talk   17:32 6 August 2009

T was great El Sid, thanx for asking. I had an amazing time. Happily my South African genes makes me immune to the dreaded Ned disease. And sorry for abandoning you yet again Orian my dear, real life has been awfully busy lately. --^Dame 16:19, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Hmm? Have we met?    Orian57    Talk   16:43 10 August 2009

Are you just going to toss me aside like all the other women you use and discard for your filthy pleasure? :( You cut me Orian! You cut me deep! --^Dame 16:50, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

I suppose I'll let you hang around untill I've fucked my way through your mates.    Orian57    Talk   17:06 10 August 2009

But what about little Eric jr.? Huh? What will I tell him? --^Dame 17:16, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

There's another one? ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:07, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!

Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump By Bad Shroom Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on Public Access Channel 2!

Check out these pages! The 18th Quadrennial Slut List Obama Tosses the Patriot Act at Uncyclopedia STFU, N00B!! From our logs: 08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet ‎(tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!) 02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.) 02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.14.52.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.) Biopic of the Week Like most of the dozens of Uncyclopedians that hail from Norwell, Massachusetts, The UnIdiot is awesome. Perhaps most well known for his high quality journalism, he has also branched out into public service announcements and novelized fiction. We don't know what the deal with Norwell is; probably something to do with the water. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes. Cajek Update of the Fortnight Noted funnyman Cajek was recently spotted announcing his presence and simultaneously his lack of activity. However, he was also sighted vandalizing signatures and driving in a reckless manner, with a crumpet in his hand and a groundhog on his lap, respectively.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:55, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for making my article a feature

It's about fucking time.

—Thanks

---

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:01, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!

Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better

UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality By The Woodburninator August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer. EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides By The Woodburninator In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.

Check out these pages! International fucking of sorts Wikipedia gets uglier! Racist apes demand equal pay From our logs: 14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.165.47.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?) 14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons) 15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!) Biopic of the Week Perhaps the finest research analyst from Boston that Uncyclopedia has ever seen, Gerrycheevers is among one of the most awarded users on the site. He has performed the rare feat of capturing Every single major monthly Award this site has to offer, plus NotM too. Add that to his 21.5 features, the class and dignity with which he has won them all, and his constant efforts as the main editor of the UnSignpost, it would seem that the reign of Cheevers is just begining. That is if he ever gets back here. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do. VFD vote of the week "With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Roman Dog Bird 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC) Sannse Trivia (from UncycTrivia) Q: Sannse moved to San Francisco because she is a ______ (hint: it starts with an "L") A: Liberal Actually, now we need another box. Woody, you fucking idiot.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  21:12, Aug 18

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: Ooh. When are you due? What do you mean you're not pregnant. Are you sure? Maybe you just haven't found out yet.
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:17, Aug 24

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:52, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Randomber 44th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular At 9:40 a.m., diesel engines baptised a kitten piccata. While thumbtack was earning, a hotdog waffle suddenly lathered. Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours. Ted Kennedy neuters adjective! Pixie lolls a swimming pool! JOY' FREE ELECTIONS'! In a few words, possum lolls salad forks! Did the egg 'n' spoon race player jam... ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class? On the other hand, Coffee Republic a Bumpety Bomb chan an athlete monstrous ∞∞ clapperclaws knife student Señor 822 AD Dec. It was funny smellier radioactive biological rough phaser-zip gun Spanish Inquisition down Vin Diesel Bizzeebeever. lawlz!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! to terrorize. should.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #DB4700 box Eat that, spit globs! Random colour! Hahaha!

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Seriously, who'd expect a template like this to pop up randomly? UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

In contrast to this, please think of the utility room autobiographys! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:02, 7 September 2009

Heya

You still about? Or have you left uncyc like everyone else in this one horse town.    Orian57    Talk   23:42 7 September 2009

I'm still here :) Just been super busy lately, will probably only be properly active again in October but I check my talkpage every now and again. So if the horse starts giving you trouble, just call. It has been very quiet round here though, it's creepy, like Silent Hill or something. --^Dame 10:12, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I haven't been very active for teh past couple of weeks but in that time half of our userbase seem to have found lives.    Orian57    Talk   13:00 9 September 2009

It is rather mysterious. I'm sure it will pick up again. Lives tend to come and go. I'm contemplating writing an actual article at last. Because today I find myself without much of a life. But I suspect it will return in full force tomorrow. So no promises. -^Dame 13:04, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Yes but the worry is that if you start writing you won't do the pictures anymore. Everyone seems to just replace roles around here everynow and then. Like I used to be a top PEEer and then I started writing and don't do PEEs as much any more. And the admins used to write until they became admins.    Orian57    Talk   13:07 9 September 2009

Nah, that wont happen. I'm terrible at writing. I just wanna give it a try since it seems to be an issue. I prefer pics cause they are quick and easy. I'm really very lazy. But there aren't really any requests at the moment. And I still owe Socky that Miley Cyrus song but I haven't had time. You working on anything? --^Dame 13:11, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Well I just finished this, UU said it was ok, which was better than I though he'd say. I threw it together pretty quickly but at least I'm writing something. I've also got an idea about merging CSI and Cluedo, does that sound like a fun idea?    Orian57    Talk   13:32 9 September 2009

Lol, yeah! It does. Will you do a spin off Cluedo Miami? Cause I frigging love Horatio's one-liners. And mega-lol for the article. I'm assuming it's nommable? Assuming I am still your nom-whore ;) --^Dame 13:40, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

September seems to be quiet every year. I'm sure this in no way is related to the number of university terms starting up, and people having alcohol to investigate and young fresher chicks and dudes to completely blow their chances with and so forth. Also, I write about as much as I used to before I became an admin. It's just that most of that writing is ban comments. Hmm, ban comments... Hang on, whose talk page is this? --UU - natter 13:46, Sep 9

Hello UU, you're always welcome here. And you make a valid point. Though its pretty much the same as Orian's considering most people's definition of a 'life' involves mostly alcohol, fresher chicks and dudes and so forth. --^Dame 13:52, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

There are times when I wish mine still did. --UU - natter 13:55, Sep 9

Little old to be having a midlife crisis aren't you? Is this what the trip to Rome is about? Finding God before it's too late.    Orian57    Talk   20:42 11 September 2009

Attention Colonizers!

The brief era of peace we've been enjoying has once again been shattered by the IP horde. And since those pot smoking, tree hugging liberal faggots repealed the draft the IC forces are stuck with the likes of you. You are therefore ordered to report to the front lines at once for briefing. Once we have decided our plan of attack, we'll march into battle post haste. You're dismissed Sonje. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:31, 11 Sep

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my soon-to-be featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:38, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

---

Heya pt 2

You mentioned nomming Marble Madness and I forgot to respond (although in future if you fancy nomming something you don't need permission), I think I could handly a nom. Cheif mentioned adding stuff and I did a bit of that and I think I cleared it up a bit. I'm relatively happy with it now. So that I hope everythings going good in Frank(Songee)Land.    Orian57    Talk   14:44 20 September 2009

I prefer to ask before nomming cause I made a few premature noms in the past. Just to check that they are well and truly done. I really liked this one, I'm sure it will do well. Everything is fine in Frank(Songee)land, thanks. Just busy. Hope all is well in Ohryanland ;) --^Dame 18:51, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Oh, Ryan. He was cute...    Orian57    Talk   19:20 21 September 2009

Anyways tank you tank you tank you. Also I started this, do you like the concept?    Orian57    Talk   19:35 21 September 2009

Hey Sonj

Can I have an image? That would be cool. Holla. --C:\syndrome\_ 03:27, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Sure Syndrome ^_^ What would you like? --^Dame 18:54, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Oh sweet, that was quick. Well, I was working on this article, you see, when I thought of this image that would go perfectly with... Okay, I lied. I didn't really have anything in mind. I just wanted a Sonje-made image to make me feel special. Whatever comes to your imagination will do just fine, and I might even work an article out of it.

...Okay, I lied again. I even don't want an image. I think art is a waste of time and the government should stop giving money to people who never worked an honest day in their lives. I just want a friend. My only friend is Orian57, and to be honest he kinda smells. Will you be my friend? --C:\syndrome\_ 20:05, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Jesus, you like, dug that up from decades ago. And fuck you too.    Orian57    Talk   20:08 21 September 2009

Hey, all I'm saying is that you need a few less golden showers and a few more clear ones, friend. (Although I suppose I'm not one to talk...) --C:\syndrome\_ 20:13, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Are you back?

I'm back. -- Little Pink Sock 06:09, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

I was never really gone. I've just been a bit busy lately. And it seems so quiet here. But I suppose I'm somewhat back yes. How're you? --^Dame 19:03, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Tired as usual, but with a bit more creative energy than before. I say "a bit more" for a reason. Sigh. -- Little Pink Sock 20:29, September 21, 2009 (UTC)

Creativity is a bit like funghus, it prospers in dark and dingy conditions. --^Dame 09:44, September 24, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost September 10/17

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!

Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia By Bad Shroom This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update By Guildensternenstein Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake By Gerrycheevers This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry!

Check out these pages! Village Dump becomes worship house for John Stamos Most Inappropriate Smackdown on a Serious Topic Ever* Kanye West sucks cock From our logs: 08:15, September 11, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Klauston (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(well now, it seems I CAN be assed to ban page blanking fucktards. who'd'a thunk it?) 15:45, September 14, 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.246.126.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blanker: Go blank yourself! Hah! Do you see what I did there? I'm a font of wit.) 23:08, September 17, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.51.144.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Hades was a giant homo who got his shit owned by Hercules, and the only thing you and he will ever have in common is your colossal failure.) Biopic of the Week Since emerging violently from the brain cavity of ThomasPynchonsLeftNut, the quick-witted and devilishly handsome GlobalTourniquet has made quite a name for himself on this silly wiki. With a Writer of the Month victory in July, GT's expert songwriting, strong way with prose, and status as a film connoisseur make him a solid addition to the Uncyc workforce. Old School Featured Article of the Week Humosexuals are individuals who compulsively tell jokes in an effort to engage in the physical act of love. Oftentimes the subject of scorn and the object of violent hunting games in Medieval England, humosexuals have begun to make a name for themselves in contemporary society. Benny Hill (pictured) was perhaps the most famous humosexual, as his antics involving the combination of small vegetables, projectile physics, and the cleavage of buxom females were well recorded. Gerry's Thumbs Up of the Week I'd like to recognize The Woodburninator, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays, Guildensternenstein, and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user for feeding my pet rabbit, Alpheratz, during my unexplained absence. Also I suppose they should mention their efforts in keeping the UnSignpost afloat during that same time period, but this box is mostly in recognition of bunny maintenance.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:10, September 23, 2009 (UTC)

Marble Thanks

John Smith would like to thank you! For Helping him get through Marble Madness and defeat the evil bully, Benny Smith (no relation).

And to you, again, esspecially, for the nom. Seriously, is that all you do around here? Nom my articles?    Orian57    Talk   00:17 23 September 2009

Yes. Is that a problem? ;) --^Dame 09:53, September 24, 2009 (UTC)

Oh no, saves me the embarrasment of doing it. Look out for more comming your way soon.    Orian57    Talk   11:23 24 September 2009