Protected page

User:Roza/main page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Uncyclopedia wordmark.png
The content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit
We have 40,775 articles in English
Today's featured article
Charlie Kirk's 'Smile'.png

Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)

In the news
StarmerDigitalID.png
One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Windows 10

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

On this day in history
Fatality!

October 14: International Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day

  • 1066 - William the Conqueror punches an opposing soldier in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
  • 1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
  • 1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
  • 2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
  • 2025 - <insert name here> is brutally hit over the head with clubs for being an Uncyclopedian.
Featured biography
Joseph conrad.jpg

Joseph Conrad you say? Heh, I knew such a man once, he was, what you might call ... a Pole. Therein lies the problem you see, for he was not what might be described as a thin rounded piece of wood, perhaps adorned with a flag, perhaps not. Nor was he an extremity of an axis through a sphere. No! Begad good sir! He was a native of Poland. You see now, he was an impenetrable mystery, that Conrad - always cadging for blow too, but that's another story. Wait, no it isn't.

His early life you say? Well, 'tis presumptuous to assume I would provide you with this particular chap's tale. Yes, I may be an old seaman, but yarn spinning is not my forte good sir. No indeed, one can probably tell from my unsophisticated vernacular that I, Marlow, a man of humble origins and humble endings would have such oratory skills. But Conrad, my God man, he had eyes that could pierce a man's soul; his lips were thin and pale like eels; his very skull seemed to cry 'I am depressed!' or something of that nature.

One night he came to me in my quarters, screaming, and I quote: 'Marlow! Marlow! It is my fate that I should wander these halls like a ghost, festering away my ... genius! WHY should such a man as you presume yourself beneficiary to this ship eh? What? Speak up man!' (Full article...)

Picture of the day


Krusty krab tariff implementation.png
 Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs.

Image credit: SystemPhantom
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images


Did You Know?
Tzun106l.jpg
Featured story

The Quagga of Kuala Lumpur

Quaggaphoto.jpg
The humble quagga

Often a man may find answers in battle, for such a man the epiphenomenon of their innermost thoughts pervade the empyrean shores of sheer fantasy. For such a man indeed the Quagga is the most valuable thing, for another such man, it is but a trifle. For the common man The Case of the Quagga of Kuala Lumpur is one of the more bizarre instances of law and order in the 20th century. The Quagga is an endangered beast that must be retrieved from the trischopian thought processes of a diabolic mind, cultured by the best philosophy and a taste for whale foreskin sofas. A mind honed to the methods of Greenock as well as the subtle arts of necromancy and the bestial needs of lesser men as well as having a perversity which only good breeding would allow.

It was well known that the Parisian chief constable was often seen to converse with Dr. Finnius Greenock, whom I have the privilege of sharing a mansion in the more modest area of Paris, France. Greenock was famed in areas of parochial law enforcement for his abilities in unsurpassed reason and the less than orthodox sciences such as metaphysics and complex logic. Greenock was also known to use the visions of chemically induced states which he was accustomed to employ in his pursuit of truth. (Full story...)

Featured HowTo

HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

4tear44b.jpg

The Great American Novel is not just any novel. Any novel could tell a story; Any novel could have dozens upon dozens of product placements. The Great American Novel has to tell the greatest of all stories; place the greatest of all products.

Furthermore, and not a bit too soon, any novel can bring a strong man to his knees, crying over the powerful tragedy of the tale. But only the Great American Novel can make that same man howl in pain over the immense emotional overtones of the tale, and make him curl into a ball, crying for his mommy.

This is the guide to writing the Great American Novel. (Full HowTo...)

Featured Why?

Why?:Sell Cocaine to Monkeys

BuzzAldrinHuman.jpg
Hey guys, I'm Buzz Aldrin!

Why, hello, young traveler. Have you ever wondered to yourself, on one of your many excursions to the zoo, whether or not giving cocaine to the monkeys in the exhibit is such a good idea? Have you ever asked yourself questions such as "Should I do it?" or "Where can I find some?" or "Is it even safe?"

Well, you‘re in luck. First off, I would like to assure you that giving cocaine to monkeys is indeed an entirely safe procedure. Some might even consider it safer than giving humans cocaine! Imagine that? Not only is it safe, however, but indeed a very lucrative venture as well. Just think of the possibilities. Think about them. Think. Are you thinking? Yes, I know what you're thinking. The possibilities are indeed endless.

But heck, don't take my word for it. I'm just legendary space adventurer and All-American hero Buzz Aldrin. (Full Why?)

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Foreign languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,775 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User:Roza/main_page&oldid=6375218"