User:Roza/main page

Arts
Biography
Music
History
Politics
Science
Society
Television
More Links
Main Page/links
Social

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Reddit

YouTube

Discord

#IRC

Steam

Today's featured article

Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.

As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

In the news

He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends

UnNews Main · Archive

On this day in history

February 28: Finnish Cultural Appreciation Day

1835 - The Finnish Tourism Board publishes the Kalevala, an obvious ripoff of Tolkien, and declares the day a national holiday.
1847 - American forces nearly capture the Mexican town of Chihuahua, but are quickly torn to shreds by packs of those selfsame canines.
1935 - Nylon is invented, to fill the niche of fabrics that don't sufficiently chafe your nipples.
1939 - The word dord is unjustly removed from the dictionary by pernicious grammarians with no sense of humor.
1991 - The Gulf War ends, troops glad they never have to go back to Iraq or the Middle East ever again.
1993 - The ATF lay siege to a cult compound in Waco, Texas, decide to use guns instead of trebuchets.

Archive · View today · View tomorrow

Featured biography

Alexander Hamilton (January 11, 1755 or 1757 – July 12, 1804) was the first (and last) United States Secretary of the Treasury to be killed in a duel. He was also one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, a lawyer and street judge, and a slave-owner. An all-around good guy.

As butler to General George Washington during the War of Colonial Aggression against Great Britain, Hamilton called for a new Constitution. He wrote, like, almost all of the Federalist Papers, a primary source for Constitutional repression. He was opposed by other Founding Fathers, namely all of the ones who didn't like uppity, philandering bastards.

Today, Hamilton is on the U.S. $10 bill, a testament to America's appreciation for adulterous dueling bastards who are good with fiscal policy.

Hamilton was born in Jamaica, the son of Samuel Hamilton, captain of the colonial island's bobsled team. Hamilton's mother was a 'ho and it was widely known that Hamilton was born out of wedlock, a good old-fashioned bastard in the purest possible sense. He spent his childhood days polishing his father's bobsled blades and the nobs of other bobsled teammates. His hobbies included printing his own money on palm leaves and then being lashed viciously by his father, who was also the local vicar, for counterfeiting. (Full article...)

More Biographies

Today's featured lists

Featured today a long time ago

Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, featured on 28 February 2025: Featured version
Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, featured on 28 February 2015: Featured version
Tit, featured on 28 February 2014: Featured version
Anti-humour, featured on 28 February 2012: Featured version
Workaround-oriented programming, featured on 28 February 2011: Featured version

Recent articles

Update recent list · All articles featured February 28

Picture of the day

So THAT'S what that sign meant...

Image credit: The Woodburninator
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Did You Know?

... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (Pictured)

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

... I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (Pictured)

... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
... that you actually didn't know?
... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that this in not a DYK entry?

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?

... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (Pictured)

... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
... that the police are at your door?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?

... that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us? (Pictured)

... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?

... the secret to good advertising is to lie? (Pictured)

... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that the police are at your door?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?

... that 9/11 (Pictured) was an outside job?

... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
... that Godot isn't coming?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... tennis isn't just a game?

... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)

... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?

Archive · Suggest new entries

Featured story

The Quagga of Kuala Lumpur

The humble quagga

Often a man may find answers in battle, for such a man the epiphenomenon of their innermost thoughts pervade the empyrean shores of sheer fantasy. For such a man indeed the Quagga is the most valuable thing, for another such man, it is but a trifle. For the common man The Case of the Quagga of Kuala Lumpur is one of the more bizarre instances of law and order in the 20th century. The Quagga is an endangered beast that must be retrieved from the trischopian thought processes of a diabolic mind, cultured by the best philosophy and a taste for whale foreskin sofas. A mind honed to the methods of Greenock as well as the subtle arts of necromancy and the bestial needs of lesser men as well as having a perversity which only good breeding would allow.

It was well known that the Parisian chief constable was often seen to converse with Dr. Finnius Greenock, whom I have the privilege of sharing a mansion in the more modest area of Paris, France. Greenock was famed in areas of parochial law enforcement for his abilities in unsurpassed reason and the less than orthodox sciences such as metaphysics and complex logic. Greenock was also known to use the visions of chemically induced states which he was accustomed to employ in his pursuit of truth. (Full story...)

More stories

Featured HowTo

HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

The Great American Novel is not just any novel. Any novel could tell a story; Any novel could have dozens upon dozens of product placements. The Great American Novel has to tell the greatest of all stories; place the greatest of all products.

Furthermore, and not a bit too soon, any novel can bring a strong man to his knees, crying over the powerful tragedy of the tale. But only the Great American Novel can make that same man howl in pain over the immense emotional overtones of the tale, and make him curl into a ball, crying for his mommy.

This is the guide to writing the Great American Novel. (Full HowTo...)

More HowTo's

Featured Why?

Why?:Sell Cocaine to Monkeys

Hey guys, I'm Buzz Aldrin!

Why, hello, young traveler. Have you ever wondered to yourself, on one of your many excursions to the zoo, whether or not giving cocaine to the monkeys in the exhibit is such a good idea? Have you ever asked yourself questions such as "Should I do it?" or "Where can I find some?" or "Is it even safe?"

Well, you‘re in luck. First off, I would like to assure you that giving cocaine to monkeys is indeed an entirely safe procedure. Some might even consider it safer than giving humans cocaine! Imagine that? Not only is it safe, however, but indeed a very lucrative venture as well. Just think of the possibilities. Think about them. Think. Are you thinking? Yes, I know what you're thinking. The possibilities are indeed endless.

But heck, don't take my word for it. I'm just legendary space adventurer and All-American hero Buzz Aldrin. (Full Why?)

More Why?

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

UnNews
News on crack
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary
Best left unsaid
UnTunes
Noisy things
UnGames
Ways to waste away
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures
UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable
Useless misquotes
Uncycloversity
No student loans
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant
UnScripts
We ruin stage too
Why?
Because
UnReviews
Hack frauds
UnVoyage
Armchair travel
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation

Foreign languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,996 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

10,000+ articles

Português · Boarisch · 日本語 · Polski · Plattdüütsch · Italiano · Español · Français
1,000+ articles

Suomi · Dansk · Deutsch · 한국어 · 正體中文 · 汉语 · Русский · Norsk (Bokmål) · Bahasa Indonesia · Česky · ไทย · Esperanto · Ελληνικά · Nederlands · Galego · עברית · Svenska · Slovenčina · Magyar · Українська
100+ articles

فارسی · عَرَبِيّ‎ · Türkçe · Català · Norsk (Nynorsk) · Српски / Srpski · Hrvatski · Lietuvių · Latina · Tagalog · Български · Simple English · Latviešu · Mirandés · Македонски · Română · Cymraeg

Complete List of Uncyclopedias