User:Roza/main page

Arts
Biography
Music
History
Politics
Science
Society
Television
More Links
Main Page/links
Social

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Reddit

YouTube

Discord

#IRC

Steam

Today's featured article

Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

In the news

World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports

Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller

Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity

UnNews Main · Archive

On this day in history

This is a dolphin not a fish, I demand a refund

March 23: Take Your Fish To Work Day

139 AD - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey.
1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of the Vatican city during the first Crusades.
1952 - Beloved British children's author Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Golliwogs. Please don't google it.
1956 - Pakistan declares itself to be an Islamic Republic, which is like the Old Republic except without the Jedi.
1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights, their husbands sit at home without their supper.
1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months.

Archive · View today · View tomorrow

Featured biography

Alexander Hamilton (January 11, 1755 or 1757 – July 12, 1804) was the first (and last) United States Secretary of the Treasury to be killed in a duel. He was also one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, a lawyer and street judge, and a slave-owner. An all-around good guy.

As butler to General George Washington during the War of Colonial Aggression against Great Britain, Hamilton called for a new Constitution. He wrote, like, almost all of the Federalist Papers, a primary source for Constitutional repression. He was opposed by other Founding Fathers, namely all of the ones who didn't like uppity, philandering bastards.

Today, Hamilton is on the U.S. $10 bill, a testament to America's appreciation for adulterous dueling bastards who are good with fiscal policy.

Hamilton was born in Jamaica, the son of Samuel Hamilton, captain of the colonial island's bobsled team. Hamilton's mother was a 'ho and it was widely known that Hamilton was born out of wedlock, a good old-fashioned bastard in the purest possible sense. He spent his childhood days polishing his father's bobsled blades and the nobs of other bobsled teammates. His hobbies included printing his own money on palm leaves and then being lashed viciously by his father, who was also the local vicar, for counterfeiting. (Full article...)

More Biographies

Today's featured lists

Featured today a long time ago

UnNews:Civil war hits Wisconsin, featured on 23 March 2011: Featured version
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, featured on 23 March 2010: Featured version
Dwight D. Eisenhower, featured on 23 March 2009: Featured version
The Muffin Man, featured on 23 March 2008: Featured version
Baby Seal, featured on 23 March 2007: Featured version

Recent articles

Update recent list · All articles featured March 23

Picture of the day

Chronicling every edit from every date between 20 April 2005 and 20 April 2006, the Newbie Friendly Uncyclopedia Almanack is the Uncyclopedia Noob's ultimate sourcepoint, written in such simple language that even the n00best of n00bs can comprehend such subjects as the Bermuda Triangle with ease.

Image credit: Hindleyite
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Did You Know?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us? (Pictured)

... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that sheep shrink when it rains?
... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?

... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?

... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)

... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?

... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured)

... that the White House is really off-white?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?

... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)

... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that you've just lost the game?
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?
... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
... that I am Batman?

... that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us? (Pictured)

... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that you just lost the Game?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
... that the police are at your door?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?

... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)

... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?

... that grave robbing accounts for 1/3 of the average Romanian yearly income? (Pictured)

... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?

... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that everything will become nostalgic due to everything being worse?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that the butler did it?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?

... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured)

... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that the butler did it?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?

Archive · Suggest new entries

Featured story

The Quagga of Kuala Lumpur

The humble quagga

Often a man may find answers in battle, for such a man the epiphenomenon of their innermost thoughts pervade the empyrean shores of sheer fantasy. For such a man indeed the Quagga is the most valuable thing, for another such man, it is but a trifle. For the common man The Case of the Quagga of Kuala Lumpur is one of the more bizarre instances of law and order in the 20th century. The Quagga is an endangered beast that must be retrieved from the trischopian thought processes of a diabolic mind, cultured by the best philosophy and a taste for whale foreskin sofas. A mind honed to the methods of Greenock as well as the subtle arts of necromancy and the bestial needs of lesser men as well as having a perversity which only good breeding would allow.

It was well known that the Parisian chief constable was often seen to converse with Dr. Finnius Greenock, whom I have the privilege of sharing a mansion in the more modest area of Paris, France. Greenock was famed in areas of parochial law enforcement for his abilities in unsurpassed reason and the less than orthodox sciences such as metaphysics and complex logic. Greenock was also known to use the visions of chemically induced states which he was accustomed to employ in his pursuit of truth. (Full story...)

More stories

Featured HowTo

HowTo:Write the Great American Novel

The Great American Novel is not just any novel. Any novel could tell a story; Any novel could have dozens upon dozens of product placements. The Great American Novel has to tell the greatest of all stories; place the greatest of all products.

Furthermore, and not a bit too soon, any novel can bring a strong man to his knees, crying over the powerful tragedy of the tale. But only the Great American Novel can make that same man howl in pain over the immense emotional overtones of the tale, and make him curl into a ball, crying for his mommy.

This is the guide to writing the Great American Novel. (Full HowTo...)

More HowTo's

Featured Why?

Why?:Sell Cocaine to Monkeys

Hey guys, I'm Buzz Aldrin!

Why, hello, young traveler. Have you ever wondered to yourself, on one of your many excursions to the zoo, whether or not giving cocaine to the monkeys in the exhibit is such a good idea? Have you ever asked yourself questions such as "Should I do it?" or "Where can I find some?" or "Is it even safe?"

Well, you‘re in luck. First off, I would like to assure you that giving cocaine to monkeys is indeed an entirely safe procedure. Some might even consider it safer than giving humans cocaine! Imagine that? Not only is it safe, however, but indeed a very lucrative venture as well. Just think of the possibilities. Think about them. Think. Are you thinking? Yes, I know what you're thinking. The possibilities are indeed endless.

But heck, don't take my word for it. I'm just legendary space adventurer and All-American hero Buzz Aldrin. (Full Why?)

More Why?

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

UnNews
News on crack
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary
Best left unsaid
UnTunes
Noisy things
UnGames
Ways to waste away
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures
UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable
Useless misquotes
Uncycloversity
No student loans
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant
UnScripts
We ruin stage too
Why?
Because
UnReviews
Hack frauds
UnVoyage
Armchair travel
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation

Foreign languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,972 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

10,000+ articles

Português · Boarisch · 日本語 · Polski · Plattdüütsch · Italiano · Español · Français
1,000+ articles

Suomi · Dansk · Deutsch · 한국어 · 正體中文 · 汉语 · Русский · Norsk (Bokmål) · Bahasa Indonesia · Česky · ไทย · Esperanto · Ελληνικά · Nederlands · Galego · עברית · Svenska · Slovenčina · Magyar · Українська
100+ articles

فارسی · عَرَبِيّ‎ · Türkçe · Català · Norsk (Nynorsk) · Српски / Srpski · Hrvatski · Lietuvių · Latina · Tagalog · Български · Simple English · Latviešu · Mirandés · Македонски · Română · Cymraeg

Complete List of Uncyclopedias