User:Roza/main page
After gaslighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffrey Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts, however, as it has been revealed that DaniPine3 has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia, and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Fish on skates has deleted their Discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian Discord server. So how did this story occur? (Full article...)
- Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
- Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
- The US government continues to shit itself
- Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
- BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
- Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
- Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
- Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
- Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
- Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
- Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
- NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.
Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design
Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom
October 16: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde Appreciation Day
- 1854 - Oscar Wilde is born, the World rejoices this event.
- 1914 - The first National Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes Championship is held in Southamptonshire on Boxbridge, England.
- 1963 - A statue of Wilde is erected in his birthplace: Dublin, Ireland. It is inscribed with passages from his most well-known work, The Happy Prince and Other Stories, and becomes a site of pilgrimage for struggling young homosexual playwrights around the world.
- 2007 - Online garbage fire Uncyclopedia hopes referencing Oscar Wilde rubs off on the quality of its shitty articles, fails horribly.
Sylvia Plath was a suicidally-depressed female poet. She is generally considered to be one of the best writers to work within the suicidally-depressed-female genre, having written several classics of depressing female literature, including the poetry collections Ariel and The Colossus and the novel The Bell Jar.
Since her suicide at the tender age of 30, Plath has grown to become a feminist icon; often perceived as a female genius who struggled within a patriarchy that dismissed her literary expression and sought to demean her as a sex object. She is was also a hottie.
Plath was born, quite aptly, during the Great Depression. As she said in her poem The Suicide Cloud: "for me, the Great Depression never ended". Her mother was a teacher of English, while her father was a bee enthusiast who made his name by writing two books about bees. Apparently he couldn't say everything he wanted to with just one book about bees. Plath's parents were clearly huge influences on her for the rest of her life, and from a very young age she became dedicated to poetry - poetry that contained a frankly baffling multitude of references to bees. (Full article...)
Featured today a long time ago
- Why?:Be a carnivore?, featured on 16 October 2023: Featured version
- Ambiguity, featured on 16 October 2013: Featured version
- UnNews:Afghanistan death toll closing in on 9/11 target, featured on 16 October 2012: Featured version
- Corpsearian, featured on 16 October 2011: Featured version
- Marshmallow, featured on 16 October 2010: Featured version
Recent articles
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- G.I. Jane 2
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In Full Metal Jacket, a U.S. Marine observes the dehumanizing effects jacket potatoes have on his fellow Marine recruits from peeling them in basic training to the brutal food fights in Vietnam. Image credit: Olipro, Severian |
- ... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
- ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
- ...that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
The Quagga of Kuala Lumpur
Often a man may find answers in battle, for such a man the epiphenomenon of their innermost thoughts pervade the empyrean shores of sheer fantasy. For such a man indeed the Quagga is the most valuable thing, for another such man, it is but a trifle. For the common man The Case of the Quagga of Kuala Lumpur is one of the more bizarre instances of law and order in the 20th century. The Quagga is an endangered beast that must be retrieved from the trischopian thought processes of a diabolic mind, cultured by the best philosophy and a taste for whale foreskin sofas. A mind honed to the methods of Greenock as well as the subtle arts of necromancy and the bestial needs of lesser men as well as having a perversity which only good breeding would allow.
It was well known that the Parisian chief constable was often seen to converse with Dr. Finnius Greenock, whom I have the privilege of sharing a mansion in the more modest area of Paris, France. Greenock was famed in areas of parochial law enforcement for his abilities in unsurpassed reason and the less than orthodox sciences such as metaphysics and complex logic. Greenock was also known to use the visions of chemically induced states which he was accustomed to employ in his pursuit of truth. (Full story...)
HowTo:Write the Great American Novel
The Great American Novel is not just any novel. Any novel could tell a story; Any novel could have dozens upon dozens of product placements. The Great American Novel has to tell the greatest of all stories; place the greatest of all products.
Furthermore, and not a bit too soon, any novel can bring a strong man to his knees, crying over the powerful tragedy of the tale. But only the Great American Novel can make that same man howl in pain over the immense emotional overtones of the tale, and make him curl into a ball, crying for his mommy.
This is the guide to writing the Great American Novel. (Full HowTo...)
Why?:Sell Cocaine to Monkeys
Why, hello, young traveler. Have you ever wondered to yourself, on one of your many excursions to the zoo, whether or not giving cocaine to the monkeys in the exhibit is such a good idea? Have you ever asked yourself questions such as "Should I do it?" or "Where can I find some?" or "Is it even safe?"
Well, you‘re in luck. First off, I would like to assure you that giving cocaine to monkeys is indeed an entirely safe procedure. Some might even consider it safer than giving humans cocaine! Imagine that? Not only is it safe, however, but indeed a very lucrative venture as well. Just think of the possibilities. Think about them. Think. Are you thinking? Yes, I know what you're thinking. The possibilities are indeed endless.
But heck, don't take my word for it. I'm just legendary space adventurer and All-American hero Buzz Aldrin. (Full Why?)
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