User:Optimuschris/talk archive 8

*RAPE*

UP TEH BOTTUM LOLOLOLOL FUCK YEAH I AM SO PUNK ROCK! 04:51, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

I was thinking about raping you earlier today, but I thought it might be rude. pillow talk 06:08, December 18, 2009 (UTC)

It's never rude when it's coming from you two. -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:28, 18 Dec

Nice image you got there. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:20, 19 December 2009

Ta. Thanks for making it show on RC so I could find it. -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:25, 19 Dec

Rape

Because I felt like it. Also, because your ass is so fucking hot. Also also, because you're dressed like a whore... you whore. And why does Jesus wear a wrist watch in that picture? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 16:45 • Saturday, 19-12-2009

Um.... You're a little late for the raping. And Jesus is wearing that watch because it was a gift from his gay lover Mohammed. -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:48, 19 Dec

I rape you whenever I feel like it.. And why would Jesus take and wear a gift from a gay man? That would make Jesus gay, as well. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 16:50 • Saturday, 19-12-2009

Have you seen Jesus lately? -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:54, 19 Dec

Who? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 17:00 • Saturday, 19-12-2009

This guy. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:03, 19 Dec

Listen, Dude, I just wanted to break the ice.. Why don't we both put the religion shit aside, and do what we're here for; write decent humor. This means that you have to remove the offensive stuff, and kiss the reverend. If you don't want to, fine, you can just bow to him. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 17:13 • Saturday, 19-12-2009

Um, shut up? -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:15, 19 Dec

Ok. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME • 17:16 • Saturday, 19-12-2009

That's Just Wrong!!!

--    18:01, December 19, 2009 (UTC)

Fucking. LOL. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:03, 19 Dec

Drama

Hi, I have just wrote an article that parodies the social phenomenon on Uncyclopedia known as Drama. Seeing as its become a bit of a problem in the past few months (years?) I thought it would be quite cool to make a section at the bottom of the article about other users' opinions of Drama. So I thought I'd invite you to write one, preferably humourous. It's no big deal if you don't want to, but if you are interested, you can come up with a quote and either leave it here on your talk page and I'll add it later, or you can go straight to the article itself and add it there. Any suggestions on improvement are also welcome. Thnx. --Matfen 00:37, December 21, 2009 (UTC)

I thought that quote you had on an older talk page that degraded muslims, but was ok to write seeing as you didn't show a picture of Mohammed, would be quite good. But you can come up with a new one if you want, or none at all. It's up to you.

Article link here.

You are free to use my Muslim rant if you'd like. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:12, 23 Dec

Huh?

"time to offend another religion", Optimuschris said with bravery, "except when it comes to atheism because that would be heresy". Now why, why, why did you remove my contribution to the Christianity page? Was it to close to home? I thought it was uncalled for. I pulled it out of my ass, that is true, but I found the "satire" (or whatever) spot on. You removing it just proved my point. There I've said it. Face!

UnSignpost Delivery! - December something!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that took a long enough vacation to make former President Bush jealous.

December 17^th, 2009• Issue 70 • Fuck You! I Felt Like It!

UnSignpost and random editor return from two month break, find that not much has changed By THEDUDEMAN After 2 months, one would think that things would change. But from the looks of it, nothing really has for Uncyclopedia in the past few months with out UnSignpost. In particular, the problems in caring, changing things, doing other things and caring have gone from the problems of two months ago, to the problems of now, with nothing really changing. The causes of these problems, discovered after much digging through archives seems to be the general Nobody cares aditude of the site, and the general populations inability to really change anything, because they don't care. A random user who had been missing since around the last issue of UnSignpost made this comment. "Well, when I left, uncyc had been having its own problems and everyone had been complaining about the same things for some time and nobody really cared enough to do anything, or just couldn't make anything happen." says THEDUDEMAN, who had been missing since late September. "I thought I'd come back and see what was happening in the world of Uncyclopedia, and by the looks of it, nothing has changed" While the general population of Uncyclopedia has been alerted to these aging problems, nobody has raised any fuss to get any of them solved. It seems nothing will ever happen because as they all say, nobody cares. UU notices return of USP, hijacks article for own nefarious ends By UU Yeah, that title pretty much gives it away - evil admin UU has hijacked this section of the USP to announce two festive initiatives: the Mince Pie contest, and the Ban Parto-ho-ho-l, both of which are to be found on his userpage. So if you think you can eat more mince pies this Christmas than UU or current runaway leader Barry Gibb of Bee Gees fame, or if you want to request a friendly festive joke ban for one of your Uncyc chums, get yourselves across to the most festive userpage on the wiki! YOU ARE ALL LAZY TALLYWHACKERS! An Editorial. By The Woodburninator Alright you lazy sons of bitches (no offense to Zana, of course), what in the hell have you been doing these last few months? Gerry takes time away from this awful place for, like 3 months, and no one is able to do a single UnSignpost? Not once. SINCE OCTOBER! Have we as a community forgotten the fine, upstanding tradition that this here barely read online journal has kept going since May of 2008? It is time for a little history lesson boys and girls (No offense to Zombiebaron, of course). The Post was started by Cajek and Skully in May of 2008. That's really as far as I got with my research though, so I guess your history lesson is over. Regardless, how many amazing stories have been broken from the fine investigative journaling over the years? Like the time we broke the story that the UnSignpost was starting up. Or the time we told everyone Spang's talkpage was destroying the Wikia servers. A problem that still haunts us today. Without this venerable post, those stories never would have been unleashed upon the moronic and ignorant public that includes you, who are both a moron and ignorant. We need this thing to bring us the news, and make us laugh. We need this thing for the sake of parody. But, above anything else, we need this post in order to waste Dexter's time when he's forced to deliver them. Have you seen his edits around here over the past few weeks? That guy's getting to be WAY too useful, and if we don't stop him now, who knows what he'll do next. Fix VFH? Win Last person to edit wins? Nip this in the bud Uncyc. Nip this in the fucking bud.

Check out these pages! A Caption Contest... or something... Some sort of war of templates? WTF? Shit like this still going on... Really? From our logs: 19:53, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked Bobbinator with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (end of the line, fuckwit. I'm going to track down your IP address and report it to the abuse department of your ISP. run and hide motherfucker, run and hide.) 16:56, December 15, 2009 Under user blocked 209.175.13.46 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (oy, fuck off. no blanking, no cyberbullying, and NO personal details like phone numbers. GTFO.) 13:20, December 15, 2009 Mordillo blocked 199.43.172.254 with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ("199.43.172.254, causing trouble since 2005") BIOPIC OF THE WEEK AH, WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THEDUDEMAN? THE GUY EXHUDES DUDLINESS AT ALL TIMES DURING HIS TIME HERE. HE WON UNCYCLOPEDIAN OF THE MONTH IN AUGUST OF 2009. HE WON A PLS WHEN HE RE-WROTE DUDE, AN ARTICLE THAT LATER GOT FEATURED, AND FROM WHICH HE TAKES HIS NAMESAKE. HE HALFHEARTEDLY EVEN TRIED TO START THIS EDITION. HAS HE DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE COOL, NOTEWORTHY, AND I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ABOUT? PROBABLY. BUT RESEARCHING ANY OF THAT WOULD FORCE ME TO GO ONTO HIS USERPAGE, AND SINCE I AM AT WORK, I AM UNABLE TO ACTUALY DO THAT. INSTEAD I'LL JUST STICK TO THE ALL CAPS GIMMICK IN A COY TIE-IN TO HIS NAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THEDUDEMAN. Quote of the Week <zim_ulator> no penis involved here LadyCS has left #uncyclopedia <DrSkullthumper> You just lost LadyCS's interest Old School Featured Article of the Week MonthTri-Month Let Someone Else Do It tm is every intelligent person's philosophy of life. There are plenty of things that if we stop doing them for a long enough time, some other sucker with less patience and a greater sense of responsibility will do them instead. This is an established law of our social reality, and it is our obligation to uphold it. VFD Keep vote of the week. Keep The less use something is, the more I identify with it. mAttlobster. (hello) 22:41, December 28, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Late deliver courtesy of MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:39, December 29, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Ve haff rekorded your viße decision to pürchase der Mutter - Mein Endlosung collectible doll und are überjoyed to be able to inform you dat as a reßült you haff earned der gratitude of der Party.

Looks like you've got quite the talk page going

Thanks For Buying Our Book! Me and Elmo take bodily functions seriously and If you enjoyed Menstruation: A Guide For Men, be sure to check out these other books in our series: Why Is There Blood In My Toilet? BOOGER! (With Oscar The Grouch)

Go piss somebody off or something, we might have to VFH this page if it gets good.--    21:53, December 31, 2009 (UTC)

Stunned

I admit I am hugely surprised you have nominated me as Uncyclopedian of the Month! Doesn't this only happen when you offer free cakes? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 19:17, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Nah, I meant it. I may not always agree with your voting habits, but you're a dilligent worker and you've got a good attitude. I figure that's worth at least a nom. Good luck mate. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:22, 2 Jan

Double ditto to you both. Thankies for the nom Opty. I appreciate being appreciated. And Romartus, I've always wondered this myself. I question your votes as well, but I always find you a very good writer, and you often make me laugh. Why not write more? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 23:05, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the commendation. RL does interfere a bit as regards working on this site though I have added/advised to other writer's work here (e.g. Zana Dark's Frida Kahlo article).--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 13:47, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I know. I remember you rewriting a section in my Autobiography of Jesus book, and it made me laugh pretty good. Just sayin' you should try working out with your writing more. You have some talent. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:36, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

Blwyddyn Newydd Dda!

That's Happy New Year to you Anglo types. Don't know if you're as familiar with Star Trek as you seemed to be with Dr Who but if so you may (or may not) enjoy this Dr Spock's “The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care”.

Thanks for the WOTY vote btw --Sog1970 22:53, January 2, 2010 (UTC)

Aye, I was keeping an eye on that while it was still in your user space. If it doesn't get nommed on VFH soon, I'll do it myself. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:05, 5 Jan

Thanks for the nom. It got a lukewarm review, but I think it probably benefited from it since that made me look at it again. Don't suppose you've ever seen Gangs of New York? (I'm so ashamed of being such a whore.) --Sog1970 22:10, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

I hated that movie, so I hope you trashed it real good ;) I'll take a look at it in a bit. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:17, 8 Jan

Go Baby Go! Faster! Harder! Go!

Ladies & Gentlemen, Welcome To Violence ...the word and the act. While violence cloaks itself in a plethora of disguises, its favorite mantle still remains... sex. Violence devours all it touches, its voracious appetite rarely fulfilled. Yet violence doesn't only destroy, it creates and molds as well. Let's examine closely then this dangerously evil creation, this new breed encased and contained within the supple skin of woman. The softness is there, the unmistakable smell of female, the surface shiny and silken, the body yielding yet wanton. But a word of caution: handle with care and don't drop your guard. This rapacious new breed prowls both alone and in packs, operating at any level, any time, anywhere, and with anybody. Who are they? One might be your secretary, your doctor's receptionist... or a dancer in a go-go club!....................................................

God I love this movie. --    16:01, January 6, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, you voted for my article on VFH and helped make it a feature.

8===========D~ ~ ~ ~O:

And I'm too lazy to make a proper template for it. Thanks! sausage lol 18:55, January 7, 2010 (UTC)

Best used in the Bedroom

Who knew butter could be so tasteless. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:19, 8 January 2010

Advanced Study Program

DON'T FORGET TO STUDY THESE MOVIES TOO!

There's just so many more movies I could refer to, it's sick. I decided to re-watch the MST3K for "King Dinosaur" and those guys were so cheap that they didn't even bother to give the Monitor Lizard or Iguana any form of costume and referred to the Iguana as being related to T-Rex.--    11:41, January 11, 2010 (UTC)

Templates Are Also Like Terrorists!

HITLER AND MUSSOLINI INVADED COUNTRIES THANK YOU TEMPLATES INVADE TALK PAGES TEMPLATES ARE LIKE HITLER AND MUSSOLINI A vote "For" an article on VFH is a vote "For" Hitler and Mussolini!!

You're either with us......or with the terrorists!! --    13:33, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Take That Shakespeare!

Maybe Bormann has a copy of the Qur'an in his desk! --    15:28, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks, didn't know that. Darn, a perfect place for it. I see you've got Gay Jesus, I've been thinking of nominating the article sometime later this month, once the DrStrange frenzy dies down. Has it ever been nommed? Thanks again, Aleister in Chains Ides of January Eve, MMX

No problem. References to specific Uncyclopedians are always frowned on. As far as Gay Jesus, I can't say I've ever read it as I generally hate all of the Jesus articles. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:44, 14 Jan

Jesus! You've never read Gay Jesus? That's all the more reason to nominate it, for people who haven't seen/read it. Don't accept substitute Jesus articles, check out Gay Jesus. Gay Judas 5 servings a day, MMX

Obama

I don't see what's wrong with my contributions. --FakeInfo 21:33, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

Seriously? You think a crap photoshopped picture and an "Obama Hussein LOLLOLOLL!!111!" joke is funny? Read HTBFANJS please. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:36, 16 Jan

ADMINISTRATOR MORDILLO

Oh, sorry, wrong page. ~ 21:38, January 16, 2010 (UTC)

LOL. That's MASTER ADMINISTRATOR MORDILLO, mister. Don't forget to put it in bold letters either. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:39, 16 Jan

UnSignpost January several-days-ago^th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Jan 14th, 2010 • Issue71 • Keeping You Guessing

Uncyclopedia Voting Season Arrives, Users Driven To Voting Frenzy By UU 'Tis the season to abstain with extreme prejudice! Yes, every anal-retentive voting obsessive's favourite time of the year has arrived: January marks the point of the year when the awards for the best things of the previous year are voted on! If that's not an oxymoron on a site that is acknowledged to be the worst, of course. This poll-packed month sees WotY, UotY and PotY join (deep breath) WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP as forums for people to air their opinions, prejudices, minor rivalries and petty jealousies. And as if this wasn't enough voting-related thrills 'n' spills, when the Top 10 articles of December 2009 have been decided, there'll be the Top 10 articles of 2009 proper to vote for! UnSignpost's fearless reporter and mascot DogNewspaper (pictured) predicts a bumper month for whoring, in-fighting, backstabbing and bitching as users scramble to secure themselves a fleeting moment's recognition from up to several of their peers. Followed by next to no voting in February, as everyone recovers. From the desk of the Cabal: 2010 ordered to be Drama free By The Cabal As Uncyclopedia drunkenly stumbles into the new decade, barely managing to hold down that spicy dinner it had for lunch, the non-existent cabal would like to wish all residents a happy new year. And by wish we mean order, residents would be subjects and by happy new year we mean fuck you all where communism hasn't failed yet. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we saw it all in 2009. We saw dozens of forums declaring that we're the worst (which we know), we saw numerous editors leave the front door open on the way out (come on people! it's bloody -7 outside!), we saw epic banninations (the simple joys of life), we saw prolific gay bashing (ideologically pure of course), we saw religious wars over sausages, we saw the worst 100 reflections of 2009 barely close before the midnight of December 31st. You promised in 2008 you wouldn't do that. You failed us. And so, ladies and gentlemen, we raise our collective arses from the toilet which was 2009, wiping it with the first anniversary edition of the UnSignpost, as this is the only good thing that ever came out of this rag of a newspaper. We would like to ask humbly that the population of Uncyclopedia do the following: Please, for the love of Sophia, remain calm; exit the building in an orderly fashion; remember that objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are; understand that allergen traces may be found in this Uncyclopedia. And always remember the prime directive: you are here to have fun. Or in short - shut the fuck up and go write an article. Thank you for your undivided attention citizens. You may now remove your muzzles.

Check out these pages! Now you have no excuse Pretend people care what you like It makes as much sense as Scientology, I suppose From our logs: 09:22, 12 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.40.243.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ ("raccist"? what's that, prejudiced against raccoons?) 03:33, 12 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.101.196.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (lol i'm astral projecting an image of two gay guys having sex into your mind or something) 19:06, 6 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.64.230.79 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Nigger to you too, sir.) 19:05, 5 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked JeChr (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus is dead. He's not coming back.) 23:05, 3 January 2010 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.217.57.240 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That was a waste of an edit. There are edit-starved kids in China that would've used that to its fullest extent, you know.) Biopic of the Week Prowling the corridors of pee review with a light step but a heavy hand, ChiefjusticeDS is Uncyc's reigning king of the golden river. He's reviewed more articles than most Uncyclopedians have read. In their entire lives. And he keeps a benevolent eye on everyone else, making sure there's no stale pee in the pond. If you've had a good review in the last year or so, he probably had a hand in that somewhere. Doff your cap and move on. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Run away from home is a guide to every early teenager's ultimate weapon in the never-ending battle with the forces of evil as represented by their parents. Written by Alksub - who most of our readership won't remember - this is exactly what to do next time your parents don't let you stay out late to meet that nice-sounding kid you met over MSN who seemed very keen to hook up and get to know you better! Trend of the Year (so far) Username changing. Username a little short? Lengthen it for no good reason! All the cool kids are doing it, apparently.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

I swore I'd never hand-deliver this again. Here it is. --UU - natter 09:30, Jan 18

UnSignpost 21th January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news

Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised By UU Yes folks, as the first month of this new decade lurches slowly and falteringly towards conclusion, the ... of the Year awards showdown is accelerating towards a thrilling climax! Your ever-topical UnSignpost mascot DogNewspaper therefore brings you this essential and timely guide to the runners and riders!. In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes! By GlobalTourniquet Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week, you have a dream, that one day you will be judged not by the color of your skin but by Simon Cowell. Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - If Martin Luther King had believed them when they told him "Silence is golden", he never would have accomplished his great work in the cause of civil rights. You, on the other hand, are just a mouthy bitch. Silence is golden. For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously.

Check out these pages! Narcissism? On the intertubes? Serious businesszzzzszszz - sorry, nodded off there Breaking News: We're The Worst! From our logs: 06:45, 20 January 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I LIKE PIE!!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 48 hours ‎ (This is your local formatting nazi-admin reminding you to stop undoing people's formatting fixes. Learn to wiki, pl0x. And don't harrass people trying to help.) 01:04, 18 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.61.194.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suspected homophobe. might hate gays. or he's just a faggot.) 12:33, 18 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 196.12.233.26 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the Lord said unto me, "Cursed are the page blankers, for they are the least of my creations; take up thy banhammer and smite them") Biopic of the Week Conscientious vote-machine Romartus has been around longer than you might think - kick-starting his Uncyc career with a series of DYK suggestions, before hitting his stride. Known as one of the more "demanding" voters on VFH, Romartus has also been diligently saving some of the less-deserving articles on VFD. He also breeds tropical ferrets. One of the previous statements is a lie, introduced by the biographer in lieu of a joke. Use your skill and judgement to work out which one! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Really Big Tree is an article about a really big tree. This tree is of such an immense size, it is scarcely credible. Few trees deserve their own Uncyclopedia article, but the Really Big Tree deserves its own wiki. You may think you have encountered trees of impressive size before, but you haven't seen a tree at all until you've experienced the Really Big Tree! Cajek UnBlock of the week! MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Cajek (Talk | contribs) (blocking Cajek is Sooooo old school. Unblocking Cajek is the new, new school. Not that I went to school. Obviously.) The (probably short-lived) return of UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week Were you to find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, you may happen upon a local. Were that local to then say to you "dew yew keep a troshin'", you may find yourself somewhat at a loss for a reasonable response - well, no more! Yes, your ever-useful UnSignpost is here to furnish you with a translation, which is: "take care of yourself". (It comes from "carry on with the threshing", if that helps, although we can't see how it would). So now if you find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, the only thing you have to worry about is getting out of there. Fast!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot)  17:37, Jan 21

Sup

Hey, it's up to you, but I'd suggest you change your vote on the Mohammedlickingsausage VFP, per my comment there. Don't let those bastards win. -- posh Ape (stretch) (Riot Porn) 02:38, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

There

I hope you're happy. Don't let the bastards win.

This user wields a plunger and can rollback your crap anytime, anywhere, anyhow baby.

~ 08:54, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

I do my best, but the bastards are wearing me down. Thanks for the plunger, but I'm not sure how I'm feeling about editing here right now. I'm frustrated as hell with banging my head against the wall for no apparent reason. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:43, 22 Jan

Eh? Did I miss something? Are you on IRC later on? Uncle Dillo will sooth your pain. ~ 18:16, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

I'm just disgusted with the latest example of asshats bullying a user into changing their article into something bland for the sake of not being "offensive". This isn't the Uncyclopedia I joined, and I'm frustrated because there doesn't appear to be any way for me to reverse this trend. I dunno, it just doesn't feel right to me. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:20, 22 Jan

Let's talk about it over IRC later, if you get the time. ~ 18:23, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

I probably won't have time for about four hours, but I would like to talk to you if you'll still be around. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:30, 22 Jan

Give it a try. If not, I'll try to catch you during the weekend. ~ 19:09, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization Update

As Transformers was moved to main space, the list of contributors is due to be updated. But according to Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/The Big Board, "Tagstit, SysRq, and Gerry are the only ones who need to be editing this template." Gerrycheevers last contribution was on 25 November 2009, SysRq's on 14 July 2009, and Tagstit's on 24 August 2009. This means its not very likely to get updated, and the already deathly ill IC will likely pass away.

The list of those who contributed is below (not all of these are signed up for IC, and one of these only contribution was a revert, so I don't know if that counts):

Miley Spears

Bad Shroom

Why do I need to provide this?

Optimuschris

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Matt lobster

Sockpuppet of an unregistered user

Maniac1075

Greennight

Evilgidgit

Glopso360

Joe9320

Aladdin Sane

Joe9320

Zana Dark

YF-23Pilot

Happytimes

Iwillkillyou333

Bulletformyvalentine1

Krigo

UnwiseOwl

Simsilikesims

Do you think the list could be updated in spite of the warning, as the ones listed aren't currently active? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  02:47, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Sure. -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:10, 23 Jan

Cool. I don't mind updating the list, but you've been active on IC a whole lot longer than I have. Let me know if you'd like me to do it, or if you'd prefer to do it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:55, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

All yours dude, I'm done with IC for the moment. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:59, 23 Jan

All right. Just to cover my ass, I'll let MrN9000 know before I do it, and will put a note that you agreed with me doing it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:11, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

MrN9000 posted a response here. As you are way more experienced in IC than I am, I'd like your opinion before I make any decision. I know you said you're done with IC for right now, but if you'd like to work to revive it, I would support that. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:35, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to your note. You already said you're done with it for the moment. So I'm going to work on it. If you change your mind, let me know! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  06:20, January 25, 2010 (UTC)

Semi-official Imperial Colonization

For once, a short note from me. I'm apparently now running Imperial Colonization. I plan to open it up for nominations for the next colonization on Sunday, 31 January 2010, so will make an official announcement then. In the meantime, I've made some changes, and would love suggestions (see Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization and User:Why do I need to provide this?/Imperial Colonization). Thanks for any help you can give me! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:51, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations Imperial Colonization Rear Admiral Optimuschris

Rear Admiral of Imperial Colonization
This loyal subject colonizes savage lands for the Glory of the Empire and is recognized as Rear Admiral of Her Majesty's Imperial Navy.

You've participated in 10 colonizations so be proud of your new rank! Go forth and colonize those natives! And if they don't salute you, kick them! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:42, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

War on Drugs

Not averse to polishing the article as you've suggested. Not sure why my brother insists on nominating things before thy're entirely finished. That's what brothers are for, I suppose. Thing is, I have no idea what's missing from it. --Sog1970 08:25, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

I'mthedaddy is your real life brother?! Weird.. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 11:09 • Wednesday, 27-01-2010

I think I was adaopted. --Sog1970 11:36, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Adopted, even. Anyway, you're meant to be studying. Get back to your room and eat up the little books.--Sog1970 14:21, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Mainly my concern is the formatting. The concept in this case would be well served by a proper "wikipedian" look. I also think it could use a closing section to tie everything together. As far as specific writing tips, I have none for you. You're a far better writer than I'll ever be. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:29, 27 Jan

Somebody else said something about Wikipedia formatting but I honestly don't know what you mean, otherwise I'd change it. How would wikipedia do it differently? Really, tell me and I'll do it - though I'm not brilliant at the formatting bit, having basically taught myself the little I know. --Sog1970 20:47, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Well, basically just set up your page to look more like a Wiki page. Take a look at a few wiki pages to get an idea. The headers and such don't quite look right, though like you I'm no wizard with it either. :D Actually, the guy you should probably ask is Sycamore, he seems to know his shit when it comes to formatting Wiki-style. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:58, 27 Jan

I checked a couple. They all use == Title== for the headers as well. I've split the sections, however, that seems to make it look a bit more wikipedia-like. I'll try to think of some shit to finish it with. Any ideas are welcome - I'm running out of drugs. Actually, I haven't done LSD - not in the last 24 hours, anyway. --Sog1970 21:11, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

I've given it a closing section. I'm really not whoring for a change of vote, just an opinion if you think it works better. --Sog1970 22:42, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Good call about Sycamore, by the way, he's busily doing something to it as I type. --Sog1970 18:28, January 28, 2010 (UTC)

How do I get a chance to edit Deathcore?- Eversincethewar

UnSignpost 28th January 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

Jan 28th • Issue 73 • A Periodical. Period.

Continuing Absence Of Certain Users Forces Other Users To Do Things By UU It has come to the notice of our fearless journalists that some users have recently been desperately attempting to fill the gaping void left by the absence of some other users. For instance, in the absence of part-time dinosaur and popular keyboard feature SysRq, Why do I need to provide this? has stepped bravely into the Colonization brief (and has not, for instance, been forcefully volunteered for the task by MrN), dedicating himself to bringing colons where there are none (such is our understanding). Also bravely stepping into the "ban magnet" position created by the continuing and lamented absence of hyperactive loon Cajek is, well, a plethora of users. Admins, deprived of their favourite joke-ban target, have taken to joke banning anyone in an attempt to get their fix. Even those devoted to doing only good, just and true works have recently been targeted; and as if to prove this very statement, some power-crazed asshole went and joke banned Socky, RabbiTechno and Optimuschris as soon as he'd written this sentence. Elsewhere, ChiefjusticeDS has been filling the gap left by the absence of someone's enthusiasm for anything pee-related right at the moment by looking after the pee list, taking over as the person with the most in-depth reviews, reviewing everyone else's reviews, and generally not being lazy about it all. At the same time, the continuing absence of the yellow and black sig of Gerrycheevers has forced grumbling British curmudgeon UU to return to the Wiki's only newspaper, the UnSignpost, churning out issues that are, let's be honest, mere placeholders until Gerry gets his arse back here and writes something worth reading. YOU HEAR ME GERRY? GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW DAMMIT! Rumours that, in the relative absence of Orian57, Roman Dog Bird will take over the position of "token gay" are unconfirmed at the time of going to press. And finally, in the absence of enough content to make this issue balance out nicely, the UnSignpost is once again resorting to using blatant filler for the first time this year. Shameless, that's what it is. Complain to someone - it's the only way they'll learn.

Check out these pages! This seems to mean something to some people Bonzer Bruce, throw another stereotype on the barbie! Like. Comment. From our logs: 20:30, 26 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.223.27.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No-one talks that way about my favourite Jew. Learn some manners or GTFO.) 00:48, 26 January 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Why do I need to provide this? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Sometimes I feel, like I've been TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEDDD to the Whipping Post!!!!) 18:19, 24 January 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.246.27 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Toll. Idiot. Whatever. Banned, UnBanned, Banned, Banned. BYE. Try IRC next time. The guys in there will enjoy it.) Biopic of the Week Users today, they barely know they're born. The problem? Too little exposure to Flammable. The permanent curator of the Principal's office rarely deigns to grace us mortals with his presence these days, but the very sight of his rainbow-strewn sig used to inspire fear, dread, terror and, for some reason, carol singing. "While shepherds fed their flocks thermite..." Old-School Featured Article of the Week This one's for you, Guildy: HowTo:Be pretentious. Don your black polo-neck, cock a snook at the hoi polloi, and sit back, secure in your superiority, thanks to this indispensable guide! Cursory Mention of the Week CheddarBBQ wanted to be mentioned in this week's Signpost. So he is.

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9001(bot)  14:56, Jan 28

How do I get a chance to edit Deathcore before it gets deleted?

Link made

Thanks for the vote, and the link has been made. The link has improved the page by at least 40%, so now it is 'very good'. Pizza and beer. Aleister in Wonderland 9:16 28 Jan. MMX

Some failed rape attempts.

Raeped the page

Just thought I'd tell you that even the summaries of your minor edits make me laugh out loud. --Matfen 00:24, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

RAEP

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS THE BALL LICKER. pillow talk 00:44, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

NO U! -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:45, 29 Jan

Damn... this is confusing! Pup

NO U! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:11, 29 January 2010

RAPE!

I've been here five months, and this is the first time I got to rape a user's talk page. HA HA! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:25, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

That doesn't count, my talk page was asking for it. The little slut. -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:31, 6 Feb

Fuck you, cunt

I'm better than you. --guido 19:51, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

Well, obviously. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:03, 29 Jan

ATTENTION COLONIZER

Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!

EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!

For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:27, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry for putting this on your user page, but your talk page is off limits for some reason). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:27, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Hey

Do you like my signature?... --{{SUBST:User:Silent civilian/Firma2}} 21:14, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Shit, wait it doesn't succes... u.u

Sooo...--Hopelessly Devoted To You... ¡¡¡Silent civilian!!! 21:21, January 30, 2010 (UTC) Yeep it works succesfully...

Sorry was my mistake in the "F".... --Hopelessly Devoted To You... ¡¡¡Silent civilian!!! 21:21, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

It makes me happy in my pants. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:26, 30 Jan

O.O --Hopelessly Devoted To You... ¡¡¡Silent civilian!!! 21:27, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

The real reason I'm here

I just finished reading through all the archives for IC talk. I wanted to let you know that, while you and I have butted heads a time or two in the past, I was impressed with your comments and ideas in Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/4. I think I have a better feel for IC, partially because of what you wrote. Thanks. (And a note to any other IC commenter who reads this--this doesn't mean I didn't like your comments. But I probably already told you I got something useful from you. Don't expect me to mention everything all you people did, you attention whores). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:33, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Caught you deleting quotes section... You little nihilist!

Optimuschris, why did you took the time to delete the whole "quote" section of the page on the Internet??? Got a problem with Soviet Russian reversal... or it has a problem with YOU!? I thought that one is very appropriate, compared to the tons of Russian Reversal quotes that aren't really funny. (christhi) February 4, 2010

I can assure you he's not "little". MrN 20:24, Feb 4

Except where it counts, amirite? Meh, nothing matters anyway. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:47, 4 Feb

By that Mr OptyC means... Hea, if you really care, add it back... He's a bit of a hatchet man you see. He likes to swing his big chopper around. Duck! MrN 22:22, Feb 4

Ahhh... what can't we do here with too much time and a keyboard in our hands. (Christhi)

Just about this...

I like this article - not as a featureable thingy but just as I found the whole stealing intellectual copyright from a parody source a ludicrous concept, and I used the self reference as I felt the humour would be more effective if I used a parody of a recognisable thing as one of the elements. The assumption here is that people who are reading an article on Uncyclopedia would find the parody of Uncyclopedia more approachable than a parody of College humour or Mad TV, to site the two real life examples that I've used. Is there anything that you feel could be added to this in order to improve it? (Other than more talk archive 8 references of course.) Pup

You misunderstand me my friend. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm just really uncomfortable referencing specific Uncyc members is all. If I had come across this randomly I would have automatically removed them. Since it's on VFH I left it alone. If you fixed that, I'd probably vote for. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:23, 5 Feb

You are a winner.

To make matters worse, no one is going to feel sorry for J.Lo at all because David is back. --monika 07:57, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM

The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:04, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.

New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals! By UU Writing competitions, eh? With the Poo Lit Surprise, the Turkey Day Ball, and a conservation week or two, it would seem Uncyclopedians can't get enough of 'em. And now there's another! But this one has a point that separates it from the herd. Well a couple of points, actually. One: it's organised by human wiki-whirlwind MadMax, so it'll probably be efficient as all get-out; two: it's a sneaky way of fulfilling a need. See, there are all these great ideas for articles floating around at UN:REQ; articles that would undoubtedly improve this festering little wiki. And there they sit, being good ideas, but not being used. This competition aims to change all that! Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up By UU As several things have been happening recently in Uncyclopedia, and ace cub reporter DogNewspaper is in some sort of snow-induced hibernation, and consequently too lazy to write individual articles on any of them, here is a quick synopsis of a couple of the more newsworthy recent events on the wiki in handy easy-to-digest bite-sized chunks. Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know".

Check out these pages! Insulting sports players - the future of comedy When is a month not a month? The most important link you'll ever click From our logs: 15:04, 8 February 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 169.139.1.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (We are having communications issues here. When I say don't recreate, it means don't press that little create button and paste the same content for the third time) 11:55, 8 February 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.75.78.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (there are a million better things you could be doing with your life right now, but you're inserting barely literate insults to a sports player on a comedy wiki. must suck really hard to be you.) 08:35, 7 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.92.151.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (We don't care if you fuck horses. No need to tell the world. Maybe the police, but that's up to you.) Biopic of the Week Being as he's now been on Uncyclopedia for three bastardin' years, this seems as good a time as any to profile Kip the Dip. A man of many contrasts, Kip appears to be some sort of useful gobshite. His enthusiasm for all things Uncyclopedia, including his tireless championing of Euroipods and sterling work on The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times have helped make this wiki what it is today. The Worst. Thanks, Kip. Old School Featured Article of the Week Patriotism is an air-borne disease caused by the bacterium enlistment bonusai. It was first observed in 1776 by Dr. Arnold Bazonga, but was initially confused with the alcohol-borne illness bravery. Patriotism is communicable through the auditory ingestion of feces. Contamination often occurs from politicians, entrepreneurs, country music singers, Richard Albinger and French Emperors. Final Side-Panel Box of the Week Because we don't need that much padding this week.

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9001(bot)  13:03, Feb 11

I've got to find a way to really thank you for letting me look out from the front page for two days. You see that boy with Jesus? He's an amateur. Come on down here and meet a pro.

UnSignpost 18th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct By POTR Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses. One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie By POTR Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban. Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages! Some people are just too vain... Sluts get VD, I think Everyone loves a bad winner From our logs: Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t)) MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?) Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.) Biopic of the Week Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him. Usurping of the Week The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response. Stand-in of the Week It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt." This editorial team couldn't agree more.

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9001(bot)  23:37, Feb 18

A note to myself

Portal:Games/Uncyclopedia Games aka Game:Main Page Go here and try to find some games that aren't shit. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Optimuschris (talk • contribs)

Ignore that man. He's talking nonsense. MrN 00:26, Feb 19

He's obviously retarded. He can't even link properly. -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:27, 19 Feb

Try this one, jackass! Better?

Yes. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Your Mum (talk • contribs)

My game will be super awesome not shit when I get around to making it. So there! Phptpthhh!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  19 Feb 2010 ~ 04:13 (UTC)

Next: Game:The Random Game. A random selection of the subpages of this "game" has confirmed my suspicion that it is also shit. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:16, 20 Feb

And a quick check of VFD confirms that I've already nommed it. I thought it looked familiar. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:19, 20 Feb

Ignore that man. He's talking nonsense. MrN 20:51, Feb 20

This link may come in handy. As well as this one -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:27, 20 Feb

Also, keep an eye on these pages: Game:Zork WTF and Game:Zork6. Make sure the ICU tags aren't removed. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:31, 20 Feb

Hey OptyC

Hey OptyC, I heard you suck. Care to comment on this obviously slanderous attack? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:10, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

Who said that? I'll fucking KILL them! -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:58, 19 Feb

I have. You wanna take it outside? ~ 22:03, February 19, 2010 (UTC)

No. It's a personal rule of mine to never fight a Jew. I'm told they don't fight dirty. If I'm not gonna get kicked in the balls, then where's the fun? -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:06, 19 Feb

Hey, I'm not Jewish. So, I'll fight both of you. At the same time. Mano-a-Mano/Mano. I say we set this on pay-per-view, and make a little cash for you two to go along with your embarrassing, embarrassing beatdown at the hands of the most handsome and manly uncyclopedia has to offer. It's a date! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 06:12, February 20, 2010 (UTC)

Ugh! I'm pretty sure I don't want to watch a man date on pay-per-view.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  21 Feb 2010 ~ 08:23 (UTC)

PEE request

Hey boss. Given your elevation to the God of games, I'd like you to do a PEE request for me - assuming you have the time. Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:PuppyOnTheRadio/aitd, which is a fairly long and involved set of pages, needs to be reviewed before I publish it to the Games space. I'd appreciate your thoughts, as you appear to be the second most critical person on any Uncyc games. Nominally Humane! some time 22:31, 25/02/2010

I'd be more than happy to do a PEE for you, but I can't make any promises asa to when I'll have the time to go through the whole thing and give an in-depth review. So if you get impatient, I won't be offended if you go to somebody else. I'll give you my initial impression right now though, just to set your mind at ease a bit. I really REALLY like the approach you've taken with the images. I clicked a couple links into it and got to this page and stopped there. I'm assuming that is meant to look like a map? It needs some work there I think. But overall, as long as you keep it funny (which you have so far from what I can see) I think this would be a fine addition to the games. Its original and definitely not crap. :) Keep it up and you might even end up with a featured game! -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:40, 25 Feb

Okay, I clicked a bit further into it. Is that going to be the gimmick? That no matter what you do, you're stuck in a pitch black room Alone. In the Dark? Or do you plan to expand it further? -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:46, 25 Feb

That's it. It is an unwinnable game, and the ongoing joke as it were is in the text that pops up in the information panel. It's based on the 1992 Alone in the dark which was the pre-cursor to the current one. The idea is not that you are winning a game, but that you see the odd thoughts that people get when they are alone. In the dark. Also there is an element of repetition that helps it along, while you are alone. In et al. Let me guess - you like the intro but the game itself doesn't thrill you? Nominally Humane! some time 22:51, 25/02/2010

No, I like the concept just fine. The main problem I forsee is the temptation to make it too long. It's funny, but it'll wear thin after a not so long time. I lolled when it dawned on me that I was always going to be Alone. In the Dark. :D -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:55, 25 Feb

That being said, if you make it too short, there won't be enough time to fully develop your joke. You're going to have to find a nice balance, and I think that may end up being one of the more difficult aspects to making this game. Good luck! -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:03, 25 Feb

Any thoughts on this

Probably the most newsworthy thing around that I've seen so far. Nominally Humane! some time 02:31, 26/02/2010

Needs more salt. Other than that it tastes pretty good.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  26 Feb 2010 ~ 05:31 (UTC)

UOTM

By you going around and throwing that fucking award all over the place, you're not only throwing to garbage the value of this award, you're also pissing on everyone who voted for you. You got 15 votes, you won it fair and square, now grow the fuck up! We voted for you because of who you are, and if you claim that I voted for you because of IRC I'll be happy to ban your ass and piss on your grave. ~ 21:39, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

I know you did no such thing, but I can see several other names on that ballot that I can't say the same about. Sorry if I offended you. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:42, 26 Feb

Stop being an idiot, you idiot! I'm doing dramatic exaggeration! ~ 21:53, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

I'm happy to ban his grave an piss on his ass if that helps? MrN 22:06, Feb 26

Dude, Opty, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you don't have to. And if the template at the top of this page is to be believed, I wish you luck in all your non-Uncyclopedia endeavors. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:07, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Dude

You deserved that UotM. Really. You're doing all kinds of maintenance and other great stuff with the site. You even got more featured articles than me. Alright, that last bit is hardly relevant. But really dude, you deserved that award back then and now still. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:43, 26 February 2010

Giving decent life and fluidity in the society of Village Dump deserves an award as good as UotM, IMO. I find it means you're far more sociable and it livens up the monotony of other parts of the site. --nldr 22:52, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

I'd like to add that you shouldn't retire over something like this. Think about this: If you asked a bunch of the active users "Does OptyC deserve a UOTM?" I'm sure the overwhelming majorirty would be yes. Also, I'd like to add, you're a longtime member with many featured articles and the community(And Uncyclopedia in general) would hate to see you gone. So, please, don't leave over this. A noob who has no right to comment about this due to his total noobness

A vote for Guildy is a vote for OptyC! Nominally Humane! some time 02:17, 27/02/2010

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9000 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode + Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  20:55, Feb 28

Oops!

~Formerly Annoying Crap 07:44, 1 March 2010