Wheelchair of the legs
Wheelchair of the legs, or WOTL, is an often fatal disease that affects approximately 8 out of 9 people worldwide. There is unfortunately no known cure for the disease, and those who contract it are urged to go out and have casual sex whilst bungee jumping while they still can.
If you believe you have any of the following symptoms, consult a doctor immediately and bury all the stuff you don't want the wife to find. And put on a clean pair of underwear for God's sake - you don't want to be buried in filthy y-fronts do you? What would the neighbours say?
- Loss of vision
- Loss of limbs
- Star Wars obsession
- Sexual Dysfunction
- Dysfunctional Dysfunction
- Partially completing
- Addiciton to reality TV
- Rigor Mortis
- Excessive Rolling
Please note that in some cases you may not notice any of these symptoms, but may still have contracted WOTL. In the event that you start feeling at all paranoid, wrap yourself up in cotton wool, and deposit yourself at the nearest asylum.
The 1st stage
At the first stage the patient begins to feel light-headed, and starts to run around in circles barking like a dog. Other symptoms include yelping, growling, whizzing on rugs and chasing cars. In some severe cases, WOTL sufferers have been known to even grow, seemingly out of nowhere, a small stubby growth on the end of their spine, not unlike a tail, and begin chasing themselves around the room.
The 2nd stage
At the 2nd stage of infection the patient begins to goosestep around the room with their finger held to their filtrum, shouting "Yes you did. You invaded Poland." The patient will then typically grab any Spaniards in the room by the scruff of their necks and babble incoherently.
The 3rd stage
At the 3rd stage of infection the patient returns to a somewhat normal state, and doesn't appear to have any symptoms whatsoever. Excluding the horrible and secret symptoms that actually occur.
The 4th stage
At the 4th stage of infection the patient suddenly sprouts wheels from their knees, and rolls backwards and forwards until their heart explodes, resulting in death and sore knees. But you get free wheels, so that's an upside =)
Only one famous person has ever contracted WOTL ever. Ever.
For people from Britain and Texas, you win, because you know a second person who suffers from WOTL.