User talk:LongLiverh3/archive1
yeah![edit source]
Now let's get started!
Hi there[edit source]
My First Pubic Hair this isn't what we're about here, there's a handy guide on vanity here. Thanks:-)
There's also a welcome template here which has useful links on editing here:
Welcome![edit source]
Hello, LongLiverh3, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:
- Beginner's Guide
- Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
- How to be funny and not just stupid
If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (
) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:LongLiverh3/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.
If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out!
If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!
If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!
Hope this helps:)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:49, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
- I see My First Pubic Hair has improved, good sign. And looks like longliverh3 is a good writer too. He made me laugh :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
23:18, 8 May '09
You're Funny[edit source]
And I see you seek adoption. Well, pinch your cheeks you're so cute. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 04:46, 9 May 2009
Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.
To show my appreciation, I'd like to eat your snake.
—Guildensternenstein
(template courtesy of CheddarBBQ) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:57, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
Cheers[edit source]
Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for the major clean up on my page and for the nomination for VFH! It's very much appreciated. I don't yet know how to do those fancy templates that other people have presented you with and so for now this thanks is in just plain writing. ImNotASunbeam 20:28, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
Working on that article[edit source]
Hey, I'd love to work with you on that Article, what sort of thing did you want to do with it?--ImNotASunbeam 20:31, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
Oh fuck sake, I keep forgetting to sign these things ImNotASunbeam 20:31, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
Adoption![edit source]
Dunno if you got the message I left on my own talk page (admittedly I didn't reply very quickly) but it went as thus:
"Adoption sounds like a fine idea. Though I've yet to actually do it propely. Bassically stick
{{Adoptee|Orian57}}
- on your userpage and then come and ask me for help with things you've written or need help with. I'll also do my best to look out for you and such."
Also seen as how I'm helping you out could you give me your (honest) opinion on this, vote here. ~Orian57~ 
~Talk~ 
20:04 25 May 2009
The Colts[edit source]
I love the Donald Brown pick. Donald Brown is sick. I know this because I watched him tear my school apart in the International Bowl. A lot of people were saying how we should've taken a DT, but think about it this way: Indy's had 10 winning seasons with nobodies at DT. Our rungame sucked this season. Donald Brown can go between the tackles. Donald Brown pounding the ball up the middle + Addai in third down situations = a much better run game, which we'll need now that Marvin's gone. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:03, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
- is this some sort of secret code? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 23:16 May 27 '09
- It's Football talk. You non-Americans wouldn't understand. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:52, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
Yeah. Give it to 'im, Guildy. --LongLiverh3 03:10, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
- But yeah, that's just my two cents, though. What I'd really like to see is someone other than some undersized late-round pick playing for us at guard, but that's another story. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:35, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
Thanks[edit source]
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Thanks for voting for my article, Dear Diary. And do rest assured that I am not a violent or vindictive person, and that voting no would have in no way resulted in me abusing my administrative powers to crush you like a grape. ~ Todd Lyons |
And especially for the nomination. :) --T. (talk) 11:07, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009[edit source]
Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth
May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about
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Going Portal
 What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia!  We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:16, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
Reviews[edit source]
In particular this one - are you gonna finish it? If not, remove what you've done so it stops sitting in the "reviewed" list, and someone else can do a proper job of it. Friendly note this time - please don't do this again. --UU - natter 
10:11, May 30
- uh huh Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:22 May 30 '09
- Gee, I'm sorry, I didn't know. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
11[edit source]
I read you were 11, is that true? Also I've been a terrible adopter. is tehre anything you need help with? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:44 30 May 2009
deleted[edit source]
I've deleted UNnEWS: cOMPUTERS EVERYWHERE STUCK IN CAPS LOCK because it's not properly an article. For hints as to how to avoid this happening to your future work, I suggest you read my welcoming drivel below. Cheers! 
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:53, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
WELCOME TO UNNEWS
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On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! |
Welcome to UnNews, LongLiverh3, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.
I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.
You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.
If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.
Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.
Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.
- This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:53, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
Your Why? article[edit source]
I've put it in your userspace here, as the construction tag expired, meaning it would have got deleted. You can work on it in your userspace at your leisure without fear of deletion, and move it back to mainspace when it's completed. --UU - natter 09:59, Jun 1
If you liked...[edit source]
Nursery then you'll love HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle. It also got featured last month, along with this and this which were all my articles. just incase you wanted to vote on those too. Although I strongly suggest you read the rest of the month because overall May was quite good. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:00 1 June 2009
Moved your article[edit source]
I've moved your article to User:LongLiverh3/Red Sox 2004 World series win a total hoax. Work in progress should really be in your user space until you finish it. This is virtually a blank WIP, but I moved it just in case you decide you want to actually write the article. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:17, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
Propagandameister[edit source]
Propagandmeister is fake German for "Propagand master," which basically means she makes pictures. To answer your question in one word: yes. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:19, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
- Yip that's me =) You called? --Dame
09:26, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
So[edit source]
Thanks for the review. However, I do have a couple questions. You say you don't like the idea of the money going towards drugs, but from what I can tell I would only have to change his quote around near the beginning, right? Other than that, he explains excusively about how losing the money is like like losing sex. So, I don't think I have to change anything around for that.
Also, you said that the part about it being a complete accident wasn't funny, but that was kind of the whole point of the article. Or were you just trying to say that the part where he explained how he found the cure wasn't funny?
On a last note, what would you recommend for images? Staircase CUNt 07:14, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
Thankies[edit source]
You gived your voice to make za interfiew on za front page. So I want to say sank you... Want to see my brobelor? I also take you to za byramids and show you good time, and for you only 10 American dollars. No, wait! Come back! I want money! What do I tell to little Ahmad when he says ya baba, get food?...
Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 
22:00 June 3 '09
UnSignpost June 4th, 2009[edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!
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Todd not Lionised by all?
 Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings  As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
Delievered by Saberwolf116 03:06, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
Zen Rfanklib[edit source]
Did you forget you were gonna pee review this? Zen Rfanklib 21:00, 9 June 2009 (UTC)
- Boo. Zen Rfanklib 02:22, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
Preemptive Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
(Though it hasn’t actually been featured yet.)
—Guildy
UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever[edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!
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"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User  In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week
 This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:48, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
Ok so.[edit source]
I just noticed your edit to the worlds bets friend vote page, and it seemed curious that you did {{User:LongLiverh3}} instead of {{User:LongLiverh3/sig}}, you aren't typing that in manually everytime you sign are you? Because you should just go to the "my preferences" link at the top and in the signature box put {{subst:nosubst|User:LongLiverh3/sig}} and then click the custom signature box. then just sign with four tidles ~~~~ as normal. just thought I'd say that. alternitivley, if you already do the above, what happened? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:49 12 June 2009
- Done. --It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you. 08:13, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
- Good good, sorry I never explained that before. I should have noticed the lack of datestamp. ~Orian57~
~Talk~ 
15:47 13 June 2009
- Yeah, you should have. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you. 01:47, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Well you could have asked yourself "Hmm, isn't it a bit inconveinient having to do this manually? When I didn't have a sig it was easier, surely there's a Shortcut. I'll ask Orian!" No? but yeah, your right, I'm an awful person. Orian57 Talk
06:14 14 June 2009
- Shame on you. (/Jacking off) Cunt (Talk to Cunt) 06:32, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Don't wank while you talk to people! God's sake. Have some civility! Orian57 Talk 06:34 14 June 2009
- Wait, what's civility, and WHERE ARE THE DAMN PAPER TOWELS? Cunt (Talk to Cunt) 06:36, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Oh god and you don't sort out the towels before you start!? Orian57 Talk 06:39 14 June 2009
- Never. Although I did realize it was a little inconvenient... Cunt (Talk to Cunt) 17:16, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- New sig. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 17:44, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- That's much more sesible. And looks slightly familiar. ;) Orian57 Talk 17:46 14 June 2009
- That's much more sesible. And looks slightly familiar. ;) Orian57 Talk
- New sig. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 17:44, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Never. Although I did realize it was a little inconvenient... Cunt (Talk to Cunt) 17:16, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Oh god and you don't sort out the towels before you start!? Orian57 Talk
- Wait, what's civility, and WHERE ARE THE DAMN PAPER TOWELS? Cunt (Talk to Cunt) 06:36, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Don't wank while you talk to people! God's sake. Have some civility! Orian57 Talk
- Shame on you. (/Jacking off) Cunt (Talk to Cunt) 06:32, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Well you could have asked yourself "Hmm, isn't it a bit inconveinient having to do this manually? When I didn't have a sig it was easier, surely there's a Shortcut. I'll ask Orian!" No? but yeah, your right, I'm an awful person. Orian57 Talk
- Yeah, you should have. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you. 01:47, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Good good, sorry I never explained that before. I should have noticed the lack of datestamp. ~Orian57~
I'm almost an Octo-dick![edit source]
Heya! Thanks for the pretend dick vote for WotM. Orian may still be far in the lead, but I get the sense he's looking over his shoulder now to take in the view. ^_^ --T. (talk) 18:23, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
- Well, pretend dick votes are my specialty... I had to vote for Orian, otherwise I would get disowned. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 19:29, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
Thanks thank tank (again-again!)[edit source]
Orian57 Talk 
00:32 16 June 2009
The review[edit source]
I wish you hadn't "reviewed" my article. I'll only say this once, I wish you'll refrain from peeing on articles I've written in the future. I can't say I appreciate a teenager's sense of random humour, when I try to write with readers who appreciate the more mature sense of intelligent humour in mind. As comes to my English, it's far superior to your English, so don't you dare trying to criticise my grammar unless you have a Ph.D. in English Philology to show off. There was nothing new to me in that review. I will not change my article to fit your idea of funny. Do it yourself. Twat. --
21:05, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
- I think you are been unduly harsh, the article is probably better than the review gives it credit for, but calling someone a twat because you disagree with their opinion isn't the answer. Reviewers take the time to look through other people's hard work and offer advice on how to improve it, or point out areas the article may appear weak, and that's good. I'd like to see more of our reviewers producing better quality work themselves, so that the advice they offer represents techniques which have been put into practice. Please don't allow this to expand into a full scale argument or bans will be administered. Remember, we're all here to just have fun.... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Well that kind of overshadows what I was going to say! However, I was on my way to make a slightly different point, so I have to say that while reviews are completely a matter of opinion, and I'm not going to disagree with someone's opinion, perhaps your reviewing style could use a little more sugar? One of the lesser-known skills of really good reviewing is to be more encouraging when reviewing articles you consider to need a lot of work. While you did finish by saying this could end up a solid article, you could perhaps have been a little friendlier in the way you put your points across earlier.
- I learned this the hard way by doing the same on some of my early reviews and really pissing people off - look at some of my more recent reviews, and you'll see that I'm careful to always pick out points to encourage people about and try to encourage where possible - even in the few cases where I've thought the article was irredeemable. My sign off is always that this is only my opinion, and others are available, and then I wish them luck. You give plenty of feedback, and are generally settling in well, but it's worth thinking about this - reviews aren't meant to put people off contributing, but to help them improve. Hope this makes sense - if you have any questions about reviews, you know where to find me! --UU - natter
08:22, Jun 17
- Maybe we should put together an improved guide for reviewers suggesting some of these points. I think the thing to remember for me is that very often we pour our hearts into these articles, and when, for whatever reason, people question the quality or the style or whatever within an article we take it as a personal affront. Maybe we also need a disclaimer on the front page of the review section telling people that a review does not constitute a personal attack. Somehow we've got to make both parties realise there are human elements within this site, whilst at the same time seeking to help and improve where necessary. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Maybe we should put together an improved guide for reviewers suggesting some of these points. I think the thing to remember for me is that very often we pour our hearts into these articles, and when, for whatever reason, people question the quality or the style or whatever within an article we take it as a personal affront. Maybe we also need a disclaimer on the front page of the review section telling people that a review does not constitute a personal attack. Somehow we've got to make both parties realise there are human elements within this site, whilst at the same time seeking to help and improve where necessary. -- Sir Mhaille
The Other Review[edit source]
Thanks. Unlike the above person, I'm thankful for your input. I see you took the liberty of de-linking stuff to bullshit, which I appreciate, and I spaced out the "BULLSHITFUCKINGCALL" part. As for more Darlene references, I thought that too, while writing it, but no other places were really ideal for having another "darlene interlude," or whatever, if you know what I mean. I did ever-so-slightly expand on one, though, and added a callback to the previous article, per your advice. Thanks for the review. I nommed it for VFH, too, BTW. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:17, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
- I'll go vote fore it. Soon. Deal or No Deal is on. Bye. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:26, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
- You watch Deal or no Deal? You go out of your way to watch Deal or no Deal? Weird. Orian57 Talk 08:34 19 June 2009
Did someone mention cookies?[edit source]
Well. Oh. My. God!!! You have been assessed and deemed worthy of receiving one of the aforementioned popular sweet baked confections, commonly monikered as biscuits over here but probably called something gay on the other side of the pond. This award is bestowed upon you in recognition of the fact that that's the way the cookie crumbled today - feel proud and dunk with gumption!
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Codeye has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
Codeye knows only too well that these things can be devilishly moreish, so has awarded another for when the first one's either been demolished or dropped into your tea.
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Codeye has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
May I add, I'd be happy as a pig in a fresh pile of shit to receive a little something in return, were any awards going spare? Enjoy the cookies. Codeye 08:31, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
Re your comment on the HowTo baby 3rd request[edit source]
Although both sides could have behaved better in this case, I see this remark as potentially starting over a fight which settled down already. Just keep away from the issue. ~
15:37, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost! June 18th/19th![edit source]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce
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Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens  This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! 
Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! 
Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains. |
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You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:32, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
Could you[edit source]
Tell me what you think of this, please? Also how you getting on? Haven't really checked in a while which is terrible irresponsible parenting. Orian57 Talk 09:07 22 June 2009
Moar Feature Thankies[edit source]
Orian57 Talk 13:04 22 June 2009
Namespace formatting[edit source]
Yeah, on the incredibly minor chance you didn't notice, I moved your UnScript here. Just so you know: you shouldn't leave a space after the namespace bit. Some kind of formatting thingy. Anyway, yeah, just thought I'd mention it, really. --UU - natter 13:45, Jun 22
Nintendo Seal[edit source]
...has been moved to your userspace because it's taking up room in the expired WIP category. Be glad it didn't get destroyed!~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 03:30, 28 June 2009 (UTC)
Godzilla[edit source]
You said you would nominate it, and then you never did, so I'm slightly confused. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:10, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
- I didn't mean to come off as rude or anything, which, in retrospect, I might've, so sorry about that. Anyway, yes, you do have my stamp of approval. Thank you for asking beforehand, too. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:49, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
- It must have been nominated at some point (long before I got here--that's for sure) so just put "2nd nomination" at the end of it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:45, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
Done. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:46, 30 June 2009 (UTC)
Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th[edit source]
You'd be crazy not to listen!
June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money
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Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia  Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" |
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We're not late you're just high! Orian57 Talk 15:43 30 June 2009
- Yeah, me and my buddies did a lot of smoking last Friday. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 03:30, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
Ta![edit source]
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I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably. |
So yeah, hows it like being adopted by a WotM, pretty fucking sweet I'd imagine. Me poses so you can carve a statue out of marble. Orian57 Talk 12:07 1 July 2009
And me makes edit to your new sig so you can show off your GUNhood. Revert edits if you don't like. ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 23:01, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
Haneke[edit source]
Hi, thanks for the review, I'm still - as you probably know - getting to grips with this site. Yeah, I only actually put it on here because I was advised to do so in order to get a little bit of input/criticism on my work thus far, it's pretty clear it's not finished yet. I'm glad you like it so far, your review is very useful, I'll give this Guildy a bell, see what ideas he can put in. I assume he knows Haneke, so he'll be able to see what I'm trying to do with it. It's a tightrope walk really, I want to try and combine two very different views of Haneke into one - the first with him as a film-maker, like a satirical biography, the second as a slightly more absurdist depiction of Haneke as an emotionless automaton (hence like his movies). The balance is difficult :( Siddhartha-Wolf
[I posted this on your review too]
UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009[edit source]
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH
July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"
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The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery  If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:20, 3 July 2009 (UTC)
Thanks[edit source]
Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.
Your support is greatly appreciated.
—Guildy
Formatting[edit source]
Hey llh3. Just a quick question on your against on the Vitiligo article. I appreciate the feedback that I'm getting on that at the moment, and I'm hoping to get as much constructive stuff as possible at the moment. I'm trying to work out what the "formatting" issue was that you had with the work. Have you got an example of what you would consider "good formatting" that I could compare to? Pup 00:39, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
Keebler Elves[edit source]
Thanks for the last thing. I've been avoiding doing a review of your piece up for a PEE at the moment, based upon your comment RE NotM, but I'm not sure how you feel. Would you prefer that I don't review your work? Pup 04:42, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
- No, you can go right ahead. Also, cool new sig. :-) ~~Sir Fightstar Rocks! CUN 15:05, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
- Damn, beaten to it. Agree with the review in relationship with what works and what doesn't. Let me know when it's polished as I think it has VFH potential but I'd rather see a touch more polishing before nomming it. --Pup 23:52, 8 July 2009 (UTC)
colonization[edit source]
hi, LL. i saw you signed up for colonization. welcome! you can dive right in by contributing at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/project. please discuss any changes to the article on the talk page before you go ahead and implement them, unless they're something minor. we're just about done with our current colonization of You, and we should have a new project shortly. 17:04, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost 9th July 2009[edit source]
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!
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Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years
In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before.
Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson  Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range. |
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