Worst 100 Cartman Wannabes of All Time

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Tad Doyle)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Worstlist.png
100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Reflections on 2022
64 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
63 Remakes
62 Restaurants
61 Self Help Books
60 Sexual Perversions
59 Short Poems
58 Sitcom Catchphrases
57 Songs
56 Songs about Seagulling
55 Songs To Have Sex To
54 Songs To Play At A Funeral
53 Spinoffs
52 Superheroes
51 Things About the '00s
50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
49 Things to do during Christmas
48 Things to Put In An IV
47 Things To Say In Court
46 Things to Say in the Workplace
45 Things to say on a First Date
44 Toys
43 TV Programs
42 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
41 Video Games of all time‎
40 Video Game Movies
39 Video Game Systems
38 Ways of Being a Dick
37 Ways To Be Castrated
36 Ways to be Circumcized
35 Ways to Deliver Bad News
34 Ways to Die
33 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
32 Ways to Start a Novel
31 Ways to Win an Argument
30 Religions
Archie Bunker

Throughout history, many have tried to carry the torch of the legendary Eric Theodore Cartman, but they all failed except for Judas Iscariot and Glenn Beck. The following list includes some of the most notable failures in this area.

The List[edit | edit source]

100. Evil Cartman
Comes from an evil parallel universe and almost gets to replace the regular good Cartman. He's basically Kyle's dad minus the Jew Beanie - he loves Kyle, has a beard and looks innocent yet always tries to Jew you over.
99. Archie Bunker
Used to call Rob Reiner "Meathead", whereas Cartman killed Reiner with a fork. Not much competition there.
98. Homer Simpson
Bart never respects his authoriD'oh! On the other hand, Bart helped Cartman in "Cartoon Wars".
97. Maurice Minnifield
The Cartman from the Jewish show Northern Exposure. He hates hippies and lives in a snowy town, but his show is much too Jewish for the American eye.
96. Newman
The Cartman from the gentile show Seinfeld. You decide which is funnier.
Exzibit A:
Newman: "Hello, Jerry."
Jerry: "Hello, Newman."
Exzibit B:
Kyle: "Draw two cards, fat-ass."
Cartman: "Reverse to you, Jew."
95. Fat Bastard
Mike Myers's best character. Not unlike the original Cartman, he is an effective Sumo fighter, yet he always eats all the dwarves instead of making fun of them.
94. Tony Soprano
His mum never called him "Poopiekins". Not even in that episode where she looked like a corpse on a stick.
93. Gregory House
Honorary mention, he's too thin anyway. Plus Cartman would finish all the vicodin in the hospital before the 2nd episose.
92. Andy Sipowicz
What are you, a gay fish? Polacks aren't that funny.
91. Alf
No Alf, that's a bad Alf! That's my Mr. Kitty!
90. William Murderface
Unlike Cartman, he can't sing. Plus he loves Pickles.
89. The Notorious B.I.G.
He did sell lots of crack as a kid, but never to his own mum.
88. Tad Doyle
The bad boy of Grunge. His first album's title was "God's Balls" and he was sued by Pepsi. No one out of Seattle ever heard of him, and there's no wall in Iraq with his picture on it.
87. Bender
#98 in an armour.
86. Mimi Bobeck
Drew Carey took her job!
85. Vic Mackey
Mr. Mackey's evil bad ass twin from the evil parallel universe. He never calls his mum when someone punches him.
84. Azamat
He wasn't really dressed like Hitler.
83. Tony Clifton
No one knows if redirecting him to Andy Kaufman is funny or not, kind of like The Coon. Makes you feel like you blew a funny fuse.
82. Diego Armando Maradona
AKA Señor Cartmenez. He scored a goal with his hand. Try giving a handjob to Ben Affleck.
81. Michael Moore
Moore won the Golden Palm Award for being able to masturbate all his life without hair growing on the palm of his hand. He's also a no-good suicide bomber hippie.
80. Ariel Sharon
One of the most controversial Jewish Kings, this guy plotted the murdering of 2 entire camps of hippies in Lebanon in the early 1980s. He's actually the only Jew on this list.
79-73. The Klumps + Rasputia Latimore
Eddie Murphy's career died with a huge fart, exactly like Chef.
72. John Goodman
The Cartman of Roseanne and the Coen Brothers, part of a Jewish conspiracy to make Cartman appear as a supporting character.
71. Yokozuna
Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Bad Irene would abort him straight back to Samoa.
70. Augustus Gloop
The fat kid who got to feel the awesome suction abilities of Michael Jackson's pipe. Michael was actually Cartman's best friend in real life.
69. Precious: Based on the True Story of Oprah "Gail" Winfrey
Cartman would never live in the ghetto. It smells like Kenny's house in there.
68. Pugsley Addams
If Wednesday ever tried to kill Cartman, he'd be like: Hey! Stop making me dress up like #69 and lick your butthole while you're sixty-nining Uncle Fester on my father's bed!
67. Dennis the Menace
This dude is always tormenting his hapless next-door neighbor, Mr. Wilson, and also always manages to save the day. Sounds more like #93, and he's too thin anyway.
66. Miss Piggy
Screw you guys, I'm going home.
65. Dennis Miller

“I am not corpulent, I am genetically big-boned. The last guy to be that corpulent was William Howard Taft eating a chili dog while Nero practiced his fiddle!”

~ Dennis Miler on the worst Cartman impression ever
Dennis Miller isn't fat, but he does talk about World War II a lot. Think about that.
64. The Martian
(foe of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, believe it or not he was quite chunky for a martian) I will conquer Earth and if you get in my way I will blast you with my raygun!
63. Smeagal (you can call me Gollum)
Nobody touches my precious.(Poor guy lost a lot of weight living in a cave)
62. Boss Hogg
I'm in charge around here (a lot like respect my athority). Roscoe get those darn Duke boys. Ennis go get me some ribs ...and some coldslaw ...and hushpuppies ...and a fried chicken.
61. Dr. Miguelito Loveless
I may be small of stature but my mind is gigantic. He may not have Cartman's weight but he was a brilliant bad guy who could hold his own against James West (the James Bond of the old west).
60. Jabba the Hutt
Bring me Solo and the Wookie!! ....and some cheezy poofs.
59. Danny DeVito
Just about any role he's played makes him overqualified. He met his wife while spitting on swans.
58. Your Mom
Seriously, just seriously... she sucks at being Cartman.
57. Elvis Presley
Elvis stole the perfect Cartman song... "Way Down". It was his last single.


1. People who FUCKING TRY TO VOICE HIM, (possibly You) the annoying pricks...