User talk:Manticore/Archive 4

It doesn't always have to make sense. Nude massage time?

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

July 17^th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • This issue isn't late, your calendar is fast.

It's The Poo Lit. Surprised? By UU Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running By UU In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites. Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently. MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants. Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...) Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way. RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way! Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.

Check out these pages! Some sort of prize thingy limps off the starting line No news is... Led news? Blog whoring FTW! From our logs: 17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is a penis, this is you) 18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world ) 23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (IN them?) 08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital) Biopic of the Week Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatest articles ever composed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children? Comeback of the Week Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers? Plea of the Week Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:04, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Manticore banned me

Hey Manty. The next time you see my edits being reverted on a userpage, PLEASE make sure it's a joke first before you ban me! It's a matter of principle, not how long you banned me. Seriously, it was a joke, not serious. Blanking userpages by a regular like me? Joke. It was a joke. Jokity-joke. Make sure it's a joke before you ban me, cuz I was doin' all sortsa important stuff.   Le Cejak • <17:32, 20 Jul 2008>

What he really means is, "That was fun! Do it again, Manty!" but he's a little long-winded sometimes. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:25 Jul 20, 2008

Just because I'm technically your bot doesn't mean I have to respect you, Dr. Skullthumper (who is, incidentally, the one who framed me. I was framed ban skullthumper ban ban banity ban) (ban skullthumper for once).   Le Cejak • <18:33, 20 Jul 2008>

Cabal dared me to do it. — Sir Manticore 10:12, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Crickey, thanks

For savin my Talk/user page from that fickin dingo fucka;)--Sycamore (Talk) 14:27, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Sorry

I didn't make that uncyclopedia sucks edit, it was my brother. 76.73.131.145

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

July 24^th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million By Gerrycheevers This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! By An unbiased journalist After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

Check out these pages! Yay! Woo! We all fail! Who judges the judges? (Apart from Zombiebaron, of course) Rock the vote? From our logs: 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT)) Biopic of the Week Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight! Page of the Week (straight version) User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page! - no explanation needed. Page of the Week (gay version) User:Orian57/Under my matress - the yin to OptyC's yang. So to speak. You have been warned. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation Really Old Image Request of the Week For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

oh hai

So I haerd u liek edit conflicting me on mai sig. 'twas funny addition though, so I let it be there. -- Jack Phoenix, professional killer admin (Whine?) • (Wikia ♥ ads) 12:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Hey

My article on the Coratee was deleted by you. If you check this creature does not exist. Granted it is a joke for only the ones that know about its origin, but nonetheless I'd very much like for the article to be put back up again kthnxbai. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Jonoberne (talk • contribs)

I didn't need to check. It wasn't funny. — Sir Manticore 15:22, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:50, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

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Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:31, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:56, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

signpost

looking for hat secks newspaper delivery. can mantibot deliver signpost to users on this page? thanks! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

Done. Now we have secks? — Sir Manticore 13:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

yup, time for hat secks. here is my hat; have your way with it. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:55, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 12:21, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

MantiBot and (nonexistent) nn: interwiki

It seems that MantiBot isn't yet aware of the fact that the nn: Norsk (nynorsk) interwiki doesn't exist anymore. Here is an example of an edit that had to be reverted. Please investigate at your earliest convenience. Thank you. --Pentium5dot1|t~^_^~c 17:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

See http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User_talk:Manticore/Archive_3#MantiBot and maybe even http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:MantiBot#Tasks — Sir Manticore 00:53, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Whoops, sorry for not doing my homework first. I thought maybe there were both ‪Norsk (bokmål)‬ and Norsk (nynorsk) Uncyclopedias and that the latter closed. Oops. --Pentium5dot1|t~^_^~c 05:11, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

No worries. I played around with the family file for a bit and I think I've disabled the nn: links. Thanks for the prod! — Sir Manticore 05:37, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

You deleted my page

Gday

Noticed you deleted me UAC page. Yes you gave it a week, but I've been really sick and I've been resting the entire time. I just came back to it today to do some more of it and noticed you deleted it. Which is fair enough, I hadn't looked at it for a week... But still, would you give it another chance, please? Thanks, ocker :) Dmkst 05:29, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

signpost

can mantibot deliver this week's signpost? i'll give him a puppy if he does! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:00, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

dudebot is back and itching to deliver some signposts, but regardless...

You are presented with one (1) puppy for your delivery of that sexy periodical. CAUTION: Puppy may contain traces of peanuts. For external use only. Avoid using puppy near open flames. Always use goggles and protective gloves when handling puppy directly. If puppy begins to smoke, seek shelter and cover head.

thanks again! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:05, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Do you still need me to deliver this edition? I was about to load up AWB but if THEDUDEBOT is going to do it I won't bother. — Sir Manticore 17:08, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

no, dudebot's got it covered. thanks though! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:12, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Okay, cool. I'll return to lazing. — Sir Manticore 04:31, 30 August 2008 (UTC)

Hey

I've been super busy, and my internet has been down at my home. I just got back on today so if you could put it back for me it would be greatly appreciated. I'm pretty new to all of this so I don't understand how the work in progress works. I was under the impresion that if I had that on their it wouldnt be deleted. If you could respond or just put it back I'd understand more. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Halsoft (talk • contribs)

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

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–—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:12

I thought THEDUDEBOT was delivery this round? Anyway, thx2u Hv. — Sir Manticore 03:13, 31 August 2008 (UTC)

Deletions...

They r very srz bizniz. So...

Mega Deletion Award! This Admin has successfully beaten the crap out of many, many articles in rapid succession. Fear them greatly.

Congratulations on beating the shit out of many, many shitty pages on Uncyclopedia. Trust me, I don't even want to know your total deletion count across Wikia's 6000+ wikis. -- Jack Phoenix, professional killer admin (Whine?) • (Wikia ♥ ads) 15:40, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

othx! loldeletions are indeed very srz biz. did u noes I can haz moar than 2000 nao? srsly! — Sir Manticore 15:29, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!

Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia By Gerrycheevers Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied. Movie Trailer Announcer Guy Dead at 68 By Gerrycheevers IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...

Check out these pages! Another user says goodbye CENSORED Unflinchingly rigid vanity guidlines to take effect immediately From our logs: 07:32, 29 August 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.174.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble-minded, and scientifically proven to be evidence of underdeveloped genitalia.) 20:57, 31 August 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.109.95.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Go masturbate somewhere else.) 03:32, 2 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.59.31.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Exemplary douchehattery.) Biopic of the Week 15Mickey20, Uncyc's resident tennis analyst, has won virtually every writing award and competition in existence on the entire site. His PLS and Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball entries were both later featured, and his WotM award stems from the rest of his totally awesome articles. Mickey Mantle is pictured a the right for no reason at all. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Hammers are extremely useful tools, most usually used for whacking stuff. Employed by Norse Gods, Italian plumbers, and 90s rap artists, the hammer can also be used to gouge out eyes and perform other tasks. Reading up on this article will result in increased knowledge of the hammer life cycle and sexual abuse of hammers, but may also cause severe cranial damage. This Week's Horoscopes Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you assume, you typically make an ass out of Ume. And you know how sensitive that guy is. see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 16:53

Californian Earthquakes

That earthquake was the result of hours of planning! How dare you randomly assign blame and be correct!   Le Cejak • <5:23, 06 Sep 2008>

It was me.   Le Cejak • <5:26, 06 Sep 2008>

...er, no it wasn't.   Le Cejak • <5:26, 06 Sep 2008>

Wikipedia never lies Cajek. — Sir Manticore 05:30, 6 September 2008 (UTC)

Runescape

why did you lock the runescape article? 202.40.134.130 23:47, 9 September 2008 (UTC)

See here. Also, this isn't my talk page. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:49, Sep 9

signpost

this week's issue is way late. can mantibot deliver? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:46, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Sure, its just running an update at the moment, then I'll start it. — Sir Manticore 10:22, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 11:04, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Wow

Wow! Once again you have abused your powers and so forth. FUCK YOU MANTICORE!!!! Get a life. All you do it edit on your wikias like the little nerd you are. Ever heard of football fatass? -- MERCS WIKI ADMIN WHO HATES MANTI – Preceding unsigned comment added by 65.11.146.63 (talk • contribs)

I love how you keep referring to that wiki as if anyone gives a shit about it. — Sir Manticore 01:34, 4 October 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: October 3rd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

October 2^nd, 2008 • ALL-KITTEN ISSUE • Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Uncyclopedia's Name Changed By Cajek According to Wikia staff member Sannse, Uncyclopedia's advertising revenue is below expectations and must rename itself to appeal to the younger generation. "I think the problem is that 'Uncyclopedia' has lost its edge," Sannse said to a crowd of squirrels and kittens gathered around the Uncyclo-stables last Saturday, "...all of which is contained in its name." Older users, like Mordillo, the jew who secretly controls "Uncyc," and TheLedBalloon, who is an inanimate balloon, strongly petition for the name to stay the same. The Unsignpost couldn't be bothered to actually read the forum that Sannse created, but we're assuming that everyone's against changing the name to "Asparagus.org" or something. The name change will reflect the personalities and interests of every single contributor. "Yeah, Asparagus.org is gonna have to do until we figure out what would be a good name," Sannse yelled at a local gathering of squirrels in Uncyclopedia's break room. Many users have complained about the change, but not AsparagusSignPost, which has run into a little trouble with the law recently, and doesn't want to go back to jail by disobeying "the man" or causing "drama". Because, as we ALL know, some head writers have been banned a whole bunch of times for being "different". So to Asparagus.org we say: "Keep the funnies coming, unless someone is forecasting your doom again..." Uncyclopedia's Doom Forecasted By Gerrycheevers For the first time in over two weeks, the flaming death of this silly wiki has been predicted in some form. Last time it was that stain that looked puzzlingly like Jimbo Wales, the time before it was that bird that flew overhead. You know the one I mean. This time around, undead user Necropaxx has pointed out several recent disturbing trends that seem to mean only one thing: Uncyc is about to suffer its death throes. It seems this time that the demise of the wiki will also utterly destroy the souls of every one of the dozens of users who contribute here regularly. Tidings such as this have frightened new users such as September NotM Multiliteralist, who had his to say: "Oh no." Several of the signs that Uncyclopedia is doomed are unarguably true: VFP is stagnant due to the lack of Zombiebaron activity. The Pee Review queue is backed up worse than a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo. Modusoperandi seems to be malfunctioning, as he has dispensed with his usual biting wit in favor of just plain biting. It appears, in at least a few users' eyes, that Uncyc has "jumped the kitten". Lack of News Wreaks Havoc on UnSignpost By Regret Tenenbaum In an unprecedented press conference earlier this week, UnSignpost editor-in-chief Mr. Gerry Cheevers (the user, not the hockey player) admitted that "This week's issue is actually still a blank template", further stating "I've been swamped at work, and today developed cold-like symptoms." However, some experts disagree on the cause of an UnSignpost devoid of news. "There is an obvious explanation for the lack of gratifying news stories in the USP this week," said Mr. News Guy, the world-renowned news reporter, kitten enthusiast, and unicycle-fetish expert. "There is just no news to report on," he continued, to which the reporter we borrowed from UnNews responded "And what's causing this lack of news?" "That's just it! There's no news to report on!" "So... you're saying is, the reason there's no news is because there's no news?" "Exactly! And it's just a matter of time until some attention whore writes a stupid and redundant story on the fact that there's no news!" This story is dedicated to the memory of Mr. News Guy, whose body was recovered from the Los Angeles river the next day.

Check out these pages! Feature Kitten Huffing (Again)! Sarah Palin hates kittens Our kitten overlord returns, bearing a gift From our logs: 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 12:16, 23 September 2008 Cajek (Talk | contribs) blocked a kitten (Talk | contibs) with an expiry time of 4 hours (it's lonely in the ban room, i want a friend) 19:01, 24 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.236.90.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I tire of your actions. Begone, ye pointlessness, from yon wiki.) 06:59, 1 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.106.6.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Pro Cat-in-the-hat vandalism? I think the internet just hit a new low.) Biopic of the Week DJ Irreverent: HAS A LIL' KITTEN!!! Old School Featured Article of the Week Kitten Huffing is the newest form of street activity that is corrupting the youth of the nation. Your nation, that is. By ingesting kittens nasally, one can enjoy a euphoric 'high' of sorts, complete with snazzy colors and loss of motor skills. A prepped kitten awaiting huffing is pictured. Kitten huffing has spawned many parodies and non-existant memes, but the act of snorting live kittens is no joke. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Enjoy the time you spend with your kitten this week because...um...just in case... see more horoscopes People with Kittens this week This guy. Sabbatical of the Week Zombiebaron has taken an extended leave to ease his undead mind and change out his forest-green blood. He may or may not be traveling to some of the most luxurious and tropical destinations that Canada has to offer. He may or may not still ban you while he is away. His sabbatical may or may not be kitten-related. Stay tuned to the UnSignpost for the latest developments on ZB's location.

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-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:32, 3 October 2008 (UTC)