User talk:Heerenveen/archive8

Rape!!!

Haha! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:52 14 July 2008

/me looks at RC. Where the hell did you come from? ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [14/07 20:55]

Your worst nightmares. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:56 14 July 2008

No way have you seen them... you wouldn't like them one bit ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [14/07 21:01]

<Insert Double Penetration here> Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 21:03, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

I'm just going to straight up admit I don't have a clue what that means, and go back to writing articles that no sane person would ever look up. ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [14/07 21:11]

I'm glad you said that and not me. Both accounts incidentally, your articles are just crazy! Also I dont get why I wouldn't like your nightmares? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:13 14 July 2008

For no apparent reason, MrN shows up... Orian stole my breasts incidentally. MrN 21:28, Jul 14

Now I has 4! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:33 14 July 2008

4! No! RRRUUUUUUUNNNNN FFFFOOOOORRRRRR TTTTTTHHHHEEEEEEEEE HHHHHHHIIIIILLLLLLSSSSSSSS! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [15/07 18:26]

What? They're in a cabinet. Not like I wear them or anything. First time I've had a pair though... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:27 15 July 2008

Fair enough, say no more! /me goes back to deciding who to cast his last VFS vote on. ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [15/07 18:40]

About your nightmares again. Why wouldn't I like them? I mean the only thing I don't like is girls which would mean that you have nightmares about girls which kinda suggests something... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:49 15 July 2008

Nah, that was a general person-reading-my-talk-page thing (since, you know, there's a few). And honestly, I couldn't tell you what I meant last night (about anything) if you payed me in blueberries! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [15/07 18:58]

I've got some blackberries? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:00 15 July 2008

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008 (apparently)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

July 17^th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

It's The Poo Lit. Surprised? By UU Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running By UU In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites. Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently. MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants. Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...) Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way. RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way! Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.

Check out these pages! Some sort of prize thingy limps off the starting line No news is... Led news? Blog whoring FTW! From our logs: 17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is a penis, this is you) 18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world ) 23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (IN them?) 08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital) Biopic of the Week Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatest articles ever composed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children? Comeback of the Week Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers? Plea of the Week Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:02, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Putting on my critic hat (and let's face it, it deserves it for the delay):

1. The RAHB bit ruins the second story for me. Why? It feels like it's biased towards RAHB, when it should be biased towards Skull (since, you know, that's the main joke of the thing).
2. Since when have I been a favourite?

Other than those gripes however (and the slight lack of communication of getting it out), very good (I should do this weekly!) ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [20/07 09:35]

I wrote the other bits trying to make it look biased towards Skull. Then Cajek wrote the RAHB bit. Y'know... And you're a favourite, as you have one of the highest scores (plus I voted for you, which automatically makes you a good choice! ;-) Finally, this was ready to go on deadline day. I'd have a word with your busy as hell paperboy about the delay if I were you! And now I really should be doing other stuff, so I'm off. Kapwinnggg! --UU - natter 09:49, Jul 20

Yeah, I was following you guys editing it (gotta love reading it before it comes out). And I'd assume a "favourite" to be someone who'll be in the last round myself, but meh (as usual!). No problems about the delay though (as I said, I can just read the template page!) ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [20/07 10:06]

Gotta love changing the title, eh?

  ~   Cajek! <22:28, 21 Jul 2008>

Sir Orian57Talk 22:39 21 July 2008

MrN  22:40, Jul 21

  ~   Cajek! <22:57, 21 Jul 2008>

Sir Orian57Talk 23:37 21 July 2008

–—Hv (talk)

Sir Orian57Talk 13:49 22 July 2008

—–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk),

Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 14:00, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

—– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 22/07 14:13

This looks like a good place to say something... Hey Heerenveen! --Dexter111344 Complain here... Vote here today! 14:07, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

*Kicks dexters ass, noislessly*Sir Orian57Talk 14:09 22 July 2008

Aaah! My indenting! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 14:13]

/sign language Shit I forgot! Oh well. Sir Orian57Talk 14:21 22 July 2008

  ~   Cajek! <15:43, 22 Jul 2008>

  ~   Cajek! <15:43, 22 Jul 2008>   ~   Cajek! <15:43, 22 Jul 2008>

―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH SK CM NS] (talk), 22/07 15:45

—– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 22/07 15:45

–—Hv (talk) 22/07 15:45

—–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 22/07 15:45

~~Hv 22/07 15:45

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 15:45]

Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog|

Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC!

Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards!

Sir Orian57Talk 15:53 22 July 2008

Sir HeerenveenTalk 16:03 22 July 2008

Sir Orian57Talk 16:09 22 July 2008

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 16:11]

  ~   Cajek! <16:25, 22 Jul 2008>

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 16:27]

Sir Orian57Talk 16:29 22 July 2008

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 16:42]

Sir Orian57Talk 16:43 22 July 2008

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 16:49]

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Orian57 (talk • contribs)

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 16:55]

Sir Orian57Talk 16:57 22 July 2008

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 17:01]

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Orian57 (talk • contribs) again

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [22/07 20:26]

Sir Orian57Talk 20:30 22 July 2008

~~Hv

Sir Orian57Talk 21:20 22 July 2008

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [23/07 08:56]

Sir Orian57Talk 09:46 23 July 2008

  ~   Cajek! <11:08, 23 Jul 2008>

  ~   Cajek! <11:08, 23 Jul 2008>

  ~   Cajek! <11:08, 23 Jul 2008>

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:17, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:17, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:17, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 11:17, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

You son of a bitch. You fucked it all up. You. Son. of. a. Bitch. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Cajek (talk • contribs)

 --UU Blah / Pee 12:14, Jul 23

​~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [23/07 12:29]

Sir Orian57Talk 14:49 23 July 2008

Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally CUN GotA 16:05, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

MrN  17:02, Jul 23

Sir Orian57Talk 17:07 23 July 2008

~~Heerenveen 17:09, Jul 23

Sir Orian57Talk 17:11 23 July 2008

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by MrN9000 (talk • contribs)

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Orian57 (talk • contribs)

Sir Orian57Talk 17:43 23 July 2008

~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [23/07 17:45]

Sir Orian57Talk 17:49 23 July 2008

MrN  17:51, Jul 23

MrN  17:51, Jul 23

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Orian57 (talk • contribs)

MrN  17:51, Jul 23

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Orian57 (talk • contribs)

Look at him changing the title! Now this isn't fun. I quit! Sir Orian57Talk 20:50 23 July 2008

Did someone just talk? ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [23/07 20:52]

Sir Orian57Talk 21:02 23 July 2008

Thanks

For saving my userpage from ED:)--Sycamore (Talk) 13:55, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

July 24^th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million By Gerrycheevers This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! By An unbiased journalist After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

Check out these pages! Yay! Woo! We all fail! Who judges the judges? (Apart from Zombiebaron, of course) Rock the vote? From our logs: 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT)) Biopic of the Week Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight! Page of the Week (straight version) User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page! - no explanation needed. Page of the Week (gay version) User:Orian57/Under my matress - the yin to OptyC's yang. So to speak. You have been warned. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation Really Old Image Request of the Week For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:39, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Better not click on Orian's link... ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [24/07 17:04]

/chants CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! ends chant *withdraws gun*... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:07 24 July 2008

Stop being so quick!

I was on my way to revert that with a witty comment about me getting too much sun while driving home. It's a great excuse. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need an evening off... --UU - natter 17:47, Jul 24

That hits a bit close to home... I have huge sunburn right now. Playing a round of golf in summer with no suncream =/= a good idea. Sorry. ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [24/07 17:48]

HV plays golf eh? Interesting... MrN 17:51, Jul 24

Not well! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [24/07 17:54]

Golf. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:01 24 July 2008

Rape

From Syc--Sycamore (Talk) 14:52, 25 July 2008 (UTC)

Pah! I totally picked the wrong time of day to actually do 5 minutes' work! --UU - natter 15:00, Jul 25

(Block log); 17:52 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) (blocked User:Sycamore with an expiry time of a raping bastard: That's the second time he stole my thunder) ~ 15:01, 25 July 2008 (UTC)

You sound like that black chick from Death Proof (Film) "Ya Psycho redneck Rapin' Bastard":)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:03, 25 July 2008 (UTC)

[Double edit conflict] I've now completely forgotten what I was saying! Now, back to utter procrastination on the PLS, and changing position every two minutes to avoid excess sunburn irritation! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [25/07 15:05]

OMG! Are those the...er..Prada boots? Jeese, wow, is that the Chanel bag? - [18:12 27 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Yay!

Yay, Yetties back and you're gone! Uncyclopedia has never been better! I kid, I kid, we'll miss you!" SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:06 27 July 2008

Seems like a fair trade ;) I'm still here for a couple of days, mind; don't go until the thirty-first, but I'm being lazy and putting up the vacation template now. Also, </small> is everybody's friend! Also, fuck edit conflicts. ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 18:08]

Who's selling me, now? - [18:11 27 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

What? Just fuck off already! Attention whore. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:12 27 July 2008

Both of you! damn EC's! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:12 27 July 2008

Annoying, aren't they? And I would, but the ticket lady says moving forward three days would cost £19000. I mean, that's like a day's stealth taxes! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 18:27]

*Srares at the words* I don't get it. What's stealth taxes? Are you a spy or something? Is that the joke? I'm so very Lost. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:30 27 July 2008

Just a jab at Gordon Brown, don't worry! ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 18:40]

Still don't get it. Wouldn't you have a joke about your tickets being lost if you were having a go at him? And he's Scottish. They don't do stealth or subtlety. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:43 27 July 2008

I was having a crack at how Labour tax absolutely everything right now. But meh, all of politics is useless right now, so let's get off the subject. Ooh, tea's ready! --Someone who likes beans on bread, not toast 27/

Not been paying that much attention to be perfectly honest. And I don't like beans. Or bread. Or food in general. Think of the carbs! And stuff... Scotland's Next Top Model 18:51, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

Moving right along...look in the VD. Might be a topic of interest there. ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 18:56]

Yes I saw that in RC about an eon ago, just can't think of a reply. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:59 27 July 2008

I think Lj's got a point actually... ever since MDL came along everyone's just tried to replicate that. But it's you guys who actually reviews stuff whose opinions matter here... speaking of reviews, I'm still waiting for that second one on Mr. Judge... ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 19:01]

I think he does and doesn't but I'll go explain better on the forum. And don't tell me, I've already done a review for you on that article. Ask Yettie now that he's back. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:19 27 July 2008

I know you have, it's just the longest wait for a review I've had by a matter of weeks ;). ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [27/07 19:27]

Yeah, I tend not to wait now, I just go ask. Means people can't ignore you. Gets done fast and with all the depth you're asking for. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:31 27 July 2008

(Yettie has now consumed this talkpage into his Dark Empire)

Oh yay! Dark empires! I Love those!

So what can I do for your dark empire? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:45 30 July 2008

Oh god, people will think that I'm running another usergroup, and look at the trouble I'm getting. - [14:56 30 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Yes I'm reading it currently. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:01 30 July 2008

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:46, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

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Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:26, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Welcome Back?

Yes/No? - [09:21 16 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Yeah, I'm back. Who knew Florida was so wet? ~~Heeren ["Meh"] [tecħ] [kurk] [16/08 09:23]

Wet like wet like Orian gets when I say something on his talkpage? - [09:37 16 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Err...ewww! ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 16/08 09:56

So the boring kind of wet then? I would laugh but I'm far to busy reading my talk page. over and over again. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:19 16 August 2008

Rape

not to...? *preses some buttons (finds out what not to do)* ...*dies horibly* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:14 16 August 2008

Oh... oh shit, the time machine's broken! EVERYBODY PLEASE REMEMBER NOT TO-   ~   oh shi- <14:05, 16 August 2008 (UTC)>

I time traveled to beat cajek! It wasn't worth it. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:02 16 August 2008

I'm here to steal Sycamore's "raep"   Le Cejak • <13:56, 16 Aug 2008>

From Syc;)— Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:52, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

I stole your rape   Le Cejak • <13:53, 16 Aug 2008>

Cajek gets sloppy seconds— Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:54, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

Hea, I remember this HV guy! MrN 13:59, Aug 16

You do? I don't. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:02 16 August 2008

He wrote the article about how to drive trains!! Love love!   Le Cejak • <14:05, 16 Aug 2008>

I love you too. *swoons* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:14 16 August 2008

[SEVEN BLEEDING EDIT CONFLICTS!]. I have nothing else to say, just pointing that out. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 16/08 14:15

anybody hear something then? the wind? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:16 16 August 2008

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:50, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

What's this? Hv has no rhetoric on my absconding with Uncyc? or any of the other turd that was in that rag... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 00:04 20 August 2008

I'll say this: Why no mention of Wikia? You'd expect it...I hate to think what Orian was doing in that time, and frankly I don't want to know. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 00:06

As cryptic as ever, Hv. exactly what I was after. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 00:08 20 August 2008

It's one in the sodding morning, of course it's cryptic. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 00:10

Also I don't like what you've done with the place. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:00 20 August 2008

Well, it's staying like this for a while, so better get used to it... got to say, cadet blue looks a lot lighter in my sig6 than it does on here though... ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 14:06

There, pink. Isn't that better? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:05 20 August 2008

Nah, not really. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 16:07

Lawn green? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:10 20 August 2008

Too bright. This is like one of those house programs..."I want the wall this colour; No, it's got to be that" (Remind me to write an article on them one day). ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 16:14

Maybe we could collab? It's something I've vaugly thought about doing. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:17 20 August 2008

Sure, whatever. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 16:23

Shh! Don't sound so enthused! Yettie will get jealous. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:25 20 August 2008

Meh, I'm just at the stage where all of my articles feel like they're on Pee, and I've just burned out of ideas (despite the fact I've only written one in ages). ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 16:28

Simialr problems with my own actually, except they're all trapped in userspace. Although User:Orian57/Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? is nearing completion, do you wanna glance at that for me? Sissy liked the idea. Also I don't believe you've voted (please don't vote against. be generous, abstain.) SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:39 20 August 2008

I'll have a glance, sure. And done. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 16:49

Yay you took pity! thank's muchly! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:06 20 August 2008

Hehe. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/08 17:07

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

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— MantiBot Owner 12:16, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Insert witty comment that somehow fools Orian into thinking I said something here. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 22/08 14:07

Oh Hv, your wit is so amazing. *swoons* Also what's your thoughts on my above uncompleted article? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:20 22 August 2008

It's decent. Feels like it's going on a bit at points, but it's alright, definitely. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 22/08 17:23

"Decent". From you that's like 5 stars! Yay. I'll have to finish it soon. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:41 22 August 2008

Oh hey, you know how you've gone back to normal contence table (except centered)? Does that mean we can now use headers as long as we like, again???

SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 10:49 23 August 2008

If by "we" you mean "you", then sure! I swear 90% of all my talk page ever is just you and YTTE :) ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 23/08 11:20

Well your mum told us to play with you cos nobody else would. sorry. If it's any consolation you're not so bad. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:12 23 August 2008

So I Was Wondering.............(more dots to increase title length).....

What do you think of my song? The artwork is pending and the recording is going to happen (I just need to get money in the bank first an make sure I can get a while where I have the house to myself otherwise my gran might disown me). SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:47 25 August 2008

I think the lyrics are good, if a little...actually, no, no point saying that. You really need an audio though... I had the same problem when I did UnNews audios. Nice to see you trying everything, too. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 25/08 13:56

A little... gay? Plagarised (theres like 5 lines I couldn't change). Or did you mean crap? I can't sing worth a damn you know. It'll hurt to listen. Ears will bleed, also I got the art work, first image I've requested and damn those guys are good. And yeah I just thought I might as well do a little of everything. Well have fun. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 00:18 26 August 2008

You know what I meant. And crappily-done UnTunes are always the best IMO. –—Hv (talk) 26/08 12:10

Er, thanks. I was talking to Sissy actually and he said he might sing it, which would save ears and possibly lives. Unless he lies about being able to sing. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:17 26 August 2008

Alas my article!

Is Unbooks:The sad fate of the banned user who escaped into a Sock puppet better now? Proxima Centauri 15:17, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

It's a bit better, but think of it this way: If you take off that huge template thing (that adds no humour whatsoever), you barely have a screens worth of content. Use your own writing ideas to lengthen it rather than relying on a template most (though not me) have seen bazillions of times before. –—Hv (talk) 29/08 16:12

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard/ And they're like "it's better than yours"/ "Damn right, it's better than yours"/ I could teach you but I'd have to charge.

I like that that sig you're using too, sexy. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:17 29 August 2008

Hey I've Just Noticed

"I know everybody wants you/ it's not a temporary issue/ Just once I think I'd like to see you get it on with me. [x2]"

I'm involved in everyone of your conversations. Isn't that fun? I'm not stalking you, honest! Why would I? I mean not that your ugly and -- oh fuck. Yettie says he's sort of gone now =[ . this would be more fun if he was here. I'll slink off quietly now. Sorry to have troubled you. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:03 29 August 2008

Stop with the lyrics! Definitely a shame about YTTE, though he was declining, you could kind of tell (sort of like me this time last year). It's fine, honestly — I'd have two headings here if it wasn't for you! How's the UnTune coming along? –—Hv (talk) 29/08 20:08

Not much progress in all honestly. I'm gonna speak to Sissy as he offered to sing it. and I'm having trouble finding a karaoke version of the song, there was this one site but it kept rejecting my card number. Eahnyway: this ain't a scene it is a god damn arms race. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:14 29 August 2008

Ah, fair enough. Update from me: Just taken Gerry's advice from the DiB review, as well as trying to work out a new concept for an article. Also: Four people checked something on Cajek's list today. Record? –—Hv (talk) 29/08 20:22

Did Cajek update Cajek's list today? that would have been news worthy. Amd the idea of driving scares me. Now I know I never will! Funny article. I like you stuff, it makes me giggle. Hey! hey! You! You! I know that you like me. No way! no way! I know it's not a secret!... I'm the mother fucking princess. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:45 29 August 2008

Ta for the compliment. My problem's the final step, IMO: By my count I currently have four sub-top articles, just that last push to VFH is the problem... And just so you know, I cared about your laptop! Sure you are...in your head. Cajek didn't (wish he'd edit more), me/you/Gerry/UU is still quite a lot. Also, to your talk page: Gotta love choose tags, eh? –—Hv (talk) 29/08 21:15

Welcome, now where's my compliment? I alsways have trouble finishing stuff. I either write it all at once or it never gets finished. Writing it all at once usually means it never sees VFH or stuggles for, what, 29 days now? (Although 20 for votes is pretty good.) I know you care *sniff* I just show it more, a romantic gesture wouldn't kill you! I am the Princess! I am! I am I am I am!!! I have a pony and everything! and no; they're confusing!

Funky philosophy Is it more or less embarrasing for me (a gay man) to admit that this Avril Lavagne CD is mine or should I stull mumble about my sister putting shit on my Ipod/laptop/mind?

Lyrics You think you're a man/ but you're only a boy/ you think you're a man/ you are only a toy.

1130 SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:30 29 August 2008

More embarrassing if it's yours, definitely. 1130? –—Hv (talk) 29/08 21:36

<muttering>Stupid sister, putting her shit on my computer. Fucking kill her</muttering> I dunno. were about there on teh count to a million forum. I've been pretty active on that recently. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:38 29 August 2008

That's still going? That's gotta be the most edited forum, ever (except maybe the Asperger series). –—Hv (talk) 29/08 21:41

Asperger series. Also you do realise we're best friends now? Yettie left Sissy left. You were third in line for the title. If you go It's U.U. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:43 29 August 2008

Forum:Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter volumes I, II and III. And wahoo! Eat it, umm, someone. –—Hv (talk) 29/08 21:46

Christ that's alot of writing! I can't be bothered reading that. not now later maybe. Actualy I'm going to bed. My internet is playing up now. Fucking computers. Have fun, mister.

SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:21 29 August 2008

I did warn you it was as long as count to a million! –—Hv (talk) 29/08 23:02

HowTo:Drive a train

Why do I like this article so much? Mostly it's because you, Heerenveen, deserve lots of awards. This article shows promise, and it's driving me crazy that it's not VFH worthy yet. It's funny, it's just that it needs that final push. I think I can say for certain that you had some problems with tense and some problems with the direction of the article.

For example, why is it called "HowTo:Drive a train" if it's basically a narrative of what the reader would do if driving a train? That will be the biggest complaint when/if this is finally put up on VFH (which I could do, if you felt it was ready).

Anyway, I did some work on it for you; tell me what you think, HV.   Le Cejak • <22:06, 29 Aug 2008>

I'm going to address the second point first. Hype mentioned something like that in the review as well. He said it sounded a bit like an UnBook. My problem with that is I haven't a clue what I'd call it in the UnBooks space.

On the tense issue, yes, I admit I had a bit of trouble sticking with that. It's something that comes up regularly with my stuff, I've noticed. Like I said to Orian above, most of my writing just needs that "final push". I'll get around to 'em.

Like the changes, very much so. Got rid of a lot of those sticky sentences I'm so fond of. –—Hv (talk) 29/08 22:26

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

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Hi me! –—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:05

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