User talk:Heerenveen/archive9

Weak Thanks

Rory would like to thank you for voting! "That was a smart move, kid" he says implying that anything else would not be smart and may wind you up underneath a particularly heavy doll's house. Oh well. Anyway, thanks for voting for on this!

No mommy, don't do it again

Don't do it again
I'll be a good boy
I'll be a good boy, I promise
No mommy don't hit me
Ow!
Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?
Don't, do it!
No, you're hurting me!
Ow!
Why did you have to be such a bitch
Why don't you,
Why don't you fuck off and die
Why can't you just fuck off and die
Why can't you just leave here and die
Never stick your hand in my face again bitch
FUCK YOU!
I don't need this shit
You stupid sadistic abusive fucking whore
would you like to see how it feels mommy

Here it comes, get ready to die!

These lyrics always make me giggle. And thanks. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:47 31 August 2008

oooooo! Rounded corners and a red border. Very fancy. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:06 31 August 2008

[EC] I know. I intended the red border from the start but coded it wrong. Meh. And weak no problem. –—Hv (talk) 31/08 12:09

Yay! you know, you're the only one that's congratulated me so far. and you seemed to like it least out of those that voted for. It kinda turned out to be a love or hate thing it seems. anyway. Yay! This has made my day! One more and then I can get into that hall of shame thing. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:22 31 August 2008

Same here. Not that it really matters though, it's the actual writing that matters. –—Hv (talk) 31/08 12:33

What? You mean like "the taking part"? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:11 31 August 2008

Not really, you still have to be good to make it. –—Hv (talk) 31/08 13:17

Oh yeah there's a conversation here not that I really know how to continue it. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:28 31 August 2008

Me neither, let's forget about it. –—Hv (talk) 31/08 13:34

Yeah. [canging subject] So what did you have for dinner last night? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:35 31 August 2008

Popcorn chicken & rice. –—Hv (talk) 31/08 13:38

That sounds nice. I had... er... um... A child's liver and potatoes. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:40 31 August 2008

Raep!!!!

You don't fool me! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:25 31 August 2008

OMG!

New rounded, dark green talkpage! Biiiiiiiaaaatch. - [10:40 1 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I know! Duuuuude isn't it like toddally rad? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:13 1 September 2008

Uh. Um. *looks down at his beautiful socks 'n' sandals* I guess...it's a little bit nice. Just a little bit. - [11:17 1 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Gnarly! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:19 1 September 2008

ROCK ON PEACE OUT! Aww...crap, wrong party, sorry, man! Peace... - [11:21 1 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Surfs up! I'm gonna catch some of those waves *flicks long blonde surfer hair* *hoists surfboard uder my arm* *leaves* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:24 1 September 2008

Oi, oi! I see you turning this into another s&m roleplay, they go on and live on and ride on UnProvise! Never you forget that. - [12:35 1 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Say. You're kinda cute.

*Throws up.*

This anti-binge drinking advert was brought to you by SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:45 2 September 2008

You just ruined my life ambitions. Bastard.

Hey, Hv, you're kinda hot. - [11:49 2 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I saw him FIRST! 'oo cun' *throws up*

Cos you see it's one of those adverts with sequels. Liek the Daz adverts now-a-days SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:58 2 September 2008

You guys do realise that if a bureaucrat is ever crazy enough to op me, you've given me about a year's worth of joke ban material! That's actually the fun of having a wiki on your computer, you can do whatever you like with it... /me goes back to touching up his crappy articles. –—Hv (talk) 2/09 21:14

*throws up on Hv* Ban that, Bitch! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:22 2 September 2008

From localhost: (Block log); 21:26 . . Heerenveen (Talk | contribs | block) (blocked User:Orian57 with an expiry time of 10 years (autoblock disabled): Excess bile). –—Hv (talk) 2/09 21:28

Who's this Orian dude? He sounds kinda sexy, and up for anything. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:31 2 September 2008

*Thows up* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:31 2 September 2008

Stupid orange bar, took me out of a VFH nom I was previewing... also, get out. If you're going to throw up, do it in YTTE's toilet. –—Hv (talk) 2/09 21:35

Eww toilets. Yuck. *Throws up on Hv's expensive rug* Eww look carrots. *Throws up in hv's plant wich dies seconds later* heehee. Oh what's that smell? *Throws up on Hv's computer and TV and Radio and walls* This place is a mess... *Burns down Hv's house.* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:39 2 September 2008

So, that's the second time my house has been burnt down this year. Dammit. –—Hv (talk) 2/09 21:42

Why not just buy a burning house, wouldn't that save time? - [17:27 3 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Same reason all my articles are shit: There's a distinct lack of people where I live, much less ones with flamethrowers and an ambiguous past. –—Hv (talk) 3/09 17:44

press

hey Hv, just wondering if you had a comment for the signpost about the recent controversy surrounding atheists. are atheists dangerous? should we follow through on barring atheists (of Cthulu) from uncyc? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:24, 4 September 2008 (UTC)

My statement on the matter is that, personally, I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek. –—Hv (talk) 4/09 16:29

Richard Dawkins is so sexy *foams* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:40 4 September 2008

Aren't atheists people who have pink necks, carry guns around and study that bible thing loads? And don't they believe a god created the earth? They're total fucktwits. - [17:20 4 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

No they are not, you are confusing tehm with chickens. You dipstick. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:29 4 September 2008

Straightstick!!! - [18:48 4 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Oh noes! Don't touch me with that thing! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:31 4 September 2008

UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!

Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia By Gerrycheevers Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied. Movie Trailer Announcer Guy Dead at 68 By Gerrycheevers IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...

Check out these pages! Another user says goodbye CENSORED Unflinchingly rigid vanity guidlines to take effect immediately From our logs: 07:32, 29 August 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.174.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble-minded, and scientifically proven to be evidence of underdeveloped genitalia.) 20:57, 31 August 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.109.95.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Go masturbate somewhere else.) 03:32, 2 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.59.31.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Exemplary douchehattery.) Biopic of the Week 15Mickey20, Uncyc's resident tennis analyst, has won virtually every writing award and competition in existence on the entire site. His PLS and Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball entries were both later featured, and his WotM award stems from the rest of his totally awesome articles. Mickey Mantle is pictured a the right for no reason at all. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Hammers are extremely useful tools, most usually used for whacking stuff. Employed by Norse Gods, Italian plumbers, and 90s rap artists, the hammer can also be used to gouge out eyes and perform other tasks. Reading up on this article will result in increased knowledge of the hammer life cycle and sexual abuse of hammers, but may also cause severe cranial damage. This Week's Horoscopes Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you assume, you typically make an ass out of Ume. And you know how sensitive that guy is. see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Not ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 16:44

Thank you

Thanks for the copy. You must've walked a lot - here, have some apple pie. ~ Talk•heDarkPrin•contribs•e• 17:45 • 5 Sep •

*Whispers* He's a robot! He doesn't need to eat! Don't offend him or it'll be like 'nam all over agian. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:19 5 September 2008

Aparently not a very good machine. Hv you do now that when you have an asterix just after a colon, you can just leave a space between the two and the asterix apears normally?saves aproximatly 16 characters. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:56 5 September 2008

*Like this* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:56 5 September 2008

Who said I was efficient? I just prefer the tag version, it's neater IMO. Also, yummy apple pie! –—Hv (talk) 5/09 20:59

Well you talked about being "anal" in an edit summary some place... Maybe you meant something else? Say... You're kinda cute; I ever tell you that? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:01 5 September 2008

Anal in the spelling, I-can't-think-of-anything-else-to-put-in-my-shitty-article-so-I-just-changed-one-word kind of way, and I'm offended, what with the stable relationship I have and everything. I think you meant to put that here, personally. –—Hv (talk) 5/09 21:06

Why don't I have a girlfriend, yet? Ligitimate whoring that is. Geeze seriously you people and you're relationships. I'm jealous. Except about the vagina; that bit's gross. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:17 5 September 2008

I never get why people whore features. –—Hv (talk) 5/09 21:20

It's sorta like showing off children. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:24 5 September 2008

Still don't get anything for it. –—Hv (talk) 5/09 21:25

Looks nice on the "what links here" page. =P SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:26 5 September 2008

Meh. –—Hv (talk) 5/09 21:37

Meh. Way to kill a conversation that is. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:39 5 September 2008

Total brain fade by me there...I'm going to bed, reading poetry all day really wears you out. –—Hv (talk) 5/09 21:44

Can I come? And poetry is boring and gay. So yes, I did expect you to have something to whore. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:47 5 September 2008

HV'S GAY?!? - [09:07 6 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

No! Referring to my quote above: "I'm offended, what with the stable relationship I have and everything". Clarifying: With a girl. –—Hv (talk) 6/09 09:16

Pyaha. - [09:51 6 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Eww! A girl. What kind of gay are you!? Someone needs to tell you more about the bees and the bees, Hv. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 10:35 6 September 2008

Alright?

Yes I did just come here to insult you (and of course ask how you are). Sorry, ya big breeder you. Hey look on the bright side: with my help (and doubtless Yettie's too (when he recovers from whatever trip he was on last night)) this will become one of the most eddited page on Uncyclopedia all wikis! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:19 8 September 2008

Hey...er...you...ahh....whatsyourname. I....uh...woah...uh...um...I totally have this crakin bad headache...thing...like...uh...is that even the word....uh...uh...who wants...uh...bacon...? - [15:48 8 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Most edited pages? Na. No chance. :P MrN 16:12, Sep 8

Dam! MrN 16:12, Sep 8

<evil voice> It's aull faulling into place! Muhahahaha</evil voice> SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:21 8 September 2008

Stop editing this page dammit! MrN 16:23, Sep 8

...Why? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:24 8 September 2008

Cos. MrN 16:25, Sep 8

...Why? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:29 8 September 2008

Cos. MrN 16:34, Sep 8

...Why? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:52 8 September 2008

Cos I'm going to drive a train over your ass! MrN 16:57, Sep 8

They're trying to repress us non-train driving people, again! ARGH! Revolution! - [17:02 8 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

<chants>We're here; we don't drive trains. Get used to it! We're here; we don't drive trains. Get used to it! We're here; we don't drive trains. Get used to it!</chants> SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:09 8 September 2008

<mumbles something about a migraine, leaves> –—Hv (talk) 8/09 17:29

Hey it's that guy who we're talking to. I'm frankly surprised he didn't use the excuse "washing my hair". The big gay. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:32 8 September 2008

At least I take showers...Also, your userpage is out of date, it still says you have only one feature. –—Hv (talk) 8/09 18:11

I bathe! OK? And I just noticed that when you pointed it out to me. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:16 8 September 2008

Your comment on the VFH nom: Remind me to introduce my girlfriend to Uncyc and you/YesTimeToEdit at some point. –—Hv (talk) 8/09 18:37

What so we can bully her too? Hell for all we know you might be a girl (which would mean you were a dyke) Actually when I got here first I thought you were a girl (it's the purple. does you no favours) SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:40 8 September 2008

The purple was what came out of random colour the first time I made a sig, and it sort of just stuck. That and the reddish colour in my first sig. –—Hv (talk) 8/09 18:51

Aww, I feel bad for making fun of you know. *Hugs Hv* *moves hand down Hv's back* *Dry humps Hv* SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:55 8 September 2008

As much as I wanted to make this, the thousandth edit to my talk page, the word "meh", I just can't. Ewwwwwwwww. –—Hv (talk) 8/09 18:57

Oh wait I'm not so dry now... See this is what happens when you don't wank! You dry rape someone and mess your pants. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:00 8 September 2008

That was probably too wierd. I apologise. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:07 8 September 2008

Okay, guys, this party's getting way too loud! I want everyone to scram, go home...and...oh my god...that's my wife...Sarah, what the hell? SARAH! Put your bra back on, Jesus...and you too, Sarah, put it back on. - [19:11 8 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Christ, you married her!? I know it's ok to get married but aint it a little early to be settling down? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:16 8 September 2008

Hey little red riding hood!

Fancy doing a review for me pl0x? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:27 8 September 2008

Actually I'd like to apologise. I am sorry, this has probably gone too far. Make it up to me? If you do I'll go straight (as in heterosexual) for the rest of the week, come on you know that'll be funny. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:53 8 September 2008

Heh, calamities await! I'll take a look sometime tomorrow or the day after if no-one else gets there. –—Hv (talk) 8/09 20:58

Oh ok, but I'll only go straight if your the reviewer. Plus you owe me a review. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:00 8 September 2008

Oh looks like Gerry got there first damn it! I actually wanted to try this straight thing. Just for a laugh. Actually fuck it I'm going to anyway. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:14 9 September 2008

Well FYI I did, try the straight thing (theres a forum) it didn't work out. Also *cough*

*cough*

And seriously Hv, you ok? I didn't go too far did I? Hope to see you around! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:21 11 September 2008

You really don't need my vote on that, it's basically already featured! I would've probably abstained anyway. Admittedly you did go a little too far, but that's not why I've been off, there's just been nothing to do here for me. –—Hv (talk) 12/09 13:32

Aww, why abstain? Just agree with everyone else, see if it'll break some sort of record. Nah it's ok, I'm actually pretty surprised how much people seem to like it, I thought it'd go more like my last one (which has a stupidly long name now that I come to type it out). And I'm sorry about going oveboard. Blame Yettie. He's a bad influence and he lives in the poor part of town. *Hugs Hv in a manly sort of straight way because Heerenveen is most certainly not gay. NOT GAY. That's like saying he's straight and likes girls not boys.*. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:57 12 September 2008

Hey, I'm with you, I really don't think it's a +20 article. It's a good job Gerry got to that review before me - I would have scored it, oh, about seven points lower and this would never have happened. Also, yeah, lets blame YTTE. –—Hv (talk) 12/09 14:00

29? That'd only have made me cry. And besides my other one got 20.5 votes for, it's just it also got about 10 against. And no, blame Yettie. YTTE never did anything wrong. Yettie's the bastard twin, remember? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:05 12 September 2008

29 is above average for me! All right, I blame Yettie. –—Hv (talk) 12/09 14:30

obligatory de-flowerment

you just got raped. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 10:11 13 September 2008

Dammit. Remind me to never archive again. –—Hv (talk) 13/09 22:23

About a minute ago you told me to remind you never to archive again. I just thought I'd remind you incase you'd forgotten: Never archive again. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:25 13 September 2008

Damn literal translations. –—Hv (talk) 13/09 22:29

See you soon...

I hope. :-) MrN 20:23, Sep 23

It'll be a couple of weeks, max, I reckon. I've already basically been gone a week or two, just burned out a bit, it was always going to happen ;). See you soon. —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 23/09 20:33

In fact, make it a fair bit less than that. Amazing how certain events drive you back here. —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 27/09 20:47

HeHE... Now, I must make like a tree and... Go somewhere else. Enjoy the reverts old chap... MrN 20:49, Sep 27

Noob question

Do you know of how i can submit a picture to an article that isnt allowed to be edited? If not, plese tell me who does. Thanks. User: Dupeldurp

If the article can't be edited you can't submit a picture (as that would be edditing). talk it over with some one on the article talk page. maybe put the picture there and see what people think. Also in future try and ask things in the right places. Have fun! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 23:00 7 October 2008

Thanks Orian, almost had to do some work around here if it wasn't for you ;). —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 8/10 16:08

I can has secks now? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:09 8 October 2008

You can, but you're in the wrong place, I believe you want to go here. This talk page does not offer this service(?) that you are requesting. —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 8/10 16:14

Oh that- th- this is embarrasing... Erm... You couldn't jsut wank while I watch could you? Or is- is that, like... ? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:17 8 October 2008

UN:HS

You are now on the honor roll. Dishonor roll? Either way you lose.   Le Cejak • <14:09 Oct 10, 2008>

I beat you there though! =P SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:10 10 October 2008

[Ignoring Orian, as that seems to be en vogue right now] If I could be arsed, I'd make a convoluted argument that I only have 2½ features, but I really really can't, so, meh. —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 10/10 15:04

Cries. No body likes me! Why? Why? Why? does nobody like me??? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:08 10 October 2008

Don't ignore me! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

I mean it I'll send the pass over angel and ten plagues and lots of other bad shit. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

So you gonna talk to me now? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

If you don't you'll be sorry... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

I'm not joking I'll vandalise teh hell out of this page. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

Right I mean it last chance or I'll get Yettie... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

You have five minutes to comply. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:43 10 October 2008

...And your five minutes are up. I'm so so sorry, Hv, I'm not going to enjoy what I'm about to do. Well actually, that's a lie, but yeah...hah! - [15:47 10 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Ever watchful as always me'lord. Now how should we make this peasant suffer? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 15:49 10 October 2008

My God. You're worse at that than Arkansas are at winning football games! —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 11/10 18:27

2.5 features? Elaborate.   Le Cejak • <18:34 Oct 11, 2008>

Whut? Arkansas? Is that in like Europe? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:39 11 October 2008

Cajek: To me, the last one should only be a half, given that it looked utterly different once you'd finished with it than it did when I'd initially done. But that's just my opinion.

Orian: *cough*. *doublecough*.

Both: I can't believe I'm having two conversations, and the more serious one is with Cajek. —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 11/10 18:52

I'm surprised too! Well, if you want to change the dishonor roll go ahead, but I think you deserve that third article.   Le Cejak • <18:57 Oct 11, 2008>

I'm with Cajek, you deserve it! Or at least half, maybe. And what is this picture you gave me? It looks like a fat woman and that red dot shows she's recently concieved. How could you do this to my eyes? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:55 11 October 2008

signpost

hye hv, any chance you're back enough to deliver the latest signpost? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:02, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

where are you?

We all miss you! Or at least I do. :( SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:48 18 November 2008

And me. At least, I miss you because the sights on my gun are wonky, but that counts, right? --UU - natter 22:21, Nov 18

Well, I am kinda-sorta here, in a sporadic ten edits-a-week kinda way. Just lost my focus for the place I think, but I'll be back, just like the better version of me was in February. And UU: It counts, but only if you splash out for the replacement wallpaper, that's made a nice hole in the kitchen wall! —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 20/11 20:27

UnSignpost: 20th November2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

November 20^th, 2008 • #100/4 • Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

UnSignpost Stumbles past 6 month milestone Uncyclopedia's premier periodical, the UnSignpost, has somehow managed not to fade away and die for over 6 months, which should probably merit some kind of special edition, but meh. In true UnSignpost fashion, the editors noticed this about 2 weeks late - the Signpost having been so gloriously conceived (and never was a word more aptly suited to this juvenile-as-all-get-out publication) by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek back in early May. The first issue rolled off the presses on May 8th, bringing you such earth-shattering news as "Rcmurphy nommed for Noob of the Month again" and "Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed", as well as establishing Signpost tradition with "Spacefiller of the week" (something about Grand Theft Auto). The editor's office here at USP should probably have had a revolving door installed, having been occupied at various times since Cajek and Skull abandoned it by THEDUDEMAN, Gerrycheevers, Heerenveen and some other numpty - although this is small change compared to the number of delivery bots and boys that have thrust the latest issue, still warm, through your letter flaps. Over the months, many other contributors have helped to keep the UnSignpost in its deserved position of "only weekly-ish newspaper on the wiki" - possibly by being so lame that no-one wanted to bother doing another one. And, having brought you such shattering exclusives as "Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek", "Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce" and "RC takes home NotM", the UnSignpost shows no sign of speeding up. Maybe one day, the unstoppable forces of apathy will finally overcome those who still labour under the impression that people actually care about seeing block log entries and biopics arrive on their talk page weekly, and the UnSignpost will grind to a halt. But until then, it will continue to bring you all the old news you've already seen somewhere else, whether you like it or not! UnSportsPost By ace sportshound Enzo Aquarius. In response to quite literally some demand, your ever-topical, finger-on-the-pulse UnSignpost brings you all the latest sports news that's unfit to print! NFL - Detroit Lions lost again bringing their record-breaking award-winning losing streak to 9, with their last notable points scored in the 2004 season. Lions followers are confident their team can break through once the team's brains are reverted back to Windows XP Basketball Edition. Big thumbs up and grins boys! NHL - Unlike their Lion brethren, the Detroit Red Wings are in the lead, as always. Then again, their conference is full of NHL expansion filler, so what can you expect? But hey, San Jose is up as well, so uh...yeah...good for them. Good for them. NBA - LA Lakers are up with no losses in their belt, but anybody east of LA doesn't care anyways. Uhhh....132 points scored by New York...good job guys. Football/Soccer - See, there are so many freaking teams and conferences that you just can't keep track of all of them. Then again, Japan beat Syria 3-1. Talk about a non-stop action high-scoring game! MLB - Training time, the high-gravity chamber has been set, Goku will be pitching. It's also time to bring in the young blood who will only play 1 game in the 2009 season.

Check out these pages! Who judges the judges who judge the, er, turkeys?. Through the fire and the flamewars?. {{tl|merge}}?. From our logs: 23:37, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.122.136.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking is bad. Even in New Zealand, or as we like to call it "Australia Lite") 23:32, 17 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.113.67 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Browser hijack links piss me off. When I'm pissed off, I ban dickheads. You are a dickhead.) 09:37, 17 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.19.184.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Those who can't do, critique. Poorly.) 04:13, 16 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.130.147.91 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ( * 04:11, 16 November 2008 (hist) (diff) Santa Claus‎ (←Replaced page with 'FUCK OFF!') -- I know one kid who's getting coal this year...) Biopic of the Week What is it you look for in a 'crat? Is it diligent banstick wielding? Is it a list of featured articles as long as Spang's talk page? Is it having his own award, that he deigns to bestow on those he deems worthy? If it's any or all of these, Mhaille's yer man. If it's not, I dunno, try Olipro, or something. Cajek ban of the week 08:03, 16 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a big dick ‎ (<Sawblade5> RAHB take care of http://en.uncyclopedia.co/index.php?title=Special:BlockIP&ip=Cajek) "Writer of the Month" of the Week. Last heard from in any capacity on this site in January 2007, Imrealized was your WotM for September 2006, with an unheard-of-these-days 19 votes (and Severian liked him so much he voted for him twice). And with a triumvirate of articles like Paradise Lost, Smells Like Teen Spirit and Rorschach Inkblot Acid Test, (not to mention WWJJD?) it's easy to see why. Cabal news of the week There is no Cabal news of the week.

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MrN9001 20:39, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

Woo! You can do absolutely nought around here for three months and still get mentioned in the local backwater community international paper! —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 20/11 21:04

Who are you again? MrN 21:09, Nov 20

I'm that guy... you know, with the thing... on the thing? No? —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 20/11 21:23

Oh, yea... That guy. The guy who did that stuff that time with the thing. We all remember that guy. What with the thing and all, it's kinda hard to forget. MrN 21:25, Nov 20

Oh yeah, that thing was big! (Good to see you around Hv, remember it was me that cared first. :) now I have to say something after teh smile otherwse it looks like a double chin and that's too realistic for comfort) SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:35 20 November 2008

That sounded rather wrong, Orian... { Here's a few extra chins for added realism ))))))))))) } —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 20/11 22:06

What sounded rather wrong? When I was talking about how big your penis is or when I called myself fat? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:12 20 November 2008

UnSignpost: 4th December 2008 (yea, we know it's late)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation Sycamore. What words waft gently into the back garden of your mind when you hear that word? "Tree", perhaps, or "unusual, propeller-style seeds", if you're of a naturalistic bent. Maybe (although we admit it is highly unlikely), the words "song by really obscure Scottish rock band Deckard" will sneak in under the fence. But for those of an Uncyclopedia nature (and let's face it, that should include all those reading this, or the paperbot's malfunctioning again), the words are likely to include: "Scottish"; "omnipresent"; "recent changes fiend"; "reviewer extraordinaire"; "categories"; "ban patrol"; or possibly "who?" if you're out of the loop. But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT‎ in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc. His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian. All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it? Once again spending no expense on uncovering the truth, your fearless UnSignpost has the answers, and they lie in his welcome message, and a gratuitous stereotype of his nationality. Yes, Jaffa Cakes and Irn Bru are the fuel of choice of this salutary Scot, and it would appear that the chemical reaction of these two volatile substances in his bloodstream creates an energy level easily the equivalent of at least a small-to-medium Hadron Collider. This is sufficient to cause in him a state not unequivalent to that Scientific Holy Grail, perpetual motion. So there you go kids: that's how he does it! Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids! From the Cabal's desk Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend.

Check out these pages! TKF v BHOP: an acronymious battle The inevitable bandwagon A history lesson, and RAHB's penis again From our logs BUMPER SPECIAL: 07:24, 3 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You've got to stop taking vacations like this. They get in the way of the valuable contributions you make to our site.) 00:40, 3 December 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fat hideous cunt (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Codeine why are you using socks to vandalize us) 18:25, 2 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.146.0.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We love niggers. My best friend is a nigger. My wife is a nigger. And when I have a son, I hope he'll be a nigger rather than an IP) 19:57, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.184.39.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Regardless of what your girlfriends may have told you, orgasms are real) 18:18, 1 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Country/Folk musician ‎ (When I see your name on my block log, I think of a song lyric by Townes van Zandt, if that means anything.) 18:03, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a penis ‎ (When I see your name in my watchlist, I think of penis. And that's not always a good thing.) 21:03, 30 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making RAHB think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) 20:37, 30 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) Biopic of the Week There's beautiful, there's downright gorgeous, and then, beyond even that, there's Prettiestpretty. Blessed with writing talent to rival her boundless good looks, she has edified us on the delights of the Queef, the significance of the Colossus of Barbie, and much more besides. Long may she lend her grace to Uncyc! Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: Don't worry about that sound, son. It wasn't monsters. Your mother and I were just having sex.

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MrN9001 19:00, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Heartfelt Apologies

For reverting you then, I have two Recent Changes in two tabs and got temporarily confused between the two, leading me to revert you rather than the IP vandal. Put it back to your .oggless version as soon as I realised. RabbiTechno 19:49, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

Hehe, I honestly didn't notice until checking RC for the orange bar. Guess you can do your job too well, eh? —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 5/12 20:15

You'll never learn will you?

Raped!Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 22:20 5 December 2008

OK, how the fuck did that happen so quickly? Do you have some kind of mind messaging thing that tells you I'm about to archive or something? That was just too quick... —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 5/12 22:26

"just too quick..." That's what he said. :( and erm no, i just have nothing else to do, plus I have my watchlist on e-mail alert. Also I'd like to take this opertunity to remind you that you told me to remind you to never archive. And Invit you to read my Christmas event, link is in my sig. It's not done yet but let me know what you think. Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 22:29 5 December 2008

Oh yeah...forgot about telling you that. As for your Christmas thing, I already saw it via UU's talk page – dodgy spelling of Christmas aside, it's very good writing, I enjoyed reading it (which is a nice break for me right now). —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 5/12 22:34

I'm so glad people are enjoying it, I'm having so much fun writing it. Expect to see christmas day added soon. Also is this you back now, sissy came back. All we need is Yettie and it'll be like the old gang back together again. Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 22:37 5 December 2008

Well, I wouldn't say I'm quite fully back yet (and, just a forewarning: Anyone expecting May 2008 levels of me is going to be disappointed). If things go according to plan (i.e. the snow holds off down here for another eight or nine days), a week should do it though. —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 6/12 13:38

ICU

So what it the proper course of action when I come across an article/news story I really don't think deserves to stay alive (UnNews:YouTube_changes_aspect_ratio_to_2.35:1,_users_pissed)? VFD? Aaadddaaammm 20:15, 9 December 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, pretty much (though personally I'd vote to keep that if I was active at VFD. Note to self - Be more active at VFD). —–Sir Heerenveen, KUN UotM RotM VFH (talk), 13/12 19:57

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

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Woo, my first Uncyc card! Thanks JT! –—Hv (talk) 21/12 16:43

Thanks

Thankyou Please accept these fresh latkes as a token of my gratitude Rabbi Techno

That was pretty obvious, wasn't it? Nevertheless, thankyou very much. I owe you, so let me know if there's anything I can do in return. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:23, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

You'd be surprised how many people these closing tags catch out. 'Twas no problem. –—Hv (talk) 21/12 19:20

A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

	Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
	It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:23, Dec 21

Happy Holidays from all of us at SysRq Waste Disposal and Grinder Co.

Happy Giftmas. ~Sissie

sirsysrq @ 23:45 Dec 21

STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR STOCKING!

	Yo you, yes you, I'm talking about you! It's that time of year again. Yep, time to spend hundreds of dollars on loved ones, dress up your house and raise your hydro bill and, most of all, time to fill each other's talk pages with templates that took us 2 minutes to make. SO STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR STOCKING!!!! and have a happy holidays!
	...or a Chappy Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Tet, Ramadan, Festivus, or whatever you so decide to celebrate in order to get more gifts. Enjoy! Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate

During this season...

Yeah Happy/Merry whatever you believe/ride off to get presents from us at the Church of Assholes Who Make Fun of Churches of Assholes. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:05, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

Here's Your Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas 2008 From Sawblade5

Here's a Potato Christmas Tree For You!
Caution the Grue protecting this tree!

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--—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Sawblade5 (talk • contribs) 09:29, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

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