User talk:Frosty/archive11

Judging

Um, only one person seemed to judge all of the entries in the noob competition. So, uh, what happens now? MegaZeroX7 (talk) 15:33, November 11, 2012 (UTC)

Not a lot I'm afraid, it didn't help I had an accident on the 1st and hence I wasn't here to rally everyone up to do the judging :/ Sorry about that. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:37, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

hmm :( So are we OK to edit them now then? And should we remove the NOWC banner? - S^tr_ai_n^j1 09:08, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

yah. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:11, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

Ok, I am new

the ip 98. yada yada yada, that you blocked, those edits were done by my idiot brother, I am the real indian otaku,so yeah, if there is anything I can do to atone for the sins of my brother, just tell me, somehow. (wtf does sucky sucky 5 dollars mean?) User:Denza252/sig

I see, you can make it up by Writing articles. I thought it was a fairly self explanatory block reason. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:26, November 15, 2012 (UTC)

Frosty

1. Thank you for your happy birthday message.
2. On an unrelated note, I never understood your 'gayer than Christmas' shtick. What's that all about that? Now, I understand that you're in the southern hemisphere, so you probably don't understand how romantic the holiday season is since December is in the summer; but honestly, think about it: What's more romantic that sharing your parka with a woman? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:55, November 17, 2012 (UTC)

It's an IRC in-joke. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:50, November 17, 2012 (UTC)

Still, honestly, what's more romantic than sharing your parka with a woman? WHAT?? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:11, November 20, 2012 (UTC)

Check out my edits

Could you check out my edits on National Hockey League? --Jmd832 (talk) 22:19, November 17, 2012 (UTC)

Frosty isn't a North American, so he has no idea what you're talking about, and, furthermore, thinks "NHL" stands for "Naked Homosexual Lust". ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Nov 17 '12 22:35 (UTC)

Yeah Frosty is 12,000km+ from North America. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:14, November 17, 2012 (UTC)

Do not give me that bullshit. I am Autistic and trying to change people's perception of the spectrum forever. --Jmd832 (talk) 05:43, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

What perception? How is my perception of the autistic even relevant? You also don't need me to check your edits to the article, you are free to edit articles as you wish. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:06, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

Mr. F

How are you post-automobile-oops-moment? Do you have a shinny cast that people (and chicks) can sign? Do you have large vials of potent codeine? Does your family run to you when you ring a small bell? Do you have separate bells for each order you have for them? I would have a deep bell if I wanted food, a light bell if I wanted something to drink, a round bell for narcotics and a giant 5 ton bell from a bell tower for when I wanted a professional sponge bath. --ShabiDOO 00:14, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

No more Codeine D: ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:15, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

What is this?

What is this autopatrolled thing? Did I do something wrong?--General of All Branches of the Military and the Head of the State Police Eric (talk) 00:57, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

No, it's a good thing. Good work. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:58, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

So... what can I do now? Haha? --General of All Branches of the Military and the Head of the State Police Eric (talk) 00:59, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

Nothing new, your edits are just patrolled automatically now. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:30, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

That sounds like I'm being watched. >.> --Sir Peasewhizz de New York (talk) 01:23, November 23, 2012 (UTC)

Question:

What Makes You Smile? --Jmd832 (talk) 05:56, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

Many things, heh. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:07, November 18, 2012 (UTC)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over

We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault By Bizzeebeever Shown: Wikia It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt, but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes: Wikia sucks dicks Wikia is Satan Wikia sucks Satan's dick As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead. By Bizzeebeever Requiscat in pace, Frost-dude. No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son By Bizzeebeever Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son By: Bizzeebeever This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF!

Check out these pages! Some forum or other Almost forgot about this one... ZOMG NOOOOOO! Morons whining impotently As usual, VOTE YOU FAGS Srsly, somebody should do something about this shit Current op abuse: 04:58, November 6, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Romartus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Adding yourself to ban patrol (I seroiusly tried very hard not to do this, I SWEAR!)) 10:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 03:00, November 18, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Aimsplode (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (Asked to be blocked for 5 seconds, alas I can't spell.) 19:24, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nothing can get me ready for a day of school like blocking chief for no reason.) 05:21, August 25, 2024 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked Everyone (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wouldn't it be cool if this actually happened (lol)) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic concerns Hipster, who used to be Hypster, who used to be Another n00b, who was ...apparently a doody-headed dildo who pissed off other users by NOT INDENTING COMMENTS PROPERLY and BEING FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. (No, seriously.) A doody-headed dildo who was given his very own section in the Right Honourable Flammable's Bureau of Overreaction, Never-ending Embarrassment and Regret (BONER), shortly before accepting a free ban for life from Zombiebaron. However, the Autist Previously Known As Another_N00b made his return to the wiki via sockpuppet last year, and only just this week was found out...by audaciously admitting who he was, right there on his talk page, for God and all the bourgeoisie to see. Unfortunately for those whose ban-fingers were itching this week, the incorrigible little twit seems intent on becoming a useful member of society, seeking redemption by turning 17, making edits that aren't actually vandalism, and (only occasionally) calling other users "utter fuckwads". He even wished Uncyc admin Frosty a speedy recovery from his car accident with the tremendous words "Exactly how does any of this nonsense affect me and why should I care?" We at the Unsignpost salute Hipster on his freewheeling, brutally honest style, and wish him the best of luck in the forty minutes that will elapse before Frosty drops a uranium banhammer on him. We're rooting for ya, Hipster! Old-School FA A popular defensive measure during the Medieval period, the bouncy castle dissuaded attack by bouncing. Bouncy castles look exactly like static castles, except for the enormous springs concealed in the cellar. As an enemy, such as Goths, Vandals or rabbits approached, castle staff would release the springs causing the entire castle to shoot up into the air, thus saving it from plunder. The first recorded idea for the bouncy castle comes from the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci. Forward thinking as ever, da Vinci rendered his castle complete with springs, airbags, electric windows, CD player and machine guns to deal with helicopter attacks. Like so many of da Vinci's ideas, however, it was hundreds of hours before anyone put it into practice. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Castoreum: \cas*to"re*um\ n. 1. a peculiar bitter orange-brown substance, with strong, penetrating odor, found in two sacs between the anus and external genitals of the beaver. You're welcome. Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. As the Unsignpost could no longer afford the Uncyclopedia dog's increasingly ludicrous demands for royalties, he has been made redundant. His relatives have been notified.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 8:48 (UTC)

Not whining. I swear. Really just a question.

Hey, Frosty. . I'm very much a noob.

I noticed that you reverted some of my edits on the TV listings page. I am not here to complain. I just wNted to know if I did something wrong, or committed some serious breach of etiquette. . Thanks

User=TulsaRob

64.134.26.241 20:17, November 20, 2012 (UTC)

Is this what you're talking about? If so, you blanked part of the template. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 20:30 (UTC)

Ah. Okay, sorry bout that. I'll look more carefully in future. . I thought maybe I got reverted for profanity . . . I am not entirely clear what policy is here. Seems I read it was not allowed, but i see some in various articles. I figure if it is part of the joke,mit would be okay, but not if directed at someone personallt.

Thanks.

TulsaRob (talk) 18:29, November 21, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome, damn Bizzeebeever. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:36, November 22, 2012 (UTC)

Talk:Kalamazoo

Thanks for deleting the redirect at Kalamazoo (now Kalamazoo, Michigan). I do remember checking the box to move the talk page too, but do not remember contributing to the talk page, least of all making it a redirect to itself. Another MediaWiki bug? Spıke ¬ 15:19 22-Nov-12

Dew Chun Educational Foundation

Your cleanup of this article at mid-year swung the vote on VFD. Doesn't that mean you own it? It is still horrible, and today's mostly clerical edits to it by brand-new user Defan752 are not changing matters either way. Spıke ¬ 14:01 26-Nov-12

I like to think that nobody "owns" particular articles on Uncyclopedia (even if they are the sole authors of something). Everyone is free to edit as they wish. However if someone is making something bad, revert as you deem fit. :) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 04:27, November 27, 2012 (UTC)

RE: Welcome

Thanks for Welcome. Do you came from Australia? άδης,ο αδίστακτος μαντείο Έργα

Yes. Do you? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:33, November 28, 2012 (UTC)

Brazil. άδης,ο αδίστακτος μαντείο Έργα 06:35, November 28, 2012 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms

Good news, everybody! We're saved! By: Bizzeebeever No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend By: Bizzeebeever Stay classy, Uncyclopedia! Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit By Editor A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed. "Sit and spin, Hotadmin4u69." ~Jesus Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Frosty Sez: "Patrol RecentChanges, fags, 'cuz I'm not doing it anymore." Check out these pages! Yes, it is still going Whoever "snerk" is, he can't keep it in his pants. It is very very important that you know this Our suspicions are finally confirmed. WHY GOD WHY Current op abuse: 02:57, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.142.161 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 years ‎ (Still loving the penis after all these years, huh?) 09:13, November 22, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't recreate crap. Take a tissue.) 05:49, November 26, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.45.119.19 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back so soon? And guess what...you're still acting like a twat. I am extending your break Short Trousers.) 20:41, November 27, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.9.19.97 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (POOP.) Biopic of the Week In this edition of the Weekly Biopic, (gasp gasp...running out of ways to rephrase that!) the UnSignpost is spotlighting one of our newer members, Snippy, who makes silk purses out of sow's ears, reverts morons and vandals like reverting is going out of style, and is liked by one and all. In fact, this past week, Frosty claims he was in Snippy's lovely hometown of Byron Bay, New South Wales, to deliver Snippy's prize for being named Uncyclopedian of the Month: a forceful, lingering kiss on the lips, followed by a random sex act. Congratulations, Snippy, and we hope it only hurt for the first 15 minutes! Now that all your hard work has received recognition by your peers, please get out there and shovel some more shit; you missed a big pile of it. Sorry, our only shovel is broken; you'll have to use your shoes. Pity, they looked like very nice suede. Oh, well. Next week, look for a profile of Leverage! Before he disappears from the site forever, of course. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Penis-sheath: An insult comparing the insultee to an article of clothing worn around the Johnson. Neither the insult nor the article of clothing actually existed up until I just now invented them. You're welcome. This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™ On or around this date in 2007, Dr. Skullthumper made the following edit: Added "800px" to an image in Kitten Huffing A quick review of the Good Doctor's edit history shows that, in 2007, he had less of a life than I do now. Thank you for reading This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™! Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. UnSignpost management is currently in negotiations with a supplier of illegal fighting dogs to provide a temporary substitute for the late UnSignpost mascot. We will miss you, UnSignpost Dog.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:16 (UTC)

Bitcoin

If you would restore Anon's article on Bitcoin to my userspace--only because I cannot otherwise figure out how to code the Bitcoin currency symbol--I'll develop it, as we ought to have an article on Bitcoins, and when I heard the concept it seemed already ridiculous to me. Spıke ¬ 21:40 29-Nov-12

Thanks, Frosty; it is repaired and now back in mainspace, and Socky promptly sent it to VFH. Cheers! Spıke ¬ 02:00 30-Nov-12

Sir German Biscuits, A Noobie in Turmoil

To Frosty: I require some aid in my venture into uncyclopedia. I wish to join in the halls of all the great uncyclopedians, like you. I henceforth shall listen to you, if you adopt me. Layman's Terms: Dear Frosty: I need some help from you. I want to be a good uncyclopedian, and not a stupid one, and will listen to you to become a good uncyclopedian, if you adopt me. Pretty please?

Sir Sir: Assuming you are able ever to return to this page, I offered you help on your own talk page, as in CLICK ON THIS, or click "My talk" at the top of ANY Uncyclopedia page. Spıke ¬ 02:00 30-Nov-12

I can adopt you if you like, but if SPIKE wants to he can. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:57, November 30, 2012 (UTC)

How are you repairing young sir?

No one has a heart here Frosty. How are you repairing there after your strong brush with the Australian traffic? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 08:56, November 30, 2012 (UTC)

Alright actually, almost completely back to normal in fact :D ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:05, November 30, 2012 (UTC)

Yo

Boner. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 08:51, December 2, 2012 (UTC)

Happy Pervsday! Or something.

	Perv of the Month November 2012

You would've won this in October, but we kept voting going for another month due to the fact that you probably couldn't handle it as well right after you got hit by a car and all. ~[ths] UotM 22:17, 12/03/2012

Thanks

Thanks for the welcome greet. Hope your health is doing better. Cheers! Ratib (talk) 11:42, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks and you're welcome :) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:00, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

Not even sure I know how to post a question

Yes, sorry, I'm UberNoob. How do I insert an image in an article? --Bill Melater (talk) 12:34, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

Never mind, I got it! My learning curve is steep today, thanks anyway. I'll probably be back with more silly questions later, moments before I figure out the answers myself. --Bill Melater (talk) 12:52, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

yep thats cool. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:01, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

Re: Turtling Capacity

Whoops I thought I had finished, this is the first article I've actually written, and I must have done something wrong. How do I get rid of that tag? User:Seabrisket 10:53, December 6, 2012 (UTC)

It just needs to be longer is all, I gave a helpful link on your talk page. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:53, December 6, 2012 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!

A headline goes here! No, really! By Some guy Because pictures of Santa are gauche, and no one else was going to use this perfectly-good image. Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no". A very special UnSignpost story By: Bizzeebeever Shown: a man without gin This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows: “ I checked out a book about Bob Newhart, and also Mark Twain's The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Stories ” As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts. Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time! A quick note from the editors The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all: Oops.

Check out these pages! A departed Uncyclopedian's reply to this forum An article about kittens A scholarly treatise on gay sex and the Internet A departed Uncyclopedian's opinion on gay sex and the Internet How Uncyclopedia admins sniff each other's butts: 14:15, December 1, 2012 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Man, I miss you something terrible, rather like a third arm that was finally amputated... <3) 16:32, December 2, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (acting like the archetype of a perfect admin, and on a completely unrelated note making certain other less active admins look bad) 16:35, December 2, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 74 years ‎ (Exists) 22:49, December 2, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I am blocking you because you spelt Lead wrong. Seriously what the hell?) 23:44, December 5, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 years ‎ (drinking out of cups/being a bitch) 23:46, December 5, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Does you dick hang low? Does it wobble too and fro?) Biopic of the Week Well, we promised it to you, and now here it is: a biopic of Leverage! Yes, new user Leverage is a right smart fellow, with joy in his heart and fudge in his nappy. Nothing much is known of Leverage except that he might be from Spain "som'eres", unless he's not. You're either an American, or a terrorist, and as Leverage is not American, he's doing his terrorist mother proud by hating Americans with a fervor usually reserved for the entitled children of American middle-class parents. He's even won awards for it! And lest you think last week's profilee, Snippy, is by far the best of Uncyclopedia's new crop of users, ...you'd probably be right, but Leverage gives him a run for his money by actually writing UnNews articles by literally the dozens. Seriously, you can check his user page; they're all there. (Like we're impressed.) We'd nominate him for a Foolizter Prize, but according to beloved Uncyclopedia admin Frosty, "nobody votes on that (homosexual) (feces) anymore," and, sadly, the stats bear him out. Thank you, Leverage, for you tireless perseverance in the face of apathy, and fuck you, Uncyclopedia! Stay tuned for next week's biopic on Sinner George, if he even still edits here! Random Made-Up Statistic of the Week: This issue of the UnSignpost contains 500% more curse words than ChiefjusticeDS's last issue! We will now bow our fucking heads for a motherfucking moment of goddamned silence. This Week's Old-School Actual Wikipedia Article Obviously Lifted Word-For-Word From Uncylopedia: Committee to End Pay Toilets in America "The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states. “ When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom. —Ira Gessel ” "Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." Starting a national crusade to cast away coin-operated commodes, Gessel told newsmen, "You can have a fifty-dollar bill, but if you don't have a dime, that metal box is between you and relief." Membership in the organization cost only $0.25, and members received the Committee's newsletter, the Free Toilet Paper...[more]

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 12:46 (UTC)

What do you think?

Of Your cat died? Could you touch up? Is it good for nomination in the future?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 21:58, December 7, 2012 (UTC)

I don't usually be an ass and just butt into people's conversations, but this article is actually pretty funny. I like it. I think Frosty would like it too. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 13:58, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

It's fine, I like anyone's opinion.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 18:55, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Autism

It may be that "Full protection is gay" as you say in the Block Log (though I think that full protection for gays is fine), but I have just cleared out the personal testimony, preachy rants against hat0rz, links to external blogs, and other cruft in this article, some additional protection might eventually be warranted. Spıke ¬ 21:12 8-Dec-12

Hmmm no edits to that article between full protection and semi protection were made so for now at least I don't see a real need. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:31, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Very well; just keep an eye on it if you please. My request was not based on what was happening to it but on what was in it. House of the Dead, on the other hand, has had crap re-added since I cleaned it up last night, and it might deserve Autoconfirmed protection. Spıke ¬ 00:59 9-Dec-12

To tie up loose ends: I rewrote Sections 1 through 4 of Autism to remove the advocacy and will keep an eye on it, whereas House of the Dead was killed via VFD. Spıke ¬ 01:23 15-Dec-12

UnNews:Lance Armstrong endorsed by drugs company

Hi bro! First article in a whole freaking while lol. It doesn't appear on the UnNews mainpage, can you fix that? I guess something has changed since I didn't edit much at all for a while. I'll be bold and try it on VFH. Mattsnow 00:28, December 9, 2012 (UTC)

I think that list relies on the date they are created O_o Although I could be wrong, you should ask someone who knows how that page works. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:38, December 9, 2012 (UTC)

Welcome back, Matt! Indeed that used to be the case, and I had to advise authors to create a new article and copypaste the text into it to pick up the date and appear in the Recent list. Spıke ¬ 00:56 9-Dec-12

from User talk:SPIKE

I don't understand what you meant on Frosty's talk page. It still doesn't appear there... :( Mattsnow 17:42, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

That's because you still don't seem to have done what I said. When I click on the above UnNews and go to its history, it still has a creation date of November 19, so it won't show up in the Recent list. Spıke ¬ 00:42 11-Dec-12

I got it! I'll do that for the next one, since this one has been put on the front page by somebody. Mattsnow 01:22, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

Agreed, this is an LOL article. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 01:26, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

Hello

How are you man --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:15, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

I am quite well. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:35, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

good to hear --POP!GoesTheWeasel 06:22, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be English words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--EMC ^[TALK] 13:55 Dec 12 2012

WHAT THE HELL?!

Dude. Your changes to {{Times}}. Not cool, dude. Not cool at all. ~[ths] UotM 00:49, 12/15/2012

What's more, it's on VFD now. Spıke ¬ 01:29 15-Dec-12

You know what

You don't listen to a lot of music, do you Frosty?

If you did, you wouldn't have blocked TheLedBalloon for spelling Lead wrong.

Haven't you ever heard of Led Zeppelin, you freak? User:Matthlock/sig2 21:33, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

No I don't listen to any music at all. Also it was a joke. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:41, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

Wow, I can't imagine not listening to music. Music is like my life. (So how do you live without music?) User:Matthlock/sig2 21:53, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

I don't need it. Evidently. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:24, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

Would you like me to give you any recommendations or are you good? User:Matthlock/sig2 22:54, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

To get you started on your great musical journey, here's something from your own country (Australia). You'll love it. User:Matthlock/sig2 21:26, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

Searching for Images

Hey Frosty, sorry for asking what might seem a ridiculous question, but is there any way to do a keyword search for images that are already uploaded? This is a bit useless to look through, and this doesn't seem to work. - S^tr_ai_n^j1 21:55, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

No not really. However if you upload an image and it turns out it is already on the wiki a message will show up on that new file page saying it's a duplicate in which case you can put it on QVFD and use the existing one. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:24, December 15, 2012 (UTC)

I use a li'l thing called Google Images. (Replace the word "image" with the keywords of your choice). Works grrrrrreat! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Dec 16 '12 9:35 (UTC)

Hey that's great! :) thanks! - S^tr_ai_n^j1 09:42, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

NOWC

What about NOWC dude?? Will it ever end??-- Sir Sinner^Sandbox (¿?) 12:37, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

I think it did end and nobody bothered to judge it or anything. Whoo! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:40, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

I was afraid of that... Now I'm gonna cry under my blanket for the rest of the day.-- Sir Sinner^Sandbox (¿?) 08:47, December 18, 2012 (UTC)

You should probably answer that guy's question ^

And when you're done... ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Dec 16 '12 16:03 (UTC)

Also, El What-the-Fuck-o. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Dec 16 '12 16:47 (UTC)

Yuck! How-you-say butt-hurt spouse with buyer's remorse? Make it go away! Spıke ¬ 16:59 16-Dec-12

Only warning

This is your only warning. The next time you remove others talk page comments, you may be blocked indefinitely. 198.228.201.159 00:34, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

So I was tempted to remove this to be ironic but then I decided to laugh at your failure instead. Haha, ur blocked. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:39, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, it is irony. But the polite response (from The Little Rascals) would be: "Oh, yeah??? You 'n' what army???" Then block his ass. Spıke ¬ 19:53 17-Dec-12

User "Chocolin"

Chocolin knows what he's doing. He should get Autopatrolled. Thanks. Spıke ¬ 19:51 17-Dec-12

So I'm writing an entirely new section for the sole purpose...

of saying "hi". And that's ok, right? Because if it's not, too late. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Sylvirfoxx (talk • contribs)

It's never too late...to sign your messages by adding ~~~~, which the system turns into a signature and a timestamp. Spıke ¬ 01:06 18-Dec-12

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:22 (UTC)

Vote or die... just kidding.

Hey, could you check out Yellow Turban Rebellion on VFH? I'm starting to think everybody is starting to forget about it, so promotion needs to be skyrocketing. --SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 01:33, December 21, 2012 (UTC)

Anonymous vandal

Hello, Frosty.

I've spent the last fifteen or so minutes undoing edits by this person, and I feel it's appropriate that I let an admin know. They have targeted all of the articles in the Recent template that they were able to and added links to a website that appears to be in Arabic. I believe that their intent with regards to this website is purely malicious.

Also, thank you for voting for me on NotM. When you did so, however, you didn't raise the score, so I'd appreciate it if you remedied this. Thanks. --Equilateralperil 11:59, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

Taken care of, however at 11:59 UTC I am more often than not asleep so I would advise for future reference you either report the user to Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol or let an admin know via IRC unless you can see that I or another admin are active on recent changes. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:38, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry about that. I wasn't really sure what to do once I fixed the pages. Thank you. --Equilateralperil 03:42, December 23, 2012 (UTC)

Confused Newbie

Hi Frosty - small problem, and I'm not being funny here, just stupid. I can't for the death of me figure out how to "create an article"... will this option just suddenly appear before me after I've achieved a certain status through clever edits or am I just having a "junior moment"? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Slinks417 (talk • contribs)

Frosty is probably in bed now as he is on Australian Time. To create an article, I suggest you go here first Sandbox. Alternatively, if you are new you can creat a subpage. User:Slinks417/Slinkswork . One way to see how an article is put together is to hit the edit button. On some articles (like featured works), you will not be able to do anything as there is a few days delay to see if you're a vandal that has gone to the bother of registering before going on a spree. Also. don't forget to sign you posts. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 10:25, December 24, 2012 (UTC)

yes what he said and i was experiencing a blackout due to thunderstorm, sorry 'bout that. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:41, December 25, 2012 (UTC)

Excuses excuses. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 25 '12 7:49 (UTC)

Romartus offers good advice but might be answering a question different from the one that Slinks417 asked. The missing link for the newbie is this: You don't set out to create a page; if you try to Edit a page and it doesn't already exist, the resulting dialogue offers you two options: Create it, or search for similar pages that already exist. If you click on the first option, you will create a page (if and when you save your work). Spıke ¬ 15:32 25-Dec-12

Haven't been seeing you lately

Merry Christmas!--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 21:57, December 25, 2012 (UTC)

Yes you too! Even though it's Boxing day in Australia. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:59, December 25, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, never heard of it. Haha.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 22:53, December 25, 2012 (UTC)

That's where they tie boxing gloves onto a kangaroo, turn it around in circles for five minutes, and then take runs at it with a cricket-bat. And once again, everyone in America is disappointed that they live in America. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 25 '12 23:42 (UTC)

So it's like Kangaroo Jack?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:09, December 26, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, it is exactly like a terrible movie about Americans sent to Australia on a fool's errand who end up putting a coat loaded with $50,000 onto an apparently-dead kangaroo. Exactly like it. Except for the parts that aren't. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Dec 26 '12 5:33 (UTC)

I watched it once, it felt like a 10 minute long movie.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 23:13, December 26, 2012 (UTC)

Can you?

Can you take the Uncyclopedia logo and put a Yellow turban around it for the Yellow Turban Rebellion article? That would be so badass!--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:16, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Nah, I'm not that good with pictures to be honest. I'd recommend you ask Zombiebaron or Bizzeebeever for image requests as they seem good at it. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:18, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Happy Gay Christmas

So, Frosty, happy late Christmas, you deserve it, since you're the only faggo who monitors this site every waking hour.

Did you get the Christmas present I gave you? User:Matthlock/sig2 01:10, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Did ya? User:Matthlock/sig2 01:57, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

No I didn't. My cat ate it. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:11, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry to hear about that. Here's a consolation gift. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:31, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

I need a name change.

My name is gay and childish. Could you change it to Sir Peasewhizz? Would User:Kamek98/blahblahblah still work?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 02:03, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

If you are after a username change you need to talk to Sannse about it. You also need to be 100% certain that you want a name change before you ask. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:07, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

She scares me.... nevermind.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 02:11, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Sannse is a she. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:12, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Quick change! Sorry.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 02:17, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

Frosty, do you reckon Sannse will mind taking time off her more pressing concerns (such as this rumored mass mutiny) to help Kamek into an identity that is less, well, gay and childish? Spıke ¬ 03:19 27-Dec-12

>.>--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 03:25, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

I cant imagine so. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 03:36, December 27, 2012 (UTC)

The Night I Chased Slender

What do you think of UnBooks:The Night I Chased Slender?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 01:20, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

Yo Fros

Don't need to remove {{NSFW}}. I put my bot on it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Dec 28 '12 7:28 (UTC)

Where were you an hour ago? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:28, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

Fucking around with Pam Grier. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Dec 28 '12 7:31 (UTC)

Thank You

Thank you for deleting Journey, I wasn't going to continue it anyways. Plus, it was taking up to much space. MagicBus (talk) 21:57, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome. Please try to remember to use the QVFD page. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:01, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

Please don't ban me

Or if you do, at least read my message in its entirety, and understand the only reason why I'm insulting you is because I'm trying to give you tough love. I feel as if you're part of my family (even though you're not), and I care enough for you to know that I don't want a young Turk Australian like you to waste his life already. And I'm serious about that stuff about my mom. She died on August 26th, and I've been going to Uncyclopedia more than usual now to ease my pain. In fact, over the summer, while she was dying of cancer, I would sneak off to the east side library every day (except Sundays and Mondays, because they were closed on those days) and go online for a couple of hours to take my mind off of the fact that my mom was dying from cancer. And to tell you the truth, it was more painful to watch her die than to see her dead, because she was so independent until the cancer struck her really hard, and then she became more and more feeble by the day. And if you think if it's wrong for a man to cry, think again. I sobbed like a child the day she died, because I realized the woman who brought me into this world, taught me right from wrong, and taught me how to fit in with the world would no longer be there, and the people whose shoulders I would have lean on now are just my father, my two big brothers and my friends, and nobody else, so understand how tragic my life is and give me a sympathy pass, my Australian "cousin". User:Matthlock/sig2 22:30, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

Hi I have lost 3 relatives to cancer myself. Don't you fucking dare lecture me about it ok? I know what it's like to have someone look into your face and not know who you are because the tumor has destroyed the memory side of their brain. And for the last time you got banned before for a valid reason which I asked other sysops about and believe me they thought 2 weeks was far more than fair, we aren't allowed to make special allowances for regulars to the site, they need to be treated exactly like everyone else. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:40, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

Really, oh my God, I had no idea. Yes, Frosty, I can relate - probably my biggest regret was how I went on a trip with my big brother for twelve days, and before I left, my mom was as normal as she could be (considering she was dying), however, when I got back, she was completely senile.

However, the golden light was that during our last conversation, even though she didn't know who I was, my mom felt comfortable enough to listen to me tell her about how much she meant to me, and although she only talked to me in simple two to three word sentences, it was beautiful because I realized she still loved me and she knew that I loved her. I'm sorry, I guess we have more in common than I thought. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:55, January 2, 2013 (UTC)

Good potential

Let's say someone noms UnScripts:How To Get Your Friends To Stop Calling You Gay for VFH. Alright? What would the chances be that I the article would get many negative reactions towards it?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 00:10, December 30, 2012 (UTC)

Only one way to find out. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:32, December 30, 2012 (UTC)

It would make my 2012 if you nommed it so I don't look desperate, eh?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 00:35, December 30, 2012 (UTC)

• Gives hug* We can be best friends forever!--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 00:39, December 30, 2012 (UTC)

Forum:Images to be removed‎

I agree with your recent Change Summary: Accurate. But that is not the page on which to make your stand. It is like flicking a boogar at the poor bureaucrat who had to deny you a tax abatement. They will revert your change and you will not make your point. Spıke ¬ 20:01 31-Dec-12

Whatever pisses wikia off. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:47, December 31, 2012 (UTC)

Should do that. Spıke ¬ 00:32 1-Jan-13

Congrats

You've won. You're our 1,000,000th visitor and won a visit to the Ghetto Disneyland]........................ just kidding. But Congratulations on being nominated for Uncyclopedian of the Year. You've earned it!--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 03:44, January 1, 2013 (UTC)