Air Canada

Air Canada
IATA AC	ICAO ACA	Callsign Maple Syrup, eh?
Founded		1937
Commenced operations		1965
Hubs		Toronto Pearson International
Frequent flyer program		Miserable Air Points
Alliance		Star Alliance
Subsidiaries		Air Canada Jazz
Fleet size		-3
Destinations		Anywhere outside of Canada
Company slogan		"The only airline where all the workers hate each other"
Headquarters		In Justin Trudeau's pancreas
Key people		Ol' Mikey "Mike" Rousseau

“You will sit in the vomit-covered seats.”

~ Big Brother, the current CEO of Air Canada

“I've been at the luggage carousel for 2 years looking for my bag.”

~ A satisfied customer review on Air Canada

Air Canada provides jobs to aircraft that suffer from cancerous tumors.

Air Canada (pronounced “Air No-Can-Do”) is an airline that is based out of Canada. It used to be the flag carrier of Canada, until they misplaced the flag.

Air Canada flies metal tubes across the world, and have been doing so since about 1937. Known for their kind staff, modern airplanes, and use of necromancy on dead animals, Air Canada has received reviews over the several decades it has been around.

Air Canada has multiple subsidiaries. Some of them are Air Canada Jazz, which is notable for live jazz performances on planes, much to the dismay of the passengers, and occasionally resulting in intense violence on board. Another is Air Canada Rouge (meaning Air Canada Red), which is not an official Air Canada subsidiary, but rather a Cold War era communist sleeper agent company.

History

He's a little confused.

Air Canada was founded in 1937 by Gordon McGregor, a man who one day found himself in Canada. Desperate to get out, he slammed together a bad airplane built with scrap metal he found on the streets of Montreal. He somehow managed to fly himself out to Detroit, however decided to fly back to Canada after seeing what Detroit was like in person. He later realized that Canada needed an airline, and he needed money to survive in Canada, so he founded Trans Canada Air-Lines, although the CNR stole credit for that.

TCA flew very nice planes, although they all began to rust at some point. In 1965, professional airline renamer and lawyer Jean Chretien politely asked them to rename themselves to Air Canada. They refused, but Chretien made them do it anyway. This marked Air Canada's downfall.

Don't eat spicy food from the airport.

On June 2, 1983, a fire occurred on Air Canada Flight 797, which was caused by the unfortunate decision made by a passenger to eat spicy food in the airport terminal. The fire started in the bathroom of the plane, and killed 23 people. After this incident, Air Canada banned smoking on all their flights, even though that was not the cause of the accident. The restaurant also closed.

Air Canada is a founding member of Star Alliance, which they founded along with United Airlines, Scandinavian Airlines, Thai Airways International, and Lufthansa. If you decide to fly with Star Alliance airlines, beware, as you will be seeing stars if you land.

The airline itself

Airplane food is never good, and Air Canada is no exception. Unless you like cup noodles and gas station sandwiches. The practice of serving food on Air Canada flights began after farming was discovered in Canada.

Air Canada flies to every city in Canada, as well as cities outside of the country. International flights only started in 1980 after they found out that there were other countries outside of Canada. Air Canada flies a wide variety of aircraft. The first plane bought by Air Canada was a Cessna 172, after McGregor's plane finally crashed.

Business Class, baby! You get extra space to rest your arms..

The Classes

There are three classes: Business Class, Premium Economy, and Economy Class.

Business Class

This is the fanciest thing you can get on an Air Canada flight. You get your own little pod, and the flight attendants will treat you like a person.

Premium Economy. No walls, but at least the seats are wider..

Economy Class. Everyone in this image is suffering from severe depression just from being there.

Premium Economy

This is Business Class Lite, to make poor people feel fancy. But, it's really not fancy at all. Think of this as the equivalent of sitting on a warm toilet seat. Pleasant, but not at all.

Economy

Economy is where you'll be sitting, most likely. Prepare for the worst flight experience in all of Canada. Also known as Cattle Class, this is where you'll become an animal rights activist, as it will make you feel like a farm animal.

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References

Canada, eh? Places: Alaska • Aquadia • Atlantis • British California • Cape Breton • Delta • Deadmonton • Florida • Manisnowba • Some Parts of Michigan • Montreal • Nouveau Brunswick • New Scotland • Northworst Territories • Celine Dion • NunavOOt • Ontariariario • Ottawa • Prince Edward Island • Québec and the City • Regina • St. Pierre and Miquelon • Sasquatchewan • Sasquatchatoon • Saudi Oilberta • Surrey • Toronto • Vancouver • The Territory of Yukon Territory Culture: Air Canada • CBC • Canadian Bacon • beer • Cougars • Killer moose • Caribou • Colour • FLQ • Hockey • Silly football • Ice bowling • Poutine • Ram Ranch • Sheep made out of snow • Studebaker Lark • Timmies • My sojourn • People who, like, live in igloos eh? • Canadians: A Retrospective People: Alanis • Avril • Bieber • Bigfoot • Caillou • Deadpool • Drake • Kris Wu • Jack Black • Mickey Mouse • Rodney McKay • Rush • Peter North • Scott Pilgrim • Someone you may have heard of, only for a couple of years • The Weeknd • Van Buren • Vic Toews Politics: A Day in the Life of the Prime Minister • Conservative Party of Canada • Conservative Reform Alliance Party • Liberal Party of Canada • New Democratic Party • Communist Party of Canada • Canadian Elections • Canadian Constitutional Law • Canada-US relations • We stand on guard for thee Prime Ministers: Abbott • Borden • Campbell • Chrétien • Clark • Diefenbaker • Harper • King • Laurier • Martin • Meighen • Mulroney • Pearson • Thompson • P. Trudeau