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Deutsche Lufhthamster AG
Lufthamster Logo 2018.svg.png
AllianceHamStar Alliance
Fleet size275-ish
DestinationsAnywhere with Hamsters
Company slogander Hamster ist mein Gott
HeadquartersHamburg (HAM)
Key peopleHarry Hamster (Chairman of the Board)

“Wir sind der Deutsche Lufthamster, schneller als ein Katzenpfotenballenhimbeermarmeladenglastunker, zugelassen von unseren Rechtsschutzversicherungsgesellschaften.”

~ Harry Hamster[1]

Lufthamster, or Deutsche Lufthamster AG, is the flag airline of Germany. When combined with its subsidiaries, it is the second largest airline in Europe. It currently transfers thousands of people and Hamsters around Europe and the world each day. It is the only airline exclusively crewed by Hamsters.

History[edit | edit source]

In 1923 Germany acquired permission from the League of Nations to allow civilian aviation for profit. Due to the massive inflation at that time, a flagship air carrier was not feasible and the idea was not floated again until 1926. In October of that year, pilots Johan and his wife Ilsa Marie von Hamster acquired a Junkers G 31 with controls modified to fit their diminutive statures and began ferrying paying passengers (often hamsters themselves) daily in a circle between Hamburg, Berlin, Dresden, Bremen and back to Hamburg. Within a year, they had built this mom-and-pop operation into a thriving company, with direct flights from Hamburg to practically anywhere in Germany, all crewed by hamsters. By 1930 they were flying thousands of people and Hamsters per year, all around Europe, placing them in direct competition with Spain's Chinchillas and Yugoslavia's Guinea Pigs.

1930 through 1939 were a wildly successful blur, despite fewer passengers on any given route. As it turned out, the von Hamsters' policy of hiring only fellow Hamsters increased profits by decreasing pay per crew member. The airline expanded, adding a transatlantic route via Reykjavík to Newfoundland and many routes from Germany to North Africa. They experimented with flying boat service to Copenhagen, but discontinued this when they discovered that Hamsters can't swim.

In 1939 World War II started.[citation needed] This placed an immediate halt on all civilian air transport in Europe. However, Lufthamster merely transferred their focus to providing maintenance services to the Luftwaffe fleet. Due to the prevalence of traditional gender roles at the time, the Hamster stewardesses became famous for their excellent job of cleaning the barracks and cooking a novel form of pancake known as the Luftwaffle (later shortened to Waffle), that the soldiers said went perfectly with maple syrup. Many of the Hamster pilots enlisted as fighter pilots with the promise that they would still have a job at Lufthamster when the war was over.

In 1945 the war ended in a loss to the Germans.[citation needed] Immediately after the armistice, Lufthamster reorganized. By January 1947 it had most of its former routes back in operation (except the routes across the new Iron Curtain) with updated aircraft. As Germany was divided, Hamburg was within the British occupying zone and therefore had unrestricted access to move people and Hamsters between all of the allies of Britain. This access eventually led to them being known for their De Hamsterland Canada DHC-5 aircraft, which they flew between 1963 and 1969 and between 1974 and 1984 inclusive.

Notes and references[edit | edit source]

  • Today, Lufthamster is known for their unique menus on all European flights, which provide the option for Hamster Kibble alongside any order.
  1. "... [we are] faster than a cat's paw ball raspberry jam jar dunker, approved by our legal protection insurance companies."