AAR Corp

yAAR hAAR fiddely dee, being a pirAARte is AARight to be! CrAARsh what you want cause your AARplane is free, you AAR a pirAARte!

AAR, an acronym for Aircraft Asshole Rectums (also known as "Aircraft Something Something") is an aircraft maintenance company and front for Jack Sparrow that somehow still exists despite its best efforts to the contrary. While their competitors, like the illustrious Hay-Co and GYAT!, aar out here trying to intelligently define the future of aviation, the pirates @ AAR aar still trying to figure out how to use a fax machine.

AAR was founded by an inept individual who thought, "Hey, let's get into the aviation industry! How hard can it be?" The answer, it turns out, is "very hard." But hey, at least he tried.

History

AAR, a name that never once through the financial stratosphere, now echoes in the halls of aviation infamy. Founded by Jebediah "Jeb" Stumpy Kowalski, AARpromised to revolutionize air travel with its line of equally innovative and impractical aircraft. Jeb, a man whose piloting experience stemmed entirely from countless hours playing "Flight Simulator," believed passion could defy physics.

AAR's first triumph, the "Cloud Guppy," was a blimp shaped like a dolphin. Jeb, a self-proclaimed champion of marine life, assured investors the bio-mimicry would allow the Guppy to "ride the thermals of dolphins' dreams." Unfortunately, the Guppy's test flight resulted in a spectacular crash landing into a Jello factory, causing a regional shortage of lime flavor and a nuclear explosion.

Undeterred, despite (or rather in spite of) massive debts, lawsuits, criminal charges, and half the world hating them, AAR pivoted to personal air travel with the "Shoebox." This miniature helicopter, modeled after Jeb's favorite childhood footwear, promised door-to-door service. Its material and cheap cost could not get it certified by the Aviation Authorities of Я_(country), but AAR would remain undeterred, and find a new amazing

JSK's final folly was the "Eco-Liner," a passenger plane fueled entirely by recycled kale chips. While the concept was environmentally friendly, the execution was disastrous. The kale fumes proved potently hallucinogenic, leaving passengers babbling about purple elephants and singing show tunes at the top of their lungs. America (fuck yeah) swiftly grounded the Eco-Liner, citing "disturbing in-flight entertainment."

With mounting lawsuits, plummeting stock prices, and a disgruntled flock of pigeons nesting in the Guppy's deflated carcass, JSK Aerospace declared bankruptcy. The New World Order though brought them out of bankruptcy, and AAR continues, albeit without its founding pimp, Jeb, last seen piloting a lawnmower strapped with bottle rockets, is believed to be in Las Vegas still jiggling with it in a crashed airplane.

Services

AAR offers a "wide range" of services, including:

• rape

Alternatives

Hay-Co

Hay-Co, officially the Ching Chong Hong Kong Maintenance and Engineering Company of China Airline (HEICO according to all those big wigs) is the MRO (Maintenance, Repair, and Overhaul) company that makes AAR look like a bunch of amateur hour enthusiasts trying to fix an ass. While AAR is still trying to figure out how to use a screwdriver, Heico is over here actually getting the job done with precision and skill. With a reputation for quality and reliability, Heico is the go-to choice for airlines and aircraft operators who don't want to risk their planes falling apart mid-flight (again). Meanwhile, AAR is still trying to convince people that "close enough" is a valid engineering standard. Hay-Co's Flight Support Group is helping to ensure that every pirate ship is bombed to hell and that planes can safely take off and land, while the only thing AAR can do is repeat 9/11.

GYAT!

GYAT!, aka GA Telesis, GA Telesis is the MRO behemoth that exposes AAR as the inept, antiquated also-ran it truly is. While GYAT! innovates and excels, AAR stumbles through mediocrity, botching repairs, mismanaging inventory, and redefining "customer service" as a never-ending cycle of excuses and disappointment. It's no wonder airlines and operators flock to GYAT! for quality work, timely delivery, and actual expertise, leaving AAR to shit themselves and wonder where it all went wrong.

See also

• Lufthamster
• Why?:Not fly Air Zimbabwe?

References

The tears of AAR's employees, because they know they could be working for Hay-Co or GYAT!