User talk:SysRq/7

This is an ARCHIVED talk page. Please do not edit this, or I WILL kill you.

RAPE!!!

This rape was brought to you by Orian57... Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 23:28 21 June 2008

Why thank you. That took around twenty seconds. Reminds me of my prison days. sirsysrq @ 23:29 Jun 21

I know I'm real fast and good too! Just ask Hv. Also have you met my friend Lyle? Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 23:38 21 June 2008

Yes, I read his stuff in Naked Science and now it seems he has an account here. How cute. Also, penis. sirsysrq @ 23:44 Jun 21

Oh crap, someone already raeped you.   Le Cejak • <23:47, 21 Jun 2008>

Haha, you're stuck with sloppy seconds. Oh well, make it quick. sirsysrq @ 23:47 Jun 21

gasp I can't rape you because I just noticed something: you stole my talk-page idea of whoring articles through randomly generated pictures!   Le Cejak • <0:00, 22 Jun 2008>

Absolutely stoled. But if it makes you feel special, they don't link to the articles they're related to. I just needed to make this talk page look a little bit more special. sirsysrq @ 01:16 Jun 22

Well, as long as you're indirectly whoring to me, let me indirectly whore to you: [1]   Le Cejak • <1:33, 22 Jun 2008>

Considering I wasn't whoring anything since I haven't written anything, and also considering that you whored using a weird link, I shouldn't read that article. But, since I'm such a fan of El Jek, I'll read it anyways. sirsysrq @ 01:41 Jun 22

HELP!

Hi this is Auk... the terrible new writer of Howto:get a life.... you said you could help me out... please tell me how I can fix my article, i already did the obvious (add hyperlinks), but i need a little more help to make this a good article--Auk 06:10, 22 June 2008 (UTC)

Hiyo, glad you took my invitation to visit my talk page. The article itself isn't too bad. I placed the ICU tag more for your capitalization, spelling, and grammar, although the piped links were definitely needed; adding those was indeed an improvement. I'd be more than happy to give you a comprehensive review via Pee Review if you'd like, which would allow for me to break down your article and show you where you need improvement in all areas of humor writing. sirsysrq @ 17:14 Jun 22

Wow, your talkpage is looking a little empty...

...need to fill it up. Anyway, UnProvise is dwindling a bit, but I've started what's turned out to be quite a good UnProvise (here). We just need a few more people to keep it going. What do you think? Feel like UnProvising a bit? - [10:33 22 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

...In a bit. sirsysrq @ 17:47 Jun 22

I CAN HAS WIKIBRAEK?

---

Message from the editor:
Okay, so I've decided I need a little bit of a break from this site. Naw, I'm not leaving for good. And no, this hiatus won't be as long as my last one, and I won't come back under yet another username. This may be a week, two at the most. I just need a break. I need a break.

--SysRq

---

Wikibreak?

Why, Sissy?   Le Cejak • <1:08, 23 Jun 2008>

Yeah why sissy? We adore the earth that you walk upon. ~ 14:59, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Well, adore is a little strong. It's just that where your feet fall, plants sprout that produce what you would call "candy". Take care Sys. See you soon. --UU - natter 15:06, Jun 23

Y HALO THAR COMPUTER KEY GAI!!!

Since you were nice enough to bother..."welcoming" me, I thought you might wanna check out the article I wrote and gimme a couple of pointers, as I'm not sure I executed HTBFANJS to its full extent.

...yes, I only did it so I could be eligible for this pacifier thingy. So? 21655 14:57, 23 June 2008 (UTC)

Um, it says up there he's on a wikibreak, so I wouldn't expect an immediate answer if I were you. However, for what it's worth, here are two tips: One, it's very short. Short articles tend not to do too well. So expand it. Wikipedia has an article on it that may provide some inspiration. But definitely add stuff. Two, when you have a longer article, this is the best place to go. Most of the time, a friendly soul will pick it up and give you a helpful review full of pointers about how you can improve it. Keep going, and good luck! --UU - natter 15:06, Jun 23

Calling To Order Of The First Meeting Of The SysRq Fanclub Society

Well since you're apparently skipping Uncyclopedia (which is immoral/amoral - delete as you find inappropriate) this is a good time to call to order the first meeting of the SysRq Fanclub Society. Would all SRFS members, please rise for the SysRqian anthem? - [15:54 24 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna SysRq! Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 16:02 24 June 2008

Well sung. And now, let us say a prayer to SysRq... - [16:16 24 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

*Bows head in silent reverence and contemplation of the great SysRq and awaits the preachers comments* Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 16:18 24 June 2008

Yes, could the SysRq Preached please rise to say the prayer? - [16:20 24 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Rule 1 of the SysRq Fanclub: SysRq is not God, but he is as awesome as him. ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH) 12:28, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

No you dolt. Rule one of the SysRq Fanclub is: you do not talk about the SysRq Fanclub. What you have is Rule Three. Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 13:30 25 June 2008

I thought Rule 1 was "never put vegetables in your pants (British pants)"! - [15:51 25 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

But putting carrots in your pants makes your cocks look bigger! What would I do without my pant dwelling carrots!? Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 16:06 25 June 2008

Cocks? My eyebrow is officially raised... - [16:09 25 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

What are you looking at me like that for? Have I grown an extra head or something? Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 16:10 25 June 2008

Let me be the first to sacrifice a virgin in honor of the Almighty SysRQ! Sorry Yettie, time to die. Hurry back Sys! -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:21, 27 Jun

Hey hum, SysRq, you there? Yeh, yeh, you're meant to be having a wiki break...we all know you're monitoring your userspace, really...hoping someone will miss you or something. Anyway, is it okay if I make an official fanclub homepage thing in your userpage? Also, since I like titles, I'm now unofficially declaring, on behalf of the Society that all members may add the prefix "SR" to their signature...yayayayayayayayay! - [16:22 28 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Hiyo, yeah I'm back. If you feel like making an official page, go for it. But I felt like the essence of the SFS was really just about this talk page, and I consider this to be the HQ. I'm gonna put up an IRC channel for it as well if people are serious about this fan club. Also, hi. Glad to be back. sirsysrq @ 00:59 Jul 1

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June 26th, 2008 • Issue 9

Uncyclopedia running out of Interesting Stuff. UnSignpost in Jeopardy! By Qua Recently. Uncyclopedia, in its maternal state. Is running out of interesting stuff as most users keep filling her with the same old stuff day after day. Most if not almost all of the staff at the UnSignpost panicked as this meant that their newspaper, which faced the threat of disabondement yesterday. Could be folded by the Uncyclopedia Cabal (there is no cabal) itself. Cajek, the UnSignpost's co-founder, commented on the shortage of interesting stuff saying "...". Mostly this is a time of crisis for the UnSignpost which has been falling into a state of crisis for a while now. and we need you to help. All you have to do is send money to the UnSignpost offices. And please, refer freinds to do the same please! We need it more then you. Penis Man returns! By THEDUDEMAN At exactly 12:29 AM Monday morning, some local idiot decided that it would be a great day to stir up drama and piss people off with some long forgotten shit. And with that, Penis Man made his way back to our great Uncyclopedia with the intent of vandalizing Boomer's userpage. Soon after, the Town drunk Eugene Kay decided to follow suit by uploading the same image by the name of Zombiepenis. Why he decided to make such an apparent strike at the admin who has beat him so much is currently unknown. We at UnSignpost give them both a 25000000:1 chance of being banned. Local Uncyclopedian starts up Devil-Worship Wiki By Qua In a recent devil-related press conference. Cartoon Diablo, the younger and sillier version of Diablo. Has started up The Devil's Wiki, a wiki dedicated to worship of Satanism and The Devil itself. In a recent interview, Cartoon Diablo has said personally that "The wiki's going to contain a lot about the devil, no seriously. There's going to be articles about the caverns of hell, the kind of foods the devil eats and also various artworks done by the Devil himself. And if your asking if it's going to be great. Well... Yeah!, It's going to be satantastic!". Immediately after this was posted on the UnSignpost, 2 people have joined the satanic wiki. The 2 people are described to be a Himilianian Yettie and an Male Amish Human. Both of them have pledged their allegiance to the devil in return for absolute power. In today's weather report, make sure to bring an umbrella as Hell may be raining over within the next few days. Uncyclopedia's Reign of the Newbs Begins By Cajek and whoever else Interestingly enough, lots of new noobs (and old noobs) are getting featured articles these days. Somehow, the cult of the newbs has awoken, and Uncyc has felt its presence link to Double Entendre. Oh... did I say that out loud? "I don't trust the young 'uns," said Farmer O'Dell at his grain silo, "They write funny articles, yeah, but what do they contribute to the community?" Actually, writers like Hyperbole, Cheapinitreal, and The Woodburninator have stepped up, and are already commanders. Except that last one, who is close enough. Big time contributors like YesTimeToEdit, Qua, and Orian57 are cleaning up this pig sty. Older members of uncyc have become less active, and are paving the way for these rising stars to shine. Uh, speaking as myself? I've never been more proud of Uncyclopedia than I have in the last month or so. Keep it up, guys!

Check out these pages! Try winning this game U...N...P...R...O...V...I...S...E...! link link From our logs: 00:29, THEDUDEMAN (Talk | contribs) (uploaded a new version of "Image:483922.jpg": <3 you Zombiebaron! ) 20:10, 22 June 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.179.141.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (No means *no*) 06:21, 22 June 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked .cx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Oh for fuck's sake) 05:30, 22 June 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Dunquin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Irishg defence forces are a bunch of wankers who were dominated by the brits who are even greater wankers. They eat potatos, drink guinness and fight imaginery wars) 03:42, 22 June 2008 Hindleyite (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.54.74.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games. ) 12:42, 21 June 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Page blanker (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I wonder if you realize just how easy your name makes it for me to permaban you...) 07:26, 23 June 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 124.170.144.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (You have been autoblocked by the Uncyclopedia penis-size-detector. Rylie, I'm afraid your penis is too small to edit Uncyclopedia. Please try again after puberty.) 08:48, 20 June 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Bl4nker (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LOL YOU BLANKED SOMETHING THAS SO FUNNIES. Now fuck off, eh?) 18:54 . . Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.231.38.117 with an expiry time of 1 week: (No, Pete Doherty is a talentless junkie cunt. Deal with it.) 14:59, June 25, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked KBD5196 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I hope this ban log gets featured in the UnSignpost. Also, you are a wanking blanker. Or a blanking wanker. Whichever.) Gripe of the Week MantiBot, Yes a bot, this bot has been going around causing terrorism to articles in the form of interlinking. Not only does he support terrorism, he also supports the de-opping of TheLedBalloon who has been known to hate every foreign country that's not America on the Planet. What's worse, he isn't even properly marked as a bot. FU Mantiwhore! Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Adolf Hitler and the Crappy Translation Quote of the Week: "Listen, here's the story: The other night I saw Jackass the Movie 2 and they extracted sperm from a horse so one of the dudes could drink it. It was that moment when I realized how little I know about nature, or rather, animals and their private parts. You see, it turns out horsies have big ol' peepees, and the first picture I expertly designed was actually close to the reality, and I needed to start from scratch on a new picture. The result of that is what you see on the right, the one with the bigger censored penis." -So So

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:44, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Yay Best Friend!

Hello, SysRq, I just thought I'd drop by to let you know that you're my best friend too. No really. Sure you may see this message on other people's talk page but you know that I'm just saying that so I don't hurt their "feelings". You are special. I also recognise that you weren't exactly spoilt for choice on who to vote for But thanks all the same

Yay, OK you haven't closed the voting yet but my clock says it's the first so no one else can win anyway. No seriously though it means alot that people like me. I like being liked, you see? Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 03:51 1 July 2008

Can I be the trash man...

Hey SysRq, i was just thinking, and i was wondering how i can sink any lower on this site. And i've found out how... my idea is for every crappy image or photo to be posted on my talk page as a kind of hall of shame. The way i see it, i already suck on this site, why don't we just put this flaw of mine to good use as a memorial to all photos crappy and lame?-Bobofosho2 16:34, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

What you do within the confines of your userspace is not my business. Do whatever you want. Personally, I think your time would be better spent reading recently featured articles, analyzing them to see what makes them funny, and then improve yourself as a writer. But hey, that's just one man's opinion. sirsysrq @ 18:40 Jul 1

One AWESOME man's opinion. Welcome back Sys. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:55, 1 Jul

Way to totally change the topic. That's what new headers are for, jackhole. *sigh* It's good to be back. Also, FUCK UNCYCLOPEDIA. *sigh* It's good to be filled with hate. sirsysrq @ 20:22 Jul 1

Why'd you even come back ya big jerk? I MADE YOU A CAKE AND EVERYTHING! FU! -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:06, 3 Jul

Sayeth your cake: "It's good to be filled with frosting." sirsysrq @ 22:55 Jul 5

Can't you put me to some use?

I believe that i can be a shining example of what all UnNoobs should not be, so is there way u (SysRq) or any other admins. can put my UnAbilities to work? Maybe we can create a Dont be like this guy... page. so wadoya' think?-Bobofosho2 20:07, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

If you don't want to write, you can always take a look at the "things to do" headline on the left side menu. You can fix articles, or deuglify them. ~ 20:11, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

Have you actually edited the main space at all yet Bobofosho2? Looks like all your stuff have been on talk pages and the like to me... MrN 20:15, Jul 2

Give the kid a break, he's written a couple articles and put some effort into them. Granted they were not very good, but the thought is what counts when judging a user's work ethic (not necessarily his talent). Bobo, if you would like for me (not really sure why you're coming to me for this sort of thing but okay) to give you something to do, I will. Practice writing. Here's a little exercise for you: make a list of article ideas you would either like to write yourself or would like for someone else to write. Article ideas should be:

• About something my mum has heard of
• Funny
• Not entirely nonsensical
• Clever

All I'm looking for is just a list of article titles for now. Maybe jot a sentence or two to explain how you think the article should be written; your concept, if you will. I'd like to see this list when you're done, so put it in your mainspace. I'm willing to work with you here, so long as you put some effort into it and stop trying to parade yourself around as an intentional noob. We get it, you're an idiot. That's not funny. Let's try writing, eh? People will like you better. sirsysrq @ 23:44 Jul 2

Ah, my mistake. Sorry Bobofosho2. I missed the stuff you had done under your old user ID. SysRq talks the wise words. MrN 23:49, Jul 2

By mainspace, you mean my userpage right, not my talk page?-Bobofosho2 03:09, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

You could do it on your userpage if you like, sure, but if you wanted it on a seperate page in your userspace make a page titled like this User:Bobofosho2/Article Ideas. Your userspace is anypage with the prefix User:Bobofosho2. It's handy for seperating your things so you can link to them seperatly (like in my sig) also for creating articles, you may want to have it in a userspace (User:Bobofosho2/Article Name) to start with so you can work on it for as long as you like. Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 03:16 3 July 2008

Ok, i've posted a few ideas which i've been playing out in my head a while. I know that my descriptions may not sound good, but i've given these a lot of thought and i know they'll make good articles... So anyone, will u take a look at my userpage and tell me what u think?-Bobofosho2 03:29, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

Hey, I created an UnNews article called UnNews:Wii Remotes Begin To Rape Children. Take a look see.-Bobofosho2 18:43, 3 July 2008 (UTC)

...I'm sorry, but it seems as if I've identified your problem. All of your articles are about rape. Releasimification was about rape (I think) and it wasn't all that funny. Simply using profanity and shock images and going on about rape isn't going to cut it. You need to be witty and original.

Let's look at your list so far. The first one could be funny, but you'd need a really good angle for that one. The second one is a list and therefore is a dud, sorry. The last one could also be funny if you could find a suitable concept. One such article that you may want to read to get an idea of what I'm talking about is Atlanta. But that article you just wrote just...isn't that funny. sirsysrq @ 21:08 Jul 3

Thank you oh great Sissy

Hey, SysRq. Steven would just like to thank you for the vote on his article relating to Insomnia. He really would but right now he's sleeping. Shhh don't wake him...

"...one of the funniest things I've read in a while" Aww, you flatterer. Thanks though. Means alot. Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 09:08 6 July 2008

I R SORRY

I is sorry I could not become noob of the month. I got diestracted with school, and it appears you got distracted with stuff as well. Oh well. The SOAD Fan (Ryan C.) 14:17, 5 July 2008 (UTC) (I forgot to log in)

Meh, it's cool. I've been drifting in and out of Uncyc, so it's no big deal. We can get back to your training whenever. sirsysrq @ 22:50 Jul 6

Ok what angle should i take here

ok, so i think i'll do the track article first... but what angle do u think I should take. Cheers?-Bobofosho2 23:58, 6 July 2008 (UTC)

The angle I would use would be to write from the viewpoint of some jock-type football player who doesn't view track as a real sport. You could use an opening line like: "Track and Field is allegedly a sport that involves running around a track and looking ridiculous. It is primarily engaged in by skinny boys who were dropped by Coach Woodie from the football team tryouts." Make it personal. Make it sound like vanity, as if it's your school. Assume a character. Ask yourself: "What would a stupid football player have to say about track? How would he sound as he said it? What else could happen to my character?" You don't have to take it in that direction or use that opening line, but that's just my suggestion. Writing is a creative process, and there's never just one way to do it. But I find that to be an effective way to write an article: by assuming a character and writing from a different viewpoint rather than just being fact-oriented. (even if they're not actual facts) sirsysrq @ 01:35 Jul 7

Look at insomnia for an example like the sort of thing he's talking about I am such a whore.... Also, Sissy, I started another blog for serious-esque fiction let me know what you think! Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 05:27 7 July 2008

New Article by yours truly

I actually started an article about my Ventura, and I took the role of a film noir style film. I set me as the main character. The article around me trying to survive the "rathole of a town". It's definintly a work-in-progress... here's the link: User:Bobofosho2/Ventura, CA. Thanks and cheers. p.s. this article i wrote basically took your advice and put it on a different topic.-Bobofosho2 02:16, 9 July 2008 (UTC)

It's certainly an improvement. A vast improvement. But the humor itself still leaves something to be desired. Also, avoid using your username. Instead, make up a name. Don't go breaking the fourth wall on me, now. It's a great start and a step in the right direction. You just still need to develop your humor style. Avoid fat jokes and other things of the like. Try to come up with something a bit more clever, possibly even abstract. Good luck, I'll be watching this article. sirsysrq @ 17:03 Jul 9

Why don't you adopt?

Man, I woulda looooved to have you as my adopt-a-n00b adopter. How come you don't adopt? I know you would make a bitchin adopter, and screw those people who think your mean, 'cause you're not. And if you ever do decide to adopt will you adopt me? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Bobofosho2 (talk • contribs)

That's... that's okay with me... *sniff*   Le Cejak • <4:53, 11 Jul 2008>

I do adopt, I just can't right now. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been here much. Not on purpose, it's just that approaching my senior year of high school can be somewhat taxing on one's jerk-off time. Cajek is a better adopter for you anyways, stick with him. He's a silly motherfucker. He'll teach you to fly. Did I say fly? I meant cook fries. sirsysrq @ 17:55 Jul 11

Hey

Hi SysRq! Long time, no-ish talk! Of course, I'm only coming over hear 'cause I want to be congratulated on my recent feature! :-) Seriously though, hi...that's a very serious "hi". How are you? And stuff? Also, I don't believe I've whored the CMC to you, yet. Would you like the official whore template (or not)? - [08:44 11 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I'd like to second that there "hi"! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 10:13 11 July 2008

I think this is getting worse than Cajek and Skull! :-) - [12:38 11 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

In that case, I'll just poke my nose in here and say: how you doing Sys? You don't seem to be around so much at the moment - is everything OK for you? Some of the new stuffs you're creating looks good, hoping to see it finished sooner or later! --UU - natter 12:49, Jul 11

Wo, Sissy, you've only made like four edits per day for the last three days! And I need to whore stuff to you! :-) /me cries into my whore hat - [12:55 11 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Whore away, I'm sure I'll get to it. Yeah gize, I'm still here. I'm just not as active as I would like to be, seeing as how I still have summer classes and all. Once real school starts, I'll have XC to worry about and so odds are that my visitation to this wonderland of fuck will be even more limited. But alas, I do my best to come and keep up with y'all. I'm fine, just busy as fuck. And thanks, UU, I've had some ideas that I wanted to get down on paper (er, computerscreen) which I plan to finish later. Really, I try to come here when I can. I just can't be here as much as I used to be. (for now!) But I'll take Uncyc off the back burner and be back to full-time fry cook before you know it. sirsysrq @ 18:00 Jul 11

Well, here's a quick whore to get things started: Pick 'n' choose the best of the lot (I just want people to cast there votes - it's so close, I'd like to know which way it's gonna go!). - [18:08 11 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I MISS SNUGGLING WITH YOU!

When are you going to quit that stupid school and start spending more time with me? -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:12, 11 Jul

When they start buying music from freelance musicians without credentials. sirsysrq @ 18:14 Jul 11

They do. K-Fed put out an album didn't he? I mean, I know you're not as talented as he is, but at least there's a chance. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:16, 11 Jul

In any case, take care of yourself and good luck with school my young friend. Keep stopping in when you can. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:21, 11 Jul

Shonuff. I think the next few weeks will be good for me, and I should be here a bit more often. You may even see me in IRC. But for now, I'm off to the soothing world of celestial ambiance. sirsysrq @ 18:34 Jul 11

You like quaaludes too? Wanna buy some? -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:51, 11 Jul

Will u review my article

Hey SysRq or Cajek or anyone, would u mind pee reviewing my ventura,ca article, please. I really wanna know whether i'm going in the right dir. with this one. There's already a review page set up. just look under current listings. thanks a bunch-Bobofosho2 04:01, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

If I can get to it today, I'll do it. sirsysrq @ 18:50 Jul 12

UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008

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The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

July 10^th, 2008 • Tenth Issue Spectacular!

Uncyclopedia running out of interesting stuff, UnSignpost starts up shitty telethon! By DJ Irreverent Look at you, sitting there all high and mighty with your Chuck Norris facts and Oscar Wilde quotes, well during this season of laziness and sitting round jacking off, please donate the gift of humor (or humour, we bend that way to no matter how much we are chased out of church) to a poor Uncyclopedian run newspaper near you. Take this poor little article for example; Canadian Tire Money or Canny as no-one calls him, just 8 minutes old and he is already roaming the streets. Illiterate and doing incoherency, long lines of lists and e before i (especially after c), it is only a matter of time before he turns to gay jokes to fund his addictions. Please help this little article achieve its potential as an Injoke by donating the gift of laughter, stupidity... or even just simple bad taste. Successes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[complete success]! ~ Annoying Article Fuck not this again... ~ Captain Obvious Free publicity in exchange for; 1) Shitty memes 2) Dragging up shitty memes ~ Euroipods There's more you can do... Call you're nearest admin and start a discussion about just how much humor you can donate (read: swearing and shock-porn), or start the 2717231278th forum topic concerning how we all must strive to remove the scourge of shitty articles. In the immortally misattributed words of our founding fathers, stillwaters and Chronarion "Fuck were we high" er... or words of respected member TheLedBalloon "Also, in the ass or the mouth?" oh dear... or even words of respected member 81.101.207.62 "Hey look a donut". Amen. Our lines are open to your pledges 25/7. Please help Save Cats from Degrading Captions- wait... - Save the Porn onto my Hard-drive- uh... I remember! Save UnSignpost from falling into a pit of lame memes and boring articles, here is a parting word from a little one in need of YOUR help. Ry4N IS TEh GH3Y n00b whO SUX b4lls!!1 ~ Ryan kella Makes you think don't it? We will be taking your calls now. Or now. Not now. Ok, now. Modusoperandi OP'ed!? By: THEDUDEMAN This past month of June, the Uncyclopedia community got its first chance at VFS since February, and one new op was decided upon. While there were many great and very capable candidates, one in particular got the most attention and the most votes. Modusoperandi. This long time Uncyclopedian has been to VFS almost every time it gets opened as far as we can trace, and always misses it in the final round by a slim number of votes. However, this month turned out to be a winner for him, so congratulations Modus. MO likes to spend his time writing things and 'chopping some images, but also finds time to goof off in the forums, and relieve the everyday pressure of his fellow colleagues with his off topic sense of humor, which he rarely hides. Modus has a total of 19.5 featured articles as well as 10 featured images. We at UnSignpost congratulate Modus on his winnings, and are willing to put $10 on him becoming the next STM. UnSignpost Takes A Wikibreak By: UU Yeah, the UnSignpost, the newspaper that Uncyclopedia would totally fall apart without, took a wikibreak last week. They seem to be fashionable, so we thought we'd find out what they were all about. They seem to involve time spent not hunched over a keyboard in a darkened room. The UnSignpost reminds you that such activities are hazardous to your health, and should be avoided at all costs. (Note: this is absolutely true - in no way did the UnSignpost just miss a week because no-one could be bothered to edit it, or anything)

Check out these pages! Colonization? CMC? Is that some new kind of drug? Rollback: Privilege or Curse? Dimwits beware Cajek launches attempt to kill Wikia servers? From our logs: 19:56, 30 June 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a sloppy wet blowjob ‎ 19:42, 30 June 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) changed group membership for Modusoperandi from (none) to sysop ‎ (I asked on IRC for a funny reason tto put here, and no-one could come up with one. Losers.) 22:39, 30 June 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 80.42.211.35 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking articles will not compensate for your small penis)) (Block log); 18:54 . . Codeine (Talk | contribs) (blocked 71.231.38.117 with an expiry time of 1 week: No, Pete Doherty is a talentless junkie cunt. Deal with it.) (Huff log); 18:21 . . Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) (huffed "Hate Crew official fan club": Shock to the page/and you're to blame/baby, you give stubs/a bad name) (Huff log); 20:12 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (huffed "Cabal/Cabal9": content was: 'there is a cabal' (and the only contributor was located and executed by the cabal. There is no cabal) (Block log); 22:30 . . Mhaille (Talk | contribs) (blocked User:Revel4tion with an expiry time of infinite: and on the eight day he fucked off) 10:58, 8 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.95.139.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (You partly piss me off. The rest of me is in love. I'm torn. Come back later. I hate you. I love you!) Biopic of the Week MrN9000 ~ One of the more "seasoned" users on Uncyc, at a sprightly 360 years old, MrN was bitten by a pair of radioactive Y-fronts in his youth, bestowing upon him the awesome power of pants. Fortunately for us here at Uncyc, he decided to use those powers for good, and he is now our reigning king of poop, featured author and amateur tap dancer (hea, a man can have more than one hobby!) Quote of the Week <Codeine> here's a thought <Codeine> If you download music, supposedly you're damaging the music industry <Codeine> but <Codeine> if you download childporn, you're *supporting* the childporn industry <Codeine> I'M GETTING MIXED SIGNALS <Ljlego> moral of the story: <Ljlego> childporn is the way to go <zombieninja> XD <Run-DLL> thanks for the moral go-ahead Crappy deleted Stub of the Week "this chocolate is blue. and it has a BIG GREEN PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#" - From Blue chocolate Reason to take a Wikibreak of the Week (Admin Special) "You dream that you're being deopped after being called "The Bloody Admin" (as in that one whose hands are drenched in user's blood). Yes. Yes." - Mordillo

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:35, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Thank You for the Scroll Bar Script

It was excactly what I was looking for to places on a few pages like Geocities, My userpage, and Spam (electronic). It also makes a great vote whoring tool. ----Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{( yell | FAQ | I did this )} 12:22, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

lolwut sirsysrq @ 20:00 Jul 13

Is it really that bad?

Hey Cajek, I think you saw my ventura, ca article. I got it pee reviewed and the guy who reviewed it, hated it. Would you mind telling me if it's really that bad?-Bobofosho2 20:20, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Umm...this is my talk page. Try his. sirsysrq @ 20:53 Jul 15

haHA! Awkward. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:01, 17 Jul

I've added a line or two to the bottom of the review - I didn't think it was that bad, that was a harsh review. Try getting another. Ask a regular reviewer to look it over. Incidentally, as I'm on your page again - hi Sys! --UU - natter 18:55, Jul 17

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

July 17^th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

It's The Poo Lit. Surprised? By UU Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running By UU In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites. Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently. MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants. Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...) Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way. RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way! Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.

Check out these pages! Some sort of prize thingy limps off the starting line No news is... Led news? Blog whoring FTW! From our logs: 17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is a penis, this is you) 18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world ) 23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (IN them?) 08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital) Biopic of the Week Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatest articles ever composed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children? Comeback of the Week Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers? Plea of the Week Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:08, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Readmesoon TOTALLY didn't forget to add a new header.

Hey SysRq, how in the world did you get that image with your name on it up in the corner behind the potato on your userpage? I would love to do that with mine, but I have no idea how. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Steal my code. Just scan through the top and you'll find it. It's just a div layer I stole from the Featured code. And then I just made my own image and uploaded it. sirsysrq @ 17:30 Jul 23

My I ask how you made that image? Which program? I don't have too many myself so I'm not sure on how to make an image like that. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

I'm teh gheys so I don't use Photoshop. I did that guy in GIMP. sirsysrq @ 17:42 Jul 23

Yay! You're back! Not seen you in ages! and Yettie's away, I had to make do with Hv! How are you now-a-days? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:45 23 July 2008

That sucks. I don't have that. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

GIMP is free, go download it. It's relatively easy to work. And HI ORION! Yeah, I'm trying really hard to get on here as much as I can, but with my music stuff starting to pick up, XC season fast approaching, and schoolwork to wrap up before my senior year starts, Uncyc has kinda been put on the back burner. Fear not, I anticipate being back to full active duty come this winter. But until then, my visits will be, unfortunately, few and far between. I've actually got some article ideas, so don't be surprised if I spring one on you here in a few days. And wait, where's Yettie gone to? sirsysrq @ 18:01 Jul 23

Spain. Like every other brit at the minute. Been away for ages, but he says he'll be back on the 26th, I can't wait! And make time! Invent a new kind of time machine that creates boxes of free time -- it'll be great! we I'll make millions! Have you been keeping track of my blogs though? I started another one for serious like fiction (everyone seems to think there's rape in it but there actually isn't leading me to believe they haven't read it). And you know how VFH is kinda low at the minute? Would you think that UnNews:Wikipedia Re-Labelled “Pornopedia” By Conservatives would be good enough for it? I just don't like self nomming, makes me feel dirty and big headed. And geeze it feels like you've been gone for months, I don't wanna have to wait until winter, that's years away! Well, seriously, good luck with your music and your other stuff. Look forward to this new article! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:21 23 July 2008

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

July 24^th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million By Gerrycheevers This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! By An unbiased journalist After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

Check out these pages! Yay! Woo! We all fail! Who judges the judges? (Apart from Zombiebaron, of course) Rock the vote? From our logs: 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT)) Biopic of the Week Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight! Page of the Week (straight version) User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page! - no explanation needed. Page of the Week (gay version) User:Orian57/Under my matress - the yin to OptyC's yang. So to speak. You have been warned. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation Really Old Image Request of the Week For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:46, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Hey! SysRq! Hey! Hey! Over here! SysRq! Look over here!

Hey, you know, I've been laughing at Don't vote for my dog! for days. I was wondering if you would be unhappy if I made a copy of it in my userspace and tried to add content to make it VFH'able. pillow talk 18:49, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Go for it. I hate that article as it is and will deny having anything to do with it. sirsysrq @ 21:28 Jul 28

Wellll... I typed on it. I don't know. What do you think? Did I ruin it? pillow talk 23:09, 28 July 2008 (UTC)

Got a chuckle out of me. sirsysrq @ 01:34 Jul 29

HALP!

SysRq, you're good with numbers...can you fix this? All shit's happening - it's getting crazay busy - we've had about three edits in an hour! I'm loosing track... - [19:07 31 July] Sir FSt Don Yettie

I can try. Gimme a sec. sirsysrq @ 20:31 Jul 31

FREE DOWNLOADS HAY FREE DOWNLOADS

User:Heck no techno/Free Downloads!! I think I've done marginally well so far. Here's the link so you can edit your butt out off. HNT♥♥ Look at this|Look at that |now it's time to sit & chat 21:54, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Looks groovy. I'll get on that mofo. But my internet has been spotty, so if I suddenly vanish, it's because Verizon is lame as hell. sirsysrq @ 00:46 Aug 1

Sweetness with the edits you did. I think we need to hide the Contents menu permanently from the page to really keep the real-website vibe. And I think if you want to add to my testimonials then go ahead and do it, because I can't think of any other dumb goon to exemplify. Heck no techno|talk 20:35, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

I can has? Cool deal. I'll get to workin' on it as well. And if you haven't already done so, I'll ix-nay the contents. sirsysrq @ 21:02 Aug 1

Care to vote?

For this article?, it's my Why? that I think is probably one of my best pieces, and you said you enjoyed it. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:14 3 August 2008

I thought it was hilarious. I will gladly vote for it. We're glad you chose SysRq's Talkpage for whoring this article; please take a moment to fill out this brief survey to help us provide a more positive whoring experience in the future. Have a slutty, slutty day! sirsysrq @ 22:21 Aug 3

Yay! I can pretty much gaurantee yetties vote too so at least now I feel my self nomming is justified. Ta muchly. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:23 3 August 2008

Absolutely justified. You're becoming a great writer, ya know? sirsysrq @ 22:25 Aug 3

Aww fanx. /ebd bashful here is something else I've started. Also my story blog I'd really apreciate your opinion on. And WotM, don't be silly. I'm not nearly consistant enough. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:28 3 August 2008

The Power Ranger thing looks hilarious. I'd love to review it when you're finished; just let me know when you're ready. The blog looks good, but I will have to read it later, as I have Algebra to finish. And now comes the counterattack: one and two. I'm off to maek moar numbas. Enjoy your summer. sirsysrq @ 22:37 Aug 3

I have been. I started my holiday back in May when my exams finished. Also the power rangers thing I had an idea of giving each section of text a colour to emphasise the garish colours but it's probably a bad idea, what do you think? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:30 4 August 2008

Stop whoring! --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:32, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

Homophobe! You see that Sissy, you gonna let him get away with that on your talk page? huh? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:38 4 August 2008

You're playing Super Mario 64??? I demand an explanation. - [16:30 4 August] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Are you!? It's the best game ever! Although I recal you saying old N64 games, You ever played Banjo-Kazooie? That's a close second. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:44 4 August 2008

Oh it's in your status bar thing. I see! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 16:46 4 August 2008

Oh, it still had me as online. Gay. And yes, I was playing a ROM of SM64. It's pretty much the greatest game ever. sirsysrq @ 17:17 Aug 4

Radio, radio

Dude.

I'm working out the plot to this Fictioncast (that's now the official name for a podcast of fiction), and it could be very, very epic.

I'd give you details, but (a) I want this to be done in secret behind the backs of the Uncyclopedians who are not involved so they can enjoy it, (b) I'm too lazy, and (c) I don't exactly know what they are yet.

Suffice to say, we could really use some robot sounds.

I'll be plotting and recruiting people as characters over the next few weeks, and I can't begin to tell you how psyched I am. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 04:54 Aug 05, 2008

Oh, oh, and I'm on Skype (cjlesiw). I can't talk on it now because I'm in a place with dialup and shaky connection at best. And I have a mic. Wheeeeee, this is going to be fun! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 05:30 Aug 05, 2008

Coolcoolcool. My mic power supply is scheduled to hit the warehouse on Monday, meaning I may have it by the Friday after that. What kind of mic do you have? And you can Special:Emailuser me with any ideas you may already have. ¿Sound effects? Donwurryaboudit. I can take care of all that via mine own magical powers. Hope to hear from you soon. Cheers! sirsysrq @ 23:54 Aug 5

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

July 31^st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet By Gerrycheevers Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration. While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article. Virus exposes user vulnerability to death By Regret Tenenbaum Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following: a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch. Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain) loss of sexual activity sexual withdrawal build-up of fluid in the scrotum a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis blood in semen General weak and tired feeling The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum. Other nasty stuff. Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.) The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any. Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him. Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages! Ever get interrupted on the loo? Is PEEING taking the piss? Drama! From our logs: 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember) 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!) 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Oh, I bet you think you're all crafty n' shit, don'tcha? DON'TCHA! Well guess what: I can see through your ruse now, you sockpuppet-impersonating iIdunnowhat!) 21:04, 29 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.196.62.163 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wanker: Take a day off. Take some deep breaths. It's only France) Biopic of the Week The Woodburninator ~ What should thou doest upon sighting The Woodburninator? Run away, apparently. Unless you're looking to read some high quality articles. Last month's NotM has made quite an impression on Uncyclopedia in his short time here, despite claims that he is about as useful as the 5-star rating system. Don't be fooled! WB is on track to contribute far more than the ratings system (especially since the average UnSignpost rating is about 1.2), and then some. Just don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage... Old-school featured article of the week Check out Moon hoax. Ever been told by one of your know-it all friends that we never landed on the moon, and it was all staged on a set in the desert? Well, after reading this article, you should be prepared to thoroughly debunk your narrow-minded chum. Just be sure that you wager heavily on 'we went to the moon' before you start explaining. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/28/08 Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You will learn the true meaning of Christmas after much embarrassment and the intervention of a friend with a dictionary. see more horoscopes Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week: Russian Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol and the Crappy Translation. Quotes of the Week <DrSkullthumper> Goatse is work safe if you're a proctologist <AAA^> "Muslim Porn: Women revealing their hair"

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 07:55, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Review my Article, Please

Hey there. I'm trying to get my article reviewed, and i asked YTTE to review it but as hes going to be going away, he said to ask a peeing member, and saw that you had a high number of in-depth reviews. So could you please review my article. I would really appreciate it if you would review it.-- Altair-the Eagle (talk to me) 21:38, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

Start posting your talk page posts at the proper end of the page and I'll be glad to oblige. From what I've read so far, which is none of it, it looks pretty good. I'll be sure to review it when I get the chance; I would now, but I'm going to bed soon. XC season can be a bitch, ya know? sirsysrq @ 02:43 Aug 7

Ugh, XC season. Some bad times there. I hate running, why did I do XC again? Although, my coach was a racist prick, so that at least livened things up. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 17:57, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, i was running out of people who weren't taking a break from uncyclopedia for a while. It's my firs article and i wanted to know whther it was any good.Again thanks. Oh and i posted from the top because so many other users seem to be doing that so that they can go straight to the most recent message. I wasn't sure whether you also did that or not. -- Altair-the Eagle (talk to me) 17:38, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

You were incorrect and for that you will pay with your life. Woody, I hate running as much as you do. But I love XC. Irony? I think not. And I swear I will get to that review sometime, probably before the end of this week. Thank you for your patience. sirsysrq @ 02:08 Aug 8

The guys on the team were pretty awesome, and some of the practices are ok. It makes sense. The team is fun, the sport, not as much. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 03:03, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

review

hey, sysrq, i'm not sure if you forgot about the review you said you'd do for me, or if you've been really busy (both are acceptable excuses and have happened to me multiple times). anyway, if you're not going to get around to it, i don't mind, i just want to take the template off the page so someone else can take a look at it. also, congrats on being the signpost's uncyclopedian of the week! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:29, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Indeed I have forgotten. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't even notice I was mentioned in the UnSignpost. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I will review your article before the end of this week. Thank you for being so patient with me, I've just been very busy with other projects right now. sirsysrq @ 02:11 Aug 8

ok, no worries. thanks again. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:06, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 7th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

August 7^th, 2008 • Fourteenth Issue • Just like Grandma used to make!

Uncyclopedia Forum set to consume the Internet By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Top scientists at the Uncycloversity this week predicted that a Village Dump topic, started in June by prominent Uncylopedian and alchemist Spang, will one day consume the entire internet. According to the university's top expert, Dr. Skullthumper, Ph.D.: "This is one of those things that could go on forever. I mean, at least counting to a million has a definite ending. With this, there is no end, since everyone wants to be the last person to edit." Wikia staff member and Uncyclopedian Sannse predicts that the forum topic will take up all of Wikia's hardware by late 2009 and will then begin to "consume all around it, like I did that time I tried marijuana." She went on to add, "nothing will be safe – not even Wikipedia," before blessing herself and staring reverently at a statue of Jimmy Wales. Others, however, are more optimistic. According to Modusoperandi, "eventually someone will invent some sort of robot or hobgoblin to automatically edit the topic, and then it will have to be locked. Either that, or someone will figure out that there is no prize, rendering the whole thing pointless. And then I shall be the winner!" Spang was unavailable for comment because, according to his spokesperson, "he is busy in his cave dreaming up more crazy schemes to destroy the internet." Admins everywhere! By Gerrycheevers If you're a wiki-troll, cyberbullying vandal or extremely crappy article, you'd better start watching your behind. Three new deputies were voted in by the Uncyclopedia Sheriff's Department: Dr. Skullthumper, RAHB, and Roman Dog Bird. The trio were bestowed this great honor last Friday by Codeine. This brings the total amount of active authority figures who could wallop you over the head with a banhammer to 29. The reason for the unusally high number of new sysops is that a clear consensus could not be reached, and also that all three of these individuals are "awesome". The new admins were extremely pleased and greatly honored by their new title. None of them wasted any time in executing their first sysop move (RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper banned Cajek; Roman Dog Bird deleted one hundred articles, then banned Cajek). The prescence of these new neighborhood patrollers was evident immediately, with QVFD being renamed "Skull and RAHB's House of Huffing", and placing {{VFD}} in an article now automatically classifying it as "Roman Dog Bird's bitch". The reactions from the new sysops were similar, with all three pledging to delete bad articles, ban unworthy knuckleheads, continue plans for world domination, and "try not to muck up the site too much". RAHB has set himself lofty goals, including "keeping it cool" and some wiki-related nonsense that this reporter didn't understand. Roman Dog Bird wished the readers of the Signpost to know that he said "something", and went on to add that he will continue to "clean crap up...only now with more power." Dr. Skullthumper is thankful that no one has caught on to the trio of new ops and expresses his optimism as far as not being immediately de-opped, but also listed several early accomplishments as well as future goals. With these three brave new souls now patrolling the corridors of this silly wiki, it is truly a dark time for terrible articles, merciless vandals, and Cajek.

Check out these pages! Against againsts? Census time Is it, in fact, Hammer Time? Skullthumper revealed! From our logs: 01:57, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Okay, that's enough Uncyclopedia. Bye.) 02:05, 1 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) unblocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) ‎ (ARGH NOOOO I CAN'T ESCAPE) 20:14, 3 August 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Orian57 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 minutes ‎ (Admins do not abuse their powers. On the contrary, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia) 14:21, 6 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) huffed "EQ" ‎ (Thanks for the Psychology course refresher. Don't worry, I paid attention in that class, I don't really need it.) 15:54, 7 August 2008, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.106.53.68 (Talk) (expires 15:54, 8 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (I don't know what the Somali is for "Don't do that". But don't do that.) Biopic of the Week SysRq ~ Not just a button on your keyboard anymore (well, half a button, really), SysRq has become quite the Uncyclopedian in his time here. Spending his time writing awesome stuff, utilizing his platinum urinal, and coming up with stuff on the fly, he has earned a spot among the elite that Uncyc has to offer. (And this seems to be a bit of a recurring theme, but again, don't scroll all the way down to the bottom of his userpage.) Old-school featured article of the week Check out Battle of Gettysburg, a harrowing documentary of one of the bloodiest battles in the American Civil War, and one man's fight to get through it. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Gemini (May 21 - June 21) - Help! I am being held hostage in the horoscope editing room! see more horoscopes

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Painstakingly hand-delivered by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:26, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: August 14th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

August 14^th, 2008 • Fifteenth Issue • May contain traces of humor

Uncyclopedia kidnapped! By Gerrycheevers In a shocking development, a brazen individual absconded with Uncyclopedia just over a week ago. Users were shocked when their attempts to access the site between 18:33 and 20:07 UTC on August 4th resulted in a sinister message being displayed, promising the swift return of the wiki should the kidnapper's demands be met. Panic ensued, with several Uncyclopedians wandering off to places unknown, never to return. Once the site was restored and the intertubes reconnected, the identity of the culprit was obvious: Orian57 had made the last edit before the ninety-minute gap, with the ominous and puzzling edit summary of "I AM STEALING UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!" The site itself seemed to be mostly fine after its harrowing ordeal, with the exception of VFP, which turned all of Zombiebaron's against votes into ten for votes during the first few hours back. This reporter caught up to Orian57, and had the opportunity to talk with him at some length about the reasons for the abduction. After consulting with his lawyer, Orian agreed to comment on the situation. On why he stole the wiki, he said, "my motivation for this cyber-terrorism wasn't something trite like 'because I could' or 'it wasn't me'. No. It was because nobody was paying me any attention!" It seems that Orian, in a desperate bid for attention, locked the Uncyclopedia server in a basement, and attempted to edit it so that all content referred to him. Perhaps his subconcious got the better of him, or perhaps the spirit of Sophia came to Uncyclopedia's rescue. In any case, Orian claims he heard a female voice speaking to him, which convinced him to return the server and allow "uncyclopedians around the world to stop masturbating and return to peeling potatoes or whatever they do." Some sort of competition finishes By UU So as you may have noticed, recently a contest of titanic proportions has been gripping the world like no other event. Palms have been sweaty, nails have been chewed, bribes, threats, and allegations of stimulant abuse have been rife. But now, the latest incarnation of the Poo Lit Surprise has drawn to a close, and so our attention can drift to that bunch of steroid-enhanced nutters at the Olympics. Finally, the questions on everyone's lips have been answered. Providing they were related to the Poo Lit Surprise, and who was going to win. Other questions, unfortunately, remain unanswered. However, if you do want to know who won, and haven't found out already, you can find out here. We could just tell you here, but where's the fun in that? We should, however, point out that if you haven't seen all of the articles yet, there are some real crackers amongst them, and not just the winners either - which probably reflects well on the Uncyclopedia Community as a whole, although it may just hint that everyone saved their best articles for this one small period of time and now has nothing else to offer for another 6 months. We'll see, but in the meantime, have a look at all the entries - there should be chuckles on offer whatever your sense of humo(u)r!

Check out these pages! WHAT'S with THE caps SITUATION? Out with the old... ...and in with the legends? From our logs: 13:06, 8 August 2008, Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 60.54.79.28 (Talk) (expires 13:06, 9 August 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Blanker: You disappoint Vishnu.) 19:45, 11 August 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Dxbn (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're a boob. Not the good kind, either. If you were, you'd have a nipple right 'there'. Just the thought of you being the good kind of boob makes me a little hard.) 19:51, 11 August 2008, Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.40.99.2 (Talk) (expires 19:51, 11 November 2008, anon. only, account creation blocked) (blanking is the lowest form of wit. Even lower than Steve Martin.) Biopic of the Week RadicalX ~ Since the dawn of Uncyclopedia, users have had the need for images. And RadX, himself created with Adobe Photoshop, has obliged. Even a quick look at his image gallery should cause you to drop to your knees and weep. He also is an extremely talented writer, and spends his time spreading the light of The Church of T with his prophet, Bradaphraser. Old-school featured article of the week Ever been knocked in the nards so badly that you saw stars, but never figured out who the culprit was? Well, it was probably midget cockpunching terrorists. These cheeky buggers have been assaulting the most sensitive area of such well-known figures as Frank Sinatra and Ronald Reagan for decades. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week you should be self-centered in all your endeavors, except for grenade-tossing practice. see more horoscopes Shamless space-filler of the week Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

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Fired out of a newspaper cannon by: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:52, 16 August 2008 (UTC)