User talk:Romartus/Archive1

Welcome!

Hello, Romartus, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

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At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Romartus/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

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Salve

Just came by to say I've been enjoying your articles. That's all. :-) RabbiTechno 16:58, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Oh yes, Uncyc thrives on the UK v. US rivalry. We Brits do it better, needless to say. I assume you've had a classical education, looking at your contributions? I've been planning on doing a retelling of the Iliad in the style of Guy Ritchie's gangster films for a while - I'll keep you posted since you may be able to add humour to such a piece. BTW, you appear to be having problems signing comments. Just add ~~~~ after whatever you want to sign and it ought to appear as if by magic. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:04, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Roman emperors

Thanks for the kind words. I've tried to edit your articles without making too much changes to the original meaning and jokes so I'm glad you approve.

As for the Augustus article, I agree that it feels out of place and isn't all that good. It might be possible just to bulldoze the whole thing and start again (that's happened before, with the BBC article for example) but I've always thought doing that's rather rude, especially if an article is all the work of one person. I suppose a bit of looking at the history might indicate whether it's something people have been adding to in bits and pieces over a long time or whether it's largely the work of one person. --Zarbag 16:35, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Actually, having gone back and had a look at it again it's really pretty poor and I think it might be worthwhile rewriting the whole thing. Except my "Captain Obvious" quote which is really good, obviously. --Zarbag 16:37, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia Defence Force

How is the article? and why can't you upload pictures anymore? --Mazman343405 00:15, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Dude

this is an archive page, please don't edit it. The vote is closed. Also, reverting a sysop is generally considered bad for your health. Best not to do it. Have fun. MrN 12:15, Mar 15

In gratitouille

 In gratitude for your vote  

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"   Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process. So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate the next time I hit myself on the head with a heavy object to you. Thank you. The following heavy objects are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to use in dedicating my head-bashing to your user name. Ball-Peen Hammer Four-Post Bed Golden Happy Buddha Mickey Rourke

Scrub typhus

I respect your opinion and somewhat understand the point you're trying to make, but could you elaborate on what needed an explanation? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:10, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for 'coming over' as I thought we were cluttering up the VFH page with comments bouncing back and forth.

First of all - Orientia tsutsugamushi - until I read it here and then googled - I had no idea what this was. I am no scientist but I do read a lot of other works besides my own chosen area of history (as my edits here will attest). So the first problem I saw here was - explain to other 'non-scientists' why this article could be funny and what the actual joke(s) are. I am not saying write it for 'commoners' as such but if you look at a newspaper - they have to 'fill in you' before getting to the core of the story. So the same came be applied when writing a funny story but there are always pre-conditions and limitations where you are going to have people who are simply not going to understand. So if this was an uncyclopedia for scientists or biologists - then you wouldn't have to waste time in explaining the set up. However for a more generalist humour site like this one (though it has plenty of crap/crude crap/racist crude crap ) - I would write in a way that is a bit more accessible.

So for this article (are you the author btw ?) - it really needs a 'scenario' setting scene to bring a reader into the story and why this is a something people could find funny or not. --Romartus 12:41, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Hyperbole is the author. But things like Orientia tsutsugamushi, you don't actually need to know what it is. It's some scientific mumbo jumbo, whatever. (They're actually a species of bacteria from the order Rickettsiales, but that's beside the case.) I think the scientific prose contributes to the article's humour. It's like some teenage smartass starts criticizing a respected scientist's work. This teenage smartass could be described as a "self-proclaimed expert", since he seems to know some scientific stuff (hence the scientifically tainted prose). However, this smartass actually proves himself to be quite stupid, since all of his conclusions are simply retarded. (Like with using Google Image Search and interpreting "D.J." as a job prescription.) The humour is in the irony of it all. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:56, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the reply. I will remain a 'no' on the article though I appreciate being able to talk to someone calmly about their work without instead of the usual DIE YOU RETARD messages I was expecting ! Perhaps that will come later. --Romartus 14:59, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

No worries. If this article doesn't appeal that much to you, you're free to vote 'against'. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:10, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Roman Emperors

Well, I'd like a shot at Valentinian I and (for some stupid reason) Claudius II but apart from that they're all yours. I'd also like a shot at some of the later "Byzantine" emperors like Phocas but I think it'll be a while before we get to them.

As for Augustus, I think it should be steamrolled and re-written and I'm embarrassed by my hand-wringing about whether to re-write it before. It smells bad right now. --Zarbag 19:07, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Hey man. How are you doing today?

I see you're voting multiple (twice) on UotM. You can only vote for one person, no against's either. Just making sure you know!:) --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:51, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

That is, as long as the against is just a joke. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:53, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Woohooo!

It's Naked Barbie Time! Times are tough out there but Barbie™ and all of her friends sure know how to show their appreciation for your generous vote to feature Economic Collapse Barbie™ They'll be seeing you in the bathtub later on tonight!

Hey, a kilo of coke and we got us a party man.....sniff.......--    12:08, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

In Graltitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next common typographical error to you. Thank you.

The following common typographical errors are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Typing "teh" for "the"

The old e/space swap; i.e. "ther eis" for "there is"

Confusing "Dr. Spock" and "Mr. Spock", again

Typing "Soluble fish" for "aaaand double drat!"

Danke schön!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildensternenstein

---

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildensternenstein

---

You only get one vote on the "of the Month" pages

Two is one too many. Also, againsts are generally frowned upon (a for for someone else has all the voting power, with none of the drama. I hate drama). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:16, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Thank You

The doctor will see you now Oh, by the way, before we begin todays session, I'd like to thank you for supporting my recent featured article. Now, tell me about your childhood.-- You know what the music means... Our time is up.

RE: Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters‎

I will nominate this for VFH once it is finished. --Romartus 10:17, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Actually, it's done (unless someone wants to add some garnish or gravy to it). Kinsey died in 1956, shortly after this article "occurs" in his life.  :) He'd published his first two reports Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948, followed by Sexual Behavior in the Human Female in 1953. Then he unexpectedly died of heart disease and pneumonia at age 62. But if you liked the article, I'd appreciate the nomination very much. Cheers. --T. (talk) 11:18, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! --T. (talk) 12:24, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Delete.

--Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 23:02, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

Hi

I'm glad you enjoyed Tradesmen --Nikau 04:37, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Nice to see someone taking on the articles of antiquity. I was thinking of doing one when I finish Rape and Pillage, oh and Tradesmen is up here for something Uncyclopedia:Top10 09/Apr if you really like it --Nikau 14:30, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Danke schön!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recent Writer of the Month campaign

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Sir Guildensternenstein

---

Augustus and Herman

Hi Romartus, I like the part you included in the Augustus article about Varus and Herman/Arminius. If we consider the historical facts (just for inspiration, of course :), we find that actually a man named Drusus started the conquering of ancient Germania, Varus came only later for administration. In the German Uncyclopedia I have prepared a short piece about Drusus, because he also had an interesting life. Another funny fact, I think, about the beginning of the Roman empire is the fact that there is hardly any inheritance of power in the direct line from father to son. It is all nephews, great-nephews, stepsons and adopted sons - not only in the actual line of emperors but also in a number of would-be emperors (like Drusus and Germanicus). Today we know that many patrician Roman families lacked natural children because they could afford the luxury of direct access to fresh water, which came through leaden pipes - the permanent lead contamination of their drinking water rendered many patrician men infertile. ... Anyway, is there actually something like a classical history section in Uncyclopedia? NaturalBornKieler (talk) 11:42, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

In fact, I did not publish the Drusus piece yet in the German Uncyclopedia because it is too short to stand alone. Actually I started to write an article about the Ancient Germans, setting off with the Cimbri and Teutones, then Caesar/Ariovist, Drusus, Varus/Arminius, and planning to go on with the later period of migration. I wrote on and on and then I found that I had written about Arminius most of the time, so I clipped out the Herman part and made it an article of its own, while the rest is still work in progress. I will do something about the Germanic migrations one day. This is an action-packed part of European history. --- If you see grammar and language flaws in the Herman article please go ahead and fix them. English is not my native language and in such a project, errors and awkward mistakes might always slip in. That's why I put the proofread template in the article as well. Thanks in advance. NaturalBornKieler (talk) 20:08, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Yet another useless award

Rabbi Techno awards you this lovely Mechanical Thing because you voted for something I wrote to be featured. Cheers!

Free Stuff

While I was over at the Googleplex researching History of Google I managed to grab a load of these promotional t-shirts. Here's one for you because you voted for the article on VFH! Model not included. Thankyou from Rabbi Techno

A little nagging

Hi Romartus, I like your writing very much but you have the habit of something we Germans call plenken (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plenken). You are frequently inserting spaces before commas and periods. This makes reading difficult. And I feel a little nit-picky right now ... I hope you don't mind a little feedback. Cheers. NaturalBornKieler (talk) 09:46, 12 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks so much.

Featured Article Assistance Award 

This user helped edit another person's idea which went on to be a featured article. You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH or take a look at the featured article archive.

For your nomination and great work on Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters— Featured May 19, 2009. --T. (talk) 11:37, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks thank tank!!!

I have to thank you all again Because you voted for my page about my Nursery to get featured on the front page of the internet and that’s really awesome because Mummy got me a new toy! Although she did tell me never to pee in the sandpit again.

Also, hello! Good to meet ya! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:33 27 May 2009

Thanks!

I just came by to thank all you. Because you did something I like to see in this newer generation, and that's appreciating those of us on the wrong side of 50. These days, getting featured isn't as easy as it used to be. Why, back in my day any ol' whippersnapper could throw something together and put it on the front page. Not anymore, not anymore at all. So I am glad to see myself on the front page of the good ol' wiki before I die. I guess its nothing big, but oh well. Anyways, I got to get back to helping Elmo now, so I better get going (he thinks his dresser is trying to kill him again.)

   Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   17:49, 31 May 2009 (UTC) --[[RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate)]] 06:11, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Romartus!

Pardon me. I just thought it might be more eye-catching than "Thanks". ^_^

So, uhm, thanks for votin' for my article, "I Like Cats (The Other White Meat)", eh? Like, maybe if you're not busy later you could come by, and I'll fry up some back bacon on the Coleman, and we can have a beer and talk. Unless you don't drink, eh? Cuz like I don't want to push you off the wagon or nothin'. I got some Tim Horton's coffee too, eh? Beauty. ~ Todd Lyons

And especially for your kind words on the nom page. :) I wish I had more time to write strange music, but instead I can just hope to get all 3 of my tunes eventually featured. One down, one likely, one unlikely.  :) --T. (talk) 20:47, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Hi Todd. I thought your song was very good and funny - which is surely the whole point of this website ? It at least appealed to me and that is all I can go on personally. --Romartus 05:51, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Sig

--sig 06:09, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

I guess I am being a bit dense here. I wonder how I can change my signature so that Romartus is at least in imperial purple. --Romartus 12:32, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure what shade that would mean, but I can help you get started...

Based on Wikipedia's definition of that colour, I made a sig file here, which does this:

RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate)

Feel free to edit the hex colour, make the "R" smaller... whatever you'd like.

Go to your "My preferences" page (near the top right of your screen), and in the "signature" box add {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Romartus/sig}}. Tick the "Custom signature (Check this box to create a custom signature in the field above. The signature uses the same wiki markup that a regular page does, including links.)" box, and you're done! Use the 4-tildes or signature button () to use your saved signature.

Hope this helps a bit. --T. (talk) 13:51, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Todd ! A gentlemen on uncyclopedia ! Thanks again - seriously. I am very analogue when it comes to all this formatting stuff but after being here for last six months - thought I needed at least a bit of colour to my pseudo imperial name ! --Romartus 15:09, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

---

You're very welcome. Don't hesitate to ask if there's anything I can help with. --T. (talk) 15:31, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks man

Good job with my UnNews. You've made some good constructive edits that have added to the article overall. Good job! Staircase CUN^t 06:52, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I liked the idea of the story and the news announcement. It also makes a good point about 'research' as well. What do we really know what is going on when scientists say they need millions of dollars to research something - and cancer is a prime example.--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 06:57, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Yea, when the idea popped into my head i thought I could get a winner out of it. However, it gt a bad pee review if you didn't notice. Staircase CUN^t 07:00, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Special thanks to my Roman friend

Hamboozoo Lawi Boozoo want to say sank you, ya otta!

You gived your voice to make za interfiew on za front page. So I want to say sank you... Want to see my brobelor? I also take you to za byramids and show you good time, and for you only 10 American dollars. No, wait! Come back! I want money! What do I tell to little Ahmad when he says ya baba, get food?...

Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:50 June 3 '09

Pee

Hi Romartus, articles must be Pee Reviewed prior to self-nomming.  :) Has yours? (I didn't see it there) --T. (talk) 14:49, 4 June 2009 (UTC) Ok you are right. I will delete it in VFH and move it there.--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 14:51, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

You ever heard of the "Minor edit" button?

Think about using it for smaller changes and tweaks to an article in stead of spamming Recent Changes with dozens of edits of less than 5 bytes... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 18:51, 4 Jun ===Thanks for your advice. I will use that in future. :). --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 18:56, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Pee Review

Hey Romartus. Your reviews were way too short, and not helpful. I know you gave good scores, but honestly, nobody cares if you think it was funny or not. You need to give advice.

I'm talking specifically about your two recent reviews, Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lurking and Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Boer War. These are really terrible reviews, Romartus.

Please read UN:PRG before you review again, Romartus. Usually this message would be delivered by Under user, who's an admin, and can ban your bad-review giving ass. Try to put a whole lot more effort into your reviews. Here's an example of a good review: Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Kill A Berserker   Le Cejak • <15:17 Jun 05, 2009>

That is a pretty savage review (I checked the link). I thought the idea was to encourage the writers. That was why I kept mine brief as I liked the two articles I chose and contacted both writers via the discussion page first with any suggestions of changes first. In fact both articles could have gone to VFH nomination straight away in my view and I have been here for the last six months to be a reasonable judge of the quality of articles that do go to those pages. Anyway Cajek - I don't want to particularly argue about this but I would also welcome Underuser's opinion as he is an admin. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 15:47, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Okay, well, you'll get it. Let me notify him that you're unwilling to change your reviewing style, and he'll be with you in a few...   Le Cejak • <15:55 Jun 05, 2009>

I prefer a direct conversation with the admin. I didn't say I wasn't going to change my review style either . If there is to be a warning or a ban - then I am willing to talk to the admin - no problem. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 15:59, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey, don't back track! You made yourself clear: you're not willing to give an in-depth review. You'll get a warning, I'm very sure of it.   Le Cejak • <16:00 Jun 05, 2009>

Either that, or you made yourself clear that you're not willing to listen to anyone except someone who can ban you.   Le Cejak • <16:06 Jun 05, 2009>

That is not true. I have received notifications before for doing something incorrectly . I just thought your approach in the first message was unnecessarily agressive. In fact I thought the idea was also to encourage people here to pee review in the first place. So if they don't do it correctly - then a friendly reminder should be in order - not threats of a ban. If I was a grade one troll - then perhaps no warning at all but as you can see I have been here for sometime and I have tried to be positive. This is after all a wiki to encourage people to come here to try out writing humour , looking at other writers work and to try and encourage those you like and offer advice. So now let me know. If the pee reviews are not any good - do I delete them or does an admin ? That means I am willing for others to do this and won't try a pee review in future until I understand this set up better. Ok ? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 16:17, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Actually, when I saw your insultingly tiny reviews, I thought "TROLL! TROOOLLL!" which it usually is, 99% of the time. When you actually came back to me and started talking in complete sentences, I got kinda scared. As far as reviews go, give long, in-depth, helpful reviews that focus not on subjective standards but on some semblence of community-agreed-to rules. I think the policy is for the author to revert the pee review if they don't like it. And, yes, people get banned for being trolls here, all the time, and for not listening when people come by (UU is much nicer, btw) and tell them not to do stuff. So, anyway, I'm a pretty aggressive person when it comes to my baby, the new PR. I have a very long history with, and partially took place in the inception of, UN:PR, UN:PRG (cowritten with MrN9000) {{Pee}}, User:Cajek/Pee, UN:ROTM, and even PEEING. So, I know now that you meant well, and I'll just slink back into the corner here...   Le Cejak • <16:23 Jun 05, 2009>

Thank you for explaining how you and others worked on the Pee Review - and I do see it as an important tool too. I didn't use it correctly so that is my mistake. So let's just 'shake on it' and put this exchange to one side. Deal or no deal ??--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 16:34, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

/me sweating uh, uh, uh... HOST: Mr. Cajek, the millionaire is offering you two HUNDRED dollars... But your case COULD have THREE! AUDIENCE: No deal! no deal! ME: I'll take the deal, Mr. host guy! AUDIENCE: aawwww... HOST: well, let's see what was in your case... OH, a donkey! You dodged a bullet there!   Le Cejak • <16:38 Jun 05, 2009>

LOL. Ahhh..my favourite programme. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 16:46, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Looks like I'm not needed here then, which is fine by me! (Seriously, my spiel is normally more along the lines of "thanks for taking the time to do some reviewing and help some folks out - seeing as you're taking that time, perhaps you'd like to make them a little more in-depth, because that's a lot more useful to the writer than just a quick opinion" - which, like a really good review, is designed to encourage further contributions, while giving them a bit of a pointer as to how they can improve). Cajek, bless his slightly more brash American nature, tends to be slightly more forthright (remember the fun you had with Zombiebaron and the "poison pee" template, Caj?) but it's only because he cares so much about this place. I'm glad things seem to have sorted themselves out. Good luck with any further reviews, Romartus. Now, just to annoy Cajek, I'm going to go ban Orian. --UU - natter 20:23, Jun 5

The poison pee template debacle was actually involving Tom Mayfair and myself. Seriously Cajek, lighten up. ~ 20:31, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Ban me?! What for!? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:39 5 June 2009

Because you're gay. Among other things. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:40, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Well..

I was going to add to the conclusion, per your suggestion, but everything I added sounded stupid to me. I was kind of waiting for a full review. If you think it's ready, I would be honored! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 16:45, 6 June 2009

Hey now

If anything gets featured or noticed - I will add the links here. Otherwise I will remain An annoying mouse moose.

I'm not sure why this was designated "Open Season on Romartus" week, but just for the record, I happen to like moose. Please excuse the grouchy and anal retentive usership (which includes me some weeks) and just continue to be you, as is. Even if you never write a featured article, just being helpful in tidying up this crappy website with good edits and useful feedback will still land you UotM eventually. --T. (talk) 17:11, 6 June 2009 (UTC).

Thanks Todd. As you can see I had a lively conversation with Cajek but it was 'sorted' as they say on EastEnders out without a recourse to arms. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 17:36, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

And hopefully Luverly feels a little better.  :) BTW, thanks for the vote on WotM. --T. (talk) 12:13, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

And thanks for the vote at UoTM :) and whats that about Mido? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 12:44 June 7 '09

I don' want to upset Egyptian fans of football but Mido does look bored when he plays in England. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 13:26, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, we know that. He is always bored. And angry :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:52 June 7 '09

Your VFD Voting

Could you vote according to whether or not you find an article funny, not irrelevent criteria that you pull out of thin air. mAttlobster. (hello) 19:00, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Eh ? Which VFD discussion in particular so I can understand your criticism. Is it all of them ?? We are talking about VFD where an article has turned up there because it is basically crap but might have some redeeming features - or not. This is unlike VFH where I do read the article and decide accordingly to my own personal views. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 21:26, 7 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

A couplet from Billy the Kid: Your vote's put another notch on my gun, Historical revisionism has never been such fun.

Thanks for your vote! IronLung 02:15, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Kurosawa

I think you may've totally missed the point. I wrote the article in the style of an academic retrospective on Kurosawa, the joke being his films are no longer considered "good" because they don't have any explosions/violence/special effects etc., according to a new generation of movie movie "critics". However, I try to make it clear that these "critics" are just ignorant, vacuous teenaged people who ignore things like Kurosawa's meticulous directing and social commentary, and look at his films from a purely modern-Hollywood-type view. Basically, I'm saying that most teenaged folks today don't know shit about what does and doesn't consitute a "good movie" (because it's true), and to a lesser extent, that anyone who doesn't appreciate Kurosawa for what he is (one of the greatest filmmakers ever) is a retarded twat. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:15, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Guildy for responding. I do understand and I haven't missed the point. My questions are more to do with the structure than content in this case. How to include viewpoints that run counter to the article about Kurosawa. If it is an academic retrospective, why do the viewpoints of the children appear in it ?? Are they reading the retrospective or has the writer asked them for their opinions ??? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 20:35, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:13, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

re: UnNews:Political Leaders Agree To Lose Height As An Economy Measure

WELCOME TO UNNEWS

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Romartus, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

---

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

---

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

---

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

---

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:41, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

It's Your Shout!

It's your shout! Your article, UnNews:Political Leaders Agree To Lose Height As An Economy Measure, has impressed GreaseMonkey enough for him to waste his precious time to read it out loud once and for all, so everyone would have to put up with his voice for yet another intolerable time. Congratulations!

--thematrixeætsyou, the kickass foo (talk) (flames) 01:57, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Award

Rabbi Techno would like to honour you with the coveted

BLUE SCROTUM AWARD
Which is given to those who have demonstrated remarkably excellent judgement,
impeccable good taste and faultless, all-encompassing wisdom
(by doing something like voting for ME to win WotM).
Well done and thankyou, from Rabbi Techno.

---

Thank you Romartus

YOU ARE LOVED! And in appreciation for your donation to The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association I am sending a sign of my personal love for you — your very own polyester prayer handkerchief, suitable for wiping the tears of joyous revelation. ~ B. G.

Delivered by his personal altar boy. --T. (talk) 13:47, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

I Will Possess Your Vote

Hey Romartus.  :) Sorry there's no clever template this time around... I just wanted to thank you for voting for UnTunes:I Will Possess Your Log before it disappears from VFH.

Cheers. --T. (talk) 15:31, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Guildy

---

How about that?

Jeez, I am sorry again. When I got there, there were no pics, so I just spruced and added. Any time I ever do something you don't want, feel free to contact me, or to simply remove it. I've corrected it in the sense of getting rid of Nazi references. Hope you like it, if not, let me know. Take care, Clemens177 07:59, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Clemens. I wasn't expecting the article to be changed so early. My mistake ,I should have added the construction tag on the end. I will keep a few things you added but I wanted to avoid the Nazi jokes if possible. Thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 08:07, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Your points are all noted...thanks for not biting me! Sorry again, really. Take care, Clemens177 09:06, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Celebrating my 1000th game namespace edit!!!!

Flutter has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 23:19, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Cheers me dear

For voting for me in my quest for Foolitzer and helping me win it for June 2009!--Sir Sunbeam no u F@H KUN 13:18, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildy

---

This is a Giant Ugly Template And it’s yours!

The actors would like to thank you! For voting for UnScripts:Heartbeat 2012 to become featured. Female Police Officer: Hel- Nathan: (interupting) Hello and thank you. We appreciate the recognition of our work and in recognition of this we give you this template. Female Police Officer: I swear to god if you cut across me like that again I'll beat you to death you bastard! Oscar: I apologise for the woman, she's not normally this vulgar. Must be her period or something.

   Orian57    Talk   10:54 5 July 2009

Thanks for the feedback

Re Vitiligo. Much along the lines of where I was going to take this. I didn't nominate this for feature - personally I think it still needs work - but given that it has been I've been using the time to draw up feedback on what I can do with it.--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 06:53, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

This may be a stupid question, but have you ever heard of anything saying that I can't edit my article while it is pending VFH outcome? Pup 06:49, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

I understand it is frowned upon but is not a hanging offence. Depends on how much needs to be reworked but you can always bring it back or ask for a pee review. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 06

53, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

That was a clever trick... Pup 06

59, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Hey, based upon my discussion with Spang, as the amendments that are being made to it don't affect the reasoning behind the positive jokes initially, and as you said the one joke that this had didn't really carry the article, I've made a few amendments. I hope that quisimpilizes your concept and we can turpianitate quisimipumial quasi-sermination persmullitanation and all is okay. Pup 06:46, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

CHEERS!
 Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.

Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!!
Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

I agree it is a bit long. But I hoped the funnies outweighed the length and am glad you voted for anyway. =) Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:33, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Too Mathsy, do you think?

If you've got five minutes to waste - User:Sog1970/The popularity of war --Sog1970 20:30, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Sog. I think the article needs the first paragraph to bring some of the many ideas you have here into a clearer focus. It also seems to me that the article could be re-arranged a bit better as it does seem to hop around a bit. I would push the mathematical idea into the first para - introduce it - as that is the main unifying theme/joke. Also should it be First World War rather than the Great War ? UNless there is a joke about 1 and the mathematical version of 'Great War' which you could argue was a sum total of all modern wars since 1648 ? May be park the idea about names of wars to another article. The War of the Austrian Succession (who cared about Austria really ?)...THe Seven Years war is known as something else in USA history..--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 21:40, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

In addition to the Durer thing...

I've just realised you wrote the Caligula article, awesome work. I watched the (awful) film, read a bit about him, then came across your article a couple of months ago and couldn't stop laughing. Are you doing more in the series?--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 20:25, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Zarbag wrote the main block. I added many of the pictures and finished it off as well with the last para. He seems to have disappeared or changed his user name (very confusing) but we did work on the Roman emperors up to Maximinus Thrax where I ran out of ideas (except to loop it to Gordon Ramsay for now). Most other writers welcome people to add their ideas to an article but some going into a hissy meltdown . So they are the ones to avoid !! So stick around , the site is looking a lot better when I found it by chance in December 2008. Todd Lyons btw (I think he is away ) is a very helpful admin. Look up his article on Doctor Kinsey and the Hamster experiment. He welcomed my additions to this piece and it got a VFH. So though I haven't put up any of my work for a VFH nom (i hadn't really thought I had written anything I was 100% sure on) - I am glad he won that one. That really should be the point of a place like this - at least to me. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 20:45, 5 August 2009 (UTC)----

In truth, if I were in the creative phase of an article (I mean one I'm writing from scratch and have an idea in my head and all), I may well also go into a hissy fit if someone started editing it, but I know what you mean, yeah. You say the site is looking a lot better now? That's good, to be honest I'm very impressed with the community, everyone offering something very different. If you have any ideas for a collab ever, I'd probably be interested (although I'll put a disclaimer on my user page regarding working conditions ;)). --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 21:34, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Check out Sog1970's page. His style reminds me of yours. As for collaborating - it is often best to start off with an article and then invite others to look at it (or people who think will be sympathetic to the style). Sometimes a simple line can inspire an add. There was a recent VFH about the truth about Jesus or something. The writer had left a heading 'Walking on Water'. I simply wrote it was a mishearing for Walking on Walter - a wannabe apostle. The original writer then went back to it and added a lot more. So I counted that as productive addition to another writer's work. I tend not to delete their work (that can be unwise) but additions can make a great difference. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 21:43, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Wow, pretty flattering to be compared to Sog (even if it is just the style we're talking about). He's one of the best writers around at the moment, in my opinion, his five featured articles (all pretty recent I think too) are pretty intimidating for an aspiring writer. That line about "Walking on Walter" was very funny btw, I remember reading it, nice. Yes, additions in pretty much any situation would be accepted (hopefully with a beaming smile, but I can't promise anything), it's more deletion and reversion and such that I would have a problem with.--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 21:50, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry too much about the VFH issue. Some writers think that should be goal number one and then get upset if they fail after one month. I am just interested in reading articles and being able to vote for them if they make me smile, laugh or hide under the table ! I personally enjoy the VFH (and VFD pages - both sound like sexually transmitted diseases with those initial letters) . They are good fun and we have had some dramas there ! So even if you are not writing - it is a place to go and see what is trying to muscle up to the front page. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 22:04, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, good way of thinking about things, I am interested in how well my articles, when they are finished, might do on VFH though. The main reason I stopped Durer was because I had a couple of other ideas and started turning those into articles too, which I'm equally hopeful of. I'm trying out different approaches at the moment too and doing a lot of peeing, so Durer has kind of become a side-project.--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 22:21, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

I'm still here

Yes I am. Although I haven't done some serious article-editing for a while, except a major cleanup/rewrite of Ricky Gervais which an IP number got all cross about (see edits for details). --Zarbag 22:25, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Good to hear from you again Zarbag ! I looked at your page and saw no recent activity.----RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 16:07, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Cheerio

50% off

---

your next prescription of Cheerios (avenasativa) tablets.
Offer valid only in California. Offer applies only with a doctor's consent and prescription. Thank you for voting for the featuring of Cheerios. Your support is much appreciated. Discount available only before time on signature. Therefore discount is void everywhere. Sorry.
Sir MacMania GUN— 15:56, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

---

Thank you for voting. And alas, 'tis a pity that we don't have Shreddies lined up in the queue after this. Maybe in the future. Sir MacMania GUN— 16:08, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Punk Floyd

I'd kind of agree about the PEE review but it got nommed before I'd entirely finished it - bit like The Popularity of War. Mind you, I wasn't going to bother as I assumed that the article would require some knowledge of Floyd and Sex Pistols which isn't a usual combination of interests. Too late now, however, so I just looked for typos, shifted some pics and re-wrote the into. --Sog1970 21:01, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Ok let me read it again and consider the changes. Thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 07:37, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, I wasn't whoring for a re-write. Well, actually I probably was. Thanks again.--Sog1970 09:42, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Frankly, I'm tired of cleaning up your messes on VFH and in the forums

This is how you format votes:

• On VFH/VFP, if you are voting For or Against, you precede the vote with a number sign (#)
• If you commenting/abstaining on VFH/VFP, you precede it with an asterist (*) to create a bullet point
• Of-the-Month votes are always (or should always be) formatted with nothing but bullet points. Same goes for VFD.
• When someone makes a comment with a bullet point...
  • ...and you want to respond with another bullet point, you do this.

1. When someone votes with a number sign...

   ...you comment on it like this, with either a colon (:) or an asterisk (*) AFTER the number sign, to prevent the numbering from breaking.

2. See? It works!

Now, let's say that I make a comment on the forum.

You respond to it with a colon.

Then I respond with an additional colon.

Ad nauseum.

And that's how you format votes and comments. I'd like to see you following this correct formatting in the future, because if I have to ever fix the formatting of one of your votes or comments again, then I'm going to ban you. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:50, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

TKF, could you dump a copy of this, or something quite like it, into the VFH pages, as Romartus isn't the only person who's done this in the past, and this is a handy little summary. Pup t 01:53, 9/08/2009

Good idea. Romartus has come to my attention as being a particularly bad offender, though. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:06, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Well thanks for the message TKF..a bit bluntly put the American way rather than 'I say old chap..do you mind not doing this or that....' but I learnt this earlier with Cajek as regards Pee Reviews (See above). I hadn't intended to mess the pages up and wasn't aware there was a particular house style except you had to sign your posts. So I think Puppy's idea of putting these guidelines up will help all contributors besides myself when writing comments etc. Warning received , to be implemented ..over and out. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 09:22, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Actually I have cleaned up a couple of your boo-boos as well, and it is frustrating to have to do that. The "lack of subtlety" is borne out of frustration at the situation, not at yourself. You also have to remember that the admins here deal with some complete fuckjackets over the course of their tenure, so if they become short, it's because they're scared that you'll be the next "I'm going to redirect every featured article ever done to my article about Bill Cosby." In short, don't take the tone to heart. Pup t 10:25, 9/08/2009

Yes I do understand. I wouldn't want to be an Admin ! And I also agreed with TKF's comments about what I was doing - then the criticism and warning is valid . No problem. If I am going to be hit on the head with a brick - then perhaps I am from the school you put a sock over it first to 'deaden the blow'. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 10:31, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

Nice edits!

thanks I was wondering what to do with that. Was thinking maybe Gordon Ramsey could be worked into it, but that's great now. :-) MrN 06:15, Aug 11

Thanks for helping make Six Hats a feature...

... given that your positive vote was... hang on... oh... ignore this message. Pup t 09:36, 11/08/2009

Thanks

Our appreciation is not easily earned.

But you have achieved what few others ever manage:
The respect of the
Kosher Nostra.
You can rest assured that you henceforth enjoy our protection,
our support and a bed free of beheaded bagel crumbs.
La Kosher Nostra.

---

Dear Romartus

Well, you can probably guess what this message is going to be about. Yup, VFH. But before I get to that issue, I'd like to discuss another thing I noticed. When you post a message, I often get the impression you are not a native speaker of English. But whether this is actually true or not, only you can tell me that. Now, what I'm trying to say is the following: Your writing style seems kinda odd at times, and your sentences often have an artificial feel to them. Among things that I've noticed are the fact you hardly ever use commas (you seem to use " - " instead sometimes) and your punctuation marks are often surrounded by spaces on both sides. These are things that stand out.

The last thing I'd want to do is acting like some smartass telling you how you should be dealing with things. I've read some of your articles and you are a great contributor to this site. The reason why I'm telling you all this stuff is because it relates to the recent "drama in the making" happening at VFH. No doubt some users have irritated you with against votes that were mimicking your style. Were they being childish? Perhaps, yes. However, they did this because they disliked some of your votes. Why they disliked your against votes is not because they were against votes, but because they didn't understand the message you were trying to communicate. The comments were either too vague or they couldn't really make sense of it. You have a right to your own opinion, but in your current writing style, a lot of people don't really get what you're saying.

In hopes of preventing anymore annoyances from either side, I'm giving you this advice.

• Try to be concise. Longwinded comments tend to weaken the point you're trying to make.
• Try to formulate your point in a manner where it should be absolutely clear what you're talking about.
• When explaining an against vote, be very precise about what's bothering you. Avoid any "vagueness" at all costs. This way the article's author will know what could be improves.
• If you read an article nominated on VFH and it is clearly well-written, but in your opinion it isn't funny enough to be featured, feel free to state this very clearly. Be straight out about it.
• Additionally, when using terms like "inside jokes", be aware of what they exactly mean. It's not because an article mentions Uncyclopedia that the humour of the article is nothing more than an in-joke.

Well, I hope all this was helpful. Be sure to state your point very clearly and everything will be fine. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:03, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

• Dear Socky. Appreciate the message. I am a native speaker of English btw and I have a thing against commas ! Perhaps I am writing a bit too much like a tabloid hack !!

As regards VFH nominations I have been trying to say why I vote a certain way or not. I could just write 'yeah' or 'Meh' I guess and that would be simpler for some contributors. OK I will bear in mind that you have taken the time to send this message to me and that you have been very civil here which always works far better than in your-face-shouting approach I have also experienced. At the end of the day..this is supposed to be a fun activity. The moment it becomes anything else , contributing here would be a tiresome and unrewarding experience. So thanks again. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 06:01, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Hi Romartus

Hi, you were one of the few who seemed to show serious interest in The Foreign Office on the forums, so I was wondering if you might like to be involved in some way. There are plenty of things that can be done really, it's not all translation, (and even within translation, if you wanted you could use an online translator and try to turn the results from gibberish into something readable), there is PR (advertising the concept, or at least making it clear so that n00bs might find a niche for themselves here), helping clean up translated texts (for example the list of texts currently being translated to English is here), or just generally being an ideas man. Most of the ambassadors speak very good English anyway. Cheers --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 12:43, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Hi El Cid (the good one..who is the bad one ? Charlton Athletic Heston ?). I am for your concept and idea to involve other uncyclopedias. I am a bit pressed for time usually as regards work but I will check on the link provided. But you have my 100% support behind what you are doing. I am hoping that the English language Uncyclopedia can be a bit more open minded with other contributors and styles from different countries. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 12:56, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Romartus, feel free to make whatever changes you think would improve the project so far. Actually I'm no relation to the original El-Cid (or Charlton Heston for that matter), El-Sid is of course just a play on "Siddhartha-Wolf" (meaning "The Sid"), but I'm sure you knew this anyway. Thanks for the support. --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 13:16, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

H'ok thanks for joining the army officially. I also made those links appear for the original version of the "To English" page, but having a bit of trouble formatting the French ones, I might just have to include them as standard links (rather than the wiki code) unless you know of a better way? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 13:45, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Nevermind, done now :) --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 13:46, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Sorry El Sid...I couldn't format my way out of a rice pudding. In fact I came here to learn the rudiments and constantly fail (see above for various postings here to remind me I can't do it !). --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 13:48, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Hey again, just thought I'd mention ther are some very good historical articles on other uncyclopedias. If I were to do the groundwork would you be interested in adding your unique finishing touch? You and Sog seem to excel at these kind of articles. I wonder if you'd be interested in some ancient Greek figures too? I've considered Archimedes, Pythagoras and Zeno of Elea so far, their articles aren't up to scratch in my opinion. I'm not talking now, I mean some point in the next... 6 months? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 21:15, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

thanks for nomming Richard the lionheart but I kin of guessed it wouldn't last long. I was going to leave you this link User:Sog1970/ The Sack of Rome because i thought it would be your sort of thing. But I see you found it before I had chance. Anyhow, I added some pics and may finish fixing the spelling etc one day.--Sog1970 10:58, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

Hi Soggy. Yes I found the Rome story - I had an idea on similar lines (The Barbarians destroy the Roman Empire) with the Ostrogoths/Visigoths jokes but deleted it as I got stuck too quick. Sorry about Richard the Lionheart article which I thought was pretty good. The silly and contrary voting by some other contributors didn't help but the way voting was probably meant it wasn't going to get to a VFH anyway. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 11:14, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

I'm entitled to vote however I want: there was nothing silly or contrary about it. -- abnormal Ape (mystify) (Riot Porn) 15:23, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

Well we are going to disagree on that but that is a dead issue now. I have made my point and this is Soggy's page so perhaps if you want to continue this we will have to go outside , walk ten paces...etc etc...--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 15:28, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

Hahahah..I am on my page ! Duh. I should turn the light on more often . --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 15:30, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

Welcome!

--RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 15:16, 1 June 2009 (UTC) Hello, Romartus, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Romartus/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome! --Sycamore (Talk) 12:17, 17 December 2008 (UTC)

Salve

Just came by to say I've been enjoying your articles. That's all. :-) RabbiTechno 16:58, 19 December 2008 (UTC)

Oh yes, Uncyc thrives on the UK v. US rivalry. We Brits do it better, needless to say. I assume you've had a classical education, looking at your contributions? I've been planning on doing a retelling of the Iliad in the style of Guy Ritchie's gangster films for a while - I'll keep you posted since you may be able to add humour to such a piece. BTW, you appear to be having problems signing comments. Just add ~~~~ after whatever you want to sign and it ought to appear as if by magic. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:04, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

Roman emperors

Thanks for the kind words. I've tried to edit your articles without making too much changes to the original meaning and jokes so I'm glad you approve.

As for the Augustus article, I agree that it feels out of place and isn't all that good. It might be possible just to bulldoze the whole thing and start again (that's happened before, with the BBC article for example) but I've always thought doing that's rather rude, especially if an article is all the work of one person. I suppose a bit of looking at the history might indicate whether it's something people have been adding to in bits and pieces over a long time or whether it's largely the work of one person. --Zarbag 16:35, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Actually, having gone back and had a look at it again it's really pretty poor and I think it might be worthwhile rewriting the whole thing. Except my "Captain Obvious" quote which is really good, obviously. --Zarbag 16:37, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia Defence Force

How is the article? and why can't you upload pictures anymore? --Mazman343405 00:15, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Dude

this is an archive page, please don't edit it. The vote is closed. Also, reverting a sysop is generally considered bad for your health. Best not to do it. Have fun. MrN 12:15, Mar 15

In gratitouille

 In gratitude for your vote  

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"   Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process. So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate the next time I hit myself on the head with a heavy object to you. Thank you. The following heavy objects are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to use in dedicating my head-bashing to your user name. Ball-Peen Hammer Four-Post Bed Golden Happy Buddha Mickey Rourke

Scrub typhus

I respect your opinion and somewhat understand the point you're trying to make, but could you elaborate on what needed an explanation? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:10, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for 'coming over' as I thought we were cluttering up the VFH page with comments bouncing back and forth.

First of all - Orientia tsutsugamushi - until I read it here and then googled - I had no idea what this was. I am no scientist but I do read a lot of other works besides my own chosen area of history (as my edits here will attest). So the first problem I saw here was - explain to other 'non-scientists' why this article could be funny and what the actual joke(s) are. I am not saying write it for 'commoners' as such but if you look at a newspaper - they have to 'fill in you' before getting to the core of the story. So the same came be applied when writing a funny story but there are always pre-conditions and limitations where you are going to have people who are simply not going to understand. So if this was an uncyclopedia for scientists or biologists - then you wouldn't have to waste time in explaining the set up. However for a more generalist humour site like this one (though it has plenty of crap/crude crap/racist crude crap ) - I would write in a way that is a bit more accessible.

So for this article (are you the author btw ?) - it really needs a 'scenario' setting scene to bring a reader into the story and why this is a something people could find funny or not. --Romartus 12:41, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Hyperbole is the author. But things like Orientia tsutsugamushi, you don't actually need to know what it is. It's some scientific mumbo jumbo, whatever. (They're actually a species of bacteria from the order Rickettsiales, but that's beside the case.) I think the scientific prose contributes to the article's humour. It's like some teenage smartass starts criticizing a respected scientist's work. This teenage smartass could be described as a "self-proclaimed expert", since he seems to know some scientific stuff (hence the scientifically tainted prose). However, this smartass actually proves himself to be quite stupid, since all of his conclusions are simply retarded. (Like with using Google Image Search and interpreting "D.J." as a job prescription.) The humour is in the irony of it all. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:56, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the reply. I will remain a 'no' on the article though I appreciate being able to talk to someone calmly about their work without instead of the usual DIE YOU RETARD messages I was expecting ! Perhaps that will come later. --Romartus 14:59, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

No worries. If this article doesn't appeal that much to you, you're free to vote 'against'. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:10, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Roman Emperors

Well, I'd like a shot at Valentinian I and (for some stupid reason) Claudius II but apart from that they're all yours. I'd also like a shot at some of the later "Byzantine" emperors like Phocas but I think it'll be a while before we get to them.

As for Augustus, I think it should be steamrolled and re-written and I'm embarrassed by my hand-wringing about whether to re-write it before. It smells bad right now. --Zarbag 19:07, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Hey man. How are you doing today?

I see you're voting multiple (twice) on UotM. You can only vote for one person, no against's either. Just making sure you know!:) --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:51, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

That is, as long as the against is just a joke. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:53, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

Woohooo!

It's Naked Barbie Time! Times are tough out there but Barbie™ and all of her friends sure know how to show their appreciation for your generous vote to feature Economic Collapse Barbie™ They'll be seeing you in the bathtub later on tonight!

Hey, a kilo of coke and we got us a party man.....sniff.......--    12:08, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

In Graltitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next common typographical error to you. Thank you.

The following common typographical errors are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Typing "teh" for "the"

The old e/space swap; i.e. "ther eis" for "there is"

Confusing "Dr. Spock" and "Mr. Spock", again

Typing "Soluble fish" for "aaaand double drat!"

Danke schön!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildensternenstein

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Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildensternenstein

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You only get one vote on the "of the Month" pages

Two is one too many. Also, againsts are generally frowned upon (a for for someone else has all the voting power, with none of the drama. I hate drama). Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:16, 21 April 2009 (UTC)