User:Optimuschris/talk archive 2
 | This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. |
A Blank Canvas?
Ha! A can of paint splashes across it with a gloopy sound. A manhole cover rattles back into place in the distance. All is still again. A variation on the talk page de-virgininsing thing. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:25, Apr 28
- Well, at least the virginity is still intact. Graffitti away! -OptyC Sucks!
CUN15:29, 28 Apr
- /me pulls back a bloody cock from your talk page's ravaged vagina lol wat
Ta
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Tha - wait for it! - nkyou! UU wanted to express his thanks for your vote for that military thing he re-wrote. Unfortunately, he asked several members of this year's winning regiment to deliver those thanks, and as you can see, they're having trouble getting to you. So you'll have to make do with this brown template instead. Cheers! |
Thankies! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:09, Apr 28
Greetings
Thanks for the welcome. Still learning my way around. I will be happy to share plenty of jokes & will eventually get around to contributing to Uncyc & VFH-ing soon. --
Stat talk 05:39, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Hey Stat (Yes I'm just making this comment to spit Opty, since I got to replying sooner than he did and it's his own talk page! He he) - 15:58 29 April Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
Hetelllies 00:41, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
Hi thanks for your advice I really appreciate it.Hetelllies 00:41, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
- No sweat. I'll forgive you for not putting your message on the bottom this once because you're a noob. Next time it'll be the whip for you young man! :P -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:43, 1 May
- OOps Sorry I got confused as to that 'insert your name here thing' .I thought it was a guideline as to how I am to write my message.Hetelllies 01:51, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
<insert name here>!!!
Hey Optimuschris, instead of {{USERNAME}} use {{BASEPAGENAME}}. I'm seeing myself being thanked on other people's pages, and that's probably incorrect... unless you know how hard I've worked to save this wiki. • <Apr 30, 2008 [13:03]>
- I knew that. Tryin' to make me feel stupid eh? Thank you, I knew there had to be a better way! -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:04, 30 Apr
- And again, Cajek saves Uncyclopedia. Where's his award? You're welcome, OC! Come by my talk page if you need anything else. • <Apr 30, 2008 [14:25]>
- No whining! Get back to work! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 01:14, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
- And again, Cajek saves Uncyclopedia. Where's his award? You're welcome, OC! Come by my talk page if you need anything else. • <Apr 30, 2008 [14:25]>
Hmm... Can you Pop into IRC chat?
- Sorry, no. I'm about to log off for the night. Tomorrow? Let me know what's on your mind. -OptyC Sucks! CUN01:00, 2 May
NotM - Thanks
Optimuschris, you there? Come out where I can see you, I come bearing gifts! There you are! You are a VERY clever person. Why? Because you voted for me and helped me become NotM! Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.
To reward you, I'm giving you a YTTE goodie-bag. It is a collection of YTTE memorabilia I've just pulled out of my pocket...That's one scrumpled piece of paper, a dead slug, three unidentified hairs, a strain of the bird flu virus, a morally ambiguous Olympic torch, two cows and various assorted, unexpected items. Enjoy!
YTTE would also remind you that he's still got a few miracle toothbrushes left. Toothbrushes have so many uses, and these miracles ones are great! Buy one now for a massively reduced price and enjoy their increased ease-of-use feel. 98% of the people studied said their teeth were saved by these total protection tooth brushes! Get your hands on one now!
P.S. Sorry that was so long and rambling, sorry there's no picture. You'll just have to imagine that this is a short, concise, beautiful thank you template. Also I'm hoping I'm not breaking any unspoken rule or etiquette of Uncyclopedia by giving you this thank you template!
from YTTE.
...My turn to give you a generic thank you template. Thanks! - 16:21 2 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
Did I adopt you?
I'm not sure if we ever agreed that I did! Should I fill out the paper work? MrN 
20:28, May 2
- Benefits? This .js shit's kinds neat. It stalled IE when I refreshed it this last time. Does that just happen occasionally? -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:35, 2 May
- Benefits? Well everyone gets to know... Oh, OK, there are not really any. Just makes me look slightly more cool I guess... As per IE... Like I said, I don't really use it. I don't think it should stall IE, if it keeps happening, maybe try copying my .js. The code you have "imports" the script from the other pages, and so may go and re-get the source page each time. With my .js it does not need to do that, so it runs a bit more quickly. Also... and I don't know if you are aware or not, but I think you might get on better with Firefox.... OK, seriously I guess you need to use Firefox at home and IE at work. I think this should be OK, as IE should not cause "trouble" with the .js it can't handle. For me, IE works OK, just nothing works. If you decide to copy my .js you will need to create your own copy of my "welcome" page. Just search for MrN9000 and change em all to your name, and create "Optimuschris\Welcome"... MrN
20:46, May 2
- I think you might be right. It only stalls out when I refresh. Normal navigation seems to work okay. You can adopt me if it'll help you look cool. :P -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:50, 2 May
- Well I feel honoured! Hea, hang on, this is the wrong way around! Actually, if you ever want to do any adoption yourself, I think you are supposed to be adopted yourself first, so that you can be "graduated"... MrN 20:56, May 2
- Cool. How do I graduate? -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:15, 2 May
- Check out Uncyclopedia:AAN and Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters. You are graduated when your adopter gives you the {{AdopteeGrad}} template. Which if you look at your user page, I already have... Really it just means you can adopt if you want to. MrN 21:20, May 2
- Check out Uncyclopedia:AAN and Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters. You are graduated when your adopter gives you the {{AdopteeGrad}} template. Which if you look at your user page, I already have... Really it just means you can adopt if you want to. MrN
- Cool. How do I graduate? -OptyC Sucks!
- Well I feel honoured! Hea, hang on, this is the wrong way around! Actually, if you ever want to do any adoption yourself, I think you are supposed to be adopted yourself first, so that you can be "graduated"... MrN
- I think you might be right. It only stalls out when I refresh. Normal navigation seems to work okay. You can adopt me if it'll help you look cool. :P -OptyC Sucks!
- Benefits? Well everyone gets to know... Oh, OK, there are not really any. Just makes me look slightly more cool I guess... As per IE... Like I said, I don't really use it. I don't think it should stall IE, if it keeps happening, maybe try copying my .js. The code you have "imports" the script from the other pages, and so may go and re-get the source page each time. With my .js it does not need to do that, so it runs a bit more quickly. Also... and I don't know if you are aware or not, but I think you might get on better with Firefox.... OK, seriously I guess you need to use Firefox at home and IE at work. I think this should be OK, as IE should not cause "trouble" with the .js it can't handle. For me, IE works OK, just nothing works. If you decide to copy my .js you will need to create your own copy of my "welcome" page. Just search for MrN9000 and change em all to your name, and create "Optimuschris\Welcome"... MrN
On your article
I like the premise, I like the punchline. The problem is just that it's so many paragraphs of nothing funny, all leading up to it. A lot of the presumably funny-intended lines are jokes that have been around for years, and a lot of the cursing outbursts are very unoriginal as well. I understand a lot of that ends to the final punchline, but mix it up a little. Throw in something absurd.
Example: after a lot of the more common traffic problems occur, an alien spaceship lands unexpectedly on the road and starts a war with earth right there, opting to immediately take out some of the road's drivers. The article's narrator is so furious that he doesn't bother to take notice of the extraordinary fact that there are aliens battling right in front of him, even threatening his very life, but he continues on with his "every obstacle in front of me is such an idiotic piece of shit" mentality, and flips off the UFO or something.
Interesting things like that help move the article along, add something extra to laugh at along the way, but allow the punchline and overall premise to stay as it was. So yes, there's my critique of it. Do think on it and let me know if you ever get around to changing some things, I'd like to read it. Also, I'd love to read a fixed up version of the nazi article if you in fact ever do one, as I really loved the overall premise. Cheers! -RAHB 23:05, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- Well, keep working on them, the beauty of wiki is that something can always be improved upon. For the nazi guy, he could probably remain very upbeat and still say generally offensive and hilarious things at the same time. The humor is in him not knowing that what he's saying is offensive and/or hilarious. More humor could come out of the fact that none of the offensive material actually has to be nazi-related. Anyways, if you ever need help on something though, feel free to ask. I'd like to consider myself a pretty decent humorist, so it at least doesn't hurt to try. -RAHB 23:30, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
Thanks
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Thank you for voting |
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--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 
10:09, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: May 8th, 2008
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
May 8th, 2008 • Issue 1 • Yankees: 5
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UnSignpost Unleashed on UnCommunity  Unless you were blinded or high during the time you read this newspaper's title, you know that Uncyclopedia finally has UnSignpost! For too long, Uncyclopedia has been devoid of talk page spam, such as thank you templates and welcome messages. To rectify this, Dr. Skullthumper, a local doctor and zombie specialist, and Cajek, one of the last members of the light-blue-ish species of Cajeks, have created a newspaper in the latest exercise in futility to hit the site since Forum:Count to a million. Skullthumper and Cajek spent 15 hours working on the first edition, not including writing time. Said Skull, who was trying to sleep until we interviewed him, "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." News has reached us that friendships were strained during the production of the first issue. Skullthumper, whose hospital room we broke into, said "F**king Cajek. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me! Oh, see you guys in the office Monday." The Uncyclopedia Signpost has a world-wide circulation of more than 3, with plans for further issues.  Uncyclopedia, a humor wiki that you're on right now, has thrown itself into a state of chaos and is on the verge of collapse. Unless someone either writes more or writes less, the wiki that we have come to know and love (like that retarded cousin that comes over during Christmastime) will vanish. Unless it doesn't, in which case someone's going to be very disappointed. Codeine, Save the Mooses, and a bunch of other people we've never heard of give the site 6 days to "clean up its god damned act." Because the site is doomed, the local WikiNewspaper, UnSignpost, will soon print its last issue. Cajek, one of the editors, said of the event, "No we're not closing down you bunch a 'tards! You're the worst reporters I've ever seen! DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT IN THE FIRST ISSUE!" Local psychics have set Uncyclopedia's Doomsday for next Monday, around teatime. Upgrade
Wikia is reportedly looking into making new features such as accidentally dumping the database for Shits and Giggles™. These reporters would like to thank Wikia for working so hard to keep our beloved wiki running, and would also like to say "FU WIKIA", preferably in caps. Pee Review Does Goodly  One of the newer cults, YesTimeToEdit's Cow Moo Cult is our... CULT OF THE WEEK! With a base located in the jungles of Nebraska, YTTE's cult makes all the fun things you want, like polygamy, sodomy, and, in YTTE'S case, polysodomy, legal. Sadly, unlike more Eastern-y cults, it does not practice Kung Fu. But you can bet that if it did, it wouldn't just use it for defense. ...Damn namby-pamby bastard Easterny cults. YesTimeToEdit's eternal nemesis, NoTimeToRevert, has not announced plans to start a cult, but probably has one in secret just to be a dick. That guy is such a dick. Rcmurphy nominated for Noob of the Month again |
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very very hilariously strong against"
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:15, 8 May 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII
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Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage  After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue  May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner
Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need:
Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Skull's Skullery
Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc!
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:30, 11 May 2008 (UTC)
Long-delayed thankings
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Err... Hey, sorry I'm, uhh, a little bit late on the thanks for this thing... I've been really, really, busy. Anyways, thanks for voting, and, with any luck, those delusional fools will let me out of this hell-hole soon. |
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Hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, amirite? - Don Leddy the Crunch 
(Nyah, see, nyah!) 23:55, May 12
UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3
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The Bible Finally Catches a Break  For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice.  How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world! |
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:58, 15 May 2008 (UTC)
Thankies
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Pyotr Kuznetsov Says: "Thank You For Voting!" Pyotr Kuznetsov would be here himself, but what with his psychiatric treatment and all, he sent Dora to convey this message. Oh wait, Dora's dead! Oh well. Anyway, thanks for voting for this! |
Please accept the preceding generic template as a sign of my gratitude, Optimuschris. - 08:14 17 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
May 22th, 2008 • Issue 4 • Par 6
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Oldest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered  Renowned Uncyclopedia historian Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, has discovered the oldest non-Uncyclopedia related article ever written. "The fact that pie was the first article really opened my eyes. It really did. I see it all now: Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia... the construction and future of these wikis have been laid out before me." When asked what he meant, Spang said that, upon reading the first version of the article Pie, the future of Uncyclopedia was revealed to him. The version presently up is "but a pale shadow of what it once was." The fabled first version of the article is, according to Spang and fellow UnArcheologist TheLedBalloon, "The DaVinci Code of Uncyclopedia." One of the oldest contributors, 68.237.62.152, is said to be the creator of the fabled text, but could not be reached for comment... maybe 'cuz he was gettin' laid or somethin' cool like that. "If only the original version had survived!" Said Spang's lead balloon, who gained sentience upon glimpsing the article. "I want to know the significance of the Norris! The secret meaning behind the Wilde! The hidden power of the grue! I want to know the secret of the memes!" "First of all, how did a balloon become an administrator? Oh, right, this is Uncyclopedia." Said long-missing founder Chronarion. "Second of all, the current article you have up there is, although not as mystical, still sorta mystical... For example, look at that quote at the top! CLASSIC Oscar Wilde!" Questions arose as to why the original version was deleted in the first place, but Chronarion, who only made an appearance in one of our writer's drug trips, merely cackled, turned into a tomato, and vanished in a cloud of LULZ!!1. The mystery surrounding Pie continues, and Uncyclopedian historians are still seeking the truth. ...BUY A SUBSCRIPTION TO UNSIGNPOST to see further developments! Following Third Issue, UnSignpost Wins All Sortsa Awards n' Shit At the annual Uncyclopedia Signpost awards banquet, held every year in Dr. Skullthumper's backyard, the Signpost was the clear winner of the night, garnishing all 149 awards in all 144 categories. The press was not invited to the gala, but the Unsignpost has heard that several Uncyclopedia celebrities were at the event. Mike - you know Mike - said, "Oh yeah, we got Chronarion and Save the... whatever it was... We got 'em all! We even had Famine! Even though he still hates us, he still bothered to show up and drunkenly berate the guests! In fact, I think he's still in there, berating the furniture!" Unsignpost writers all agree that it's not pathetic to give yourself an award once in a while. We do our chores! We've been kicked around! Why don't we, the writers, get any recognition? The special boobie-prize, The Feel Okay About Ourselves Award for 2008, was accepted by Cajek on behalf of the writers instead of a paycheck. "Finally I get a god damned award." One of the writers dramatically grabbed the award away onstage and, crying, started screaming at the award itself. "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?!? YOU BASTARD!!" Unsignpost is planning to make the awards banquet biweekly, in honor of the fact that the writers are extremely lonely, and just want a way to talk to loads of people without having to listen to "feedback". Newest Uncyclopedia Article Discovered Yes, the newest article, Jacob Zuma, created just at the time of this writing, is the newest article to date. No! Wait! It's RETARDIS. Wait, no, it's Broomstick. Oh whatever, the point is that we found it, and when it's deleted in three seconds, Unsignpost gets first gloating rights.
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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:16, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!
These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.
The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.
So, Optimuschris, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!
- Double moos from your cowy friend,
YTTE
- Double moos from your cowy friend,
UnSignpost: May 29nd, 2008
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
May 29th, 2008 • Issue 5
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Uncyclopedia Second Most Active Wikia Site  According to local Wikia staffmember Sannse, Uncyclopedia is the second most active site, next to Halopedia. "Yep. People are more interested in Halos than Uncys. I've never really bothered to look at either site, so I'm not sure why one is more active than another, but I'm sure it's because Halopedia is superior." Reporters on-site have looked into the rumors. Apparently, Halopedia is in fact not about halos, but instead is an entire wiki... devoted to a video game. "Oh lord, this is embarrassing," said Master Chief, the main character of said video games. "I thought I could keep this under wraps for a while longer, but you people in the press are like fucking vultures. WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Apparently Halopedia's nearest competitor, Uncyclopedia, is some kind of "humor wiki" meant to induce laughter. "Uncyclopedia's laughter is nothing compared with ours," said Evilpedia's founder, User:Dr. Doom, "Our laughter will ring all throughout Wikia, and then: THE WORLD!". Other statistics include the nerdiest wiki and Furwiki, the most disturbing wiki. Uncyclopedia is neither the largest wiki (Wookiepedia), nor the most active (Halopedia), but it does come very close to first in both categories. Who wants to be first place anyway? Nobody wants to win all the time! Like Unsignpost's father used to say: "You learn more from losing than winning!" and really, that's all that matters! ...AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! BASTAAAARRRDDSSS!!! Following Fourth Issue, UnSignpost Does Lame Clip Show After having not seen his boss for a few days, Cajek, or as his friends call him, "Cuntjek", and his team of writers have been forced to rely on past issues and a clip show in article form. "Don't look at us that way!" said that one guy we were talking about. "A few days ago, when Skull was around, I was only editor of the fetish section, now I'm in charge of the whole thing. Jeez, I hope Skull is okay..." The lame clip show was said to be almost entirely from the first issue, when the Unsignpost was "cool", and before the fetish section took over the whole paper. According to reports to this newsroom, the clip show article included the "weekbox of the week" from issue 1 that instructed Cajek and Skull to slather humor juice on an anonymous reader, and the "Goatse Challenging Gap" from issue 2. "Oh shit, what else we got?" Carjack screamed across the newsroom. As of this issue, the huge portrait of Dr. Skullthumper has been prayed to for nigh two weeks since his mysterious disappearance. Fnoodle, who usually serves coffee to the writers (albeit very angrily), has gone on a quest to find his former master. So far, no word of Skullthumper's whereabouts have reached the press.
Letters to the Editor I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am suitable yrs old. I'd like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left my mother I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before his death. I was a Princess to him and I and my brother are the only people who can take Care of his wealth now because my mother is not literate enough to know all my father's wealth behind. He left up to USD $27,350,000.00 dollars (TWENTY SEVEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLAR) with a security company, and I don't know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact which I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me secure and invest this money. I thereby need your help in bringing the box contaning the money out from the security company, based on your reply I will furnish you with more details on how we can proceed. I am ready to pay 10% of the total amount to you if you help us in securing this money and another 10% interest of Annual Income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over. If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will let you know the next step to take towards actualizing this transaction as quickly as possible. Please, note that this transaction is 110% risk free. I look forward hearing from you soonest. Yours sincerest, Miss Lady Princess Irreverent
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
Hey...
...fancy having your cult-virginity removed by joining the Clever Man's Club, the Cautious Metal Coalition, the Camp Malicious Cods, the Coughing Madmen's Cult? - [18:47 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
- I know this is a double whore...but I'm a whory guy...and sorry...I wanted to stop by and say hi...and rape you Sorry. Can we have sex now? - [18:53 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
LISTEN TO THIS
So what's happening of son of mine?
OK, I'm in my 30's and you are possibly older, so maybe I should not talk about that... Anyway, just to let you know, I have a new "whoring" box at the top of my talk page these days. Whatever you are working on, if you are interested in me contributing to it, drop it in... Cheers. MrN 01:06, Jun 1
- You're in your 30's? Jesus! SO OLD! • <1:08, 01 Jun 2008>
- How did you know that was my other name? You're 25 Cajek????? I'm actually... Lower (mid) 30's. You get very particular with these things at my age... Anyone would think I'm soon to be the same age as... Jesus, is that the time? Also. I wonder if Chris will tell us how old he is? Also, Also.... My G/F just had a breast reduction! NOT FUCKING SHIT. Things will never be the same again. Goodbye DD's. Hello C cup. ALSO, ALSO, ALSO... Why teh fek am I saying this on poor Chris's talk page? Ah, I remember. Chris is our resident expert on breasts so he can probably assure me that C is a good size. I will miss the DD's though. :-( MrN 01:15, Jun 1
- LOL UR ALL GRAMPAS IM 16! /me goes back to masturbating and drinking the vodka he stole from his parents ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 01:21 Jun 1
- Fek, I'm twice your age SysRq! /me feels old and goes back to masturbating and drinking the vodka he stole from his parents MrN 01:25, Jun 1
- Haha, I didn't really realize until recently that I'm actually one of the few young Uncyclopedians. A lot of you are in your 30s and whatnot, although I already knew Chris was old. How old is YTTE? Or UU? Or Skullthumper, for that matter? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 01:28 Jun 1
- Actually of those who's ages I know, or have been told, I think the majority are under 20. You might be surprised at the ages of some people... But my lips are sealed. You would have to ask them. :P wicked aren't I MrN 01:33, Jun 1
- Me? Oh, I am teh youngzors. Oh yes. I am so down with the kids. SysRq is teh ancientzors. Seriously. I'm not even old enough to drink Sunny D. And if my mum caught me looking at those pictures OptyC
hashad on his userpage, why she'd stop my pocket money. Or maybe I am, as I suspected, a bit older than Cajek, and not too far off MrN. You decide. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:19, Jun 2- Sux my dixxorz I am just 16 :D... but Squiggle is like 13 or something scary and there was an 8yr old somewhere on here :/ --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
13:29, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
- Also YTTE is like my age, Skully and THE are slightly older... Leddy is about my age, maybe older... and Ljlego is a freakin robot... also SysRq I is still teh virgin to :( --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:31, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
- Also YTTE is like my age, Skully and THE are slightly older... Leddy is about my age, maybe older... and Ljlego is a freakin robot... also SysRq I is still teh virgin to :( --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
- Sux my dixxorz I am just 16 :D... but Squiggle is like 13 or something scary and there was an 8yr old somewhere on here :/ --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
- Me? Oh, I am teh youngzors. Oh yes. I am so down with the kids. SysRq is teh ancientzors. Seriously. I'm not even old enough to drink Sunny D. And if my mum caught me looking at those pictures OptyC
- Actually of those who's ages I know, or have been told, I think the majority are under 20. You might be surprised at the ages of some people... But my lips are sealed. You would have to ask them. :P wicked aren't I MrN
- Haha, I didn't really realize until recently that I'm actually one of the few young Uncyclopedians. A lot of you are in your 30s and whatnot, although I already knew Chris was old. How old is YTTE? Or UU? Or Skullthumper, for that matter? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 01:28 Jun 1
- Fek, I'm twice your age SysRq! /me feels old and goes back to masturbating and drinking the vodka he stole from his parents MrN
- LOL UR ALL GRAMPAS IM 16! /me goes back to masturbating and drinking the vodka he stole from his parents ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 01:21 Jun 1
- How did you know that was my other name? You're 25 Cajek????? I'm actually... Lower (mid) 30's. You get very particular with these things at my age... Anyone would think I'm soon to be the same age as... Jesus, is that the time? Also. I wonder if Chris will tell us how old he is? Also, Also.... My G/F just had a breast reduction! NOT FUCKING SHIT. Things will never be the same again. Goodbye DD's. Hello C cup. ALSO, ALSO, ALSO... Why teh fek am I saying this on poor Chris's talk page? Ah, I remember. Chris is our resident expert on breasts so he can probably assure me that C is a good size. I will miss the DD's though. :-( MrN
How dare you?
You don't appear to have a South Park image of yourself for me to add to my South Park images of people gallery at the moment. Rectify this shocking oversight, please. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:14, Jun 2
Thanks buddy!
I LOVE YOU os? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 17:46 Jun 2
- Further to this, that was your fifth in-depth pee review, and as such, you would make a decent member of PEEING. If you're interested, pop over and sign yourself up. I sent you, so you can just add yourself to the "Fresh Stains" list and appropriate the userbox for your page if you so desire. Alternatively, you can not join. It's a free wiki. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:59, Jun 3
Late thanks!
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Thanks, son! But Uncle Sam didn't thank me! All you bastards can GO TO HELL!! Eh, got any change, son? I sure hope no one writes an incredibly offensive article about me. Wait, where ya goin, son? Thanks for voting for Veteran. |
~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 18:42 Jun 3
Y'know, you don't see many VFH thanks templates about these days, do you?
Don't care. I still use 'em. Here's one now:
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*pop* Yeah, er, thanks for *pop* your vote for *pop* that... oh lord, her whole dress is made of... *popop* *pop* |
And then two turn up at once. Must be fate, or karma or something. Thanks for the vote, Opty! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:11, Jun 4
UnSignpost: June 5th, 2008
All your readers are belong to us
June 5th, 2008 • Issue 6
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Sixth Issue Relies on Guest Writers For the sixth issue of Unsignpost, guest writers from outside the fold have been chosen to write a bunch of stupid crap. Among them are the illiterate administrator Zombiebaron and reformed drug mule ThePaleOne. The community's outcries were heard soon afterwards, probably. Jack Phoenix, a respected Wikia staff member, said of one of the articles "Nobody cares about Cajek trolling Wookiepedia anymore. In fact, I'm kind of ashamed of Uncyclopedia for doing something like this. It's like I'm at a well-written version of ED." The Unsignpost staff, full of miscreants and malcontents, hung its collective head in shame and went to the corner for a sit down. Qua, who wanted to be in this issue of Unsignpost to whore his userpage, issued a statement at the press conference located at his Mayan temple: "Why didn't they do an injoke article on the fifth issue? Am I the only one who cares? Where have the lols gone, my friends? Where have the lols gone?" In response, the Unsignpost sent a secret "Fifth Issue Of Unsignpost" article directly to Qua, where it will be housed until his death. The Unsignpost writers, who have had a cut in pay since the leaving of Dr. Skullthumper, are now relying on the work of random people found on IRC for their inspiration. We now present to you an article in the Unsignpost by somebody else about a guy who works at the Unsignpost... /me headdesk [note: "me" refers to the entire Unsignpost staff]
It has been reported on #uncyclopedia that Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow [ed note: Cajek did NOT write this!]. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! ) [ed note: I SAW THAT! YOU'RE OFF THE CASE!] I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too! I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided.
Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 05:18, 5 June 2008 (UTC)
RAAAWR
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RAAAAWR!! GRAAH! Gavin thanks you for voting to publish his memoirs. Just don't let any trannies read it. Thanks for voting. |
~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 12:50 Jun 5
UnSignpost: June 12th, 2008
We're delivering it to your door anyways!
June 12th, 2008 • Issue 7
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Cajek banned - New, shittier writer assigned to this stupid job
Recently Cajek, an Uncyclopedia user who has been labelled as a mystical creature, was been given a one month ban by the council of Wikia. Users who feared that UnSignpost would not be written or delivered. But Qua, who is currently in a state of shock, said that "Cajek was a good guy, I didn't expect him to get banned for a month. He was about to help me, I don't know what he was going to help me with but he was going to help me with something.". Many Uncyclopedians that are known have a hold a grudge against Cajek celebrated his recent ban saying "While he might be back in only a month, we should take the time to celebrate and rejoice a Cajek-free environment."
 It has been reported that Flumpa, Uncyclopedia's very own pimply faced ginger-nut has left Uncyclopedia forever, due to irreconcilable differences. He cites the banning of users, fights between the two, the treatment of IP's as "real people" and the lack of cookies in mommas cookie jar. One of our reporters spoke to Flumpa as he was packing his wagon to leave Uncyclopedia "I like the holding hands and the fairy floss but Sophia has icky wiki germs and I just couldn't get past that. However I hear this new EDwina down the street is available, she may play in mud but I hear she has yummy yummy cookies." 127.0.0.1, leader of the "IPs are Real People, Too" Foundation had said that "Flumpa makes some great points on IP treatment, such as telling them that behind that string of random numbers lies an actual person; A person with heart. A person with brain. A person with spleen." When asked whether he would share his hard earned money on a badge from the Keep-the-IP's-out-of-Bannation-Foundation, this reporter simply told them to bugger off and get their own alcohol addiction gawdammit! We do, however, wish Flumpa the best of luck as he travels across the wiki-street with his trademarked brand of Off-topic forums to meet this EDwina fellow.
We at the UnSignpost would like to remind all Uncyclopedian editors that June is Internet safety month. Through the efforts of Uncyclopedia and other sites across the Internet, we can help protect innocent children and frail grandmothers from seeing offensive content FUCKSTAIN Uhm, we're sorry about that. The editor that wrote that previous sentence has been fired, in accordance with the rules of Internet safety month. UnSignpost would like to remind all editors to use extra padding in tables, because we don't want the little kiddies touching the sharp edges and getting hurt. As per Internet safety month, all uploaded porn will be closely monitored to see if the models are engaging in safe fucking. I mean sex. SEX! I meant SEX! We apologize for the previous two editors. They have been shot, out in the hallway, in the most safe method possible, we assure you. We even laid out cushions for them to fall on. Anyway, Websense and other Internet blocking sites will up its sensors to block over 99.99% of the Internet. What will remain is available is the Wikipedia article "Frog", weather.com, and anything unblocked in China. We at UnSignpost wish you a happy Internet safety month, and hope that you stay safe. Remember to always use a firewall. Websense has blocked this column for the following reason: This column contains "humor".
Difficult times lie ahead for schoolbound Uncyclopedians. A series of semi-challenging tests lie in the near future for many, and everyone's workload seems to be growing. Unfortunately for Uncyclopedians, finals are nearly here. However, luckily for Uncyclopedia, finals are almost here! This means that, as procrastination rates skyrocket, Uncyclopedia activity grows proportionally. Haven't been studying for your math final? Those fancy words mean that Uncyclopedia usage is going up, just as teachers pull out their hair worrying about keeping their kids' averages above the department bottom line so they can keep their jobs. However, here at UnSignpost and Uncyclopedia, we pride ourselves on allowing for multi-tasking. So, here is a series of brief study guides that are pretty much all you need: Science: For this final, you will be asked questions about science. However, simply remember a few facts, and your science final will be a breeze. These include remembering that ontogeny does not recapitulate phylogeny, pyruvate and phosphofruktokinase function as glycolytic enzymes, and the kidneys are located three ribs up from the malnuric sphincter. Math: Just prove to your teacher that 1=2, and any answer you give is automatically right. English: ENGLISH, MOFO, DO YOU SPEAK IT? History: To pass this, just try to remember a few important dates: 622BC, 394BC, 211BC, 5BC, 11AD, 24AD, 300AD, 906AD, 1102AD, 1619AD, 1791AD, 1963AD, and 2012AD. Tech. Ed.: Basically, you take a saw and cut shit up. Fucking A. Music class: Try not to fail and blow any notes. You'd sure look like a real tool, then, huh. Art: Just explain to your teacher how deep and misunderstood you are, and paint your feelings. Take a few pictures with a black and white camera setting and write a few "dark" poems, and if your teacher knows how often you cry then you'll have an easy A. Foreign language: THIS IS AMERICA, SPEAK AMERICAN! Gym: If you're really planning on studying for this final, then only God can help you now.
 An article by Zombiebaron has caused a huge feud between the all-powerful admins that could ban me again. Thekillerfroggy has charged that the "Nonsense Watermelon Catastrophe" was not newsworthy enough, while Zombiebaron charges that the article is newsworthy, and therefore should not be deleted. In the fight, many people have cried "drama" and run for their lives. "Oh, this is deliiiicious!" said resident fucktard Drama. We spoke to Drama in his white linoleum mansion. He stopped seductively petting his gay snow leopard long enough to talk to us. "I loooove drama. I want their drama dripping all over my linoleum castle. I want their orgasmic screams of anger to rattle the walls! What do you think, Puffles?" "Oohh, puurrrrr" said Puffles. Some of the more regular users have claimed that the drama will bring unwanted side effects. RAHB has recently said to one of our reporters: "Remember, when there's drama, Ljlego touches himself." [Ed note: he said that on IRC, I swear. to. god. ban: banbanban.] Zombiebaron, an administrator who just happens to be a spectre of the unwept dead, spoke at his crypt this Tuesday dressed in his ceremonial black and red robes: "Hhhgggrrrr, I do not like speaking to the public: They give me a rash. As far as how random uncyclopedia is, we have two admins who are a balloon and a frog, so my article is perfect. The drama will not be settled until I taste the frog's flesh. Suffffeeeerrrrrr..." The Killer Froggy issued a statement soon after, with his frog army in the background: "ribbit? RIBBIT! ribbit. ribbit ribbit ribbit!" Both administrators have promised to ban the poor, misunderstood writer of this article if their statements were printed, but that's the risk we take to bring you the news. That's just how cool we are. Drama is the real winner here. As of this printing, he is planning to buy his gay snow leopard a fluffy red cape with the profits. And remember: every time there's drama, Ljlego touches himself. I'm not fucking kidding. He's all like, "oh yeah, oh, oh yeah I love you drama" and they're both in the love coven, snugglin' n' shit. I have pictures, guys! I swear it's totally ins AS OF THIS PARAGRAPH, CAJEK HAS BEEN BANNED INDEFINITELY. |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:58, 12 June 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: June 19th, 2008
I love it when the news comes together
June 19whenever-th, 2008 • Issue 8
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UnSignpost abandoned by creators!
Uncyclopedia's popular newspaper/tacky tabloid rag (delete according to preference) the UnSignpost - already floundering following the loss of founding editor Dr. Skullthumper - has been dealt another, possibly fatal blow, with the news that popular feature-machine and international diplomat Cajek has not been arsed to edit the latest issue. When thursday June 19th dawned without the by-now-traditional UnSignpost dropping onto their talkpages, Unycylopedians everywhere could be heard bravely dealing with the incident by pretending they hadn't noticed. We asked prominent Uncyc contributors for their reactions to the journalistic crisis facing their favourite wiki-based news delivery system. "SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON.... SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON!" said Don Leddy, obviously coping badly with the news. Sensing a possible catastrophe, DJ Irreverent bravely leaped into the breach and created a forum topic that galvanised the community, while UU declared himself too busy to help, then promptly wrote about half of the paper. While still suffering from writer's block, which explains the total lack of lulz and inspiration thus far. It's probably about time to link to nobody cares and close this story now, isn't it? Industrial mogul joins Uncyclopedia, promises great wealth to all.
Donald Trump, the man, the legend, the Tower, the hairstyle, has taken time out of his busy international schedule to create a forum topic promising affluence beyond the dreams of avarice to all on Uncyclopedia! Despite the impeccable credentials displayed on his userpage, so far only Qua and SysRq managed to take advantage of the popular billionaire's altruism before he was ruthlessly banned by noted anti-capitalist Codeine. UnSignpost was particularly impressed with Codeine's ability to resist the temptation to use "you're fired" as a block reason, as we are sure it would have been all but overwhelming. It is to be hoped that, on his return from bannination, Mr Trump will use his undoubted wealth and business connections to help Uncyc beat the ever-encroaching threat of Wikia's advertising plans. N00b ties knot
Popular recent NotM winner Cheapinitreal has further embarrassed the Uncyclopedia community by becoming all respectable and getting married. Confessing to his transgression, Cheap added "all and all, it was a right fine week". The UnSignpost would like to write something really funny here, then wish Cheap all the best, but this issue is being rushed out as it's, like, way late, so we just don't have time. UnSignpost resorts to blatant filler
In a move heralded as "an exciting development in journalism" by guest editor UU, the UnSignpost today employed blatant flannel to fill an annoying white gap at the bottom of the page. It is believed that this is the first such instance of using blatant rubbish to fill a newspaper page in journalistic history. "I'm proud to be at the vanguard of such a groundbreaking technique" said UU, before going off to scour Cajek's ideas page in a desperate hunt for inspiration. "Is this long enough yet?" he added, before concluding "not quite, another few words or so should do the trick". |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 01:04, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
UnProvise
Hai Opty! Hows are you? How dare us not talk for so long. I was going to propose and everything...but then I went and accidently ordered a mail bride, so I've got to be faithful to her and stuff. Anyway, UnProvise has fallen into disuse a bit, so I was hoping to kickstart it a bit with this UnProvise. What do you think? Care to get involved and help UnProvise power forwards? - [13:39 22 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
UnSignpost: June 26nd, 2008
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
June 26th, 2008 • Issue 9
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Uncyclopedia running out of Interesting Stuff. UnSignpost in Jeopardy!
Recently. Uncyclopedia, in its maternal state. Is running out of interesting stuff as most users keep filling her with the same old stuff day after day. Most if not almost all of the staff at the UnSignpost panicked as this meant that their newspaper, which faced the threat of disabondement yesterday. Could be folded by the Uncyclopedia Penis Man returns!
 At exactly 12:29 AM Monday morning, some local idiot decided that it would be a great day to stir up drama and piss people off with some long forgotten shit. And with that, Penis Man made his way back to our great Uncyclopedia with the intent of vandalizing Boomer's userpage. Soon after, the Town drunk Eugene Kay decided to follow suit by uploading the same image by the name of Zombiepenis. Why he decided to make such an apparent strike at the admin who has beat him so much is currently unknown. We at UnSignpost give them both a 25000000:1 chance of being banned. Local Uncyclopedian starts up Devil-Worship Wiki
 In a recent devil-related press conference. Cartoon Diablo, the younger and sillier version of Diablo. Has started up The Devil's Wiki, a wiki dedicated to worship of Satanism and The Devil itself. In a recent interview, Cartoon Diablo has said personally that "The wiki's going to contain a lot about the devil, no seriously. There's going to be articles about the caverns of hell, the kind of foods the devil eats and also various artworks done by the Devil himself. And if your asking if it's going to be great. Well... Yeah!, It's going to be satantastic!". Immediately after this was posted on the UnSignpost, 2 people have joined the satanic wiki. The 2 people are described to be a Himilianian Yettie and an Male Amish Human. Both of them have pledged their allegiance to the devil in return for absolute power. In today's weather report, make sure to bring an umbrella as Hell may be raining over within the next few days. Uncyclopedia's Reign of the Newbs Begins
Interestingly enough, lots of new noobs (and old noobs) are getting featured articles these days. Somehow, the cult of the newbs has awoken, and Uncyc has felt its presence link to Double Entendre. Oh... did I say that out loud? "I don't trust the young 'uns," said Farmer O'Dell at his grain silo, "They write funny articles, yeah, but what do they contribute to the community?" Actually, writers like Hyperbole, Cheapinitreal, and The Woodburninator have stepped up, and are already commanders. Except that last one, who is close enough. Big time contributors like YesTimeToEdit, Qua, and Orian57 are cleaning up this pig sty. Older members of uncyc have become less active, and are paving the way for these rising stars to shine. Uh, speaking as myself? I've never been more proud of Uncyclopedia than I have in the last month or so. Keep it up, guys! |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:40, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
Thanks for voting me your Best Friend
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Hello, Optimuschris, I just thought I'd drop by to let you know that you're my best friend too. No really. Sure you may see this message on other people's talk page but you know that I'm just saying that so I don't hurt their "feelings". You are special. I also recognise that you weren't exactly spoilt for choice on who to vote for But thanks all the same |
You won't regret it! I'll always be there when ever you need me and if you ever become an insurance salesman I'll definitly buy some. Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir 03:57 1 July 2008
Thanks for the vote!
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Necropaxx loves Hippies and you do too. |
| PS: No physical contact, please, the smell will rub off. Thanks for voting on Hippies on VFH. |
• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 20:44, Jul 8
I think you deserve one of these...
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Jolly Good Show! MrN9000 could not help but notice that you have been doing some spiffingly good deeds of late. As such, you have been awarded this rather nice boxy type thing by way of recognition. Congratulations. |
Glad you are still around, and writing good stuffs. MrN 00:57, Jul 9
Thanks for the vote
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Thanks for the vote David Bowie One magic movement from Kether to Malkuth |
Thanks;)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:09, 10 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
July 10th, 2008 • Tenth Issue Spectacular!
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Uncyclopedia running out of interesting stuff, UnSignpost starts up shitty telethon!  Look at you, sitting there all high and mighty with your Chuck Norris facts and Oscar Wilde quotes, well during this season of laziness and sitting round jacking off, please donate the gift of humor (or humour, we bend that way to no matter how much we are chased out of church) to a poor Uncyclopedian run newspaper near you. Take this poor little article for example; Canadian Tire Money or Canny as no-one calls him, just 8 minutes old and he is already roaming the streets. Illiterate and doing incoherency, long lines of lists and e before i (especially after c), it is only a matter of time before he turns to gay jokes to fund his addictions. Please help this little article achieve its potential as an Injoke by donating the gift of laughter, stupidity... or even just simple bad taste. Successes
There's more you can do... Call you're nearest admin and start a discussion about just how much humor you can donate (read: swearing and shock-porn), or start the 2717231278th forum topic concerning how we all must strive to remove the scourge of shitty articles. In the immortally misattributed words of our founding fathers, stillwaters and Chronarion "Fuck were we high" er... or words of respected member TheLedBalloon "Also, in the ass or the mouth?" oh dear... or even words of Please help Save Cats from Degrading Captions- wait... - Save the Porn onto my Hard-drive- uh... I remember! Save UnSignpost from falling into a pit of lame memes and boring articles, here is a parting word from a little one in need of YOUR help. Ry4N IS TEh GH3Y n00b whO SUX b4lls!!1 ~ Ryan kella Makes you think don't it? We will be taking your calls now. Or now. Not now. Ok, now. Modusoperandi OP'ed!?
This past month of June, the Uncyclopedia community got its first chance at VFS since February, and one new op was decided upon. While there were many great and very capable candidates, one in particular got the most attention and the most votes. Modusoperandi. This long time Uncyclopedian has been to VFS almost every time it gets opened as far as we can trace, and always misses it in the final round by a slim number of votes. However, this month turned out to be a winner for him, so congratulations Modus. MO likes to spend his time writing things and 'chopping some images, but also finds time to goof off in the forums, and relieve the everyday pressure of his fellow colleagues with his off topic sense of humor, which he rarely hides. Modus has a total of 19.5 featured articles as well as 10 featured images. We at UnSignpost congratulate Modus on his winnings, and are willing to put $10 on him becoming the next STM. UnSignpost Takes A Wikibreak
Yeah, the UnSignpost, the newspaper that Uncyclopedia would totally fall apart without, took a wikibreak last week. They seem to be fashionable, so we thought we'd find out what they were all about. They seem to involve time spent not hunched over a keyboard in a darkened room. The UnSignpost reminds you that such activities are hazardous to your health, and should be avoided at all costs. (Note: this is absolutely true - in no way did the UnSignpost just miss a week because no-one could be bothered to edit it, or anything) |
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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:32, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
Will u review my article
Hey Opti..., I was wondering if u wouldn't mind peeing on my article user:Bobofosho2/Ventura, CA.-Bobofosho2 02:23, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, No Rush
Thanks, please review my article.-Bobofosho2 17:21, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
July 17th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
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It's The Poo Lit. Surprised?
Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running
In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites.
Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Signposting
So yeah, Orian has mentioned that the UnSignpost, paragon of investigative journalism (or is that pentagon? I can never remember), should cover a certain super secret page of yours, and his response from the other side of the fence. So my question is this: how super secret is that page? Would you object to both of the UnSignpost's readers finding out all about it? And if so, would you like to write any blurb about it yourself? Finally, it's been a while since I said hello to you on here, so Hello OptyC, hope you're well dude! --UU - natter 
09:35, Jul 21
Review ReekQuest
Hi it's me. I would like you to review this page. I have already ask another admin to move it for me. So you won't have to but I would really appreciate it if you would comment on it. Hetelllies 10:22, 21 July 2008 (UTC)