User:Arthur/FARTERPAGE

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Y is TEXAN, Y'ALL!!!!!. Loves to play the drums, and usually hang out with musicians. This user is a purple-spleened administrator and messing with him/her could result in a ban. Knight Commander of the Order gobshite noob UOTM. ROTFL. (Full article...)

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In the news

Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig
Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)

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On this day in history

This pun smellier than the chicken my stupid sister left in the pantry.

May 5: Cinco de Mayonnaise (Mexico)

1862 - Mexico defeats France in a drawn-out game of Risk.
1893 - New York Stock Exchange crashes, has its driving privileges suspended for a year.
1900 - Queen Victoria declares that the fish fork is henceforth the official favored piece cutlery of Great Britain.
1925 - Tennessee biology teacher John Scopes is arrested for teaching electrocution in school; is forced to teach evolution instead.
1927 - The government of South Africa declares those African clicky noises to be an official language. "It's called isiXhosa!" they click.
1989 - The United States takes some obscure Mexican holiday and fills it with cheesy gorditas. Yuck.
2014 - Greeks protest austerity, bad weather and the pebble stuck inside their left sock.
2016 - Imprisoned crime lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán receives an infamous "salted handy." ¡Ayayay!

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Did you know?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?

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Today's featured lists

Featured today a long time ago[edit | edit source]

Matt Smith giving Mr-ex777 buttsex, featured on 5 May 2013: Featured version
Confidence, featured on 5 May 2012: Featured version
Ovum, featured on 5 May 2011: Featured version
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HowTo:Write Serj Tankian Lyrics, featured on 5 May 2009: Featured version

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Today's featured picture

When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image credit: Sunsneezer
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