Today's featured article
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Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."
The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
- ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
- ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
- ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
- ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
- ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 18: World Happiness Day
- 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
- 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
- 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
- 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
- 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
- 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
- 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
- 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.
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