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38,612 articles in Canadian, eh?
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Today's featured article
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I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching The Christmas That Almost Wasn't. I knew the fat, jolly bastard would be arriving soon, and I would be waiting for him. I've been waiting for this moment for years ever since St. Dickolas gave me coal for Christmas four years in a row, despite my good behavior. I'll shove that stocking full of coal up his ass and show him how funny it is.
I was dozing off when I heard it. The sound I could recognize anywhere. The fat bastard's heavy stomps on my rooftop. It's showtime. I sprang up off of the couch and hid behind the Christmas tree. I stay there for a little bit when I hear a loud tumble and an audible "Ah, shit.. that hurt." The fat bastard had entered the point of no return. Of course the jolly prick went straight to the kitchen, where he helped himself to the milk and cookies I laid out. I put a small amount of laxative and LSD in the cookies. I'm also pretty sure he got into the liquor cabinet because I heard him say something about a "Mr. Jack Daniels," with glass clinking around. He laid the presents under the tree, I was so close to him I could smell the liquor and cookies on him. Somehow, he didn't see me.
Then he walks over to the stalking, I peek around the tree. I see the lump of coal in his hand.
No the fuck you don't. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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*... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
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In the news
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"He ah-no give me ah-good coverage!"
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On this day...
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December 23: Festivus
- 1402 - Frank Constanza invents Festivus, "a holiday for the rest of us."
- 1888 - Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cuts off part of his left ear, sells it on eBay for three times the list price.
- 1938 - Immigrants from the Old Country bring over the Festivus Pole (Pictured) to America, get rid of the tinsel as it's "too distracting."
- 1954 - The first successful piano transplant is performed, following failed attempts on organs and harpsichords.
- 1970 - Ted Cruz molts for the first time! He eats the scaly residue for sustenance.
- 2000 - Competing holiday Christmas Eve Eve gets laughed off the room by good, correct people.
- 2006 - Your uncle makes a scene during the Airing of Grievances, makes the rest of the day awkward.
- 2007 - You and Your mom duke it out in the Feats of Strength. Your Mom promptly beats your ass.
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Prime Minister and Canuck of the Month
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Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon, Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon, Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon, Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon.
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Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear. Moose. Polar Bear.
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