Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
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Hello, C780178, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:
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Reason for your request for 'Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol#Manual Ban Patrol (new stuff below this line)'[edit source]
The reason you requested to block me is probably you noticed MrX left a message on my talk page saying that I was creating bad redirects. I explained to MrX about most of those redirects I made. Faster328 (talk) 08:28, 28 May 2023 (UTC)
Im cringing real hard rn.. Just stay away from me, dont lick my legs, dont scratch my back, and above all else, if you remember ONLY ONE THING, remember this: dont fucking say "UwU" on my talkpage, and we'll get along. (all about the laughs here, if this offends you, then fuck off!) — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 20:48, 28 July 2023 (UTC)
To clarify, meowing is fine, I know what it was like learning the human language ;) just dont say the forbidden thing I said above. Ill rage if you do. — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 20:59, 28 July 2023 (UTC)
Ok I just read this and found it funny. I was actually a late talker. I didnt talk until i was 5 years old. The human language really is hard XD — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 21:08, 29 July 2023 (UTC)
Brogo absolutely knows what problems his edits end up bringing, he just doesn't care. Not even after 7 blocks for basically the same thing. 17:01, 6 August 2023 (UTC)
Wait wait! You made a mistake blocking brogo bragremat! Clearly. Just because wikipedia has a policy, we must follow it here. Ok then w:en:WP:CITE says we need to cite our sorces. So all our claims we make in humor, we need to link to a verifyable website to make sure its true. Find a source for this! By brogo's logic, we need to follow the terms of use of discord just cuz we can communicate in both places. And follow all the policies of every wiki ever, like im sure other wikis do... We also need to follow the policies of fandom too. And git hub. And google, ebay, this, that, something, something else, another thing, and reddit. Just because. In fact, why not follow all the policies of every website ever, why stop at Wikipedia? — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 21:28, 9 August 2023 (UTC)
Its a good idea. And in no way can it destroy uncyclopedia forever. In absolutely no way. Exept every way possible. — L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 21:32, 9 August 2023 (UTC)
Yeah, there is absolutely no way following the rules of every site ever will destroy Uncyclopedia! Also, i wasn't the one that blocked Brogo. 22:10, 9 August 2023 (UTC)
Yes,meow. ㄧ (T | Meow!) 01:46, 10 August 2023 (UTC)
This isn't Wikipedia,don't do anything stupid,meow. ㄧ (T | Meow!) 04:43, 12 November 2023 (UTC)
"Edit summaries are particularly important when reverting. They should provide a valid and informative explanation ..."[2] --Brogo13 (talk) 15:54, 20 November 2023 (UTC)
Please don't look at Uncyclopedia from the perspective of Wikipedia. ㄧ (T | Meow!) 08:04, 21 November 2023 (UTC)
Hello, C780178, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:
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That barbie girl is mocking you. Well, you know what? Who in heck's fucking hell for goddamn's sake in fuck's universe would LIKE barbie if their brain was screwed into their head even 350o right? (i dont mean to sound mean, but i am being mean) L10nM4st3rROAR at me! / What my paws scratched 20:38, 17 December 2023 (UTC)
If you want to ask about the reason for rollback, please contact Sapplerx. I just rolled back your edits based on Sapplerx's rollback records. 08:40, 10 July 2024 (UTC)
Passport Card no. 4.252.99.182 Name = Xiǎo Māo Miaow (喵小猫) Nationality = Deng Xiaoping NOTE = Restriction (class: "Furry")
This is a valid Uncyclopedian Passport granting the holder passage to any country; excepting Canada, the United States, England, or any other country in which anyone would actually want to live.
The 2025 Atlantic hurricane season's newest fuck-buddy, TropicalPanther Storm Melissa, has formed, and is expected to hit just about anywhere from Costa Rica to Florida. Give it to Florida! HIT MIAMI! Or just do nothing and give some Caribbeans a bath whether they like it or not.
TropicalPanther's newest childish obsession, the furry/musician[citation needed] Yonkagor, is getting out of hand. Panther's escapades include attempting to turn LPTEW into a forum about it, among other things. What Panther doesn't realize, is that even though I've never even heard of it, I can already tell that it sucks.
Notable[I Don't Believe This] user Gergdown has been nommed for adminship by yours truly. It's not going so well. Somehow, it sits at 0, and get this: Gerg hasn't even voted for himself yet.
"Erm, actually, if you check everybody's noms on VFS, nobody actually has voted for themselves yet 🤓 also give me half an year and then nom me again 🤓 🤓 🤓" — Gergdown
The epidemic of spooky signs is almost over, hopefully. It all started when I made up a new "spookysig" featuring purple and orange as opposed to my normal eye-burning pink, Hatsune Miku blue, and neon brown. Turb0-SunSpookrise, Esquire joined in the fun when he made up his own spooky signature. A newcomer, Teh Epik Duck, also made a spooky signature, rebranding himself as Teh Spooky Duck and putting an additional color in there, green. Who will be the next to become spooky? ALL-CAPS MARSUPIAL? Oneshot Bird, perhaps? Maybe even Daniel Pinus the 3rd? Anything goes when it's spooky sig season!
Local hozer and resident dumbass Gergdown has finally done something useful for Onwards to Boston, uploading probably one of the best songs ever, "Dirty Water" by The Standells. You can listen right over there on the right.
After stealing various stuff from Gerg, Turb0-Sunrise's user and talk pages actually kick ass now. Seriously. Go look at them. The talk page header is particularly nice. Gerg's headers are neat too. Check those out.
Apparently, many users are not who they think they are. According to Gerg, Alula and DaniPine3 are the same person, Opossum is ASSGORE DREEMURR, Big MOCCASIN Billy is the Friend Inside Me, Knife Guy is THE ROARING KNIGHT, and I'm Toby Fox. Ask him about it.
what do you plan on doing for the rest of your uncyclopedian career? -Gergdown — [nil {{{u1}}}]
Your mom!
if i were to turn you into a bigfin squid would you become Turb0-Squidrise? -number dude — [nil {{{u2}}}]
bluug blorp blub.
the vancouverite sojourn paradox: since vancouverite sojourn has music, templates, and images, and has more pages than efo, is it technically mitk 2.5? -gerg — [nil {{{u3}}}]
“Yeah peepee poopoo bitch, you're a person who got divorced by Tony fucking Montana.” -Gergdown
If you are over 18 and a smoking hot firefighter, you could also piss on me. -Shabidoo
THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! TropicalPanther, probably the luckiest user on the site[1] had been banned. This came after repeatedly creating a sucky UnNews. Originally allowed talkpage access, Panther then threatened to SUE Uncyclopedia. First off, for what? Second off, with what lawyer?
Along with several random user's pages,[2] some dick of an IP decided to go on a vandal spree.
It was about 10:30 PM ETC. Me, Gerg, Zorua, and OPOSSUM were the only ones awake. Suddenly, racoons vandalism. Some IP "blanking" pages with a clever bit of wikitext. Then it escalated. Quickly. Full-on blankings, calling us cunts, and a whole shit-ton of other stuff. Fun times.
09:47, 18 November 2025 DaniPine3 blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 5 seconds (autoblock disabled) (requested by Turb0-Sunrise: i'm a prick who edit conflicts people for no good reason)
10:04, 16 November 2025 Alula blocked TropicalPanther with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (don't say i didn't warn you)
00:14, 19 November 2025 Alula changed block settings for TropicalPanther with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (making legal threaths and stuff)
Eh, it's been mostly quiet over the past week or so. LPTEW got archived, I made some new sigs, the Yankees still suck, and everybody's having a gay fun old time.
Rounded to the nearest millennium, how old are you? — Fish on skates
0
From The Logs
09:47, 18 November 2025 DaniPine3 blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 5 seconds (autoblock disabled) (requested by Turb0-Sunrise: i'm a prick who edit conflicts people for no good reason)
10:04, 16 November 2025 Alula blocked TropicalPanther with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (don't say i didn't warn you)
00:14, 19 November 2025 Alula changed block settings for TropicalPanther with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (making legal threaths and stuff)
Repeating the trend from October with the spooky signatures, Fish on skates has made her own Christmas-themed signature that looks suspiciously like DaniPine3's uhh... year-round signature. And, also repeating the trend, Turb0-Sunrise has come out with a "Christmas" signature of his own, suspiciously shortly after Fish showed hers off. OPOSSUM has also jumped on the bandwagon with a popup sig featuring, among other things, the disclosure of a relationship with Krampus and the accusation of presumed-dead user Squaw Dee being Santa's ninth reindeer.
Resident no-lifer and hockey lover Gergdown has been nominated for UOTM after RealDonaldTrump's smashing success last month. The outcome looks good so far, but you never know what can change in a month. Will Gerg be the last UOTM of 2025? Will a new contender rise to the challenge? Will the author stop talking like the back cover of a book? You'll just have to wait and see.
If pigs flew and I ran for admin, what would you vote? — Fish on skates
You can vote for multiple people, you know that?
From The Logs
23:56, 3 December 2025 DaniPine3 (talk | contribs) blocked Fish on skates (talk | contribs) with an expiration time of 3 seconds (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Turb0 told me to (for making a fatal grammatical mistake))
Hello, C780178, and thanks for coming back to Uncyclopedia! Before you continue to edit further, you may need to refresh your memory on our policies and guidelines. Please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to learn more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, read the following pages:
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If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, post on our community forum, join our Discord, or message an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy continuing to edit here and being an Uncyclopedian! Soviet☭(Ask for free votes) 14:50, 8 February 2026 (UTC)
This isn't a joke. We actually VFD'd an FA! Taylor Swift's "psy-op", an article[duh] created by alleged AI-writer Tranvit, has been fuckedbaleeted tossed down that super deep hole in Russia or wherever it is on VFD. MrX briefly lost his shit over it, before everybody seemingly forgot about it all. What were we talking about?
On LPTEW, Fish on skates started complaining about Turb0-Sunrise's constant edit conflicts. Both of them complained like 5-year-olds to DaniPine3, when ColonelKurtz decided to hold a fair trial, hearing both sides. Upon hearing both sides, Kurtz decided Turb0's description of the events wasn't detailed enough, at which point Fish threatened him. Hockey salmon was there too, for some reason. As with all court cases, it eventually came down to more angry five-year-old arguing. Aside from arguing, highlights include God making an appearance, confirming his secret gay relationship with Satan.
So. Uhh. Yeah. You probably know what a sitenotice is. Those things nobody looks at and dismisses as soon as they pop up. Well MrX had the bright idea to parody Wikipedia's 25 year anniversary. I made the editnotice, MrX made some tweaks, and long story short, my work is on every page of this website.[note 1]
Dani's revision of the original drawing. The horrors... nice tits on it though...
Fish's reply. Not to be confused with GlitchyZorua, the topic of the biopic, even though the damn wrapper puts it in the biopic section and i don't feel like adding more whitespace to this fucking thing to make it not in the biopic, even though this ridiculous rant is causing way more whitespace than should be allowed in an average UnSignpost issue
Demon spawning ground and local dumbassery[note 2] LPTEW has spawned yet another monstrosity, this time in the form of a moe personality of LPTEW itself. Fish on skates began the horrors, mentioning it in a completely unrelated thing, only for DaniPine3 to create an eldritch abomination beyond the wildest dreams of Satan himself.
These creations were met with mixed reactions, with GlitchyZorua calling for them to be killed with fire, ColonelKurtz having a stroke, Turb0-Sunrise forcing Fish to give hers red socks, and somebody masturbating. I heard it. It was in the broom closet.
If you see these creatures, seek medical attention immediately. You will likely die if exposed to these creatures for long periods of time. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
The week is upon us. Forest Fire Week. BURN THE SHIT! BURN IT! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Biopic
There's a place in France or somewhere. They say there's nude dancing. Sounds like fun. This has nothing to do with GlitchyZorua, who is honestly great. They don't do much actual writing, but they're around. Mostly on VFD, but if you hide in the dark corners of MrX's talk page, Zorua'll be there.
10:57, 7 February 2026 Alula blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 7 minutes and 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (Felt like it)
11:02, 7 February 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Alula with an expiration time of 1 hour and 8 minutes (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Payback >:[)
11:10, 7 February 2026 Alula unblocked Alula(it's not very effective...)
11:12, 7 February 2026 Alula blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 3 seconds (account creation disabled) (DaniPi3)
14:08, 9 February 2026 Alula blocked 50.206.73.246 with an expiration time of 1 day (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (pay attention in class you idiot)
If your talkpage doesn't have some weird CSS on it,*cough* MKyou may be noticing that the good[citation needed] ol' USP looks a bit different. We've revamped[note 3] some stuff in the back.
First off, if you look at the super fucking old issuses, you'll see a little thing next to the issue number. We brought that back. Then we split the heading thingy in half. It doesn't do much, but it looks nicer. Then we put the heading in a box. Looks so fucking nice. Now we put the WHOLE THING in a bo- excuse me...
oh, oh,OH!
Where were we?
Quote(s) of the Week
“usiong hHE POWER OF NTO CORERCTINT WORDS I WILL UNCYCLEOPEDIA A MAJROR STROEK AND THEN TO STOP THE STOPKE THEY WWKKWKKWWKWKWKWKWJWWJ”
– ColonelKurtz
“I'd rather be Spamton, because back then he had a giant TV sugar daddy.”
Holy shit. They actually did it. ColonelKurtz got banned by Alula for "repeated creation of garbage pages, spamming discussions with gibberish/irrelevant messages, generally just being a dick, etc." Following a brief change of the blocking time to 2 hours by DaniPine3, Turb0-Sunrise put that one template on his page, with Soviet moving the old contents to a new page. People started taking his subpages in a process known as "article-trenching".
Aside from that, one of his last acts was voting against on my article on VFH. Soo... you could say it's mixed reactions from ol' Turb0.
For whatever reason, newcomer OrdinaryJoe1234 has been nominated a ton of articles like ChatGPT and Rickrolling. Despite being warned by Shabidoo, he has still continued nominating articles. Because of this, he has earned the nickname "The 2011th Fenris" from Fish on skates just now.
After the purging of the AI articles helped by Gergdown's revolution thingy, people want to do something about AI images. However, everyone has a different opinion. MrX, OPOSSUM, and Noopnurf want to leave the AI images alone, but Gergdown, Turb0-Sunrise, DaniPine3, MK, and I would like to do something. After a lengthy off-topic conversation on the user talk page of recently banned ColonelKurtz, a forum was created with the title of The Noopstein Files.
15:22 Alula blocked ColonelKurtz with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (ugh)
20:31, 13 February 2026 DaniPine3 changed block settings for ColonelKurtz with an expiration time of 2 hours (account creation disabled) (hold on, why infinite? the guy hasn't done anything really bad now)
20:33, 13 February 2026 Alula changed block settings for ColonelKurtz with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (dani don't bother, this is for his general behavior)
Because this only happens once in a whenever, we here at the USP would like to welcome Deemoxagoard aboard. Fuck. Shit. You STUPID DUMBASSARY USER! How do you not know the proper way to speak the English language, Turb0? As we all know, the correct way of spelling aboard is aboard!!! Obviously not agoard!!! In fact, since you said that, not only have you offended me, but the entire history of the Anglo-Saxon language chain, Turb0.
Anyways, welcome Deemox. There's cake here somewhere. Depending on if Bill ate it all. Fuck you, Bill.
) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
*shrug* Restricted Approved
