Tackleball

Tackleball is a simple game that consists of a ball, and no set number of players (higher numbers are usually better). Tackleball can literally be played anywhere, including inside houses, missile silos, and even a space station.

An American version of Tackleball. Notice the players wearing armor which is common amongst American sports (pussies).

Yackleball

A mis-spelling of tackleball. Don't do it.

Rules

1. You do not talk about Tackleball.
2. You do not talk about Tackleball.
3. If someone says stop, goes limp, even if he's just faking it, jump on him. Everyone else will copy and will result in pile-on.
4. At least three guys to a ball.
5. One ball at a time. (This is to avoid thinning the numbers down)
6. They must play with#shirts, pants and shoes on 3because no-one likes to see their friends half-naked.
7. The games go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first match of tackleball, you have to get piled on.

The Tackleball

Any type of ball is suitable. Whether it be a football (Australian type) or a football (British type) or any type of object that ends in ball. As long as it’s ballish in shape you’ll have no problem. If no ball-like objects are in the area rocks make for fun substitutes.

Note: Some people (probably those lacking genitalia) may suggest that testicles are used as a tackleball, due to their round nature. To avoid extreme pain, and loss of fertility, please refrain from using your testicles for this game.

Gameplay

There is no way to win a game of Tackleball. The aim is simply to tackle whoever has the ball, and then claim the ball for yourself. This usually results in all the players piling on the player with the ball, which slows play temporarily, until the ball is claimed by a tackler who then runs away with the ball, who is then chased by the other players aiming to get the ball.

However the ultimate goal of the game for most players is to speartackle the guy they hate most to the ground where a pile-on will ensure. Hopefully the hated player will get crushed and/or injured to much satisfaction. At this point, everyone points and laughs then the game continues.

The only way to possibly end the game is to crush every player to the point where there's only two players left. The game stops here otherwise it looks abit queer.

Training

There are few ways to train for being jumped on top of, so many Tackleball players decide to concentrate on tackle training. After the complete failure of the Tickle-Me-Elmo re-release, TMX because people find fluffy red vibrating toys inappropriate for children, Mattel retooled the toy to be the Tackle-Me-Elmo, a larger version minus the vibration capability.

Tackleball and American Football

Tackleball is vastly superior compared to American Football.

The facts mainly rely on the point that Tackleball doesn’t have a number of confusing (confusing to non-Americans) obscure rules yet retains all the fun of randomly tackling the person with the ball into the ground.

Two American university football teams, University of Miami and Florida International University, decided to give up mid-game and play tackleball, though in a brutal form. These teams were wearing protective gear at the time (known as pussy-suits in the rest of the world) which negated any major injuries, to the disappointment of the crowd.

The Offical International League Of Tackleball (TOILOT)

The TOILOT is the eilte league of Tackleball players. Teams range all over the world, apart from New Zealand because they don't count, including the Pope's hand selected team. The teams are:

• Salisbury Bait & Tackle: This is a team formed by the staff of Salisbury Bait & Tackle. The team's battle cry is a rather uninspired "IT'S TACKLE TIME!"

• World Tackling Federation: This was formed when Americans finally realised that professional wrestling was entirely fake. Trying to save face, the wrestlers were given matching uniforms and told to grab the ball (the most complex instruction ever carried out by a wrestler).

• The Bible Bashers: The Pope's own handpicked team. The term "Bible Bashers" came from the team's use of bibles to incapacitate the opposition in tackles, which often resulted in crucifix scars. The team initially wore Cardinal Robes, but the uniform was changed after the players were unable to untangle from a large pile-on. The team also discovered Jesus, and recruited him on the team, where his exemplary performance led to him becoming the Christian Messiah.

• The Young Ones: The television career of The Young Ones ended when Vivian reached 30 years old. To avoid a life of obscurity and eventually appearing on an annoying "Where Are They Now?" show, the group turned to tackleball. To date, 13 players have been blinded by studs worn by the team.