Sudden infant death syndrome

Babies that cry too much are more likely to die mysterious, unexplained deaths

Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the sudden, mysterious death of a baby. Also known as crib death, SIDS usually happens between the ages of one and three months, when babies are at their loudest and most annoying. Despite decades of research and millions in funding, the cause of SIDS still eludes scientists today. Placing babies on their backs while asleep, or dropping them off to live at their grandparents indefinitely, are known to reduce SIDS rates.

Signs and Symptoms

Signs of SIDS varies from one dead baby to another. Some dead babies are found with strange, red finger-sized marks wrapped around their necks, or multiple perforations on their chest as if stabbed by some sharp object. Other babies are found with shattered spines and splintered skulls, as if thrown or pummeled in some fashion. In every case, dead babies are found gently cradled in their cribs, seemingly placed there by a loving caretaker. Researchers have concluded that these babies never left their cribs, and had met sudden, violent ends through mysterious means.

No case of SIDS has been recorded or even witnessed as of present. Baby cameras and home surveillance all seem to shut down or break around the time SIDS occurs. Researchers have recorded thousands of babies in their sleep, in the hopes of observing a baby spontaneously die, or even explode, but with no luck.

Causes

"My darling babe! Gone! Taken too soon! Oh, I feel like fainting!"

With no apparent leads as to the pathology of this phenomenon, scientists are left to wildly postulate as to the cause of SIDS. The most popular theories are laid out below:

Evil monster with knives for teeth

Many dead babies show signs of stab wounds on their bodies, leading researchers to conclude that a malicious creature with knives for teeth must be stabbing the babies with their mouths, but not to eat them (they don't like the taste) but just to kill them for screaming too loudly and giving their mothers a hard time.

Crying too much, or something

I don't know, maybe when the baby's crying too loud, some of the air or something, from their screams, breaches the blood-brain barrier and causes an embolism, making their brains to explode. That's probably it. Good job, team.

God

You can't go wrong blaming the big guy. He invented bone cancer after all, and babies.

See also

• Baby food