Coventry

The beautful Coventry countryside.

“Coventry? What's a Coventry? Do they allow cats?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Coventry

Often seen as one of the best cities to visit, especially if you like to dress up like a chav or a complete twat. If you just want to die a violent and untimely death, then Coventry may well be the place for you! The police in Coventry are extremely lenient, only stopping people if they are openly carrying pump action shotguns that are loaded. Or if they have recently put a cat in bin. The Coventry ring road is the worst road in the world. If you're bored of enjoying life, drive on this road and in no time you'll be as angry and braindead as the local wildlife (Coventry residents).

History

Richard Kovacs once taught here, he liked dolphins. A lot. Too much in fact. He was locked up after pleading guilty to sex crimes on dolphins. Nothing has been heard of him since.

Coventry has a long tradition of not being very nice. The reason for this was because Churchill threatened to release the Chavs from their cages. It was thought that the real reason for Hitler dying was that after numerous attempts by the British to try and improve the city they failed. Hitler then offered to assist in the redevelopment of the city by sending the lufftawaffle to strike the city down but failed miserably. The Lufftawaffle took out Coventry's oldest standing palce of interest - the cathedral - and this angered the local citizens. Because of this Churchill had to keep the folks happy so decided to jump on the bandwagon and bomb the shit out of Coventry too. It was later discovered that Coventry was in fact (and still is) hell on earth, and nothing would ever change this concrete jungle we have all grown to hate. The suicide rate is every 9/10 people and this has reduced the city's mortality rate, therefore having to call in chavs from all over the UK to live here. Incentives such as free housing, free clothing and free drugs have been created to attract them. Coventry's oldest rivalry is with Birmingham as they are often seen as "South Birmingham" whereas in fact Coventry has an accent that sounds like the person's great grandparent was raped by a paedophile priest. In a survey conducted by Coventry University it was discovered 82% of Coventrarians thought that Birmingham was full of wankers, only 2% liked them, and the other 16% were undecided. The rivalry is thought to have been started in the early 1400s when ET the extra terrestrial decided to pay the region a visit. At first ET decided to stay in Birmingham but found that their accent was so annoying he phoned home. His mother replied "we will be there in 2 days tops son!" Desperate to leave that shithole, he decided to visit Coventry and found it a more bearable place to live as your risk of getting stabbed is only 97%.

Coventry has no history from before 1945, as everything was blown up. all that was left was a little bit of the cathedral. and thats broken too.You would rather lick your own arse than come near coventry its full of incest smelly tramps

Coventry "fucking wanking bollocks full of twats" University

Founded in 1045 BC, Coventry University is the oldest university in the world. Famous for its links to the Automotive industry, Coventry has had a long and glorious history in the area of car design, with the original wheel being invented there in the year 783 BC by the Rt Honourable Sir Jonathan McJockey Fitzgerald Smithsonian Wheel. Coventry is home to literally one fine food establishment, known as quids inn and popular with students who after drinking their own body weight in alcohol, are usually immune to the multitude of poisonous bugs and bacteria which accompany most orders, free of charge. Coventry university students are often seen wanking all over that shithole Kasbah nightclub and overcrowding the local Weatherspoon's. A famous local known as Luke who relocated from surrey is often spotted around the city kicking bins and banging on peoples doors. He has been said to spit and throw chips at people that he classifies as northern. You can also visit his studio flat in code, the one flat that constantly flashes orange.

• Hillfields has had over a £10billion spent on it in the last three years...so far this has lead to a reduction of the number of prostitutes here by 2. Several trillion more is needed to ensure that the residents may one day outnumber the prostitutes.

• Radford has the canal basin. The local youths are extremely witty, removing the 'c' from any sign with the words canal basin in it. Incidentally, it is.

• It is worse than Birmingham in every single way.. to the delight of those fine Brummie gentlemen.

• It is the home of the Tardis in Doctor Who.

• It is the birthplace of the CHAV.

The Temple of Chav, also known as Coventry Primark.

• It holds the world record for people asking for 36p

• It has inflation people now ask for 70p

• It has inflation people now ask for 75p (updated)

• It has once again inflated to 80p

• It has the highest rate of retards in Europe

• When you fart in Coventry you can be executed

• Coventry has the highest rate of people pissing on the street. This is mainly due to the old people who have weak bladders

• The Emily are the second most popular band from Coventry - second to The Specials

• The city's graffiti artist "ABEL" is obese

• Highest conviction rate of paedophile teachers. If you find yourself in the toilet alone one day and the teacher walks in...leg it!!

• It has the highest rate of murder and vicious wounding in the world

• The only thing worth seeing is he Millenium Arch (if you dont get stabbed)

• The Staffordshire bull terrier is in fact called the Coventry bull terrier

• Coventry hates the Brummies and the yam yams with a passion and plan to take over the West Midlands

• It holds the world record for the amount of people standing at the bottom of the street - ̶1̶4̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ 17 people

• Some people get sent there as punishment for crimes commited

• The mayor of Coventry smells like the inside of a fucking dead dog.

• Did you know that over eleven million people were "sent to coventry" in the series span of Prisoner Cell block H, and only 1 in the entire span of "Bad Girls"?

• Coventry translates to (village of the webbed people) in Turkish.

• Home to nupur's corner shop

• Hitler lives here!

• Strictly NO CATS!

• Home to people with scissors as weapons

• Billy Wragg Is Cool

• An adverage life exspectancy of 75 for men.

• "Peeping Tom" was established in Coventry, as a "pervert" who stared upon Lady Godiva's breasts as she rode around naked.

• Alice Kennell has nits the size of badgers

• On youtube there is like one whole video of us.

• Home to the biggest badmans evah.

• Maher Shamsuddin is the Leading Coventry Quasar Champion - UPDATE A year later, he is still the Quasar champion

• It is home to the memorial park where there alot of dead people under trees!

• Residents spend most of their time manning the borders to stop invaders from Festershire.

• We need some more girls here cus theres too many men!

• 73% of the women lost their virginity before the age of 11.

• Home of Larry the Library rapist who lives in the toilets at central library

• Cov has the highest rates of gonorrhoea