User talk:Guildensternenstein/archive1

Welcome!

Hello, Guildensternenstein, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

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Review

Hey ill give your articles a quick read through, but do me a favor and click the signature button at the top of your edit screen to sign the end of your posts and your messages. I will nominate you if your articles are solid but you may want to wait till next month to make a good run for it, that is if your still considered a noob then. Your first month of membership might expire. Anyways, post both of your articles on pee reveiw. I think you have one up right now but if you want to, I will give both long and detailed reviews. If you have any questions just talk under this message. I will be told when you say somethinng on this page for now on. Good luck!--Tagstit 05:53, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I did the articles 'Tom Brady' and 'Gravity's Rainbow', for the record. And thanks a ton.

No problem, you will see a template making sure no idiot goes in and does a crappy review on the page. It will take me a bit to do them, but they should both be done by tomorow.--Tagstit 06:01, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry, I never take insults from someone as new as you as offensive. In fact, I have only been here for a few weeks and the every time I review a noob's first article, it is always filled with lots of cuss words and one-liners, yours was no exception. Also, every noob has tried to defend their article and saying I am wrong but no offense and that they are going to ask someone else. This again, has been no exception. And, my response is always to say then go nominate it for VFH, or send it again, and they usually end up with no nominations or a worse score. Now, I am not trying to bash you or anything, its just important to know your not the only one who wrongly thinks their first article is great. I guess the point of all of this is too show you that one of the main things I have found between noobs and skilled people here, is that skilled people can take criticism. I hope you learn to soon too.--Tagstit 00:11, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said that my article was "great," or even "good." To be honest, I think it's something in the range of 26-29, which is OK at very best. And I didn't mean to be insulting, if I came off that way I'm sorry. To be honest I wrote that whole thing in about 45 minutes (including pictures etc.) after a couple of days playing around on the sight for fun (I've known of Uncyclopedia's existence for less than a week, you see). I also dislike Tom Brady, if you can't tell. So yeah. I do, however, stick by some of the stuff I said. I mean, stupid, random-ass humor is, well...stupid. For a site that claims to be dedicated to "satire," there is surprisingly little of it here. So (and this is probably just a matter of personal preference), my articles will be about a.) Things that actually exist, and b.) Will say something criticizing/lapooning/satiring said real world thing. Not that I don't like surrealist humor (I think that a good article should be both surrealist and satirical, the entry on Michael Bay is a good example), but I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. I also think that I was unjustly knocked points for the videos not loading (which affected both prose and images score), as well as the fact that you're clearly (and you more-or-less said so yourself) a "sports person." And, finally, I don't know that you can be calling me a noob, being here a whooping 2 1/2 weeks longer than I have, Mr. Noob of the Month. Again, I'm not insulting you, just saying. Anyway, don't feel obligated to review my other articles (I submitted "Pre-Presidential Accomplishments of Barack Obama" just a few minutes ago), if you don't want to. And I do appreciate your review. After all, some feedback is better than waiting forever and getting no feedback. So yeah. Sorry if I offended, and yeah. That's about it.

Alright, we are cool. Btw I am a huge sports person, I play football, water polo, swim, and basketball at my school and watch sports all the time, so stop callin me not a "sports person." And I really want you to get different feedback so resend your one I reviewed. It is only my view. And I am not saying I am not a noob, I am just saying that something noobs do is they don't accept criticism. Alright, we are cool man don't worry bout anything. --Tagstit 01:06, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, just an (unfair) assumption on my part. I am certainly not a "sports person," although I very much like NFL football. Perhaps you're a Pats fan? haha. Anyway, I re-submitted that article. And yes, we're cool, haha. How are your newest articles coming? --Guildensternenstein 01:10, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Good, I am really stuck on helpin Snake7. He is a really funny guy his articles lack a certain...I don't know what and I am trying to improve it. My book is kind of running out of ideas but I am just putting thoughts down. If you wanna put some feedback into em thatd be great!--Tagstit 01:20, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

That's pretty cool. I have at least a five or six ideas I have right now that I plan on doing soon. My latest article I thought up and wrote today in as a response to the inaugeration. (I hate B.H.O. too). I'll post my articles on Pee Review as I write them, so yeah. Feel free to review (or not review) them as you please, and I do appreciate input. But yeah, that's pretty cool, though.

Ya, I just got an idea for unnews so Im doing that right now, check it out and tell me what you think, it is on my page under what I am working on--Tagstit 03:21, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

The "All You Need Is Love" one is really funny/clever, if that's the one you're referring to. Good idea. I like the 'head caption' a lot.

Thanks, it did worse in Pee then I wanted it too, but its all good because I got a feature today so I am happy.--Tagstit 14:48, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes 'Scary Movie' my favorite of your articles congrats dude.

Thanks alot!--Tagstit 15:00, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Reviewing

Hi there Guildensternenstein, nice to see you around, and thanks for taking the time to do a few reviews - we really do appreciate it when people take the time to help others out around here. However, seeing as you are giving your time, would you mind giving a few more minutes and putting a little more feedback in those reviews? Have a little look through the review guidelines, and see what you think. This is not warning or anything - the way I see it, if you're going to take up some of your time to try and help others, might as well make sure your own time isn't wasted by giving them enough to go on, right? Take a look at some other reviews by the likes of young Tagstit there, or Orian57, one of our veteran reviewers, or Mnbvcxz, a reviewing machine, to see what I mean.

Anyway, don't let me put you off anything, just thought I'd mention it. See you about the place! --UU - natter 21:05, Jan 23

Gotcha, will do.

If there's one thing I like to see, it's a person as good as their word. That Episcopal Church review was superb, thanks for listenin'! --UU - natter 22:36, Feb 9

Absolutely. --Guildensternenstein 01:18, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Pee Review, Pre-Presidential Accomplishments of Barack Obama

Hi,

I've pee-reviewed this article and wanted to give you a heads up. I tend to be critical when I pee reveiw something, and I do not pee review many articles because I seldom find ones that I have a great deal of interst in. This one, however caught me eye, and from my writing awards, I think I have a good eye.

This article is a strong start, but it needs work to hailed with rose petals and marching band. If you read through the pee review, take my suggestions to heart I think that you will get the article to where it needs to be.

Happy to look at it in the future if you are up to it.

Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:14, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks dude (or maybe dudette, as you're giving me "hugs") I will look it over in the near future and post it for Peeing when the time comes. Thanks again.

Two things. First, that would be dudette, and you are welcome ;-)! Secondly, did you know that you can sign your posts by typing 4 tildas ~~~~ and your name and the time of post will date stamp. Isn't that a handy helper? Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 20:27, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes, I do know that, but am never really compelled to do it, although, if you insist:

--Guildensternenstein 22:54, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Its a convention that we follow rather universally. You'll discover that the longer you're around us. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 01:34, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Could you take a look at...

...Sweet smoking Jesus and see if the changes please you? If not, just let me know what I need to do> Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 19:27, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Sure thing. Could you perhaps adopt me as part of the "Adopt a Noob" program? I would very much like it if you did.

Just gave it a gander, and I like what you did. Those two sections at the end were exactly what I had in mind, and the artcle certainly feels more "complete" now. I like.

• OK, I normally don't do adopt-a-noob, but for you I'll make an exception IF and only IF you start signing your posts. You get something, we all get something. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:28, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

Hahaha thank you will do. --Guildensternenstein 23:57, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

• Game on. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:35, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

OK, so, how exactly do you go about adopting me etc.? I am awaiting that to happen.

--Guildensternenstein 21:28, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Gravity's Rainbow

Apologizing needlessly to the fine gentleman who did it, but the Pee Review you finally got for your article on Gravity's Rainbow was maybe one notch above useless. There was every indication that the author has never heard of the subject, much less read the book. Is it just me, or doesn't it look like a review just for the sake of being able to say he's reviewed something (expecting something a little more colorful? Because it is about a rainbow? Are we serious?).

I didn't do the review because I am a lazy asshole. No, that's not it. Actually, I haven't found a comfort area here to feel OK about reviewing, to be honest. But if you would like, I would be happy to put some effort into a real review. If you care. If so, put it up for a second opinion and I'll snatch it. I realize that I need to start reviewing constructively to be a real part of this nonsense. Which, why do I want to be, but, whatever.

If on the other hand you are happy with that review - if, that is, "This is a good subject to write on and you did a good job of it" sounds like more to you than a rubber stamp, then forgive this unwanted intrusion into your happy bubble.

Yes, I had thought that exact same thing. I read through most of that user's reviews and they're all that way. I have a feeling he/she is 11 years old or retarded.

I'm serious.

And when I put it up for VFH (which I only did so someone would flippin' Pee Review the damn thing!) it was pretty clear the people voting hadn't read the book either. If they did, they would understand. I mean, yes, the joke is a I say 'fuck' a lot, but there's more to it than that. GR is about sooooo much, and then to list a portion of everything it's about, only to dismiss it and focus on the sexual aspects, I think, is pretty funny in an "I don't know what I'm talking about" sort of way. That's what I was going for, at least.

I mean, I'm sure you've at least heard of Gravity's Rainbow judging from your name (my fav. author, by the way, I'm reading V. as right now and am nearly done with it), and are therefore probably "qualified" to review it. I'll put it up for second opinion and let you have a stab at it. Thanks, dude.

--Guildensternenstein 02:13, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Drive-by

Hey just driving by here and wanted to say that the user who has reviewed your article does feel bad and is very apologetic. My guess is that he was just trying to make some quick easy friends by giving a few high scores. I am currently teaching him about getting better and he is making an enthusiastic effort at better reviewing. Also I don't mean to offend anyone but be a bit more forgiving when dealing with beginners. Don't forget at one point you wrote me a pretty empty review than begged for a nomination. No hard feelings I hope! Good luck on NOTM--~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 05:00, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Hahaha yes.

--Guildensternenstein 13:20, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

GR Reviewed

Imagine my surprise when, no sooner had I whined about it being nonsense to do an article on Harry Partch here in my Concept section then did I find there is one.

I don't think it's very funny though - a tepid pun on the name being similar to Harry Potter and absolutely no acknowledgement of the real accomplishments of the man. But I digress and you don't care...

--TPLN 01:49, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

I've just read this previous review and noted that both the Testicle and I recommended that more cowbell be added in the image department. Really explore the studio space this time. IronLung 09:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

I had noticed that too. I thought that you had read the previous article and were alluding to it haha. It's funny, because I didn't actually change any of the images when I reworked the article between the two reviews. So perhaps I should add more cowbell. Because [insert cowbell joke here]. Also, the only cure for my fever is more cowbell.

--Guildensternenstein 15:57, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Thankies

Going Down? Necropaxx would like to thank you profusely for reading his article and actually liking it enough to vote For. The picture on the right is exactly what you wouldn't see in an elevator. Sorry. :(

Your username is awesome, btw. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:27, Feb 12

Hahaha thank you. --Guildensternenstein 17:36, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Hi.

We could use you. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:28, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for Peeing at Rorschach

Here to thank you for the reviews in my UnBooks:Rorschach's journal article. I really wanna do my best and try to make this VFH, but there's a lot to learn and I've touch up the work from your criticisms. Tell me how you find it now?--A. SHePerD 16:24, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

I'll give it another look for ya but it'll be a while. --Guildensternenstein 01:10, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks pal! :) A. SHePerD 12:17, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Unadopted and you're welcome

First of all, Congratualtions on being Newbie of the Month. As your Adopter on Uncyclopedia, I should note that it is now past the First of the Month, you really should have sent out your thank you notes to all who voted for you out by now. Other people who were up for the award are now sitting in their miserable little worlds, sobbing, and its the fault of the people who voted for you. So its reall important that you thank them so that they don't feel that they wasted their vote on you. You may either write a nice note (but not the same note, that would be gauche) on each voters talk page, or you can design a nice little tempalte (notice "little"; there is nothing that says I'm a space hog than a huge template) to put on people's pages.

Secondly, seeing that our interaction is minimal (I don't remember if you asked for my opinion on really anything, or writing to tell me that you missed me), and my lack of maternal instinct (I don't adopt, but for you I made the exception) I now deem you free to go out and have fun on your own.

Fond farewell, bye bye, and write when you find work. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 03:21, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

You aren't an idiot. You have a lot of talent. You have lots of friends, too. And yes, I had to go back and read my archived posts - you did wish me a Happy Valentines Day, and being the mother cat I am I pointed my attention in another direction. I'm telling you, my children have it hard enough; its all I can do not to toss them a couple pig ears to knaw on instead of making them Creme of Wheat on a winters morning. Got to be nice to them, because they are whats going to keep me out of a nursing home when I'm old and insane. As for the Templates, look around on someone's talk page for one you like, go to that template, copy the code and set it up on in your namespace as you own template - just remember to change the text, image and color. Do you have a hex pallet to work with? You can use Hex Codes to define the color of your text, border and fill areas of the template. I'm not going far. If you need me, just drop me a line. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 14:06, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Templates

I'm almost able to literally make a template from scratch but the key for a beginner is pretty simple. Just "steal" the code from other templates and alter them.

Example 1: Basic Box

PARTY LIKE IT'S RAGNAROK!

Yule- the season of giant stone calendars and pagan elf chicks

Happy Winter Solstice from The Evil One
NOW START DRINKING MEAD AND WEARING ANIMAL SKINS

---

PARTY LIKE IT'S SATURNALIA!

Io, Saturnalia!- Eat, drink and treat your masters with disrespect!

Happy Hedonism from the Saturnalicius Princeps
NOW START DRINKING JAGERMEISTER WHILE WEARING UGLY SWEATERS AND SILLY HATS

---

Hit the edit button and you'll see how I tweaked a x-mas card template I received to make it my own. All I did was tweak the values/colors and put in different pics. Just play around with the code and keep hitting "preview" to see what happens when you change stuff.

Example 2: HTML

Thank you for voting. Thank you all for voting me your Writer of the Month for December 2008, despite my rather long winded speech half-telling you not to while still being whore enough to accept the award anyways. Enjoy this pretty template styled after my pretty new userpage as your payment, as per our previous agreement. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks For Being Groovy! I am both deeply humbled and appreciative of your vote to promote me to Knight Grand Cross of the Order and shall send the magic van round to your flat with virtual contraband

I never thought I was going to use this code from Sys at first, I just played around with it to see what I could make it do. This isn't a "box" template, I believe we have a "table" here. The code structure for this is much different than the simple box code, being "outright HTML" (Is there such a difference? Isn't it all HTML? How would I know, I'm just a code parrot) Immediately, I noticed that this was a different beast and I couldn't simply drop in pics and stuff using the box code method. Over time, I copied little segments of code that created effects I liked and kept them for later use. I did a lot of work changing Sys' basic concept to make it my own. I found the code necessary to drop a pic in the template and I finally used the HTML blink code I'd been saving. Using {{Blink|words go here}} has its limitations but the HTML code allows you to blink any size/font/color easily.

You may have slightly missed your NOTM opportunity to send a template but the personal messages you've left are just fine. Perhaps your next VFH success would be a great time to send your first thank you template. Heck, any good deed can warrant a template. Parroting code is lawful as long as you spend a little time to "make it your own" by sufficiently altering it. Have fun! Plus, thank you for the WOTM congrats and you're welcome on the NOTM vote.--    11:21, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for all of that, it was quite useful. As I'm in line to get a feature fairly soon, I will (attempt to) make everyone thank-you templates. Hopefully, they don't suck haha. Thanks. --Guildensternenstein 19:27, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh look, it's one of my templates. Yeah, Gildy, what DrStrange has said is spot on: steal things. I don't know if my templates would be the best to steal, seeing as how all of them are kinda fitting this new theme I have going on (see my talk page and user page to get what I'm driving at) and they're more HTML. The wikified boxes are quick and easy, and you can whip one up and have it distributed in about two minutes twenty with some clever copy/paste techniques and the right Firefox keyboard shortcuts. Ultimately, though, don't spend too much time on them, as we all just throw them away after we read them. Bit like greeting cards, really. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:56, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

And if you can work with animated gifs you can plop one into the template like this:

Peace, love and Far OUT! Prettiestpretty appreciates your vote for the Old hippie chick who's always collecting money on VFH.

Just remember to keep the image really small. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:18, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

K, I'm thinking something like this:

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

Guildensternenstein

---

The fuck is that guy? I always thought your name was a Hamlet reference. —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:23, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

There ya go! A simple template just like my first box format x-mas card. Just keep your eye out for cool code when your surfing through the site and save samples in your userspace. That's what a lot of userpages look like BTW, a repository for doohickies and html tricks.--    00:29, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

It is first-and-foremost a Hamlet reference, but it's also a reference to the wonderful Onimusha series and it's resident evil sciencetist, Guildenstern. --Guildensternenstein 00:35, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

You uploaded a picture of Frank Zappa

I am now obligated to talk to you about Frank Zappa for an undetermined amount of time. -RAHB 22:17, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Haha, lovely. --Guildensternenstein 22:56, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Seriously, any day now I'll say something intriguing about Frank Zappa, and my deep desire to have sex with him. -RAHB 14:08, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm looking forward to it. —Sir Guildensternenstein 14:14, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

Hey Guilden!!

Do you mind voting AGAINST me for Useless Gobshite of the month? Some asshole nominated me (personal dislike, and he knows it) and now I'm in lead. I honestly think most of the people who voted for me don't have any clue who I am, but were just following the dude's lead. Mind helping me out? I'm trying to be taken seriously, and Im pretty sure a Gobshite OTM never got an article featured.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 20:37, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, I'm glad to be semi-competent, now if I can just keep it that low...--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:56, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

As the asshole who nominated you (and a winner of the award myself) may I remind you once again that GOTM is nothing more than a big joke? I think you're a fine user, I just like joking around with other users in this very same way, and they all understand that everything around here is just a big joke. No one hates you, no one dislikes you, no one talks shit about you, we're all just a big happy family of big brothers who like to tease the new guys. It's all in good fun and we're all rather friendly with each other at the end of the day. But if you're going to be sticking around (which I hope you are) you're just gonna have to deal with the fact that we're always joking with one another. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:05, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

True; all that. --Guildensternenstein 23:09, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Except for SysRq. That guy is a serious gobshite who really ought to be working. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:16, 6 Mar

Vacation

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Guildensternenstein will be in the very Canadian city of Toronto this next week.

He will be on an Uncyclopdedia vacation for that time.

Not that any of you cared.

---

Who's "Toronto"? —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:15, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Pee at Rorschach again if you want

Rorschach doesn't mind if you want to pee at him once more. He'll be more than happy getting peed on!--A. SHePerD 02:46, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

PING!

Hi, just wanted to remind you that our current Colonization, Jew, is still going. While things may be looking a bit slow right now, all it takes are a few good Colonizers to breathe some life into it again. Sure, it's going to take some work, but that's what IC is all about! Come on down and give us a hand, won't you?

Much love,
—Sir SysRq (talk) 23:16, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm at my friend's house currently, and leave for the illustrious city of Toronto tomorrow, so I won't be doing anything major for the next week or so (as I will be in Toronto and won't have the time). --Guildensternenstein 05:50, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

LOLCANADA k —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:14, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Guilden, about the PLS

Which category will you be entering, because I need to know which categories to not enter. Personally, I think you should enter something more significant than the N00b category, seeing as you already are NotM, and have 2 featured articles already. If you so choose, you could even enter the best article category. And I am not just saying this because I have no chance in anything that is not the n00b category; I'm not that pathetic. I just hope to find out sooner rather than later so I know how to spend my time. The always Not Pathetic At All Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

By the way, I hope you don't mind the name Guilden. I finally memorized how to spell it, only to realize that I am too lazy to spell it out. Of course, it actually took more time to ask your permission to call you Guilden than it would have to write out your full name, so... Ow, my head hurts.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:48, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

I honestly don't know yet. I've got an article I've been thinking about writing for a long time that I was probably going to enter, though I'm not sure where. It depends on the entries in the other catagories, etc. So yeah. And, for the record, "Guildy" is my prefered pet name. So yeah. —Guildensternenstein 14:11, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

hello fellows. you are not limited to one entry in the PLS; you can , in fact, enter in as many categories as you'd like. as i think you both qualify for the n00b category, you are both eligible to submit an article for every category (but not the same article for more than one category). good luck! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:18, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

I know all that, but I don't have the free time to write an article for each category. I can get one or two probably, seeing as I have limited time and I am not a speedy writer. Oh, and Guildy, about the sig, you'll find the answer on my talk page. I never did the sig page though, I just formatted it in preferences. Not the most convenient way, but it works.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 20:44, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh and sorry to see the fail--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 21:50, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Eh no big deal I've self-nommed every article I've ever written except the Prog one and Tom Brady and all but two failed, so yeah. I'm used to failure, to put it bluntly. —Guildensternenstein 22:11, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Also, do ya mind checking out my PLS article? And, once you read it, tell me if I should stick with my original idea for entering it as n00b or if I should shoot for the long shot (enter best mainspace). Just looking to get some opinions before choosing to stick with one category over another. Thanks.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:48, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

It's a pretty funny article. Do whatever ya want, I suppose. —Guildensternenstein 03:20, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

:| Thanksish--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 15:17, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

thanks

hey guildie, thanks for the review. it was much more helpful than reviews i've gotten that were ten times longer, so thanks for being concise and giving me an excellent direction with which to go. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:18, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Glad to help. —Guildensternenstein 18:50, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

And I'll add to that by saying that your standards have massively improved, and you've done sufficient quality reviews to join PEEING, if it interests you at all. You get a shiny yellow userbox and the coveted title of Fresh Stain - how can you fail to be tempted? Anyway, if you wanna, pop over and sign up. And keep up the good work! Toodles. --UU - natter 14:42, Mar 11

What Should I Do?

I wanna nom my article, but I still need a couple of pics for it for it to have a chance, and I'm not getting image request responses. What do ya think I should do 'bout that?--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 18:34, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

Dude, waddya want? Bet I can find it on Goog or chop myself. Oh Hi Guildy! OK, I looked myself at image request and you want the same girl in a few different situations. OK, first thing is to find a large HQ image of somebody (a model) who has numerous photos available.--    18:47, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

Hi, folks. And, um, I don't ever actually use image request, so I really can't be of any help. Sorry. I just use Google Images, or stuff I already have. *shrugs* —Sir Guildensternenstein 19:59, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

After thinking about it, he just needs to find someone popular enough to have a zillion photos on google.--    20:01, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

Hahaha. —Sir Guildensternenstein 20:06, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

SALUTatIONS

Hello there, old chap, what what, yes fine day, it is, yes, wife is dead and all, yes, couldn't be happier in fact. Anyway, I take a gander at your userpage and I hear a tiny rumourlette that you have a sequel article in mind based on the sequel game for the fantastic Metal Gear Solid article 'o yours. What sharpened my sword and dipped my honeys in hives was the stratagem, or the 'structure', if you will! I am quite, most, certainly very interested in what you had in store for this, as MGS has already acquired the delirious codec call display. What matters do you intend with this daughter? Something afresh, hopefully? Do call. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 14:22, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

Well, ol' chap, I 'as think'ng 'f do'ng someth'ng sim'lar, with *gives up on faking accent* constant codec interuptions from Rose (that bitch), more "cutscenes," a twisty-turny plot (as per the second game), and a "main article" bit that goes through the motions and says how MGS2 is essentially the same as MGS1 with a graphical upgrade. Oh, and the "main article" will have a few "Raiden's gay" jokes because they're obligated. —Sir Guildensternenstein 16:49, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

I see. Quite charming. Almost as charming as the achitecture of Pankot in India, but then I'm talking about civilisations that are millions of centuries old here! Nonetheless, your structure does quite the trick at holding it's own, quite literally. Mmm. Anyway, I believe it would be quite a boner-killer if the article took on a form most visible in codec call, as was Metal Gear Solid, so to keep Rose as the only participant who speaks with such myriad, electronic, super-modern 'small-bones-so-of-your-ear' contraptions rings true with her annoyance that is evident in reality, if you understand one's words clearly, I hope? One gesticulation that I gathered and garnered from playing MGS2 was that most of the time, I was watching a film. Say, the narration could be done in rather dramatic prose and flair? Replaying MGS2 should hanker one's mind into the sort of thing... "And that brings the tour to it's conclusion!". It is especially good to enevelope on loud, yet rather useless language. It may be quite hard, but I've no doubt that if you wanted to try that, you could easily inflict it upon your happy readers. And presumably the mirth directed at the side of one's bread that is buttered quite the other side, these are jokes of much merriment aimed at the uncouth homophobes?

One thing I could suggest is that the whole article may well be planned by stuffy old men who died 100 years ago. Perhaps the article ends on Ocelot monologuing, before Liquid takes over once more. Although, do take care to avoid such clichéd lines such as "Gasp... Could it be... The Patriots!!!!???!?!?!??!oneone111///?". One is quite tired of such clichés. One is also quite tired. Good day, old boy. Until then. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 23:02, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

In Gratitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next sexual act to your honor. Thank you.

The following sexual acts are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Self-gratification Spousal coitus Purchased sex Casual encounter

NOTE: Only under limited circumstances will this act actually involve you.

Your Name

You wrote on your user page that your name is 'a combination of the nonsensical names 'Guildenstern' and 'Sternenstein.' There's a film named 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead' and a character is called Guildenstern. --Docile hippopotamus 08:31, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm very aware. That's based on a play of the same name (which I've read), which itself is about two minor characters from Hamlet. Guildenstern is also the name of a villain from the Onimusha series video games. And 'Sternenstein' is just an inside joke between me and some of my friends. So yeah.

—Sir Guildensternenstein 12:30, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

In gratitouille

 In gratitude for your vote  

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"   Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process. So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate the next time I hit myself on the head with a heavy object to you. Thank you. The following heavy objects are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to use in dedicating my head-bashing to your user name. Ball-Peen Hammer Four-Post Bed Golden Happy Buddha Mickey Rourke

More Pestering

Since you seem to love it so much, here you go. You have officially been pestered once again. Now, about how this particular pestering should be executed, I am not quite sure. However, be assured that it will be a rather fine pester. So... let's see... what to say... what... to... say... Oh, look at this! Just looking back at what I have written, it seems that my indecision over just HowTo:Pester You has made for one hell of a pestering, wouldn't you say? No, no thanks are necessary, although they may be appreciated. I enjoyed doing it and hope to pester you again in the near future. Until then... Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

In grongitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next coma to you. Thank you.

The following coma causes are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Overdose Car crash Beating Obscure, easily misdiagnosed illness

Thanks =)

Just wanted to thank you about the awsome review you gave me. I'm still working on the article but it's looking great so far thanks to your tips. Maybe once I finish and you have some free time, you can go have a look at it. Thanks again :D Johnrofl123 00:03, 26 March 2009 (UTC)Johnrofl123

For your vote...

The Great Potato Massacre of March 2009 Thank you for supporting Sonje in her ruthless campaign for Potatochopper of the Month A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour.

--^Dame 22:07, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Mind waiting a bit to rewrite for CW?

Yeah, there was miscommunication... Umm... CW doesn't begin till the 13th... Mind waiting a bit to finish rewriting? What you've already done will still count... Don't worry. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 18:29, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

I GOT HONORABLE MENTION AND ALL YOU GOT WAS RUNNER-UP!!! HAHAHA IN YOUR FACE!!! YOU GOT SERVED!!!--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:23, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Yeah...you really showed me...yeah...hahahaha. —Sir Guildensternenstein 22:57, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Ingmar Bergman

Really funny article, can I nominate it for VFH? --CrabPope 21:59, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm, let me think about that...YES. —Sir Guildensternenstein 01:57, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Guildy

It's Naked Barbie Time! Times are tough out there but Barbie™ and all of her friends sure know how to show their appreciation for your generous vote to feature Economic Collapse Barbie™ They'll be seeing you in the bathtub later on tonight!

Well, if you don't get WOTM this month it's more than likely you'll have my vote for next month. Keep up the good work.--    11:16, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

Ah, thank you. —Sir Guildensternenstein 14:24, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm, It'll be interesting to see if you get any statement from TKF that rivals the length of his sig. It's a rarity.--    23:23, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

HowTo:Get Over Jenny

it's nommed. Do I have your vote?--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

Mhmm, it's my favorite article of yours. If you could do me a favor, vote against my Andrei Tarkovsky article, so I can get it off VFH, so I can expand it without skewering the current voting that's going on now. —Sir Guildensternenstein 20:35, 10 April 2009 (UTC)

Already done.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 01:14, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey dude.

I just wanted to tell you I've asked UU to give an opinion on the Great Britain colonization. Nothing against you, I just like to gather second opinions whenever possible. Go ahead and do your review as well. Thanks. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:02, 11 Apr

In Graltitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next common typographical error to you. Thank you.

The following common typographical errors are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Typing "teh" for "the"

The old e/space swap; i.e. "ther eis" for "there is"

Confusing "Dr. Spock" and "Mr. Spock", again

Typing "Soluble fish" for "aaaand double drat!"

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

How long 'til this is out? I mean, c'mon, it's pretty much a guarunteed feautre. Also, MGS4: Guns of the Patriots. And MGS5: Snake Is Finally Dead. And MGS6: Another Fucking Zombie Game.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 01:17, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Eh, I like to space my MGS articles out. Plus, I'm still looking for just what I'm gonna do conceptually speaking, because the Codec isn't nearly as big a thing in that game. Most likely, though, within a month. Also, I'm planning an article on the Metal Gears themselves, because there's a lot of potential there, I think. —Sir Guildensternenstein 04:37, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks a lot =

for da pee review

my first one. this is going in the family book. (or whatever the hell those things are called)Djdorama 15:35, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Haha, you're very welcome. —Sir Guildensternenstein 15:37, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Ass kissing

And what is that little sumthin, o honourable Guildy? Tell me so that I can fix it and get your vote.. Or else, I will cry and you will recieve a very disturbing template SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 22:12, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

I hate doing this, but I really need your vote, dude. Please, I'm begging you (don't turn me down now) SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:18, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

I hate to do this, but I'm not going to vote for your page out of sympathy or pity. I don't play politics with Uncyc., of all places. I vote based on merit. And Bob the Sperm still needs work (CheddarBBQ said so himself). So sorry. I mean, it's definitely not a bad article, but it still needs some polish. And even if this fails (which it won't), you can always clean it up and submit it again. —Sir Guildensternenstein 17:04, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Then feel my WRAAA*cough*AATH! :)

Thou Shalt Suffer Mahm00shA smiteth thee. Fire be upon thee <insert name here>. Mahm00shA maketh thee to burn. Thou who art hateful unto him. Mahm00shA pierceth thy head. He cutteth through thy face. He melteth thine countenance. Lo, thy skull is crushed in his hand. Thy bones are smashed in pieces.

Wanna join?

I created a page with my album that I made by killing real songs. I wanna see if anyone can guess the original songs.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:29, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

PS: YOU BEEN NOMMED FOOL!!!--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:37, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks For The Pee, But...

I like the suggestions you gave me but they were just a few, small suggestions. Total, I got 33/50, which is 17 less than what was possible. Yet I believe the suggestions you gave me would equal up to about 5 or 6. How do I get the other 12? (ex. The Humor suggestions gave no suggestions except for italicizing Thin Mints, but I got 3 points off. Unless the italization was worth 3 points, I'm missing more, and I'm interested to figure out what those are.) Bascially, good review, but I still have questions about what I need. \8-{D <gayer face than you made, notice the gay porn star 'stache?--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:50, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

WTF Guildy?

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!? Do you realize that by supporting HowTo:Get Over Jenny, you are supporting insane, demented, homicidal stalkers everywhere? You should be ashamed. --CheddarBBQ

Hope you don't mind...

I nommed the Trogdor thing. Vote for it here.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 19:19, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Oh, wow, thanks, I was gonna wait at least for a second opinion before I did anything more with it but if you think it's that good than awesome haha. —Sir Guildensternenstein 19:45, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

You didn't click the link, did you?--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

i was gonna nom it, then I thought, it would be cooler to nom the review of the article. It would've been better if Trogdor had been nommed at the same time as the review, but oh well.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 19:10, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

IC reminder

Hi Guildensternenstein, just dropping by to let you know that we haven't seen you at IC in a couple weeks. Maybe you've been busy, maybe you've been on a two week bender, but regardless of your excuse, we need you. Imperial Colonization is all about participation, and being a Colonizer requires an active commitment. If you're not up for it, there's nothing wrong with that. Just let us know. But if you do wish to continue calling yourself a Colonizer, get out there on the front lines, maggit! (If you do not participate in this coming week, we will be forced to remove you from the roster.) Cheers! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:19, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost April 16th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

April 16th, 2009 • Issue 43 • It's News Because We Tell You It Is

Latest Poo Lit Leads to Quality Flood on VFH By DrStrange The 7th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise has come to a close! This installment of Uncyclopedia's bi-annual competition featured an interesting amount of tie scores given directly by individual judges as well as being present in the overall scores. Recent competitions have featured much more decisive scoring but this time around the points were more evenly distributed amongst the entries. As the winning and co-winning entries hit VFH, we're seeing levels of voting that haven't been seen in a while. The first article nominated to VFH from the competition also came with a bold prediction by one numbskull, who questioned his existence if Karl Lagerfeld did not receive 20  For. votes. At 03:57, 11 April 2009 the 20th For vote was cast by Thekillerfroggy and it's safe to say that the author of this instant Uncyclopedia classic should be considered the overall champion with his three entries garnering him two first place articles and one second place finish. Unscrupulous Unsignpost reporters stalked found Modusoperandi while he was receiving longevity treatments in a Côte d'Azur country club and asked him the following softball question: "Who was your favorite character in the 70's hit sitcom Barney Miller?" to which he answered "While each member of the cast had appeal, as each represented part of America's "Melting Pot", I found the comparatively minor character of Inspector Frank Luger (far right), with his high state of partly-sober curmudgeonitude, to be especially charming." One of our winners was not only a perfect 1/1 by winning the best rewrite category with Money but Sycamore also received the vaunted Writer of the Month trophy for March 2009! Another plink user that fared well with plink his outright victory in the best plink mainspace article category was GlobalTourniquet, plink who wrote an article titled with a plink name that is difficult plink to recollect at the moment plonk. He also had two other entries that received 1st runner-up status, so it was a good showing for the artist formerly known as Thomas Pynchon's left Nut. A user that happens to wander in and write us an offering on occasion claimed a share of first place in the alternative namespace category with the UnNews article Obama unveils education reform plans. Monika should drop in more often! Worst 100 of the Year Stumbles to 10 Things by UU The ever-popular Uncyclopedia Worst 100 Reflections series proves it is as popular as ever! As this great year of Our Lord 2009 passes the midpoint of April, the latest iteration has just limped past 10 items, although one or two of them carry a subtle whiff of vanity. According to our resident math boffins here at Signpost Towers, we are exactly "a bit over a quarter of the way through the year, but not yet a third of the way", and so therefore should have precisely "a few more Worst Reflections than this so far". There are several schools of thought as to why this situation has been allowed to arise. One gaining currency among quite literally possibly some Uncyclopedians is that everyone on the site is so busy producing quality material that they just don't have time to devote to such frivolities. However, the continued existence and rate of progress of Forum:Count to a million neatly quashes that theory. Another hypothesis advanced by as many as no or fewer people is that precisely nothing of any interest to anyone has happened, either on this wiki or on the interwebs in general this year. However, while this is significantly more likely than the first theory, the generally accepted explanation seems to be that, quite simply and predictably, Uncyclopedia is the worst.

Check out these pages! Et tu, brute? Define "active" Jokes are serious business From our logs: 03:28, 16 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Obama (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Stick to fixing the US's economy--Uncyclopedia editing is not your thing.) 20:34, 14 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.164.152.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (blanking spree? go find something more interesting to do, like sticking your head in an anthill) 20:02, 11 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.131.36.107 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm gradually blanking you. Jerk.) 06:25, 10 April 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked SquintyK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (14 year olds shouldn't be having sex / whatever the hell it is you're doing.) Biopic of the Week Dexter111344 has the distinction of being the most well-known Uncyclopedian with the most numbers in his name (besides 5P4N6). As a newly coronated poopsmith, he helps take out the garbage on a regular basis. This is just one of many thankless tasks he carries out; he also occasionally volunteers as a paperboy and botanist, and is known for keeping douches in their place. If you see something awesome, and are wondering if Dexter did it, the answer is: "probably". And if he didn't...you know who did... Old School Featured Article of the Week Waiting for Godot is a questioning of the fundamental core of our existence, the foundation on which our moral and social codes are built; the uncertainty of Godot's identity, coupled with the stark, unembellished style of the whole play, poses some powerful questions about our own identities. What the hell are you talking about? I dunno, but it sounds intelligent. Cajek-related Question Posed via Ban of the Week 11:15, 23 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a pronounciation ‎ (How *do* you pronounce your username?) And the answer, for those who care. Bad Dog of the Week DogNewspaper, lovable mascot of the UnSignpost, appearing on the right, will not be appearing in this week's issue. This decision was based on various infractions by DogNewspaper, most notably the Easter presents that were left in an editor's shoe. Look for DogNewspaper to return next week with his monthly piece on mailman defense.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:09, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

I'd appreciate your opinion

There's a shiny template in it for you if you just take a moment to look at this. —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:00, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

My pic

Someone nommed my pic for VFP. Mind showing your support? Hoping to get up to at least 0.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:39, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

I think I've voted on a whopping *one* picture my entire time here at Uncyc., but if your picture's that good to warrant a nom. then I guess I have no quabbles showing my support. —Sir Guildensternenstein 04:31, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

I had had no ideas I was nommed. I decided to insert my pic into an article (I had made the pic a long time ago) and, BOOM!, within an hour, it had been nommed and 6-7 people had already voted. I'm just like, Holy Shit. Then it lost within about 3 hours, so...--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 19:11, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Haha, interesting. Some recognition is always nice, though, even if you lost. —Sir Guildensternenstein 19:14, 21 April 2009 (UTC)