User:Mattsnow/Talk page archive 7

FACT ALERT:
This user is known for his excessive use of "lol" and emoticons. Proceed with caution.

Me and my gangstas after a couple of beers. That's how we do it in Quebec! Just hit the music, bro!

OLD TALK PAGES

Constitution thing from IRC

I started it here. I haven't actually added any jokes yet. This is the actual preamble. I'm still working on the code too, and it might be a while before I figure it out. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:57, April 16, 2012 (UTC)

You are a Pee Buddy Judge

I'm sure that's not news. But feel free to add {{User:PuppyOnTheRadio/PBJ}} to your user page to show everyone how clever you are.

As for the method of judging - I recorded this thingy earlier, but the long and the short of it - you will be judging every article in the category for which you chose to judge. I will create a judging page later on that allows you to add a comment/link to each article you judge, along with a score. The ideal is that you score one a scale of 0.0 - 10.0 in total, but if you want to score out of 100, or 50, or 8.9, you can do that as well, as long as you put in the max score in as well. (It will become apparent once I've actually created the judging page.) Judging will start on the 1st (sort of). I've actually allowed a days grace for people to complain about entries or submit a late entry with a good excuse (ie: I was dead for two weeks for tax purposes). I'll keep you posted. Nominally Humane! 02:32 17 Apr

What...

Where did you're talk page go, did it get stolen? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 04:51, April 18, 2012 (UTC)

Look at the dance master and bow before him! Mattsnow 04:52, April 18, 2012 (UTC)

Epilepsy is no laughing matter! Nominally Humane! 05:51 18 Apr

Seeing my dancing sends people in shock, I understand. Mattsnow 02:38, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

That simply must be fake...............or is it? Nooooooooooooooo...it's fake. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm................. -ShabiDOO 03:10, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, you talk Spanish? Wanna learn French maybe? You should hang out on IRC more Shabidoo, because I'd really love to learn Spanish. I can give French in return. Mattsnow 03:27, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

I can't stop watching this guy on the right. Nominally Humane! 12:25 19 Apr

Hahaha! Also, the girl is trying to keep a badass grin, but fails lol Mattsnow 17:39, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

I have French roots on my mothers side and I had to speak it in Canada and stuff. I don't enjoy speaking it much because people in France make fun of the franco-ontarian accent I have, and its gotten so bad over the last decade that I sound like a neaderthal. I'd be more than happy to help you out with Spanish. And then I can teach you Plutonian, which is not as easy as most people think! --ShabiDOO 18:31, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Earth's children

I agree. I think all the books are a great read, but at the same time the story is dragging on tediously at several points, particularly when it's about relation problems between our heroes. Actually I don't know if you'll like the last book because it seems less "adventurous" than the others but you have to find out yourself. NaturalBornKieler (talk) 08:36, April 19, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 10² + 8² • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!

9001(bot)  14:51, Apr 19

Duuuuuuddddddeeeeee

"Duuuuuuuuddddddeeeee!"

This is our comedy history, man! You owe in to all the UnNews readers and to your own knowledge base to go thru each and every link on the UnNews story you voted "noooooooooo" on solely because you didn't know who the people are!!!!! My God, man, start with Ernie Kovacs, or maybe Milton Berle, or the god of comedy himself Steve Allen or....or.....take a day off and study the Giants Who Came Before Us Only To Be Forgotten By Us (GWCBUOTBFBU). Dude! Yours truly, Al'er 2:25 School of Rock Comedy 20-4-'12

Or the goon show, or Kenny Everitt, or Monty Python, or the Goodies, or... Nominally Humane! 02:29 20 Apr

A vfh vote should not be discussed, sorry. You know I like your stuff, Al. In fact, I didn't even know it was you who wrote it, but what can I say, I didn't lol. Mattsnow 02:38, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

What??? You think I care about a vote or about another feature template concerning this page??? If you do I'll go vote against it myself. I do care about my friend Mattsnow not knowing who buttered his bread the first time bread was baked. Ernie Kovacs! He buttered the bread! School of Comedy. But I will add the Howdy Doody pic to the page, in memory of a piece of wood who carried the load up the hill for all of us. (and more serious, check out the Stratfor link, as evil a cabal as live on the planet. I'm going to have to go read the whole thread myself to see what became of the story) Aleister 2:50 20-4-'12

I already know the secret of the Caramilk, I can't know EVERYTHING lol. I know (and worship!) the old quebecer comedians like Yvon Deschamps, Les Cyniques, Rock et Belles Oreilles, Les Bleus Poudres and so on, but my knowledge of American ones is pretty much Carlin, Chappelle and Hicks. Mattsnow 03:01, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Wikipedia links or it didn't happen. Which one of those quebecer guys would you suggest studying at the School of Comedy (we all should do a page, with sections on all these guys from the old days. It could be real long if we include Shakespeare, the Marx Brothers, all the silent film giants, but maybe boring if it gets too long. Never mind). wait, here is my motto. Aleister 3:-) *UTC*

Yvon Deschamps, Rock et Belles Oreilles, the 2 others are only on French wikipedia. IT DID HAPPEN!!! Mattsnow 03:17, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Those guys aren't from the 1950s. They're from the '70s, '80's, and '90s. So all the links on my page to the giants who laid down much of the templates for so many of the comedy bits and comedy venues to follow lay fallow on the road, suddenly peed on by passing raccoons, forgotten except on a solitary page on a wayside detour named.... uncyclopedia. Aleister 23:41 23-4-1

Admin of the moment

What do you think of doing a friendly "admin of the moment" or "admin of the year" kind of thing while the VFS does its last stage with admins only? Idea? Opinions? --ShabiDOO 18:13, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

If that can motivate them to be more active, I'm all for it. Admin of the month, maybe? Mattsnow 19:45, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

I dont think there are enough active admins to have admin of the year, and I could envision the whole thing creating drama or becoming a forum for people to complain about admins...but doing it now, in a fun and friendly way might be good, I just wanted to feel a few users out to see if they thought it was a bad idea. --ShabiDOO 19:53, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, you're right, we'll go through all of them fast... Maybe sending them a message of appreciation would be simple and effective. Mattsnow 19:57, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

So don't forget to nominate an admin! --ShabiDOO 01:55, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

I meant sending them a message on their talk page bro! I'm on IRC, if you wanna come and help me learn Spanish! Mattsnow 02:17, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

Don't forget NotM. It's looking a little lonely. Nominally Humane! 02:27 21 Apr

I recently got home from a "botellon". Look that word up and you'll understand. We can do a "romance" language exchange later this weekend!!!!! ;) --ShabiDOO 02:30, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

I think we should change the rule to +7 Mattsnow 03:01, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

UnNews:Roberto Carlos turns 71; awkward things happen

Your edits were actually pretty funny. Nice one about the boats. hehe, the only name they could think of was the person who told them that boats were dangerous. hahahahaha. LOL as I write this. -- the dorky contralto 20:48, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Buddy Awards

YES!!! A thousand times YES!!! -- the dorky contralto 21:44, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

Tupac

Yes, sure, why not? But is there any way you or someone can add a 68-year-old Jimi Hendrix and 52-year-old Michael Jackson to File:Tupac Elvis Morrison 2011.png? Michael Jackson doesn't nned to be age progressed because it's only two years, but Hendrix does. Thanks! PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 22:13, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

Unfortunately it's a B&W image, which means the other would probably need to be B&W, unless you can find an image of a similar looking man. Nominally Humane! 02:44 22 Apr

=RePee

Yeah, sure, why not? (Is there an echo?) I think it's ridiculous, but if people think it's funny, I'll take my chances. Plus, my trophy shelf is a little dusty. -- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 05:52, Apr. 22, 2012

Mine is empty ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:12, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

Dick-Pee

Yea, you can use my Dick Clark article foe the pee buddy awards. Dick, pee, seems like a good combination. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Shatonamime (talk • contribs)

Ass-Pee

You can use my pee to ass all over one of my articles, as long as you promise to return my poop-dick once you are finished! --ShabiDOO 21:10, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

I've seen many weird things in my life but this... this is so... ah, nevermind... --Mimo&maxus 19:06, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

This is nothing. You should see what they do on IRC. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Apr 23 '12 23:30 (UTC)

Definitely rated R! Mattsnow 23:32, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

And I like...

...the bow pattern your recent welcoming edits made on the Recent changes page. It must have taken awhile to figure out how to edit to achieve that. Nice work. Aleister April (UTC)

HAHAHA!!! We are all artists, even when we don't try! I am preparing an UnNews for the competition, will you participate? Mattsnow 00:23, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

Damn that Epstein, having too short a name! Nominally Humane! 12:29 24 Apr

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!

VFS Excitement! By Chief Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby) By Shabidoo The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper! And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted!

Check out these pages! Are you a slut? Find out now! Count with total strangers for the low, low price of $19.99! Vote on your favorite dictator! Eat some Nutella! From our logs: 06:15, April 24, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked BangYouLater (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 months ‎ (An internet-based porn website? How innovative.) 01:20, April 22, 2012 RabbiTechno (talk | contribs) blocked KeenChic (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's only a one-day ban because I've just had a fat line of drugs and am therefore in a good mood) 19:57, April 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 156.26.170.101 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (On the route to Nirvana edit warring is not Swindon that way lies) 18:54, April 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Owfinewf (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cybermullet, go away. ) 06:52, April 25, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 98.220.243.133 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam man? No thank you mam. ) Biopic of the Week Qzekrom (or Cute Zekrom if you pronounce "Q" incorrectly) is by far the best Uncyclopedian who is also a pokémon (Sorry, Mr-ex777). Originally an evil IP who refused to join, Cute Zekrom finally did the right thing and made an account, which is great for us since all he does is patrol recent changes, ICUing and QVFDing like a madman. Oh, and he writes UnNews, further spreading his liberal/conservative propaganda to all. Sadly, Cute Zekrom only has 100 HP, which allows my Burmy to completely annihilate him. Plus, everyone knows that Yu-Gi-Oh! is really where it's at... Or Digimon. Digimon's pretty cool, too. Old-school FA 23 June 2006 Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves. The series was noted for its recurring themes of theological introspection, philosophical anthropology, the study of the nation-state, and use of cardboard boxes that could turn into any machine they wanted it to. The series confused many, as Hobbes himself was not born until 1588 - some 40 years after the show last aired. This seeming anachronism was explained by the fact that only Calvin could see Hobbes - leading to debate over if Hobbes was real or merely a figment of Calvin's imagination. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Forgot the Words! The Pee Buddy Awards! They deserve more attention than they're getting.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  00:48, Apr 26

On Talking Pineapples

Please help me finish this UnNews article. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 20:33, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

It may take a while, since I want to rewrite one for the Pee Buddies. Also, I think you should complete it yourself so you can submit it to the competition! No help is allowed. Mattsnow 20:58, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Oh. And I'm already a judge so that's no issue. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 21:05, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

You're a judge for which category bro? Mattsnow 21:07, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Best new article. So I can't submit a new article. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 21:09, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

OK, well, keep the article under your wing if you want, I'll help you when I finish a rewritten article, it could take until the 30th though. I'll be happy to help if you can wait a bit. I'm so tired tonight that I won't start the rewrite of an UnNews, but maybe tomorrow. Thanks for your will to participate in the CISPA discussion. May Allah bless your ass. Mattsnow 21:12, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Okay. Wasn't there something about a black tie event? No, I can't make it. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 21:16, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Ah, we match up in the ring of no return

I too will have a rewritten article, my worthy opponent. My question is, should I replace the original article with the date of the page, put the page up as a new UnNews, or whats? As you probably know it was hard to find a bad old article from 2005 or 2006, I looked at many pages. They used to do seven or eight good pages a day. We are nothing now, nothing. Aleister 21:16 26-4

I wish we had more contributors. That's exactly the problem we're trying to solve here. I suggest rewriting the Beginner's Guide to sound less insulting to noobs. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 21:24, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

We need no more contributors. Mattsnow and I will face each other in the snow, like in Kill Bill (the greatest movie ever made imnho). One of us will lose the top of our head. It is written. Aye. Aleister 21:28 26-4-'12

No comprendo. Sorry. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 21:37, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

I think I did my part there with User:Mattsnow/Welcome message What do you think of it? Mattsnow 22:29, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Wha? Oh. I had a question on the first entry in this section, about rewrites of UnNews and dates. Please make a policy decision about the dates so the games can commence. My rewrite is from 2006, and it was by an admin. hahahahahah heehehehehehhhhee Aleister 23:25 26-23-25

Hey Mattsnow...could you help me tie my shoes?

I forgot how to do it. Pretty please? --ShabiDOO 22:09, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

It's easy. It goes over, around, and then under, and then you make like bunnies, wrap around, in the hole... Sorry, I'm getting it confused with a threesome. Never mind. Nominally Humane! 10:16 26 Apr

You need a needle. Mattsnow 22:35, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

I just bought a package of 5,000 needles in Walmart. What do I do now? --ShabiDOO 22:46, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

You tie 5000 shoes with it. Simple! Mattsnow 23:03, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

But I don't have thread. --ShabiDOO 23:19, April 26, 2012 (UTC)

Happy anniversary

Can you believe it's been one year and 11 days or so since you came here. The stains are still on the roof. Nominally Humane! 01:14 27 Apr

That is touching. Mattsnow 01:32, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

Show me on the teddy bear where it was touching. Nominally Humane! 01:34 27 Apr

WOAH IT IS TOO, OOPS :) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:50, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

What a great year of accomplishment and contribuatory work. But to be serious for a moment, waterparks and gorillas to you! Aleister 10:27 27-4-'12

Indeed...your contribution to this wiki has left a legacy that our children will one day celebrate every 16th of April from now until the appocalypse. --ShabiDOO 10:49, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

Every 16th April between now and December 21st 2012? Nominally Humane! 10:53 27 Apr

And our children's children. --ShabiDOO 11:15, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

If our children are going to have children by that stage we'd better get busy. Nominally Humane! 11:22 27 Apr

Pee Buddy

I'm not going to do anything more with this. Could you take it from here? Nominally Humane! 12:54 28 Apr

you knocked?

sorry I was watching TV when you pm'd me. Did you want something? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:51, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry Mattsnow...I was satisfying a bed full of Russian babes when you pinged me. Was it anything important? --ShabiDOO 11:50, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, Mattsnow, I was balls-deep in a Tora Bora firefight when you rang. I trust you managed to beat off those Pakis on your own? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Apr 28 '12 12:09 (UTC)

LOL, no bro, it was only to say hi. You can go back to kangooroo riding! :P Mattsnow 12:13, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

I've never seen a kangaroo in Sydney. Maybe its the lack of trees. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:24, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

I want to enter that competition.

I don't know how to enter the article UnNews:Man bites dog into the competition. How do I do that? --C₂H₆O (hic) 14:43, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for doing that. I think it's finished enough, but I would be surprised if I win. I'msure there are better entries than mine. --C₂H₆O (hic) 14:43, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

I write UnNews:Man bites dog and someone outdoes me with The man bites dog. C₂H₆O (hic)

LOL. We'll have to send him to Guantanamo and waterboard his ass! Mattsnow 06:52, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Hat-trick

Triple edit conflict >_< ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:05, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Please delete this page

Please delete this page is in a list of pages that need to be fixed because they have no concept. I was going to rewrite this page but it seems like it's actually meant to be bad as it was a featured article for being bad. Can you do whatever it is you admins do to stop this being listed on that list of pages that are bad? --C₂H₆O (hic) 09:03, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I just went to that VFD page and it said this:

You do not have permission to edit this page, for the following reason:

This page has been locked to prevent editing.

You can view and copy the source of this page:

The article I was talking about is not an issue - except that it might be misfiled, but Bohemian Elephants is pretty terrible. I don't know that you can come up with a good concept for something that is stupid from the start. --C₂H₆O (hic) 09:32, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Would you mind adding Man v. Food for me as well? --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:43, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah you can't add stuff to VFD until the autoconfirmed kicks in (I think 4 days after registration?) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:47, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Question

Hello. I have a rewritten UnNews for the departed Puppy's contest (good riddance!!! His howls kept me up at night.) Should I mainspace it or keep it in userspace? And, if mainspaced, should I replace the old page with the new one on the same data it originally had or "today's" date? These are my questions three. Aleister 11:32 29-4-This is the year of Destiny. ummmmmmm, Destiny.

Well put it on mainspace by all means! Just put today's date if you want, if the old one was bad then just delete it. Mattsnow 11:35, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks. For historical purposes I'll put it on the old one to keep the history intact, and then update the date to the new date. I know you were going to enter the category of rewritten pages, are you still doing that, or hanging around with your added duties since Puppy gave you his sticks and squeaky toys? I saw Puppy today, in the pound. He looked at me with such sad eyes that I had to lollol and tell the pound attendant that "This dog is such a bully, you should schedule the big sleep sooner", and she agreed! Aleister 11:42 29-4-'12

I don't think I will, looks like you're gonna win by acclamation! I'll round up the judges anyways and tell them to score low and write vile comments!! And where did that angry barking came from? It seems I'm always the witness of the end effect of drama, without knowing at all what's the ground for it! Must be an IRC thing. Mattsnow 11:47, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Can't wait to win, but you and others still have a long time to enter, like 36 hours (it's like a Happy Monkey timeline, go for it!). I don't like IRC strategies and agreements, everything on a wiki should be up front (penis joke) imnho. Except for some things, but not mean things, only good. Puppy is a bully, no doubt about it. When I came to uncy he treated me very well and helped me with codes, then he tried to VFD HowTo:Get a suntan. From then on I've never talked to him either on here or IRC or on the street when I pass him pissing on a tree. Ha! Aleister 11:53 29-4-'12

Al who? Nominally Humane! 01:12 29 Apr

Question

If I stick my thumb deep into my nipples, will a whitish greenish paste slowly come out of my ears? --ShabiDOO 15:07, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

If you don't try, you won't know! :P Mattsnow 18:53, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I tried it. Instead of a whitish greenish paste coming out of my ears, a red liquid came quickly out of my pee-hole. What do you think that means? --ShabiDOO 15:53, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

That means you should run to the hospital lolo Mattsnow 17:54, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

Ron Paul

Perhaps you haven't noticed this, but your Ron Paul page has been featured. You can do whatever you want with it. Since I voted for it, I'd recommend that you send me some sort of witty message thanking me for my vote. User:Matthlock/sig 21:18, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

One other thing, if that's Quebec then how come there's Russian subtitles? User:Matthlock/sig 21:19, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

It says more or less: Skarabahaty (a male first name): a leading master [of one of the most] glamorous [street dancing?] clubs. (if im not mystaken which I very well may be) --ShabiDOO 21:42, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I just tweaked it a bit. And everybody knows we speak Russian in Quebec! Especially when drunk. Mattsnow 05:23, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

Hey guys check it out!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA LOL I just wrote another biography: a dead guy in Argentina named Carlos Gardel. I'm sure it will have at least some laughs. Cheers! -- the dorky contralto 00:28, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

In response to your last message-- sure, a VFH sounds like fun. -- the dorky contralto 11:38, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

He's dead, Jim.

So... ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 1 '12 2:14 (UTC)

Doin' the Pee Buddy Dance

lol doin' the dance, lol jumpin' up and down, lol hands slappin' the ground, doin' the dance, the Pee Buddy dance. Winning the award I'z doin' a dance, lol, climbin' a tree, then come on down to do more of the dance. The Pee Buddy dance. la la la la la la la la the Pee Buddy dance. Aleister 3:16 May Day '12

It would be a terrible irony if you came last, wouldn't it? --C₂H₆O (hic) 03:28, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

As an oriental guru who I met at a casino and paid good money for once said "He who comes last gives the pleasure to those who come before." Aleister 3:32 May Day '12

p.s. For those who think I am claiming victory before the other contestants have even left the starting gate, iz true! Nobody but me entered the "UnNews Rewrite" category, so I win by no fault of my own. I blame Puppy, and you should too. lol doin the dance....

Deer Mattsnow

Since I've been here for about quite a time here now (Apparently 3 days) I got something to ask you about. How do you receive a lot of awards? I used to have many awards but I probably misplaced them. Thanks for replying if you ever do. Sincerly, someone you haven't seen before. --Rj2399 (talk) 09:23, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

I think I have a problem though. I think I broke my laugh box cause I can't laugh anymore. Got any decent cures? --Rj2399 (talk) 10:03, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

My only drug is coffee. And Xanax and heroin and cocaine and meth and crack, but only once a day. Moderation is key. Mattsnow 10:12, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Another question. Can you share some of your goodies? Nah, that's not it. How does a article be featured? --Rj2399 (talk) 10:24, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Here's the link for ya: VFH. And hands off my Oxycontin jar! Mattsnow 10:38, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

I always thought VFH were those old tapes that were mainly used to document pr0n but I think they were something else. Well I have a problem, my father (A.K.A the person who adopted me) seems to suffer a certain sickness that has not yet researched by scientists. Mie thienks thy masster thou hast comma. (English: He's suffering from eternal sleep). Or I think he was hacked. Or [insert pronoun of gender here] is just avoiding me. Well that makes sense. That's why I'm asking you again. Anyway, being curious doesn't hurt does it? About racism, I think I might hurt peoples feelings when it comes to using them as examples, you know? P.S. If you don't have the ability to answer this person, please redirect to the nearest expert in range. --Rj2399 (talk) 05:54, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

OK, I have a problem, I made a grave mistake. I mistakenly uploaded a picture of a dipper and named it under the filename "Bent_Spoon.jpg". Can I delete this and upload a real bent spoon or just rename it to lessen my trouble? With all my thanks, thanks. --Rj2399 (talk) 10:57, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

Another question. Since you're pretty much experienced here and know people, do you happen to know a person who can edit pictures real good? I mean real good like a slice of meatloaf preserved in a museum? --Rj2399 (talk) 08:07, May 3, 2012 (UTC)

Something odd happened

Somehow my Uncyclopedia screen has gone very pink, and you have been represented by a dog with big pink lips. Even for me that's a fairly extreme hallucination. --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:07, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

My only drug is coffee. And Xanax and heroin and cocaine and meth and crack, but only once a day. Moderation is key. And you should nominate Salvador Dalí on VFH! Mattsnow 10:12, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

I would love to, but two key questions. 1: How do I do that? 2: What is that? Sorry, but there are pink floral cats everywhere for me at the moment, and I can't seem to get much further than this page. And my signature button has vanished now. User:C₂H₆O

I did it for you, VFH is the place where people vote to determine if an article is worthy of gracing the front page for a day. I nominated yours here!. This is a great article my friend. :P You can vote for yourself, in fact it is heavily encouraged, as everybody does it. Mattsnow 10:38, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

I'm still in the process of doing last minute adjustments. Of course I don't have a time frame here, so more finishing touches adjustments. I will look at it again later, but thank you for the kind words on there. --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:45, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Whoops, sorry if that put undue pressure. :S That's why it's best when someone nominates his article himself. Do you want me to take it off? Mattsnow 10:50, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Please, don't worry about it, friend. You may have worked out that I'm a fan of Dalì, but I'm also a fan of Duchamp. He was constantly saying how he felt that many of his works were unfinished. I have the same mindset, but not the same skill. I always believe that there is more that can be done to improve something. --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:58, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

News from beyond the Land o' the Banned

Hey-o, Matt Snow. I'm a poet and I knowed it. Anyhoo, a certain user with whom we are both acquainted asked me to pass on the following to you:

“ Mah dearest Mattsnow: Please do us a goddamned favor and turn on your "allow emails from other users" feature. Sincerely, that person with whom both you and Bizzeebeever are acquainted. ”

Also, he told me to show you this, which may be of assistance to you in your judging of the Pea Buddy awards. Wasn't sure where to put it, so I pastebinned it. Cheers! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, May 1 '12 15:23 (UTC)

I just did, thanks for the judging, Pup. Come back in a great mood. Mattsnow 15:36, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Matt, I didn't think you meant that I should put my page in with the new pages and not keep it as a rewrite too, I thought you meant to lump it in with the rest by scoring so it could be lowly ranked along and as compared to the rest. But I won the category unfair and unsquare, as everyone had a chance to do a rewrite as well as a new unnews, so I'm still doing the lol Pee Buddy dance. And you guys got some great articles. Puppy judged! Puppy is the best! Aleister doin' the dance (UTC)

Hold on a moment Ali. I thought you meant for Matt to mean to put the page by the page that was lumped with the lumps in the rest of the pages, but I think what you meant was to mean to have Matt put the pages where Matt meant to lump them together with the categories that were meant to be paged on the meanings of lumps. No? --ShabiDOO 03:15, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

What? Your logic is inescapable. Aleister 3:22 2-5-'12

Matt, since even this is becoming drama, please do whatever you think is fairest. I shall wash my hands of the contest now (wash wash wash, under fingernails, wash wash). Aleister 4:01 2-5-'12

OK, please move everything under one category. After I washed all my hands (I keep some in the drawer, others hung up outside to scare off the neighbors, like a windchime only with fingers) I realized that since only one person had an interest in entering the rewrite category there must be something wrong with how the rules were written and the categories set up (I like how Puppy put up three faux categories in order to get people to enter the only real one). I'm now leaving the site for good, and will be back when hell freezes over and little green men are dancing on the ice (nod to Pat Buchanan for one of the funniest lines in politics "We will fight until hell freezes over, and then we'll fight on the ice"). My time here has been fun, except for meeting you, and please put one of those retired things on my user page as I want to make this my last edit here. Tell everyone I enjoyed their company (except for you), and see to it that my dog is fed. Ok, bye. Aleister 12:50 2-5-'12

I've reconsidered and now am back! Yay! Whoo hoo! I'm back and rarin' to go after my retirement wasn't as fun as I thought it would be (fishing, jumping rope, watching clouds to see what shapes they were almost making, stealing gas from lawn mowers, stalking playground). Yay! Aleister 12:51 2-5-'12

So You Think I Don't Contribute Enough On This Site, Huh??

Well how's this for contributing! Look, I'm writing on your talkpage! I'm making an edit!

Yea, that'll show you.

P.S. Hey look, you can see me in that gif. I'm the guy in the back wearing shorts and sandals despite the fact it's minus 39 degrees in Russia/Belarus (I'm pretty sure it's Russia though). --OliOmniOmbudsman 03:09, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

When we get drunk in Quebec, our French sounds like Belarussinkistanish. Mattsnow 03:14, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

When I get drunk, I think I'm a Belorussian in France. --OliOmniOmbudsman 03:15, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

Hey Matt

In answer to your question, I can speak and write in Spanish, English, and Portuguese. I am not Brazilian, I am a Mexican who was born in the United States. I do not pledge allegiance to that country, and consider myself totally Mexican. My first language is Spanish. I only speak English because I have friends on this wiki. :) I taught myself to write in Portuguese by reading the Wikipedia. You can learn many things in the Wikipedia. Unfortunately, I live in the United States. :( -- the dorky contralto 20:34, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

Adopt a noob

I have decided, after much deliberation and discussion, the if I were to be adopted the ideal person to adopt me is you. This has been based on your kind advice, tireless work, and fantastic writing skill. The fact that Aleister told me to was not a contributing factor. How do you feel about becoming a noob adopter? --C₂H₆O (hic) 10:19, May 3, 2012 (UTC)

World War II

Hello daddy. I hope I had the gender specific term correct there. I asked ShabiDOO about this article but he seemed to be getting it mixed up with World War I. I was considering this article is important enough that it requires a significant effort to be able to improve it. I'm hesitant to do it alone, so I was wanting to develop a team to workshop it together. This would mean that we had the perspective of contributors across the globe, rather than the insular historical perspective of one nation's educational system, as well as being able to share the load. ShabiDOO suggested that there were similar teams of collaborative writers in place, but couldn't direct me to any of them. How would I go about finding one of these teams, or establishing a new one? --C₂H₆O (hic) 00:44, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

I'd like to help, but my memory of it isn't so good, as I was in Auschwitz and food was scarce. I think starting it in your userspace and maybe asking Romartus would be a good idea, he is our history whore. You could also start a forum about it asking anybody to contribute, but that is very dangerous: you'll soon be buried under a bunch of paragraphs that don't hold together, and you'll be spending more time deleting crap than actually writing. As I mentioned, I'd like to help, I'm good with adding funny, but I'm not a history genius. If you start it, just give me the link, I'll help as I can. For now, I'll hit the rocks. Bye! Mattsnow 00:52, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

PS: Wow, it really is a clusterfuck :S I'm too tired to do anything, but I think the first question we should answer is: do we keep some of the stuff there or just start anew? But I need to go to sleep (yeah, it's 9PM, laugh all you want) I'll check that tomorrow, feel free to feel free to do something with the article, it can't possibly get worse! :O Mattsnow 00:59, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

That's the question I've been asking myself. As a concept the Star Wars parody has gone as far as it can, and probably too far. For an article of this importance, a less absurd concept would probably be better, but what we have could be kept as World War II: The movie or something of that ilk. Have a good sleep, daddy, and leave the liquor cabinet unlocked. --C₂H₆O (hic) 01:04, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Deer Mattsnow: The Sequel!

Because of too many messages, my questions seem to be forgotten like the sands of time. You can freely take time to answer each one of them by looking them above or just ignore them and I might ask them again. Thanks --Rj2399 (talk) 09:37, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, I thought of a question. How do people here get to know other people. Since this isn't Myspace, I clearly have no ability to stalk people. P.S. I never knew you were adopting noobs. I guess I haven't seen you there since your application boxes have no colors. --Rj2399 (talk) 10:42, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Then how am I stalking you? Ya ha ha. Best way is on talk pages and IRC (the only ways actually, unless you email them, which all of us ignore). I don't do IRC so someone else can answer that, but surfing "Recent changes" over on the left navigation bar tells you where the talk action is going on. Oh, and forums. Forums are at "Village Dump" on the navigation bar. You can read past and active forums, and join in. Those are some way. Ya ha ha. Aleister 10:50 4-5-'12

Sorry, I didn't see the questions! Well, if you have another pic to upload, just upload it under the exact same name as the one you'd like gone and that will do the trick. If you want to delete it, just go to QVFD and add it there. Also, to request a potatoshopped pic, just go to image requests and somebody will be happy to help, you can see an example of what someone did for me for one of my upcoming articles.

As Al said, IRC may be a way to know people, nut the best is to write an article or an UnNews, that'll get their attention. Also, please stop using the link to the page you want highlighted in blue and use the page's name, as you can see when you go in the edit section here. You'll save yourself some work, and people will be able to know what it is you are linking to by simply browsing on the link with their cursor. I hope that answers it my brethren. Mattsnow 12:15, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Nah it's OK.(I thought you were actually dead when you didn't answer my questions) The first time I saw tutorials I was so confused with them and got looped up and I was so confused during the first few days of my birth here. Well yeah I now know how it works. P.S. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. Thanks to you. Thanks about that that. Also, can them hippies remove watermarks on pictures. Or is that illegal? Here's the link to the picture. http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/117837629v7536093-smiling-man-with-a-spoon-in-the --Rj2399 (talk) 13:05, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

I think they can just ask them on image requests. Mattsnow 13:14, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Maybe later, I found another image that would may be better for my first article. I think I'll ask them when I have a proper article to put it in. My article just needs a little more time. Maybe it'll be done tomorrow. I'll inform you when I'm done.--Rj2399 (talk) 14:55, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Osama

Thanks for putting that into the Recent UnNews template. If you feel like it you could do me a favor and proofread the article, I think I got it right but English is not my first language after all. Cheers! NaturalBornKieler (talk) 14:51, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

No problem, I'll do that, but I read it all and it was quite good. I'm gonna check more thoroughly. Mattsnow 14:53, May 4, 2012 (UTC)

Sir

“it's raining UnNews, I want a raise!”

~ Mattsnow

Jolly Good Show! MrN9000 could not help but notice that you have been doing some spiffingly good deeds of late. As such, you have been awarded this rather nice boxy type thing by way of recognition. Congratulations.

I raise my hat to you. Not my penis obviously. That would be really gay. MrN 16:42, May 4

Elephants!

And damn, you got the Hats Off award. That's actually a big deal. Congrats. Ah, now that your page has found it's proper home on mainspace, perhaps you can link in a 'phant homage of mine if you'd care to. If you do, oh joy. If you don't, no joy. Sadness. Thanks! /wanders away to find giraffes Aleister 5050505 (UTC)

Yes of course, I'll certainly find a spot for that! Uncyclopedia needs more elephant articles :P Mattsnow 13:02, May 5, 2012 (UTC)

Oh joy, oh joy. I collect ivory and have ivory clothes and ivory false toes. /kills giraffe he has found, eats some of the neck, packages and freezes the rest Aleister (UTC)

I found just the right spot! I'm happy you liked the page. I can't believe these assholes that are sniffing powdered ivory in order to make their penis bigger lol. I read that 2 big tusks could be worth up to 100K! BTW, here is the elephant with the biggest tusks EVER! (Well they know since he died recently of old age) Very impressive 0.0 Mattsnow 13:12, May 5, 2012 (UTC)

I can't find that name on that thread. You may have gone insane (again!!). I still don't have flash hooked up on this computer, is adding flash safe? I have sniffed many tusks but my penis is the same size, so I need to sniff more. Ebony and Ivory, which one would win in a fight (well, McCartney would now, and probably when Jackson was alive took, although Jackson would have outran him and gotten away). Al (UTC)

p.s. you may like this one here. Paul is crazy too.

Interesting. That crazy bitch won at least 3 states so far. He needs 5 to go on the ballot. Mattsnow 13:45, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

I think he's won five or six already by delegates. They had big news that he did qualify sometime last week. If I met Ron Paul I'd have him snuff some of my elephant tusk powder. Aleister 16:12 6-5-'12

Sockpuppettry and banned users

Hey man, I know you meant well, but reminding a blocked user that has already been sockpuppetting to do something on-wiki doesn't really help the situation; all it really does is encourage it to continue to sockpuppet instead of just stepping away from the wiki for the duration of the block as would probably be healthier. In that vein, posting comments for the blocked user is indeed another form of sockpuppetry, just using someone else's existing account and hands instead of making another one of one's own, and unless it's... I dunno, making its case in an ongoing community discussion about the block or something, it completely defeats the purpose of it being blocked in the first place. So please don't do that. 1234 ~ 16:26, 6 May 2012

Well, he sent it to me by e-mail, and I want that competition to go well. I'm not part of this drama, I don't want anything to do with it. Glad to see you're there! :) Mattsnow 16:31, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Then find someone else to do his part of the contest or wait for the block to expire and let him post the scores himself; if you are not part of the drama, then don't propagate it. Acting as a meatpuppet only exacerbates matters and doing so in the future may get you blocked as well. 1234 ~ 17:20, 6 May 2012

Mattsnow you meat puppet you. I don't know if you are a pork puppet or a beef puppet, maybe a bouillon puppet, but in any case...meatpuppeteering is something that is just not done here on uncyclopedia. I wouldn't want to see you banned for life because you were facilitating the communication of an uncyclopedian fugative. So please, please please be really careful and watch your back. --ShabiDOO 17:47, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

I did it so that the competition would be judged. I meant well. Case closed. By the way, Shabidoo, would you be interested in judging? If Mattlock doesn't do anything until the 8th, I may need another judge. Mattsnow 18:04, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

It was never an issue to begin with. Signing on after three days of absense just to order around a user over a non-issue is what is actual useless drama. Case closed indeed.

Yeah...I'll very happily judge it. When is the deadline for it? --ShabiDOO 18:13, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Great, I'll add you as a judge, but I won't replace anybody, I'll just average all the scores. No need for a pee review as the other did though. As for the deadline, I just saw that a page says the 7th, while another says the 8th... :S Anyway, if you're done by the 8th or 9th, it's great! Is that OK with you? Mattsnow 18:48, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, Hey, Hey!

I'm just going to inform you that spoon is done, and if Aleister is still stalking me, he can look at it too. --Rj2399 (talk) 03:02, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya Nominally Humane! 03:19 07 May

Pee Buddy judging

Hey. This is why I was a little vague on the number of judges and just kept on asking for more. The truth is that I know that we have judges who will judge some and not all, and judges that won't judge at all. But we have 3 or 4 judges who have judged all of them. Given each judge has their own baseline, it's unfair to include Joe's scores in the average unless he finishes judging the last two. So you can simply let the incomplete judges know that judging has to finish at 12:00 midday UTC (which is another 12 hours or so away) and let those who are interested in finishing finish. This who are unable or unwilling to just remove that judge from the scoring in total. (Given it has been 7 days, and even I have managed to complete it while blocked, nobody can claim that you didn't give enough time.)

You'll also need to do a template for the winner. I'd do something like this:

Congratulations
You have come nth in the 2012 Pee Buddy awards

Or something similar. Nominally Humane! 11:48 07 May

I already sent a message to Joe, what if we give them a little slack to judge? It happens on all competitions. Don't work too hard on the template, since it seems I'll win. I think we should just redirect them to a "result page" (I have my idea what pic and message to send) and list only the 3 top ones (the podium, with your great template to reward them) and put to all the others, in no particular order, Honorable mention? I'm not a fan of saying to somebody "you're last". I think your mic pic is awesome though, it could be used for sure on the UnNews page. Mattsnow 00:02, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

I thought you'd add in that great Pee Buddy Medal in the winning templates (I say templates because to enter the toughest category in the contest - rewritten UnNews - participants first had to find an UnNews that was bad enough to rewrite, which means the topic was limited to what was found (unlike the cheaters who took the easy way out and wrote a new UnNews on any topic they could think of or make-up). The participants in the rewritten UnNews category, by far the toughest to enter, have been accused of random and things like not knowing what hair's breadth is (when of course I believe they did and were just playing with words) when, in fact, it is those particpants who wrote the most cohesive unrandom story in the competition when read as written, with each piece falling into place exactly where it was meant to be in a story of how panic can spread through a neighborhood and large urban populations on the flimsiests of reasons (thus commenting indirectly on the Florida situation of the mexican guy who offed the black guy beating his head against the sidewalk) and capped off with a long-dead Baseball Hall of Famer just wanting somebody to pay for the vase. But I digress. Hopefully the template will include the beautiful Pee Buddy Medal, well earned by MattSnow and anyone else who entered the various categories, but I digress. Aleister 00:02 8-5-'12

Yeah. All the entries were good. That template could easily be "Congratulations for entering quality work in the 2012 Pee Buddy..." blah blah. And the Pee Buddy medal probably works just as well. Did you want me to have the revolving microphone image back on the UnNews audio template? It was removed after I added it because the person who removed it doesn't like me, so I figured it's your call. Nominally Humane! 12:08 08 May

I agree with you about the template, but let's give until the 9th 23:59 UTC for people to judge. I'm quite sure Shab will do it, and Joe too if he catches the message. If not, at that time judges who have not judged them all are thrown to the trash can and we average the score. And where is the revolving microphone? It would be awesome, but even this one is better than the one that's in place, by far. By all means, go ahead and replace it. Mattsnow 00:17, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

There was all this stuff awhile back on this lo-cal-ity:

The rotating mike has already been added to the UnNews audio template, as it has a tendency to draw the eye to the fact that there is audio there.

That's all I know. Aleister (UTC)

Pee Buddy contest!!

Congratulations Mattsnow!
You have come 1st in the 2012 Pee Buddy awards

The full results are here! Mattsnow 01:16, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

How about this addition to the template? Please leave it up for awhile and get used to it, it seems to me more interesting and c-l-a-s-s-y (imnho). Shame to lose the award medellion if it's not used. Al 12:53 9-5-'12

I got honorable mention!

Whoopee!!! And here I thought my article was crap. It was fun to try! Oh, and "muito obrigada" (or "muchas gracias", if you will) for that funny pic of the fat lady kissing somebody! Really made my day. -- the dorky contralto 12:25, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Deer Mattsnow III

So have you read my first article? What do you think about it? --Rj2399 (talk) 10:33, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you about your opinion. I changed the sentence like this - "Spoons were not sold in stores anymore and they were now only sold by re-sellers on e-Bay who bought excess spoons during World War I. Since then, purchasers were often conflicted with problems because of the reason that spoons were sold for the demanding prices of about $50 for a pair, and were not sold for the demanding prices of about $25 as a single purchase." I just don't understand what you were saying about the use of you though. What part was it in the intro? Also, how does this get some publicity and get read by other users?

P.S. Congratulations on winning 1st in the Urine Something Awards.

--Rj2399 (talk) 12:29, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

I changed the the sentence just like you told me. So does everybody here do the Pee Review stuff before being featured? How do I do it anyway? All I see are some weird words that need to be edited after typing Spoon into the box and pressing the Create Entry button. --Rj2399 (talk) 04:19, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

Deer Mattsnow IV

MSN? --ShabiDOO 21:45, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

I'll download it and I'll be on soon. Mattsnow 21:51, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

Where's my thanks?

How come I didn't get thanked for being a Pee Buddy Judge? And don't tell me it's because I didn't judge anything. I didn't have anything to judge and I think I did an excellent job of it. I mean of judging nothing or I guess you could call it not judging. So many contests with judging would be so much better without it. I did an outstanding job considering the circumstances and should be rewarded. (Also you realize you started here right when I became inactive? You aren't really me, are you?) User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig19 04:05, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

Err, I don't follow your drill, sorry. I think you like drama a little too much lol. Mattsnow 04:07, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, I realize you did become active here after I became inactive, so you probably aren't used to my type of tongue-in-cheeky comments. The drama in the above is a joke. It's my way of saying I'm sorry there weren't any entries in the category I was signed up to judge; I hoped to see the contest fill up, but at least it's got a start. I also wanted and hoped to do something useful here which I rarely do anymore and then get a totally useless but spiffy notice on my talk page that I could pretend is important. Also I think you have really cute nose hairs. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig19 04:22, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

Greetings!

Thought I'd let you know about a new feature we've got on recent changes, called "patrolled edits". If you do any cleanup on RC, patrolling can be a useful tool. Essentially, it "approves" edits by any users who are not in the auto-patrolled user group (IPs, newbies, etc). It makes it much easier for multiple people to sweep up, as they don't have to keep checking the same pages. You can read about it here. Also, if you'd like to patrol multiple edits at a time, or just patrol edits directly from RC, I've got a special javascript which I whipped up recently. You can use it by putting importScript( "User:Bizzeebeever/scripts/patrol.js" ) into either your uncyclopedia.js or monobook.js, depending on which theme you use.

If you already knew about it, then please disregard this message. Cheers. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, May 13 '12 23:54 (UTC)

I must say

I have returned, dear Mattsnow! Since you were one of the last people to hear of me, I thought I'd let you know ZB (legally!) unbanned me, after EMC allowed me on IRC to ask. So I'm back for good, as long as I don't fuck up again :P ^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 21:04, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Repeat that mantra every time you sign onto uncyclopedia "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time", "don't fuck up this time". Repeat it again and again, and it will come true. One ore time:"don't fuck up this time"!!! :) --ShabiDOO 04:58, May 18, 2012 (UTC)

Annoying Man Strikes Again!

Hi, Matt! Can I upload different versions of those images you used for Apathy? They're funny, but I dislike the lolcat-style lettering on them. It seems like they'd be more encyclopedic if they had the captions underneath. Or do you like them better as they are? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, May 18 '12 21:11 (UTC)

No problem bro, go ahead! Mattsnow 22:27, May 18, 2012 (UTC)

Cool. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, May 18 '12 22:34 (UTC)

Did I ruin it? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, May 18 '12 23:01 (UTC)

Hahaha, It looks better. It's not me that wrote it though, I only added the 2 pics after finding it and nomming it on VFH. Some gems are hidden! Mattsnow 02:44, May 19, 2012 (UTC)

I don't think I shall ever find a more perfect picture than that owl. I'm seriously considering quitting uncyclopedia because I cannot top it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, May 19 '12 4:29 (UTC)

Red Link Thingy

Hi Matt, I like your new haircut. I was just wondering what your understanding of this comp is. I get the feeling I didn't explain it very well. Anyways, It's about rewriting these deleted articles so that instead of plowing through every article and fixing the red links, all we have to do is create the artcle the red links link to and kablamo, hundreds of red links turn into blue ones. Toodles. I understand and I wish to continue. . 12:35, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Real Life?

I read your message on Xamralco's talk page to IP 'Curtis'. I am sorry to read the news you relayed there. That's an unfortunate triple decker to deal with in one day. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:15, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

I think he was joking. If not I've got his wife's phone number on speed dial. Calling now... Aleister 12:29 22-5

Deer Mattsnow V: The Empire Strikes Back

My message has been forgotten again, like the sands of time. You could look at my question above, or ask me to ask you my question again to save you from the trouble of scrolling the thing that makes scrolling this page possible. Oh, and sorry it took a long time to say what I was supposed to say. I think I touched your Oxycontin jar and I somewhat died and was resurrected after a week. --Rj2399 (talk) 09:08, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

Well, I don't know how. After I pressed the submit button entry, I will be somewhat redirected to a an edit page. I don't know why. What will I do? --Rj2399 (talk) 06:45, May 23, 2012 (UTC)

Another question. Do you know the page that is full of red links? The page that has the list of all the links that do not have a page yet. I stumbled upon it once but I was lost in the woods and I couldn't find it anymore. --Rj2399 (talk) 06:55, May 23, 2012 (UTC)

Here's a mystery

Nikau's UnNews of May 21 didn't even show up on the "Current Events" new UnNews list, it just skipped it for some reason. Here it is, probably a front page article but it didn't register on UnNews. A mystery is a mystery. Aleister 11:39 22-5-'12

p.s. mystery solved, it's an old UnNews he had written and updated to May 21. I did put it on the front page in your absence (sorry about the car and the job, but your wife is taking it well as I comfort her with champagne and chocolate). Aleister 12:28 22-5-'12

Deer Mattsnow VI: The Revenge of the Fallen(?)

I'm losing my frickin' mind! How frickin' long does it take to have a frickin' review!?!?!? Oh frickin' yeah, I touched your frickin' Oxycontin jar once frickin' again. It felt frickin' good! Touching that frickin' jar. It was so frickin' warm and smooth. Just like my frickin' Skin! It felt frickin' awesome when I frickin' touched it! Like it made frickin' friction to my frickin' hands! I felt my frickin' dead skin die some more with that frikin' friktion! Frickin' Good!!! WAHAHA! --Rj2399 (talk) 14:57, May 24, 2012 (UTC)

Patience, Grasshopper. The wheat is long, but the blade is sharp. Those Who Pee are lazy, and will take their times. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, May 24 '12 20:47 (UTC)

Dear Master Jedi, your wisdom exceeds me, and I shall thank you, but I must go to the dark side, make a cool nickname, find a new master, make some babies, rule over the galaxy, kill my old master, see my cool planet that's colored black be destroyed, remove an arm from my son, invade a white planet using gigantic metal dogs, have my son go to the dark side and continue my legacy, go to the second artificial planet that isn't a star with my son, see my son get tortured by an old man, kill the old man who is my new master, die of cancer, and return to be a spirit in a jungle full of deadly teddy bears. The End. *Cue Star Wars Music and Wacky Credits --Rj2399 (talk) 00:50, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost May 25th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!

An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord By EMC Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin. But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me. I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success. I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of servicing Uncyclopedians serving Uncyclopedia. I can assure you that a life in service to Uncyclopedia will become a life full of attractive foreign women consenting to your penis without the inducement of money. Be more like me: Get born. Discover Uncyclopedia. Become an admin. Make a USP article about yourself. Success awaits you, especially if you are me. BOB'S BACK ALLEY ABORTIONS YOU MAKE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM, NO FETUS CAN BEAT US! CALL NOW FOR A FREE CONSULTATION! 1-218-936-8869 A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide By EMC If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS! But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them. Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links. What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

Check out these pages! The PLS is here! International Spam IRC Month is almost over :( Fold proteins for great justice Hang out with your wang out From our logs: 07:08, 23 May 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked Sure mean with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppetry and all that jizz.) 23:30, 22 May 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 69.113.93.82 with an expiry time of 3 Days (You do bad thing, I ban you now) 14:57, 17 May 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla blocked 208.93.177.54 with an expiry time of 1 hour (Blanker: You are banned for blanking sections of the White Stripes article. Blanking sections of the White Stripes article got you banned.) 14:55, 13 May 2012 Roman Dog Bird blocked 67.163.130.253 with an expiry time of 2 hours (yo nigga, don't fuck with john candy. and remember, he isn't gay.) Biopic of the Week Tompkins is a retired admin who hasn't edited the site since 2007. This Iowan left Uncyclopedia to pursue a lucrative career in tipping cows (which we think is a euphemism) and designing corn palaces across the Midwest. Uncyclopedia's head office in Pyongyang has received several explicit postcards from him since 2007, all of which express deep regret at having left Uncyclopedia. Through these postcards Tompkins has told us that he hates his life and that leaving Uncyclopedia is the worst thing anyone could ever do, and that he advises anyone considering leaving to reconsider their consideration. In summation, Tompkins is a good example of why you should never leave Uncyclopedia or live in Iowa. Old-school FA 27 June 2009 Failure University (officially abbreviated FU, with sincerest regrets) is a fully self-accredited coeducational Internet-based university. Founded in 2006, it endeavours to provide advanced degrees to the mentally and financially underprivileged — namely those persons who were too dim to be matriculated by a standard college or university, and whose parents were too poor to build a new engineering building or add a wing to the campus library. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week Randomness Rap

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--EMC ^[TALK] 00:09 May 25 2012

Deer Mattsnow 7: Deathly Mallows Part 1

Hey, I just noticed something. What is the difference with a user, a bot, and a sockpuppet? --Rj2399 (talk) 04:04, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, that was a serious question. Got another question. Why do people make sockpuppets anyway and what do bots actually do? Bots edit right? So how do people program them? --Rj2399 (talk) 04:58, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

Man, I really don't know how to program a bot, there aren't a lot here, there are a lot more on Wikipedia. They seem to do small tasks like adding categories, reverting obvious vandalism like blanking a whole page, etc. People make sockpuppets to vote for themselves or to evade bans, but that can lead to consequences, as you can see here. This guy was here for like 3 years and had like 40 articles that made the frontpage but decided to make a sockpuppet. So yeah, don't do that lol. Mattsnow 05:40, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

I've been looking at some pages and seems that Puppy person got permabanned. What's the name of his sockpuppet anyway? Well, I'm not going to make one myself, but how do people make one? What actually happens when you are permabanned? I mean you can make a new account right? Or can't you? --Rj2399 (talk) 11:02, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

Ding! Another question! Weell I'm making my next article and I would just like to know how to make those articles at my user space stuff. Something like this, " User:Rj2399/Article about stuff". (You wrote that, and I actually haven't done it on spoon) Your knowledge would be greatly appreciated so that I would not hibernate my PC all the time. Oh, and how do people "transfer" it from their user pages to the actual article page? Ding! Another question! Can you give me an example of being self referential? I'm kinda trying to become more funny you see, and I read the HTBFAJNS again. I saw that "Being self-referential" has no example. Ding! Another question! I just thought about spoon and I remembered something. You said that it it isn't the right time yet for VFH. So when is the right time? Your response will be very much appreciated. :) (Oh man, your excessive use of emoticons has been passed on to me. LOL! LOL too? Oh noes!) --Rj2399 (talk) 12:01, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

Just give me the title you want, I'll do it for you. I never read htbfanjs. You'll have to use the "move" button atop the screen. And you can always try it for VFH, it's your call! I hope that answers everything. lol Mattsnow 15:38, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

I really shouldn't ask a lot of questions. I think it makes you really confused and gives you a weird case of amnesia. Look at the question above the other question. LOLZZZZ? --Rj2399 (talk) 03:02, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, and the name of my article is portmanteau. I currently have a copy of it saved in Notepad, so transferring it there should be no problem. --Rj2399 (talk) 03:09, May 27, 2012 (UTC) Nevermind that! Thanks anyways! --08:49, May 28, 2012 (UTC)

His sockpuppet was C2H6O. Mattsnow 06:05, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

thankyou you strange man

Thank-you for constantly appreciating my drunken prose and putting it on the main page, it is most encouraging. :) --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 02:27, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

No problem, if I ever feel an article doesn't belong there I'll tell you so you can work on it a bit more unless of course, we can work something out... LOL keep having fun creating and writing :P

RE: Toonami

I've done some tweaking, and I think it may be ready. This is one of those articles where the urgency was more important than the joke, as was the case for all those Pushing Daisies UnNews stories I wrote in 2008. I think I've fleshed out the jokes enough to put it back up in mainspace. PF4Eva, the President of Imagination Vote for me My tax returns 05:54, May 27, 2012 (UTC)