User:Roza/main page/no extra sections

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Today's featured article
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5:07 PM, Friday-- After a long, hectic day at the office, you shuffle along down the hall, briefcase in hand. You narrowly dodge one of your more annoying coworkers as he skids past in his rolling swivel chair, and with the sound of a collision between him and another person, hopefully his boss, you step into an elevator crowded with various men and women in suits. Among these formally-dressed drones is a young man with long, blonde hair and a multicolored T-shirt emblazoned with a peace sign. The fellow greets you with a friendly "Peace, man," but your mind is too wracked with stress to take any notice.

As the elevator gradually falls to the first floor, your nostrils are filled with the scent of paper, fresh off the copy machine, as well as the strange scent of dry-roasted nuts. "Must be John with his can of cashews again," you think to yourself. "That guy is going to end up in the hospital with some sort of rare nut-related disease." As you step out of the elevator and onto the white-tiled floor of the lobby, you think about all the work you have piled up on your desk at home, and how you would much rather curl up in your chair with a tub of coffee-flavored ice cream and watch reruns of That 70's Show until you pass out. As you cross the room to the glass-paned rotating door, your eye catches a glimpse of some massive brown object just outside the office. (Full article...)

On this day in history
From the lovin' to the oven yeah you know what I'm bakin'

May 2: Bacon Appreciation Day (U.S.)

  • 4M BC - Bacon first cooked in Sumatra after a sounder of boar, their bellies sliced thin by a pack of cassowaries, fall into an active volcano.
  • 1822 - The English town of Gimbley Gulch is destroyed in an avalanche of discarded maypoles.
  • 1923 - The first test-flight of the Jumbo Jet is aborted when engineers discover that the jet engine hasn't been invented yet.
  • 1936 - God declares linear progression of time boring and introduces imaginary time instead.
  • 1942 - Mick Jaggert is born and immediately finds he can't get no satisfaction, oh no no.
  • 1985 - Leg warmers officially registered "unfashionable" by United Nations, but what do they know.
  • 1986 - Coke debuts its "New Coke", in a convoluted and ultimate successful attempt to increase sales of Pepsi.
  • 2000 - Mexico exhausts its supply of refried beans following a trade embargo imposed by the U.N Council for Fresh Air.
Did You Know?
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  • ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
  • ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
  • ... that Osama bin Laden is actually alive and well and hiding in your closet?
  • ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
  • ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
  • ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
  • ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
  • ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
  • ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
Picture of the day
Fox News: Middle-earth edition
 In an effort to extend its presence to areas that were previously only covered by UnNews, Fox News has founded a subsidiary in Middle Earth to stay competitive on the misinformation provider market.

Image credit: Kharpert
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