Al Jazeera

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Al Jazeera.

Al Jazeera (Arabic: الجزيرة‎ al-ǧazīrah IPA: [æl dʒæˈziːrɐ], short for Al Jizzed in my Ear, literally 'The Island', abbreviating 'The [Arabian] Peninsula'), also known as Aljazeera and TNT (Terrorist News Television). It is the first news organisation in the Arab world that is not simply a 24/7 broadcast of an imam screaming verses from the Koran while pounding nails into cinder blocks with his forehead. Formerly know as All That Jazeera, Al Jazeera was founded in 1995, the company is owned by the state of Qatar. The organisation is overseen by two commissioners; currently Louis Farrakhan, and the Scorpion King. The organisation's mission is a very noble one: 'To bring light to the worldwide Jewish and Masonic plot of achieving world domination'. It should be noted, according to Al Jazeera, the Holocaust is of course a myth! How could Hitler, peace be upon Him, have killed so many sheisters? Pray to Allah.

News organisation[edit]

Al Jazeera, founder of Al Jazeera

Al Jazeera's primary obstacle to its newsgathering mission in the 1990s was that journalism in much of the Arab world is punishable by death, as set forth by Sharia law. In spite of that difficulty, Al Jazeera's crack staff of reporters, newscasters, bomb technicians, sewage disposal artisans, and breath-mint dispensers have done nothing short of bring about an Arab Rennaisance, where informed discussion and personal hygiene have reached Elyssian heights.

Bert on a popular children's show in Saudi Arabia on Al Jazeera.

Al Jazeera's communications holdings include:

1. Al Jazeera TV — its' flagship product; a satellite channel broadcast to millions of caves and tents throughout the Arab world. Al Jazeera have dubbed popular American shows for kids like Porta Potty-Barney, Emo's World and Sesame's Crime Street in Arabic with radical terrorist propaganda.

2. Al Jazeera Radio — a news and dis-information channel, with station IDs every three minutes to reassure the populace that 'martyrs' will receive 72 virgins after they complete their suicide mission.

3. Al Jazeera Forum — semi-monthly public speeches, discussions, stonings and floggings; by eminent Arab scholars, politicians, or others plotting attacks against America and any other democratised nation or society.

4. Al Jazeera Camel-Vision — camel-side placards advertising the sale of everything; from woman, to build-it-yourself bomb kits, to Obama '08 campaign apparel. Al Jazeera has considered halting its Camel-Vision programme, after its multi-million dollar campaign to promote the use of deodorant was highly unsuccessful.

5. — the official Al Jazeera website; all articles are Al'Qaeda approved to ensure accuracy.

6. Dr. Achmed — a programme where Arab men grouse about dealing with their multiple wives, family members, and their collective inability to make the VCR stop flashing.

7. Al Jazeera Terrorist Threatcast — a community TV section with news about recent terrorist threats and ransom demands. AlJazeera denies that they give terrorists a bigger public voice than they should - because let's face it - it's community TV after all.

8. Al Jazeera Times — a newspaper dedicated to undermining U.S. security and promoting Jihad. The Al Jazeera Times has won the Nobel Peace Prize eleven years in a row, and is highly respected by journalists across the globe. The Al Jazeera Times is published in the U.S. under the name The New York Times.

9. Al Jazeerapedia — an online community developed wiki encyclopedia that has articles honouring and idolising many beloved suicide bombers.

10. Jihad 4 Kidz — a monthly kindergarten magazine, popular among Arab children. The magazine recently sponsored the Most Violent Way to Kill George Bush Cover Contest. The winning drawing will appear on the cover of next month's magazine; with a detailed 'how to' inside.

11. Sharia Exorcism and Psychiatry Channel — a highly popular pay-per-view service; ridding global Muslims of evil spirits and mental disorders caused by the Jews, Americans, and other infidels.

12. That's So Saddam — (Squiggles: إذن هذا هو صدا), a biography of Saddam Hussein's high school years. It is 90% soft-core gay porn. Osama bin Laden, George W. Bush, and your Dad, among many others, have all featured as guest stars. It was cancelled after the tragic death of Saddam, caused by choking during him performing deep-throat on Tom Cruise, who is not gay.

See also[edit]