Time Person of the Year
| Person of the Year | |
|---|---|
| |
| 1927 Man of the Year Charles Lindbergh Family Man | |
| Presented by | Time |
| First awarded | 1927 |
Person of the Year (called Man of the Year back in the good ole days, and called Woman of the Year a few times when the editors were caught cheating on their wives, before Time decided to start shoving social justice down our throats in 1999) is an annual issue of the American fake news magazine and website Time that features and metaphorically sucks off a person, a group, an idea, or an object[1] that "for better or for worse ... has been mentioned in the most notifications that we never read on our phones that year". The Time website asks readers who they feel lit up their phones at the most annoying times in an annual poll, which the editors of Time magazine completely ignore when selecting their featured subject.
Background
The tradition of selecting a "Man of the Year" began in 1927, with Time editors contemplating the fake news makers of the years. When you think of 1927, what's the first name that comes to mind? Well, yeah, but Babe Ruth didn't even win the MVP that year. Okay, yes, that was because of a stupid rule saying that you could only win the MVP award once, and they almost immediately repealed that rule after he smashed a record 60 home runs, a record that would stand for nearly four decades. But come on, Charles Lindbergh was a model family man, he made some amazing advancements in home security technology, and he somehow managed to stretch a flight that should easily land in under 8 hours to over 33 hours.
Selection
U.S. Presidents
Since the list began, every serving President of the United States has been a Man or Person of the Year at least once with the exceptions of Calvin Coolidge (in office at the time of the first issue), Herbert Hoover (the subsequent U.S. President, the Great Depression was obviously not his fault), and Gerald Ford (do-nothing president, obviously Nixon's puppet). This glaring fact has exposed the American media as being state-owned.
Women
Prior to 1999, a few women had been granted the title. This was done to appease the wives of editors who had caught their husbands in various compromising positions. But things really got bad in 1999. Then-managing editor Walter Isaacson wasn't just caught cheating, he was caught banging dudes and goats while under the influence of MDMA (then known as Ecstasy). Walter knew he'd have to do something drastic if Cathy would ever let him have an even remotely happy, stable home life again, so he changed the name of the award to the much more politically correct Person of the Year and told her that the award is also now given in her unmentioned honor (that's the highest honor there is).
Controversial choices
As mentioned above, Babe Ruth obviously should have been the first Man of the Year in 1927. 1927's selection is controversial not just because of Ruth's merits, but Charles Lindbergh's qualifications have been proven to be bullshit over time. Lindbergh actually turned out to be a horrible family man (he had many extramarital affairs and many extramarital children), his knowledge of home security turned out to be completely flawed (need I say more?), and flying from New York to Paris in over 33 hours is nothing to brag about (seriously, a bunch of no-name pilots have since done that in under 4 hours).
The 2006 selection of You made many readers wonder if the editors at Time had given up. Time has declined to comment.
The 1938 selection of Adolf Hitler was not controversial.
Trolling
Several of the selections are obvious examples of trolling by Time, often with fictional characters.
Persons of the Year
| Year | Image | Choice | Lifetime | Notes | Runners-up, more notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1927 |
|
Charles Lindbergh | 1902–1974 | For being a model family man with amazing home security. |
1 runner-up
|
| 1928 | .png)
|
Walter Chrysler | 1875–1940 | In 1928, Chrysler oversaw a merger of his Chrysler Corporation with Dodge before beginning work on the Chrysler Building. This was all way more important than the discovery of penicillin. | |
| 1929 | 
|
Wall Street | For always doing such a great, selfless job handling other people's money. | ||
| 1930 | 
|
Mahatma Gandhi | 1869–1948 | For "testing his restraint" by sleeping naked next to teenage girls. | |
| 1931 | 
|
American Law Enforcement | In 1931, known thief, pimp, racketeer, and murderer Al Capone was convicted of tax evasion. He would serve 7 years in prison for his crimes, before being released to spend his remaining years with his wife and grandchildren at his mansion in Palm Island, Florida. | ||
| 1932 | 
|
Franklin D. Roosevelt | 1882–1945 | For marrying his cousin and constantly cheating on her. | |
| 1933 | 
|
Carrie Nation | 1846–1911 | Posthumously honored for successfully implementing permanent prohibition, its wonderful effects on the economy, and its long-lasting influence on Western culture. | |
| 1934 | 
|
Loch Ness Monster | Born in 1.8 million B.C. | In 1934, the Loch Ness Monster was photographed for the first time, finally definitively proving his undeniable existence. | |
| 1935 | 
|
Haile Selassie | 1892–1975 | For his profound contributions to Rastafarianism. | |
| 1936 | .jpg)
|
Wallis Simpson | 1896–1986 | In 1936, then-managing editor of Time John S. Martin was caught cheating on his wife. In a failed attempt to appease her, Martin selected a woman who was also involved in an adulterous scandal to be the first "Woman of the Year". Martin was immediately fired. | |
| 1937 | 
|
The Hindenburg | 1936–1937 | For saving money by using hydrogen instead of helium and passing the savings on to its customers. | |
| 1938 | .jpg)
|
Adolf Hitler | 1889–1945 | For promoting political freedom and multiculturalism. | |
| 1939 |
|
Adolf Hitler (2) | 1889–1945 | For liberating the Polish. | |
|
Joseph Stalin | 1878–1953 | For signing a pact with Hitler and assisting in liberating the Polish. | ||
| 1940 | 
|
Winston Churchill | 1874–1965 | For hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism. | |
| 1941 | _burning_after_the_Japanese_attack_on_Pearl_Harbor_-_NARA_195617_-_Edit.jpg)
|
Isoroku Yamamoto | 1884–1943 | For taking his friends on a surfing holiday in Hawaii. | |
| 1942 | 
|
Elizabeth II | 1926–2022 | In 1942, Princess Elizabeth registered for war service in the United Kingdom. She served in the armed forces during World War II. Yeah...... | |
| 1943 | .jpg)
|
George Marshall | 1880–1959 | Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. | |
| 1944 |
|
Adolf Hitler (3) | 1889–1945 | For his successful defence of Normandy. | |
| 1945 | .jpg)
|
Emperor Hirohito | 1901–1989 | For never giving up, even with the fat lady belting that high E right in his ear. | |
| 1946 | 
|
James F. Byrnes | 1879–1972 | Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. | |
| 1947 | .jpg)
|
First Contact | In 1947, after being cordially invited by Harry S. Truman, aliens landed in Roswell, New Mexico. Truman believed them when they said they would bring everybody Snickers bars and Beanie Babies, but they instead used anal probes to enslave everyone in Washington. (To this day, anyone who spends more than 8 consecutive days in Washington gets probed by a slave.) To avoid embarrassment, the U.S. government told everyone that a weather balloon simply crashed and ordered the state-owned media to "debunk" any "conspiracy theories" stating otherwise. | ||
| 1948 | 
|
Kim Il-sung | 1912–1994 | For founding the "Democratic" "People's" "Republic" of Korea on the principles of the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. | |
| 1949 | 
|
Winston Churchill (2) | 1874–1965 | Proclaimed as the "Man of the half-century" for hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism. | |
| 1950 | 
|
Team America: World Police | For their successful invasion of North Korea and unification of Korea. | ||
| 1951 | 
|
Mohammad Mossadegh | 1882–1967 | For being a homosexual champion for women's rights. | |
| 1952 | 
|
Elizabeth II (2) | 1926–2022 | For spending eight figures per year of the United Kingdom's taxpayers' money. | |
| 1953 | 
|
Playboy | In 1953, Hugh Hefner redefined the term "art" by publishing nude photos of the future First Lady. | ||
| 1954 | .svg){kind=small} 
|
The "Golden" Team | 1950–1956 | For redefining the word "choke" at the 1954 World Cup. | |
| 1955 | 
|
Harlow Curtice | 1893–1962 | For being an excellent marksman and hunter that Dick Cheney idolizes. | |
| 1956 | 
|
Rocky Marciano | 1923–1969 | In 1956, Rocky Marciano retired from professional boxing with a record of 49–0–0 (43 KO's), the only heavyweight ever to retire undefeated. | |
| 1957 | 
|
The Frisbee | For planting the seeds that would start the Hippie Movement. | ||
| 1958 | 
|
Charles DeGaulle | 1890–1970 | For miraculously remaining in power after his government collapsed. | |
| 1959 | 
|
Dwight D. Eisenhower | 1890–1969 | For playing golf twice a week. | |
| 1960 | 
|
Nazi Scientists | Nazis recruited by the U.S. government. Represented by Georg Rickhey, Adolf Busemann, Arthur Rudolph, Walter Schreiber, Hubertus Strughold, Wernher von Braun, Kurt Debus, Hermann Oberth, and Willy Ley. | ||
| 1961 | 
|
John F. Kennedy | 1917–1963 | For banging Marilyn Monroe. | |
| 1962 | 
|
Pope John XXIII | 1881–1963 | For making the world safe for pedophiles. | |
| 1963 | 
|
Martin Luther King Jr. | 1929–1968 | A leader of the Rastafari Movement, King organized a rager with more than 250,000 people on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963. | |
| 1964 | 
|
Lyndon B. Johnson | 1908–1973 | In 1964, the Warren Commission, which Johnson established, concluded that Johnson had nothing to do with the Kennedy assassination. It also concluded that one man, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone in assassinating a U.S. President. It also concluded that one man, Jack Ruby, acted alone in assassinating a man in federal custody. | |
| 1965 | 
|
William Westmoreland | 1914–2005 | For winning the Vietnam War. | |
| 1966 | 
|
The Rolling Stones | For "Paint It Black". | ||
| 1967 | 
|
Jimi Hendrix | 1942–1970 | For "Purple Haze". | |
| 1968 | 
|
Lyndon B. Johnson (2) | 1908–1973 | For losing his own party's nomination in the Presidential Election, the last incumbent U.S. President to do so. | |
| 1969 | 
|
The Middle Americans | Apparently landing on the moon was insignificant. Anyway, Time did this in a pathetic attempt to increase their circulation, failing to realize that hillbillies are illiterate. | ||
| 1970 | 
|
Willy Brandt | 1913–1992 | Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. | |
| 1971 | 
|
Ford Motor Company | For giving the world the Pinto. | ||
| 1972 | 
|
Richard Nixon | 1913–1994 | For going to China after catching yellow fever. | |
| 1973 | 
|
Richard Nixon (2) | 1913–1994 | For his contributions to the field of espionage. | |
| 1974 | .jpg)
|
King Faisal | 1906–1975 | Faisal, an environmentalist, made gas ridiculously expensive and almost impossible to find for a while. Also for his amazing fashion sense. Also for his contributions to women's rights. | |
| 1975 | 
|
American women | So apparently like 2 editors and 6 writers for Time were caught having a hookers and blow party at the office one night. They did this to appease their wives. | ||
| 1976 | 
|
Jimmy Carter | Born in 1924 | Just your obligatory "U.S. President is Man of the Year". Time decided to honor Carter before he even took office since they completely forgot about Ford. | |
| 1977 | 
|
Anwar Sadat | 1918–1981 | Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. | |
| 1978 | 
|
Deng Xiaoping | 1904–1997 | For legalizing sweatshops in China. | |
| 1979 | 
|
Ruhollah Khomeini | 1902–1989 | For his contributions to women's rights. | |
| 1980 | 
|
Ronald Reagan | 1911–2004 | For bringing astrology into the Oval Office. | |
| 1981 | 
|
Lech Wałęsa | Born in 1943 | Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character. | |
| 1982 | 
|
Ms. Pac-Man | For giving the monsters semi-random movement, preventing the use of patterns to clear each round. | ||
| 1983 | 
|
ZZ Top | For "Sharp Dressed Man". | ||
| 1984 | 
|
Walter Mondale | 1928–2021 | For taking the meaning of the word "useless" to a whole new level. | |
| 1985 | .jpg)
|
Deng Xiaoping (2) | 1904–1997 | For his continued contributions to the sweatshop industry. | |
| 1986 | 
|
Bill Buckner | 1949–2019 | For his clutch performance in the World Series. | |
| 1987 | .jpg)
|
Mikhail Gorbachev | 1931–2022 | For his responsible, honest handling of the Chernobyl disaster and his brave decision not to tear down the wall. | |
| 1988 | 
|
The Endangered Earth | Since carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, Time encouraged everyone to stop breathing. | ||
| 1989 | .jpg)
|
Mikhail Gorbachev (2) | 1931–2022 | Acknowledged as "Man of the Decade" for winning the Cold War and ensuring that the Soviet Union would prosper forever. | |
| 1990 | 
|
Saddam Hussein | 1937–2006 | For his peacekeeping and humanitarian efforts, especially in Kuwait. | |
| 1991 | 
|
Ted Turner | Born in 1938 | For becoming the first rich man to marry an older woman, bringing the concept banging cougars to mainstream America. | |
| 1992 | 
|
Bill Clinton | Born in 1946 | For being an incorrigible poon-hound. | |
| 1993 | 
|
Joe Biden | Born in 1942 | In 1993, Joe Biden groped the fuck out of a bunch of his staffers and aides. It might have seemed insignificant at the time (to Joe at least, not to the victims), and Time's Up told the victims to shut the hell up. But it actually turned out to be an important opportunity for Biden to display his dominance by showing that his own rules don't apply to him in the 2020 United States presidential election. | |
| 1994 | 
|
Pope John Paul II | 1920–2005 | For making the world safe for pedophiles. | |
| 1995 | 
|
Johnnie Cochran | 1937–2005 | For showing that grasping out at straws is an awesome legal strategy. | |
| 1996 | 
|
Asia Carrera | Born in 1973 | For her contributions to the Dramatic Arts. | |
| 1997 | .jpg)
|
Princess Di | 1961–1997 | In 1997, Princess Di died in a car crash, a very normal, non-royal type of death. This made the whole world sympathize with the royal family and forget how much they have stolen (and continue to steal) from the sheeple of the United Kingdom. | |
| 1998 | 
|
Monica Lewinsky | Born in 1973 | For going above and beyond the call of duty. | |
| 1999 | 
|
Jeff Bezos | Born in 1964 | For securing millions in investments and billions in loans for a company that had never turned a profit. | |
| 2000 | 
|
George W. Bush | Born in 1946 | For his contributions to the field of linguistics. | |
| 2001 | 
|
Osama bin Laden | 1957–2011 | For his contributions to aviation and his humanitarian efforts. | |
| 2002 | 
|
Enron | For their contributions to the field of accounting. | ||
| 2003 | 
|
Tommy Wiseau | Claimed 1969, acutally born in 1955 | For giving the world The Room. | |
| 2004 | 
|
Team America: World Police (2) | For racking up trillions in debt. | ||
| 2005 | 
|
George W. Bush (2) | Born in 1946 | For his excellent handling of the United States federal budget. | |
| 2006 | 
|
You | Yeah, Time just kinda phoned this one in. |
1 runner-up
| |
| 2007 | 
|
Francis Winkler | Born in 1953 | For managing to keep teaching 5th grade English with an unbreakable spirit despite being diagnosed with GAIDS. Due to legal reasons, his cousin Henry Winkler had to take his place for the photo shoot. |
1 runner-up
|
| 2008 | 
|
Barack Obama | Born in 1961 | For smoking marijuana and snorting cocaine. |
1 runner-up
|
| 2009 | 
|
Ben Bernanke | Born in 1953 | Because the financial crisis was totally over by the end of 2009. |
2 runners-up
|
| 2010 | 
|
Mark Zuckerberg | Born in 1984 | For stealing Facebook from the Winklevoss twins. |
2 runners-up
|
| 2011 | 
|
Muammar Gaddafi | 1942–2011 | For his contributions to human rights. |
2 runners-up
|
| 2012 | 
|
Barack Obama (2) | Born in 1961 | For smoking more marijuana and snorting more cocaine. |
1 runner-up
|
| 2013 | .jpg)
|
Pope Francis | Born in 1936 | For making the world safe for pedophiles. |
1 runner-up
|
| 2014 | 
|
Vladimir Putin | Born in 1952 | For liberating Crimea from the oppressive Ukrainians and doing an amazing job organizing the Sochi Olympics. | |
| 2015 | 
|
Caitlyn Jenner | Born in 1949 | For cutting off her penis and being a really safe driver. |
2 runners-up
|
| 2016 | 
|
Hillary Clinton | Born in 1947 | In 2016, Clinton pulled off the once-thought impossible feat of losing to Donald Trump in a United States Presidential Election. |
1 runner-up
|
| 2017 | 
|
Harvey Weinstein | Born in 1952 | For his political activism and contributions to feminism. |
4 runners-up
|
| 2018 | 
|
The "Guardians" | Journalists. Yeah. Time decided to suck themselves off for a change. |
More notes
| |
| 2019 | ,_recadr%C3%A9.png)
|
Greta Thunberg | Born in 2003 | For her contributions to the Overdramatic Arts. |
2 runners-up
|
| 2020 | 
|
COVID-19 | Unleashed in 2019 | Thanks, China! | |
| 2021 | 
|
Elon Musk | Born in 1971 | For his contributions to the field of baby naming. |
2 runners-up
|
| 2022 | 
|
Gavin Newsom | Born in 1967 | For dictating a mask mandate over America's largest state in the name of safety and then taking a stand against said mandate in the name of liberty ... multiple times. | |
| 2023 | 
|
Taylor Swift | Born in 1989 | In 2023, TayTay significantly increased her popularity and net worth by banging Fantasy Football star Travis Kelce. |
4 runners-up
|
| 2024 | 
|
Austin Capobianco | Born in 1986 | For taking a brave stand for fans' rights in the 2024 World Series. |
See also
Notes
- ↑ I know, right?
