Time Person of the Year

Person of the Year
	1927 Man of the Year; Charles Lindbergh; Family Man
Presented by	Time
First awarded	1927; 97 years ago

Person of the Year (called Man of the Year back in the good ole days, and called Woman of the Year a few times when the editors were caught cheating on their wives, before Time decided to start shoving social justice down our throats in 1999) is an annual issue of the American fake news magazine and website Time that features and metaphorically sucks off a person, a group, an idea, or an object^[1] that "for better or for worse ... has been mentioned in the most notifications that we never read on our phones that year". The Time website asks readers who they feel lit up their phones at the most annoying times in an annual poll, which the editors of Time magazine completely ignore when selecting their featured subject.

Background

The tradition of selecting a "Man of the Year" began in 1927, with Time editors contemplating the fake news makers of the years. When you think of 1927, what's the first name that comes to mind? Well, yeah, but Babe Ruth didn't even win the MVP that year. Okay, yes, that was because of a stupid rule saying that you could only win the MVP award once, and they almost immediately repealed that rule after he smashed a record 60 home runs, a record that would stand for nearly four decades. But come on, Charles Lindbergh was a model family man, he made some amazing advancements in home security technology, and he somehow managed to stretch a flight that should easily land in under 8 hours to over 33 hours.

Selection

U.S. Presidents

Since the list began, every serving President of the United States has been a Man or Person of the Year at least once with the exceptions of Calvin Coolidge (in office at the time of the first issue), Herbert Hoover (the subsequent U.S. President, the Great Depression was obviously not his fault), and Gerald Ford (do-nothing president, obviously Nixon's puppet). This glaring fact has exposed the American media as being state-owned.

Women

Prior to 1999, a few women had been granted the title. This was done to appease the wives of editors who had caught their husbands in various compromising positions. But things really got bad in 1999. Then-managing editor Walter Isaacson wasn't just caught cheating, he was caught banging dudes and goats while under the influence of MDMA (then known as Ecstasy). Walter knew he'd have to do something drastic if Cathy would ever let him have an even remotely happy, stable home life again, so he changed the name of the award to the much more politically correct Person of the Year and told her that the award is also now given in her unmentioned honor (that's the highest honor there is).

Controversial choices

As mentioned above, Babe Ruth obviously should have been the first Man of the Year in 1927. 1927's selection is controversial not just because of Ruth's merits, but Charles Lindbergh's qualifications have been proven to be bullshit over time. Lindbergh actually turned out to be a horrible family man (he had many extramarital affairs and many extramarital children), his knowledge of home security turned out to be completely flawed (need I say more?), and flying from New York to Paris in over 33 hours is nothing to brag about (seriously, a bunch of no-name pilots have since done that in under 4 hours).

The 2006 selection of You made many readers wonder if the editors at Time had given up. Time has declined to comment.

The 1938 selection of Adolf Hitler was not controversial.

Trolling

Several of the selections are obvious examples of trolling by Time, often with fictional characters.

Persons of the Year

Year	Choice	Lifetime	Notes	Runners-up, more notes
1927	Lindbergh, CharlesCharles Lindbergh	1902–1974	For being a model family man with amazing home security.	1 runner-up Babe Ruth
1928	Chrysler, WalterWalter Chrysler	1875–1940	In 1928, Chrysler oversaw a merger of his Chrysler Corporation with Dodge before beginning work on the Chrysler Building. This was all way more important than the discovery of penicillin.
1929	Wall Street !Wall Street		For always doing such a great, selfless job handling other people's money.
1930	Gandhi, MahatmaMahatma Gandhi	1869–1948	For "testing his restraint" by sleeping naked next to teenage girls.
1931	American !American Law Enforcement		In 1931, known thief, pimp, racketeer, and murderer Al Capone was convicted of tax evasion. He would serve 7 years in prison for his crimes, before being released to spend his remaining years with his wife and grandchildren at his mansion in Palm Island, Florida.
1932	Roosevelt, Franklin D.Franklin D. Roosevelt	1882–1945	For marrying his cousin and constantly cheating on her.
1933	Nation, CarrieCarrie Nation	1846–1911	Posthumously honored for successfully implementing permanent prohibition, its wonderful effects on the economy, and its long-lasting influence on Western culture.
1934	Monster, Loch NessLoch Ness Monster	Born in 1.8 million B.C.	In 1934, the Loch Ness Monster was photographed for the first time, finally definitively proving his undeniable existence.
1935	Selassie, HaileHaile Selassie	1892–1975	For his profound contributions to Rastafarianism.
1936	Simpson, WallisWallis Simpson	1896–1986	In 1936, then-managing editor of Time John S. Martin was caught cheating on his wife. In a failed attempt to appease her, Martin selected a woman who was also involved in an adulterous scandal to be the first "Woman of the Year". Martin was immediately fired.
1937	Hindenburg !The Hindenburg	1936–1937	For saving money by using hydrogen instead of helium and passing the savings on to its customers.
1938	Hitler, AdolfAdolf Hitler	1889–1945	For promoting political freedom and multiculturalism.
1939	Hitler, AdolfAdolf Hitler (2)	1889–1945	For liberating the Polish.
1939	Stalin, JosephJoseph Stalin	1878–1953	For signing a pact with Hitler and assisting in liberating the Polish.
1940	Churchill, WinstonWinston Churchill	1874–1965	For hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism.
1941	Yamamoto, IsorokuIsoroku Yamamoto	1884–1943	For taking his friends on a surfing holiday in Hawaii.
1942	Elizabeth !Elizabeth II	1926–2022	In 1942, Princess Elizabeth registered for war service in the United Kingdom. She served in the armed forces during World War II. Yeah......
1943	Marshall, GeorgeGeorge Marshall	1880–1959	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1944	Hitler, AdolfAdolf Hitler (3)	1889–1945	For his successful defence of Normandy.
1945	Hirohito, EmperorEmperor Hirohito	1901–1989	For never giving up, even with the fat lady belting that high E right in his ear.
1946	Byrnes, James F.James F. Byrnes	1879–1972	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1947	Alien Invasion !First Contact		In 1947, after being cordially invited by Harry S. Truman, aliens landed in Roswell, New Mexico. Truman believed them when they said they would bring everybody Snickers bars and Beanie Babies, but they instead used anal probes to enslave everyone in Washington. (To this day, anyone who spends more than 8 consecutive days in Washington gets probed by a slave.) To avoid embarrassment, the U.S. government told everyone that a weather balloon simply crashed and ordered the state-owned media to "debunk" any "conspiracy theories" stating otherwise.
1948	Il-sung, KimKim Il-sung	1912–1994	For founding the "Democratic" "People's" "Republic" of Korea on the principles of the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
1949	Churchill, WinstonWinston Churchill (2)	1874–1965	Proclaimed as the "Man of the half-century" for hating those "half-naked", "beastly" Indians and his relentless imperialism.
1950	Team America !Team America: World Police		For their successful invasion of North Korea and unification of Korea.
1951	Mossadegh, MohammadMohammad Mossadegh	1882–1967	For being a homosexual champion for women's rights.
1952	Elizabeth !Elizabeth II (2)	1926–2022	For spending eight figures per year of the United Kingdom's taxpayers' money.
1953	Playboy !Playboy		In 1953, Hugh Hefner redefined the term "art" by publishing nude photos of the future First Lady.
1954	Hungary !The "Golden" Team	1950–1956	For redefining the word "choke" at the 1954 World Cup.
1955	Curtice, HarlowHarlow Curtice	1893–1962	For being an excellent marksman and hunter that Dick Cheney idolizes.
1956	Marciano, RockyRocky Marciano	1923–1969	In 1956, Rocky Marciano retired from professional boxing with a record of 49–0–0 (43 KO's), the only heavyweight ever to retire undefeated.
1957	Frisbee !The Frisbee		For planting the seeds that would start the Hippie Movement.
1958	DeGaulle, CharlesCharles DeGaulle	1890–1970	For miraculously remaining in power after his government collapsed.
1959	Eisenhower, Dwight D.Dwight D. Eisenhower	1890–1969	For playing golf twice a week.
1960	Nazi !Nazi Scientists		Nazis recruited by the U.S. government. Represented by Georg Rickhey, Adolf Busemann, Arthur Rudolph, Walter Schreiber, Hubertus Strughold, Wernher von Braun, Kurt Debus, Hermann Oberth, and Willy Ley.
1961	Kennedy, John F.John F. Kennedy	1917–1963	For banging Marilyn Monroe.
1962	John XXIII, PopePope John XXIII	1881–1963	For making the world safe for pedophiles.
1963	King Jr., Martin LutherMartin Luther King Jr.	1929–1968	A leader of the Rastafari Movement, King organized a rager with more than 250,000 people on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in 1963.
1964	Johnson, Lyndon B.Lyndon B. Johnson	1908–1973	In 1964, the Warren Commission, which Johnson established, concluded that Johnson had nothing to do with the Kennedy assassination. It also concluded that one man, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone in assassinating a U.S. President. It also concluded that one man, Jack Ruby, acted alone in assassinating a man in federal custody.
1965	Westmoreland, WilliamWilliam Westmoreland	1914–2005	For winning the Vietnam War.
1966	The Rolling Stones !The Rolling Stones		For "Paint It Black".
1967	Hendrix, JimiJimi Hendrix	1942–1970	For "Purple Haze".
1968	Johnson, Lyndon B.Lyndon B. Johnson (2)	1908–1973	For losing his own party's nomination in the Presidential Election, the last incumbent U.S. President to do so.
1969	Hillbillies !The Middle Americans		Apparently landing on the moon was insignificant. Anyway, Time did this in a pathetic attempt to increase their circulation, failing to realize that hillbillies are illiterate.
1970	Brandt, WillyWilly Brandt	1913–1992	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1971	Ford !Ford Motor Company		For giving the world the Pinto.
1972	Nixon, RichardRichard Nixon	1913–1994	For going to China after catching yellow fever.
1973	Nixon, RichardRichard Nixon (2)	1913–1994	For his contributions to the field of espionage.
1974	Faisal !King Faisal	1906–1975	Faisal, an environmentalist, made gas ridiculously expensive and almost impossible to find for a while. Also for his amazing fashion sense. Also for his contributions to women's rights.
1975	Women !American women		So apparently like 2 editors and 6 writers for Time were caught having a hookers and blow party at the office one night. They did this to appease their wives.
1976	Carter, JimmyJimmy Carter	Born in 1924	Just your obligatory "U.S. President is Man of the Year". Time decided to honor Carter before he even took office since they completely forgot about Ford.
1977	Sadat, AnwarAnwar Sadat	1918–1981	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1978	Xiaoping, DengDeng Xiaoping	1904–1997	For legalizing sweatshops in China.
1979	Khomeini, RuhollahRuhollah Khomeini	1902–1989	For his contributions to women's rights.
1980	Reagan, RonaldRonald Reagan	1911–2004	For bringing astrology into the Oval Office.
1981	Wałęsa, LechLech Wałęsa	Born in 1943	Obvious trolling by Time, likely a fictional character.
1982	Pac-Man !Ms. Pac-Man		For giving the monsters semi-random movement, preventing the use of patterns to clear each round.
1983	ZZ Top !ZZ Top		For "Sharp Dressed Man".
1984	Mondale, WalterWalter Mondale	1928–2021	For taking the meaning of the word "useless" to a whole new level.
1985	Xiaoping, DengDeng Xiaoping (2)	1904–1997	For his continued contributions to the sweatshop industry.
1986	Buckner, BillBill Buckner	1949–2019	For his clutch performance in the World Series.
1987	Gorbachev, MikhailMikhail Gorbachev	1931–2022	For his responsible, honest handling of the Chernobyl disaster and his brave decision not to tear down the wall.
1988	Endangered !The Endangered Earth		Since carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, Time encouraged everyone to stop breathing.
1989	Gorbachev, MikhailMikhail Gorbachev (2)	1931–2022	Acknowledged as "Man of the Decade" for winning the Cold War and ensuring that the Soviet Union would prosper forever.
1990	Hussein, SaddamSaddam Hussein	1937–2006	For his peacekeeping and humanitarian efforts, especially in Kuwait.
1991	Turner, TedTed Turner	Born in 1938	For becoming the first rich man to marry an older woman, bringing the concept banging cougars to mainstream America.
1992	Clinton, BillBill Clinton	Born in 1946	For being an incorrigible poon-hound.
1993	Biden, JoeJoe Biden	Born in 1942	In 1993, Joe Biden groped the fuck out of a bunch of his staffers and aides. It might have seemed insignificant at the time (to Joe at least, not to the victims), and Time's Up told the victims to shut the hell up. But it actually turned out to be an important opportunity for Biden to display his dominance by showing that his own rules don't apply to him in the 2020 United States presidential election.
1994	John Paul II, PopePope John Paul II	1920–2005	For making the world safe for pedophiles.
1995	Cochran, JohnnieJohnnie Cochran	1937–2005	For showing that grasping out at straws is an awesome legal strategy.
1996	Carrera, AsiaAsia Carrera	Born in 1973	For her contributions to the Dramatic Arts.
1997	Princess Di !Princess Di	1961–1997	In 1997, Princess Di died in a car crash, a very normal, non-royal type of death. This made the whole world sympathize with the royal family and forget how much they have stolen (and continue to steal) from the sheeple of the United Kingdom.
1998	Lewinsky, MonicaMonica Lewinsky	Born in 1973	For going above and beyond the call of duty.
1999	Bezos, JeffJeff Bezos	Born in 1964	For securing millions in investments and billions in loans for a company that had never turned a profit.
2000	Bush, George W.George W. Bush	Born in 1946	For his contributions to the field of linguistics.
2001	Laden, Osama binOsama bin Laden	1957–2011	For his contributions to aviation and his humanitarian efforts.
2002	Enron !Enron		For their contributions to the field of accounting.
2003	Wiseau, TommyTommy Wiseau	Claimed 1969, acutally born in 1955	For giving the world The Room.
2004	Team America !Team America: World Police (2)		For racking up trillions in debt.
2005	Bush, George W.George W. Bush (2)	Born in 1946	For his excellent handling of the United States federal budget.
2006	You !You		Yeah, Time just kinda phoned this one in.	1 runner-up Me
2007	Winkler, FrancisFrancis Winkler	Born in 1953	For managing to keep teaching 5th grade English with an unbreakable spirit despite being diagnosed with GAIDS. Due to legal reasons, his cousin Henry Winkler had to take his place for the photo shoot.	1 runner-up J. K. Rowling
2008	Obama, BarackBarack Obama	Born in 1961	For smoking marijuana and snorting cocaine.	1 runner-up Sarah Palin
2009	Bernanke, BenBen Bernanke	Born in 1953	Because the financial crisis was totally over by the end of 2009.	2 runners-up Nancy Pelosi Usain Bolt
2010	Zuckerberg, MarkMark Zuckerberg	Born in 1984	For stealing Facebook from the Winklevoss twins.	2 runners-up Tyler Cameron
2011	Gaddafi, MuammarMuammar Gaddafi	1942–2011	For his contributions to human rights.	2 runners-up Paul Ryan Kate Middleton
2012	Obama, BarackBarack Obama (2)	Born in 1961	For smoking more marijuana and snorting more cocaine.	1 runner-up Mitt Romney
2013	Francis, PopePope Francis	Born in 1936	For making the world safe for pedophiles.	1 runner-up Ted Cruz
2014	Putin, VladimirVladimir Putin	Born in 1952	For liberating Crimea from the oppressive Ukrainians and doing an amazing job organizing the Sochi Olympics.
2015	Jenner, CaitlynCaitlyn Jenner	Born in 1949	For cutting off her penis and being a really safe driver.	2 runners-up Donald Trump Black Lives Matter
2016	Clinton, HillaryHillary Clinton	Born in 1947	In 2016, Clinton pulled off the once-thought impossible feat of losing to Donald Trump in a United States Presidential Election.	1 runner-up Donald Trump
2017	Weinstein, HarveyHarvey Weinstein	Born in 1952	For his political activism and contributions to feminism.	4 runners-up Donald Trump Xi Jinping Kim Jong-un Colin Kaepernick
2018	Journalist !The "Guardians"		Journalists. Yeah. Time decided to suck themselves off for a change.	More notes With this, every employee at Time automatically qualified for the World Autofellatio Championship.
2019	Thunberg, GretaGreta Thunberg	Born in 2003	For her contributions to the Overdramatic Arts.	2 runners-up Donald Trump Nancy Pelosi
2020	COVID-19 !COVID-19	Unleashed in 2019	Thanks, China!	More notes Okay, so Time actually picked Biden and Kamala. Unbelievable. They picked The Computer in 1982, so it's not like they always have to pick people. Only someone living under a rock would say that COVID didn't change the world more than anything since WW2.
2021	Musk, ElonElon Musk	Born in 1971	For his contributions to the field of baby naming.	2 runners-up Ye Kim Kardashian
2022	Newsom, GavinGavin Newsom	Born in 1967	For dictating a mask mandate over America's largest state in the name of safety and then taking a stand against said mandate in the name of liberty ... multiple times.	5 runners-up Vladimir Putin Volodymyr Zelenskyy Vladimir Putin Vladimir Putin Vladimir Putin
2023	Swift, TaylorTaylor Swift	Born in 1989	In 2023, TayTay significantly increased her popularity and net worth by banging Fantasy Football star Travis Kelce.	4 runners-up Hamas Hollywood laziness Skynet Takeover Barbie