Smurf attack

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Even Smurfs can suffer Smurf attacks - though this is normally classed as a Smurf-On-Smurf crime.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Smurf attack.

A Smurf attack is a type of violent crime that has been reported amongst people who live within close proximity to the subculture known as the Smurfs, although normally a peaceful people the rise of the Smurf attack phenomena has resulted in a considerable backlash against Smurfs and led to discrimination of the Smurfs as a people - in some regions things have become so bad that Smurfs are isolated from other races and forced to live in ghettos known as "Smurf Villages", which are easily recognised by the mushroom-shaped architecture.


Early Examples[edit]

The Smurf attack phenomena dates back to the late 17th century at the very latest, though it was historically a very rare crime - perhaps due to the Smurfs at the time having a limited freedom, being used in the Smurf trade and often being treated as second-class citizens even after the Smurf trade was abandoned in many countries.

The Smurf attack phenomena became more prevalent in the later half of the 20th century when Smurfs were finally given equal rights and began to integrate with other races after years of traditional separation.

Although a great many Smurfs integrated well and became outstanding members of society a few began to exhibit problematic behavior that would ultimately erupt to a very serious social problem that was especially widespread in urban areas - where young Smurfs would begin to attack other races and sometimes even each other (though Smurf-On-Smurf crime is generally not classed as Smurf attack - since Smurfs have always fought amongst themselves).


In the mid-90s a series of particularly disturbing Smurf attacks occurred in several major cities - prompting the controversial exile of several communities of Smurfs into "Smurf Villages", which have been condemned as little more than modern ghettos by Smurf Rights groups: despite Smurfs moving to these villages by choice it has been widely reported that many Smurfs who refused to do so were threatened with violence and loss of property if they did not go.

In turn the tensions caused by this backlash worsened the Smurf attack phenomena and a group of militant Smurfs took the streets and tried to march to Washington - the use of water-cannons by authorities was once again condemned by Smurf Rights groups but was effective in dispersing the group, thus averting a potential riot.

Nevertheless for several weeks following these incidents small-scale skirmishes occurred between authorities and groups of Smurfs across the globe - eventually however the crisis calmed down and society began to return to relative normality.

Modern Times[edit]

Smurf attacks have steadily began to decline in modern times and this has been used by some radical groups to defend the use of "Smurf Villages" - other groups feel it is simply the way things have always been and warn that Smurf attack, by its very nature, is a volatile phenomena that often varies in intensity over the years.

Despite the relative peace in most communities their are still some notable cases of Smurf attack occurring in the world today and the inner-city is especially prone to the crime, however police and social services are much more equipped to deal with the crime than they were in previous generations and most modern outbreaks are contained fairly rapidly with minimum damage to everyday life.

Smurfs were the result of a horrible accident of chemical spills. This happened in world war war two when Einstein and Jesus were trying to help Hitler created a robot. They covered it by blaming it on (Harr Mann) a biology teacher who has recently spent most of his time still trying to construct a robot for Hitler who he still thinks is alive and lives in the center of the earth. and yes nothing harr mann has done has far

Possible Causes[edit]

Sex In The Media[edit]

an example of supposed "excessive sexual content in media"

Some Smurf mothers have blamed the Smurf attack phenomena on what they deem as excessive sexual content in media, which they argue causes young Smurf boys to grow up with a lack of control or moral: seeing women as objects and males as competitors to their "prize". Despite numerous attempts by certain group to try and prove a link so far their is no evidence to suggest one exists and in general Smurf attacks do not have sexual content - making this argument dubious at best.

Violence In The Media[edit]

Often paired with the aforementioned argument but sometimes put as an independent argument of itself is the supposed violence in media - especially violence which certain groups note depicts major Smurf characters as being aggressive, vulgar and generally criminal in nature.

This coupled with the often violent lives of many inner-city Smurfs is believed by some to desensitize young Smurfs while also making them believe that, as a Smurf, they are prone to natural criminal tendencies - in turn creating a sort of self-fulfilling destiny.

Although many tests have been performed to try and see if this theory is correct their has been no scientific proof of such a link existing - though this has not stopped a number of Smurf Activist groups from forming with the intent of forcing the mass media to portray Smurfs in a more positive light and lower the violence level on television and cinema.


Some have also blamed videogames for the Smurf attack phenomena - according the acclaimed activist Jack Thompson it is unsurprising that young Smurfs resort to crime when confronted with images of violence, sex and depravity in games such as the controversial Grant Theft Auto: Smurf City or Smurfs of War: both of which have been critised as portraying Smurfs as stereotypical criminals and allowing players to engage in free-style mayhem.

Jack Thompson has also noted that many Smurf attacks seem to parallel those committed in videogames and believes that young Smurfs try to copy what they see in videogames - which in turn can lead to tragic consequences as well as serious effects to society as a whole.

Jack Thompson has demanded an intensive research of videogame content to try and prove the link but as of yet no scientist has shown interest in getting involved in the project.

Smurf Music[edit]

Papa Smurf - a notorious Smurf artist blamed for glorifying Smurf crime

With the rising popularity of Smurf Music in the early 90s many parents and religious organizations were quick to seize upon the fact that this craze reached its peak during a time when Smurf attacks were at the worst ever recorded - some blamed artists such as Papa Smurf for glorifying Smurf crime and giving young Smurfs a twisted view on reality.

Many Smurf artists have lyrics that relate to drugs, violence and sex - this is blasted as reckless, illegal and sexist by those who oppose the movement and some Smurf artists have deliberately played upon the movement's controversy to sell tracks and attract fans.


There is no universally accepted way to prevent Smurf attack incidents from occurring but the general belief of now is that education and positive discrimination can be used to prevent the most severe cases of Smurf attack and it is hoped that by further educating people on the Smurf culture that the Smurf attack phenomena will remain low.