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December 22: Dead Meme Appreciation Day
- 5000 BC(ish) - God plans to make perfect woman from an arm and a leg, Adam says "What can ya do with a rib?"
- 600 BC - YHWH creates woman - twice
- 0000 - The Blessed Mother Mary's contractions begin
- 1000 - Spaghetti Monster creates sex.
- 1231 - God creates Vaginal cancer to spite Spaghetti Monster.
- 1337 - Counter-Strike is invented
- 1589 - Japan announces the release of the Hello Kitty Vibrator.
- 1666 - Manhattan is sold to the Knicks for 24 virgins, an extreme rarity in the area. They immediately re-sell it to Donald Trump.
- 1923 - LSD is first manufactured, diarrhea of epic solar proportions ensues.
- 1933 - William Butler Yeats is found dead in a bear cage at the local zoo.
- 1954 - Film Actors Guild (FAG) is founded
- 1974 - Gay men blame women for AIDS.
- 1989 - The end of the world as we know it. Surprisingly, most people are either indifferent or quite fine about the whole thing.
- 1989 - Pixies send Monkeys to Heaven, Anthony gives Cleopatra a crate of brown ale.
- 1991 - Man loses his religion, but later finds he left it in the corner, silly man.
- 2005 - Pussy flavored ice cream invented.
- 2006 - World peace declared.
- 2007 - England nukes Wales. Nobody cares.
- 2012 - Everyone realizes they're not dead.
- 3434 - Vin Diesel is cloned from one of his last remaining pubic hairs, discovered in Margaret Thatcher's vagina.
- 5000 - Science descovers a "female orgasm", she was faking...
- 2111 - New form of moe discovered, turns out to be the same kind of popular moe anime at the time, but with more robotic titties.
- Google reveals least popular searches of 2024
- Jay-Z and Beyonce sit their children down and have a talk with them
- Luigi cosplays as Robin Hood and guns down health insurance CEO; (Pictured) Americans rejoice
- South Korea's president tries to order pizza, declares martial law instead
- Biden pardons Princess Peach and Blossom
- ... and Hunter... and Fauci...
- Special Counsel Jack Smith pardons President-elect turkey, meaning he gets away with January 6th
- Cicely Tyson demolishes Aaron Paul in Netflix "boxing" match
- Project 2025 to be implemented in 2026, riots ensue
- The Onion buys InfoWars. Extra true conspiracy theories coming soon!
- "Nope!" says, judge
- Epstein pal Trump picks sex pest pedophile as attorney general... only for him to pull out
- Trump picks Led Zeppelin to lead EPA
- Obama smears poop on daycare
- Kardashian and Aniston endorse bestiality
- UnNews publishes official 2024 post-election guide for liberals having to deal with Trump
- Joe Biden named winner of 2024 election, confusion erupts in America
- 2024 U.S. election cancelled due to absence of electoral votes, anarchy likely to follow
- TikToker Peanut the Squirrel swatted, killed for "illegal guns and drugs"
Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • NBA and NHL seasons • Athletes doing the "Trump Dance" • Bill Belichick going insane
Recent deaths: • Rickey Henderson • Brian Thompson (United Healthcare CEO) • Democrat party • Diddy's career • The Eras Tour • Alabama football's championship bid • The white guy from The Mod Squad
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Benjamin Netanyahu • Jay-Z's career and freedom • Kate Middleton • Aaron Rodgers' career
- Why is book?
- Halloween Ends
- Stranger Things (rw)
- G.I. Jane
- G.I. Jane 2
- UnTunes:Santa Baby
- This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich
- Fairytale
- UnTunes:Shoes
- Uncyclopedia:Business (rw)
- Halloween Kills
- UnTunes:Perry the Platypus
- Elon's Musk
- UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw)
- UnTunes:Rio
- Herodotus (rw)
- Brawny
- Lawnmower-Humvee (rw)
- Steve Wozniak (rw)
- Narrative (rw)
- Bryan Adams High School
- Alex Trebek
- Lincoln Logs
- Brexit
- Where Is Everybody?
- UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals)
- Avi Toledano
- Eli Roth
- Film (remake)
- African American
- Worst 100 Reflections on 2018
- Ray Charles
- Bernardo Butterlucci
- Urban Dictionary
December 22, 2024
Okay guys, today you get the usual bidaily update of the featured article. Here comes the synopsis!
I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching The Christmas That Almost Wasn't. I knew the fat, jolly bastard would be arriving soon, and I would be waiting for him. I've been waiting for this moment for years ever since St. Dickolas gave me coal for Christmas four years in a row, despite my good behavior. I'll shove that stocking full of coal up his ass and show him how funny it is.
I was dozing off when I heard it. The sound I could recognize anywhere. The fat bastard's heavy stomps on my rooftop. It's showtime. I sprang up off of the couch and hid behind the Christmas tree. I stay there for a little bit when I hear a loud tumble and an audible "Ah, shit.. that hurt." The fat bastard had entered the point of no return. Of course the jolly prick went straight to the kitchen, where he helped himself to the milk and cookies I laid out. I put a small amount of laxative and LSD in the cookies. I'm also pretty sure he got into the liquor cabinet because I heard him say something about a "Mr. Jack Daniels," with glass clinking around. He laid the presents under the tree, I was so close to him I could smell the liquor and cookies on him. Somehow, he didn't see me.
Then he walks over to the stalking, I peek around the tree. I see the lump of coal in his hand.
No the fuck you don't. (Full article...)
As usual, you can vote for the featured article at Uncyclopedia 2.0:VFH, and don't forget to visit the archive! Rc out.
December 22, 2024
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
And some others, in case you missed them...
December 22, 2024
One more image added to the collection. The list rotates randomly, so try reloading the page to see others...
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Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired. Image credit: Blah Blah Blah |
Or if you're so impatient, see Template 2.0:FI/all for all currently featured images. This creap of the crop may be less AJAXy than Flickr, but way less crappy.
December 22, 2024
Congratulations for December's Writer and Noob of the Month!
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
 Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! | ||
 Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. | ||
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