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on this day

March 15: Julius Caesar's Deathday

44 BC - Julius Caesar is stabbed to death by a conspiracy of the Roman Senate, his last words: "Oww Jesus fuck!" (Pictured)
1493 - Christopher Columbus returns to Spain after his first voyage to the New World. "What's that blood in your shoe?" asks Queen Isabella.
1917 - Tsar Nicholas II abdicates his throne, hopes to retire to a nice dingy basement with the rest of his family.
1952 - During a performance of 4'33", composer John Cage is heckled by the audience as a pretentious, lazy gasbag. Their heckling by definition becomes part of 4'33", and therefore a meta-commentary on itself: Cage is hailed as a creative genius.
1965 - President Lyndon B. Johnson advocates the Voting Rights Act as part of a fiendish Marxist ploy to get non-white people to vote and stuff.
2000 - Y2K doomsayers are just about ready to confess that they were mistaken, until they hear about the sexy new year of 2012.

headlines

Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed

Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons

recent posts

March 15, 2026

new featured article!

filed under: featured — rcmurphy @ 17:21

Okay guys, today you get the usual bidaily update of the featured article. Here comes the synopsis!

Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.

This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.

What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

As usual, you can vote for the featured article at Uncyclopedia 2.0:VFH, and don't forget to visit the archive! Rc out.

comments (42)

March 15, 2026

did you know...

filed under: dyk — sophia @ 17:21

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that the police are at your door?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

... that I hear voices outside my room? (Pictured)

... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that the police are at your door?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

... that I hear voices outside my room? (Pictured)

... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that Ram Ranch really rocks?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
... that the police are at your door?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

And some others, in case you missed them...

comments (5)

March 15, 2026

featured image

filed under: featured — rcmurphy @ 17:21

One more image added to the collection. The list rotates randomly, so try reloading the page to see others...

Cliff Williams of popular music combo AC/DC seen here practising his scales on his custom bass guitar. This bass couldn't produce any tunas, or even any tunes.

Image credit: Col.swordman
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Or if you're so impatient, see Template 2.0:FI/all for all currently featured images. This creap of the crop may be less AJAXy than Flickr, but way less crappy.

comments (98)

March 15, 2026

announcing monthly awards

filed under: users — chronarion @ 17:21

Congratulations for March's Writer and Noob of the Month!

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

comments (18)

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