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Communist Literature It’s nothing personal, it's just business. I mean, I don’t hate you; I just have to put an ice axe in your head, in the nicest way possible. Try and see it as a friendly ice axe. I mean I hope we can still be friends once this is over. It would be a shame for us to fall out over such a small pointless thing as me embedding a large piece of metal into your skull. Life’s too short for that. In your case that’s particularly true, since you’ve got about five minutes left. I’m just looking for the bleach, Mr. Muscle, I hear it’s good on brains. Don’t want to leave any stains on your furniture; after all, I am a guest here. I know you wouldn’t just walk into my house and butcher a pig on the sofa. It would be impolite. I do want to be considerate. I’ll leave your house just as I found it, there might even be time to do a little dusting, and I’ll remember to set the burglar alarm before I leave too. Oh and before I forget, do you want me to make some sandwiches? It's just your friends the police will be coming around later, and I know you wouldn’t want them to go hungry, not after you’ve gotten to know them so well. Although Bertolini’s not too pleased about those new friends you made in the FBI, as you can probably tell from this little conversation we’re having here, and the chloroform I choked you with when you answered the door. (Full article...) Recently featured: Metalheads 9-11 Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Archive · Vote for featured articles · All You Need To Know Is... *...that your fly is unzipped? ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears? ...that your fly is unzipped? ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears? ...that your fly is unzipped?	The People's Controlled Media Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured) Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill" United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Trump joins in for threesome, blows load Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk) Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game On This Day... July 9: International "Hug a Zombie" Day 2340 BC - Egyptians create Hug a Zombie Day when depressed, long-buried Egyptian soldiers rise from the grave and demand brains. 31 - Jesus raises Lazarus from dead and gives him a hug and a warm kiss. 1984 - Margaret Thatcher becomes the first ideological zombie ever to hold public office in Britain. 1985 - A new age for Zombiekind is ushered as a number of prominent zombies appear in a Michael Jackson music video. 1998 - Several Brooklyn residents are turned into zombies after a zombie pigeon escapes from its lab in Staten Island. 2011 - The United Nations celebrates Undead Rights Day, event promptly cancelled when supporters get eaten by massive horde of undead. 2013 - Zombie Apocalypse leaves whole world Zombiefied, zombies forced to hug each other.
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Monkey Chained To A Typewriter & Communist Youth of the Month Writer Here NooB Here Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Monkey Chained To A Typewriter of the Year, and Mhaille, our Communpedian of the Year!

Communpedia's sista projects

Communpedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.

CommUnNews The news source on crack

CommUncyclopedia The capitalist-free encyclopedia

CommUndictionary The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid

CommUnTunes Music to piss off the savage beast

Communist Women Go Wilde Project Communpedia's founder tells all

CommUnMeta How Communpedia doesn't work

CommUnBooks Capitalist-free books

CommUnquotable Useless misquotes galore

CommUncycloversity If it makes sense, we don't want it

Communpedia languages

Communpedia English		Inciclopedia Español	Désencyclopédie Français		Nonsensopedia Polski
Ikkepedia Norsk		Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά	Nonciclopedia Italiano		伪基百科 简化字
Desciclopédia Português		Eincyclopedia עברית	Spademanns Leksikon Dansk		アンサイク ロペディア 日本語
Psyklopedin Svenska		Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch	Hikipedia Suomi		Unciklopédia Magyar
Абсурдопедия Русский		Keinziklopedie יידיש	Valenciclopèdia Valencian		偽基百科 正體中文
اونسایکلوپدیا فارسی (Persian·Farsi)	Onziclopedie Nederlands	لاويكيبيديا العربية	Necyclopædia Latina	Necyklopedie A CzechBook	Neciklopedija Српски
언사이클로피디어 한국어	ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย	Hatsiklopedia Malagasy	Absurdipēdijā Latviešu	Nunyepedia Asturianu	Butalopedija Slovenščina
	Tolololpedia Bahasa Indonesia

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,273 articles. Uncyclopedias are also being written in many other languages:

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