Uncyclopedia:Wilde
 Irish author, playwright, witty person, Stephen Colbert's long lost brother, and ladies' badminton coach |
Uncyclopedia: The Wilde Project
Look, I simply have no idea whatsoever as to why everyone here at Uncyclopedia makes such a big deal about this Oscar Wilde guy. They just asked me to write something to put here in this box, because it would look bad if it were just a lot of white space. So I did. But none of it makes any sense... I mean, the guy's dead, isn't he? Who cares about what some dead guy said at a tea party for the Duchess of Kent? And who is this "Marquess of Queensberry" character? I seriously just do not get it. And it seems I'm not the only one! I mean, look at some of the pages on this website that link to this one. There must be thousands of them, and not one actually has anything to do with the guy! They all just mention him for no apparent logical reason (except that the whole of this website is a joke, bordering on psychotic mania), because the people who write the articles here probably feel like they're supposed to, like it's some sort of requirement. And of course, they all have the same three pictures on them, because that's how many there are in the world, seems like. And how many lists is he on, ferchrissakes? OMFG, every time you see a list of people or anything else on this crazy-ass website, alive, dead, real, or imaginary, good ol' Oscar's on it, I guarantee you that. And of course they've given him practically every title and honorific ever invented. And the quotations! I mean, shit, it's like every friggin' article has a quotation at the top by this Wilde guy! And I'll bet he didn't say half those things. I guess people think that's a requirement too, because they never seem to get tired of it. And that's what The Wilde Project is all about: adding even more quotations. It will be easy. They're already at every turn. We'll definitely win. And we won't have gone down fighting. |
| Benighted Wildeisms du Jour (edit) | Who Likes a Pram, Then? | |
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Oscar Wilde decides one day that he's going to replace all of his dirty, smelly old underwear with nice, new underwear. So he goes into a nearby shop and asks the clerk, "How much for a dozen pair of knickers?" The clerk looks puzzled and says, "But I don't want any knickers." Wilde doesn't let this dissuade him. He pulls one of the pairs of dirty, smelly old undershorts from his bag and says, "These knickers have been worn not only by me, Oscar Wilde, one of the greatest authors of the age, but also by two royal princes, at the same time. Surely they must be worth something? The clerk hesitates, then says: "Very well, I'll give you five shillings and six for the lot." Wilde hands the bag to the clerk, and the clerk gives him several coins in return. "I don't want to hear any complaints," says Wilde. "Now, how about the knickers I'm wearing right now? How much would you give me if I took them off right here in the shop, in front of all the other patrons?" The clerk hesitates again, then says: "Sixpence?" So Wilde takes another coin and removes his trousers and knickers in front of the astonished throng, revealing his erect penis, which is dressed up with a lovely pink ribbon and bow. Turning to the clerk, he says, "How much for the ribbon?" |
How You Can HelpOne way you can help is by not editing this page. Another way is by making a fart joke. You could also join the project, which isn't really a "project" so much as a list of people who like to see their usernames mentioned in highly questionable contexts. Current members are you, Winstanley1, and... well, that's about it. Members may proudly display the {{User Wilde Project}} template on their user pages, as if that's even worth the bother. Why You Shouldn't HelpBecause editing this page is fun, and we already have a lot of fartistic jokes. And I do mean a whole buttload of fart jokes. Please, do not call Mr. Wilde OR yourself the Master Bater. That is me. Where To Send CashPlease send cash to Me, at my address, which you'll have to find out on your own. Sorry. You could Click Here but it won't take you anywhere. |
Sista projectsUncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
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 | This article was mentioned in the Guardian (UK), further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here. |