Uncyclopedia:Wilde/C
CABA
“CABA is wonderfull piece of software, I can access my toasts without mounting it.”
Cacodemon
“Cacodemons are really ugly. I really wish they would take pride in their appearance.”
Canada
“The tragedy of Canada is that it could have had British culture, French cuisine and American technology. Instead it got American culture, British cuisine and French technology.”
Canada (Nation)
“Not quite as many beavers as expected.”
Canonization
“Thank god for posthumous canonization! Anyone canonized alive would instantly become the most insufferable arsehole.”
Captain Picard
“Xander is so gay.”
Car
“Nothing really beats walking on three wheels.”
Carbon
“If you are ugly it's because God ran out of all the small red carbon, and was forced to use poor quality blue carbon instead. In which case it "sucks to be you”
Carman
“How did that bastard pull a rabbit out of his hat?!!”
Carter
“I always thought that If I'd met Jimmy Carter, I'd call him Peanut Butter. Because, well, Peanut Butter is a funny name...but I don't think you're ready for this jelly.”
Cats
“Ah, cats. They are nature's way of saying, Here, Put this in your pipe and smoke it!”
Censorship
“██████████████████████████████████████”
Charles Nelson Reilly
“Charles Nelson Reilly... never heard of him. Poor bugger.”
Cheese
“Mmmm, cheese!!”
Cheez
“It's the cheesiest, my ass!”
Chewbacca defense
“I was going to buy an iPod, but I hated the idea of becoming a silhouette.”
Chicken
“Chicken crossing the road, you say? A clear-cut example of poultry in motion.”
Child
“Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”
Christianism
“I have been scarred for life by accursed Christianism. May all the devils torment thee, that hath taken away mine own minor pancreas!”
Christianity
“A most amiable fellow was Jesus, or J-Dawg as he preferred it. Beautiful teachings. Pity he never got around to explaining why God would rather we didn't fellate ourselves.”
Churchill
“I dread the day when a man with a terribly weak mind rules one of the world's strongest nations.”
Cillit Bang
“The best bang since the big one!”
Civilization III
“"The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of the third civilization."”
Clap
“The worst clap I ever had was in Brighton.”
Clap2
“It's free!!! Like the clap!”
Clapton
“Eric Clapton is, technically speaking, the best guitar player 'After Midnight'.”
Clowns
“The clowns want to take over and become the dominant species! They will destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all!...”
Coffee1
“Hit me with the triple strength decaf, Shaky, my old mate.”
Coffee2
“I like mine hot, black and gritty - and I'll have a coffee too please.”
Color
“My favorite color? I like salmon. It's also my favorite fish, though I'm quite fond of tuna. Have you ever tried halibut? It's divine with mustard sauce.”
Content-free
“There is a dynamic proportionality betwixt that which thee exchange coinages for, and that which thee receive in return. I learned this from my dearest mummy, who oft said, "Ya gets whats ya pays for".”
Cornfield
“I shall never see a field of vegetables as yellow as corn”
Coruscant
“This movie sucks! They just showed twenty minutes of footage of the Galactic Senate! And do these characters show no emotion at all?! It's almost as if - Ooh! Wow! It's Coruscant! Shiny objects!”
Cows
“In Soviet Russia, two cows have YOU!!”
Cowing
“Give a man a cow, and he will eat for, oh about a weekish. Teach a man to cow, and he will have no idea what the hell you are talking about.”
Cream cheese
“Woe to the cheesemaker, if his cheese be creamed.”
Cthulhu v. Japan
“The masterpiece of Judicial thinking.”
Cummings
“This is just too easy..”