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MADRID, Spain – A new exhibition of remains recovered from the ancient city of Pompeii have led academics to question what happened to cause such a decline in the size and shape of Italian cocks. Sculptures on display show the locals boasted penises of considerable note, around 12 inches in length, and with a helmet so pointy that experts are suggesting that they may have been used for hunting or fishing.
Such towering shafts are a world away from the cazzo of Michelangelo's David, sculpted 1500 years later in the same country. Measuring 1.2 inches, it has bemused art historians for centuries. Some explained its size away as a symptom of Michelangelo's sexual preferences. Famously, Brian Sewell wrote, "Any phallus, no matter how minuscule, can be a pleasant stimulant to the anus." Others claimed that it was due to the 17th century having a different aesthetic of the ideal man, or because of religious modesty. (Full news...)
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| *... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
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| Jewish people raped these people
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December 8: Llamas Against Chinese day/ The Death of Metal
- 1000 BCE - A little Chinese Prince was holidaying in Tibet. Whilst he was innocently trying to feed a local Llama some grain it viciously bit him. And so began countless millenniums of conflict.
- 1231 - The Dalai Llama seduces Chinese king, but after they'd been going steady for a couple of months the Llama cheats on him with Kubla Khan. Chinese king calls the Llama a slut and finds a less attractive rebound girlfriend and cries himself to sleep for a month.
- 1567- The Dalai Llama tells all the other Central Asian leaders that the Chinese King is gay.
- 1911 - Llama tells Sun Yat-sen and Yuan Shikai that the Chinese Emperor said that their mothers were terrible cooks.
- 1931 - Llama mentions to Emperor Hirohito that China is pretty shit and that he might as well go in and take over. Then he whispered quietly in the Emperor's ear that if any Japanese are looking for easy women Nanking is the place.
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