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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Saturday, October 3, 2020 The Center for Disease Control released a statement this week recommending that Americans eat their own boogers to curb the spread of coronavirus. A months-long study shows eating boogers to be the most effective strategy in the battle against COVID-19; much more effective than social distancing, washing hands or coughing into a condom. The science behind booger-eating is that the virus typical gets trapped in mucus, which crusts over and encloses the virus. Before the virus can escape, you have to eat it and let it be destroyed by your stomach acids. In addition to destroying the virus at the source, further studies show that booger consumption builds the immune system, and thus keeps you protected against COVID and other diseases. A person who regularly commits to a steady diet of boogers is essentially impervious to death. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:CDC recommends eating boogers to curb coronavirus Jimbo Wales Ruth Westheimer Me Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day October 23: D&D Empowerment Day, a day to let go of your guilt and shame for having played Dungeons & Dragons as a child (or still), and instead reflect upon how it's changed you for the better; National Whack-a-Mole Day (US and Japan). “It says: With this strength or lower I can only be a Magic User. Re-roll!” ~ Oscar Wilde 33 - Jesus creates D&D, the Romans crucify him for this and buries the game where it is found 1900 years later. 1966 - International Federation of the Friendless is formed by Gary Gygax and other near-do-wells. 1969 - While others are busy engaged in the Summer of Love, Gary Gygax and Friends are busy making their own chainmail armour out of plastic plumbing washers. 1970 - Dave Arneson creates a scenario involving an adventure through a castle sewer, in quest of the legendary change room of maidens in waiting. Later arrested for being a peeping tom. Judge was unmoved by his plea that he was doing important game research. 1971 - Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson team up to create "The Fantasy Game." Monsters are substituted for maidens, and mountains of loose change for changerooms. 1974 - TSR publishes the now-renamed Dungeons & Dragons® game by slapping homemade labels over used cereal boxes. In one year, the entire hand-assembled print run of 1,000 games sells out. 1979 - Ozzy Osbourne is chosen as official spokesman, eventually appearing in a commercial where he bites the head off of a Basilisk. 1984 - You realise with horror that the phrase "Uncursed +1/+1 Dark Dwarven Mithril Battle-Axe of Guts" no longer sounds completely ridiculous to you. 1985 - Everyone starts referring to bottles of water as "Potions of Thirst Obviation" and dictionaries as "Tomes of Acquired Word Definition." 2003 - The first woman to play D&D is later discovered to be a shemale . 2005 - You catch your wife in bed with another man, but later discover she was just earning 50 experience points with a Helmet of Protection +6. 2584 - First D&D player in history gets laid thanks to the lucky roll of a natural 20. 3000 - Roughly 500 years after the first D&D player got laid his great, great, great, great grandson becomes Supream Dungeon Master of earth. 5000 - the world's first jock plays D&D and becomes D&D master of the universe and all that are contained inside it after beating up Supream Dungeon Master of earth Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day NOW YOU FUCKED UP! edit News Baby, don't hurt me... Facemasks are a conspiracy by Silver Shamrock (Pictured) This week's horoscopes! UnNews remembers Eddie Van Halen Mr. Krabs's tax returns released Trump has the hoax virus CDC recommends eating boogers Kanye West talks about Rolling Stone's new 500 Greatest Albums list Joe Biden to remake The Mask Middle Eastern journalists cannot wait for the 9/11 20th anniversary Biden being controlled by Dark Shadows Conways take political break in order to watch Urkel reruns Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian Trump's vocabulary reaches 50 words Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19 Trump attacks derpy pony US replaces SATs with CAPTCHA Q announces peace between Q's and Q Biden announces dead wrestler Kamala as running mate Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife" The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization Your cat's gonna kill you Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74 Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? Do you worry... ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments? Read Many
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