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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Have you, dear reader, found yourself chained to an aging confectionery monstrosity, its pipes wheezing, its vats bubbling ominously, its accountants sobbing quietly in the walls? Has a government man (always beige! always damp!) slid a letter under your door explaining that thirty percent of your life’s work now belongs to them? Thirty percent! That’s not a tax, that’s getting bent over and done up your rear! tips hat, snaps cane against the floor Fear not. Willy Wonker is here. And I assure you, I have handled this exact situation with the grace of a ballerina and the ethics of a feral raccoon. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Commit Tax Fraud by Giving Away Your Chocolate Factory Antipasta The Finals Fuck Around and Find Out Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day December 25: I wish it could be Christmas everyday! 4 AD - The Blessed St. Mary the Virgin, Mother of God decides not to chuck her slimy bastard infant into the nearest pile of hay. 336 - Everyone who isn't a Jew or a dirty heathen collectively decides to celebrate the birthday of a weird Jewish cultist. Now we decorate trees in his name. 935 - Wenceslaus I, Duke of Bohemia dies of acute hypothermia while drunk outside during a blizzard, titular song invented to save face. 1892 - A young child from Wichita, Kansas, actually gets a partridge in a pear tree for Christmas. Child distraught since he wanted a PS4. 1963 - African-Americans, angry at the song I'm Dreaming of a Whites-Only Christmas create their own holiday, Kwanzaa. 1976 - Santa Claus gets laid for the first time. In celebration, he gives gifts to everyone in the world, before being shot down by a surface-to-air missile. 1984 - ACLU lawyers successfully petition advertisers to start calling Christmas, The Holiday Season. 1990 - After months of violent protests, children of Atheist couples finally get Christmas presents. Jesus still hates their guts, though. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day[edit source] Your content probably contains one or more equal signs (=), use `\|1=`. edit News Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas. UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday (Pictured) Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Ravens fans hiding in a corner after yet another choke Recent deaths: The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025 Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? Do you worry...[edit source] ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms? Read Many
edit Recent articles Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary Recent article \| As for the Majority that we want the page \| The book correcting which required \| Add to stubs \| Pages of lonliness \| Examination of urine \| Concerning writing the attempt...
Writer and Noob of Month Poll for writer of month \| Poll for Noob of month \| Passing the winner: 2005/2006 You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Have you, dear reader, found yourself chained to an aging confectionery monstrosity, its pipes wheezing, its vats bubbling ominously, its accountants sobbing quietly in the walls? Has a government man (always beige! always damp!) slid a letter under your door explaining that thirty percent of your life’s work now belongs to them? Thirty percent! That’s not a tax, that’s getting bent over and done up your rear! tips hat, snaps cane against the floor Fear not. Willy Wonker is here. And I assure you, I have handled this exact situation with the grace of a ballerina and the ethics of a feral raccoon. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Commit Tax Fraud by Giving Away Your Chocolate Factory Antipasta The Finals Fuck Around and Find Out Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day December 25: I wish it could be Christmas everyday! 4 AD - The Blessed St. Mary the Virgin, Mother of God decides not to chuck her slimy bastard infant into the nearest pile of hay. 336 - Everyone who isn't a Jew or a dirty heathen collectively decides to celebrate the birthday of a weird Jewish cultist. Now we decorate trees in his name. 935 - Wenceslaus I, Duke of Bohemia dies of acute hypothermia while drunk outside during a blizzard, titular song invented to save face. 1892 - A young child from Wichita, Kansas, actually gets a partridge in a pear tree for Christmas. Child distraught since he wanted a PS4. 1963 - African-Americans, angry at the song I'm Dreaming of a Whites-Only Christmas create their own holiday, Kwanzaa. 1976 - Santa Claus gets laid for the first time. In celebration, he gives gifts to everyone in the world, before being shot down by a surface-to-air missile. 1984 - ACLU lawyers successfully petition advertisers to start calling Christmas, The Holiday Season. 1990 - After months of violent protests, children of Atheist couples finally get Christmas presents. Jesus still hates their guts, though. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day[edit source] Your content probably contains one or more equal signs (=), use `\|1=`. edit News Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas. UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday (Pictured) Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" The New York Yankees now fucking suck Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter The UK to ban the resale of tickets Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not? Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents" Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Ravens fans hiding in a corner after yet another choke Recent deaths: The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025 Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? Do you worry...[edit source] ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms? Read Many
edit Recent articles Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary Recent article \| As for the Majority that we want the page \| The book correcting which required \| Add to stubs \| Pages of lonliness \| Examination of urine \| Concerning writing the attempt...
Writer and Noob of Month Poll for writer of month \| Poll for Noob of month \| Passing the winner: 2005/2006 You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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