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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge. Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one. Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again! Hold on... Why is my hair roller in here? Wait... This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill? Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault. Just a minute... WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...) Recently featured: John Marshall You Rob Gronkowski Kirkification Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day February 19: Alt + F4 Day 1600 - A volcano explodes in Peru. It's a good first line for a limerick, I guess. 1807 - Aaron Burr, former Vice President and guy who shot Alexander Hamilton, is imprisoned for treason; Burr is released following a quadruple rhyming triplet and an emotionally resonant leitmotif allusion. 1846 - The State Government of Texas is officially established in Austin, its first act: Mexican food sold within the state must include at least 200% recommended cheese intake. 1915 - World War I: The first attack on the Ottomans commences as the Australians attack the shoreline with drop bear reinforcements. 1949 - Ezra Pound decides that poetry is the perfect medium for his antisemitism, mostly because Jew can be rhymed with so many other words. 1954 - The Soviet Union transfers Crimea from Russian land to Ukraine, which will cause absolutely no problems in future. 1985 - EastEnders stars airing in the UK, causing more Brits to be visibly depressed. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day Centered text goes here. edit News "Come! Come support my tacky AI website!" Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! 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Ali sadaka ... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt? ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography? ... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk? ... tennis isn't just a game? ... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass? ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe? ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"? ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more? Do you worry... ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured) ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion? ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies? ... that Uranus is a gas giant? ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life? Read Many
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