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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Elevators (inaccurately called "lifts" in stupid places), are torture devices invented in 1523 by the Spanish Catholic Inquisitors searching for a more efficient method of "repressing" the Jews, Protestants, and their Satanist in-laws. The 16th century design, although crude by today's standard, set the bar for torture devices to a higher level. Over the years, the original design was modified extensively until it became the modern object of torture it is now. As of today, the elevator has become a staple of the civilized business world, despite numerous attempted sanctions by so-called "peace-keeping" pansies. From its conception in 1523, the elevator was meant to inflict pain. After nearly half a millennium, the elevator has undergone many revisions to ensure that this goal is met and in style, too. The original design for the elevator was quite basic, consisting of merely a large metal box suspended from a substantial height with an iron chain. The box, with the person about to be tortured inside, was raised to the suitably high level and dropped. If the person survived the fall, he was taken out of the box and the process was repeated until the torturee was ready to confess his sins. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnGames:Zork2/Zorkception Jew Jaws did WTC Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day August 24: Punch-a-Donkey-for-Jesus Day, Gatesmas (United States), Lysdexiac Awarenses Weke Ends 1456 - The printing of the Gutenberg Bible is completed by Steve Gutenberg. 1463 - Portuguese discovered to be mispronounced Spanish. 1561 - Willem of Orange marries duchess Anna of Sherbert. 1853 - Potato chips invented. This is hailed as a triumph, as it will finally permit people to get rid of the vast mountains of dip that clog the streets of Europe. 2011 - Barack Obama wins Donkey Punching award by simply sitting in the Oval Office. This is also how he won his Nobel Peace Prize. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day edit News Forest animals seen singing, dancing after death of David Koch (Pictured) Illegal aliens to be deported back to Andromeda galaxy Coyote $21,000 in debt Florida man turns Spider-Man into John Carpenter's They Live Where will Muse be in fifteen years? Oh my God, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE -- wait, nevermind Aldrin delivers first-round KO to Mayweather Kubrick's fake moon landing: Fifty years later Fandom buys rights to Uncyclopedia contributions Was Gatsby really great? asks ninth grader Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks? Do you worry... ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop? Read Many
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