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David'sCock.jpg

MADRID, Spain – A new exhibition of remains recovered from the ancient city of Pompeii have led academics to question what happened to cause such a decline in the size and shape of Italian cocks. Sculptures on display show the locals boasted penises of considerable note, around 12 inches in length, and with a helmet so pointy that experts are suggesting that they may have been used for hunting or fishing.

Such towering shafts are a world away from the cazzo of Michelangelo's David, sculpted 1500 years later in the same country. Measuring 1.2 inches, it has bemused art historians for centuries. Some explained its size away as a symptom of Michelangelo's sexual preferences. Famously, Brian Sewell wrote, "Any phallus, no matter how minuscule, can be a pleasant stimulant to the anus." Others claimed that it was due to the 17th century having a different aesthetic of the ideal man, or because of religious modesty. (Full news...)

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  • 1017 BC - Plato invents a wicked new toy, but squirrels it away for centuries. Not until the New King James translation of his world famous book The Republic is it rediscovered.
  • Nought-686 AD - Conan of Cimmeria becomes Pope, is contracted to star in Conan the Destroyer.
  • 1020 - Some German honkies were enjoyinng a very nice section of the Black Forest until some Romans come sack their village. Today is the day they payed those Degos back with interest.
  • 16-nought-Nine AD - Ninja Turtle Raphael starts beautifying some buildings in Rome. He will one day paint the perfect pizza.
  • 1740 - Worldwide squirrel defenestration conspiracy forms.
  • 18-nought-Five AD - Battle of Trafalgar. French/Spanish/Dutch PWND by Nelson.
  • 1989 - The gateway to Hell opened up for the eleventh time since Britney Spears got out, but it was only to let Mr. Flufferkins go tinkle. Mr. Rogers' neighborhood never recovered.
  • 1992 - Rachael Ray's chicken gains intelligent life
  • 1997 - Frogger crossed the road for the very first time
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