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McDonald's is a chain of restaurants that serves "fusty food". Their menu includes hamburgers, french fries (Put mayo on mine, please!), chicken, milkshakes, and other marvelous synthetic products of dubious ingredients. Recently, after protests by flat-earthers, McDonald's has added "healthy food" such as salads and fruits. Extensive testing and reformulation successfully made them as greasy and bad for the body as the rest of the menu.

McDonald's has locations all over the world, and is coming soon to the rest of the universe. There is no place without a McDonald's there, or at least nearby; they have become as common as air pollution and the girl next door. The chain's strategy is to achieve a single monopoly where people have no choice but to eat every meal there. Corporate training consists of re-running the movie WALL-E. (Full article...)

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Designated commemoration day

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March 27: Typhoid Mary Day

  • 1513 - Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de León searches Florida for the Fountain of Youth, finds a Marshalls next to a Randalls next to another Marshalls.
  • 1915 - Mary Mallon, nicknamed Typhoid Mary since her name is Mary and she gives people Typhoid, is detained by the authorities after killing like fifty people.
  • 1921 - Activists from the group "Justice for Mary Mallon" die of typhoid after Mary prepares them all a lovely Peach Melba. (Pictured)
  • 1998 - The head of the FDA recommends that men suffering from premature ejaculation just "think about your dad."
  • 1999 - A Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk is shot down over Serbia by a Slav wielding an evil glare.
  • 2014 - The Moro Islamic Liberation Front agrees to ceasefire with Philippines government while they figure out what's so fucking hilarious about their name.

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