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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature I WILL NEVER DIE HI! BILLY MAYS HERE, INTRODUCING A BRAND NEW PRODUCT! ARE YOUR COMMERCIALS LACKING STYLE? ARE YOUR SCRIPTS NOT POLISHED? WELL I HAVE THE PERFECT PRODUCT FOR YOU! MYSELF! THAT'S RIGHT! I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB AND YOU CAN HIRE ME TO DO YOUR COMMERCIAL FOR JUST 12 EASY PAYMENTS OF $0! OFFER ONLY AVAILABLE IN HEAVEN! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME ON YOUR TELEVISION SELLING CLEANING PRODUCTS AT 2AM, THEN YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN SOME KIND OF GODDAMN CAVE!! BILLY MAYS, WHO HAPPENS TO BE MY LOUD AND HAIRY SELF, IS A FUCKING MARKETING GENIUS!! ONLY YESTERDAY I THOUGHT OF ANOTHER IDEA AFTER LISTENING TO MYSELF YELLING! WHAT IF... MY OBNOXIOUS SCREAMING WAS PUT INTO A JAR AND SHOVED UP EVERY ACTOR'S ASS ON THE TV SHOW HOME IMPROVEMENT?! IT'D BE THE SAME AMOUNT OF TALKING THEY DO ON THE SHOW AND THEREFORE TWICE THE ENTERTAINMENT!! AM I THE BOMB OR WHAT?!?! EVERY TIME I TALK, I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! (Full article...) Recently featured: Uncycloversity:Rejection Notice Joseph Stalin HowTo:Spell Volodymyr Zelenskyy Confucius Say: Me Love You Really Long Time Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day May 25: National Pork Products Day (Israel) 2403 BC - Moses opens first Piggly Wiggly with the goal of "Bringin' Chitterlings to all my Peeps!" 1029 - The Black Plague makes its first appearance in a small gig in Eastern Indonesia. 1492 - Christopher Columbus realizes that he forgot his wallet back in Spain. 1936 - Hitler starts the Funky Panzer dance craze, which takes Europe by storm. 1942 - Seventh-Day Adventists announces that the end of the world postponed once again due to rain. 2003 - Governments across the globe disband to give public servants much needed break. 2015 - Lin-Manuel Miranda tries beatboxing his way out of buying a Snickers bar at a Los Angeles 7-11, when questioned by police, Miranda claimed he was "young, scrappy and hungry." 2022 - You don't notice an annoying itch hidden behind your subconscious until this sentence reminds you of it. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day Your content probably contains one or more equal signs (=), use |1=. edit News Ukraine wins Eurovision Mark Ruffalo professes love of war (Pictured) "Weird Al" Yankovic's 15th album: All you DIDN'T want to know Nick News: Will Smith banned from Oscars MTG tells cops she does not understand jokes "Weird Al" Yankovic gives the Russian Invasion a serious treatment Fans to SNL: Give n00b more screen time Hollywood has changed its name Albert Pujols returns to St. Louis Cleveland Browns bring in "manly man" Finland is canceling its embarrassing history with Russia Boney M and Dschinghis Khan rewrite Russia-themed hits Covid-positive Earl kills Queen in NBC reboot UnNews remembers Mark Lanegan and some more important stuff Dog bites alien Putin's mum issues apology from afterlife This popular article is restricted due to low creator history Spotify makes another huge mistake The fork is about to invade the spoon Rams bar Bengals from playing in Super Bowl Boney M removes Neil Young cover from Spotify Hundreds of Patients are Stuck in Oregon Hospital Beds Bob Saget writes ultimate dirty joke, dies from shock Weezer makes Death angry Rivers gets promoted by President Biden UnNews' Exclusive Interview with God: Part 3 Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA · COVID-19 Recent deaths: Sam Smith (No, not the singer. Some old basketball player nobody's ever heard of.) Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period? Do you worry... ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill? Read Many
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