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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Elevators (inaccurately called "lifts" in stupid places), are torture devices invented in 1523 by the Spanish Catholic Inquisitors searching for a more efficient method of "repressing" the Jews, Protestants, and their Satanist in-laws. The 16th century design, although crude by today's standard, set the bar for torture devices to a higher level. Over the years, the original design was modified extensively until it became the modern object of torture it is now. As of today, the elevator has become a staple of the civilized business world, despite numerous attempted sanctions by so-called "peace-keeping" pansies. From its conception in 1523, the elevator was meant to inflict pain. After nearly half a millennium, the elevator has undergone many revisions to ensure that this goal is met and in style, too. The original design for the elevator was quite basic, consisting of merely a large metal box suspended from a substantial height with an iron chain. The box, with the person about to be tortured inside, was raised to the suitably high level and dropped. If the person survived the fall, he was taken out of the box and the process was repeated until the torturee was ready to confess his sins. (Full article...) Recently featured: UPN UnNews:Heaven under coronavirus quarantine Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace Potatoism Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day May 15: Feast of St. Kielbasa (Poland) 269 - Saint Kielbasa, patron saint of charred meats and finger licking, is martyred over a hot grill and served on a kebab. (Pictured) 1524 - First Running of the Bulls held in Chicago: Michael Jordan gores two unlucky fans and Dennis Rodman is put down after breaking his hind leg. 1852 - Former Queen of Wisconsin hands over his royal cheese crown over to President James K. Polk, in an unabashed show of American imperialism. 1898 - Country of Italy founded, Italians relieved after spending all week looking for it. 1976 - International Society of Procrastinators debate forming organization, decide to do it later. 1999 - Bill Clinton announces that America will create the world's first edible veggie burger, "Not because it's easy, but because it's hard!" Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day NOW YOU FUCKED UP! edit News The evil virus under a microscope Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization (Pictured) Your cat's gonna kill you Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74 Libertarian celebrities sing Imagine No Taxes Hasbro sued by ViacomCBS, WarnerMedia Heaven under coronavirus quarantine Bernie endorses Biden, who is seen clawing at air and drooling after instinctively sensing pussy Queen's Coronavirus address in full Trump smells the Corona, wants to starve a bunch of beasts The Cure gets weird with COVID-19 Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science? Do you worry... ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra? Read Many
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