User:Mattsnow/Talk page archive 6

FACT ALERT:
This user is known for his excessive use of "lol" and emoticons. Proceed with caution.

Me after a couple of beers. That's how we do it in Quebec! Hit the music, bitch!

• What this user has been barking in April and May 2011
• What this user has been meowing in June and July 2011
• What this user has been bleating from August to mid-October 2011
• What this user has been trumpeting from mid-October to the end of 2011
• What this user has been whinnying in January and February 2012

UnSignpost - 1 March 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.

Nothing. By Magic man So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? By Drunk editorial staff For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry. In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! By a representative of Murdoch press Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to purchase the Ferrari promote the site in the manner we were hoping for.  The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes!

Check out these pages! Money? Normal? Possible? Sensible? Eh? From our logs: Romartus blocked GarethPW with an expiry time of infinite (Block test (no cause for alarm yet)) Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 69.34.161.38 with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Try to be more original next time. Cocks and anuses are so cliché.) RAHB blocked Ormiston College with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the worst user account in the world.) Tom mayfair blocked Wikipedialyte with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Inserting true information) RAHB blocked 115.124.0.68 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't be a tit, please.) Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 194.83.172.186 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Could you come back a year from now and tell me if your IP is static? Then I can ban you for infinity next time.) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 58.170.123.142 with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.) Biopic of the Week This week's user's name raises many questions. Is a Vodkelpplant‎‎ a plant that grows Vodkelps? If so, what's a Vodkelp? Could he possibly have meant a Vodka Plant? If so, does he man a plant that grows Vodka, or a plant that makes Vodka? How many questions does his user name actually create? Why am I still talking like this? And most importantly, who killed Tupac? Anyway, while this guy hasn't posted on any talkpage, he's created a deluge of Undictionary entries. It's pretty hard to grasp how many he's actually made. Seriously, he can't be silenced! I mean, what an Imagination! If you think by 'a lot' I mean one, three, four, five, six or even forty, you're wrong; he's made many more than that. In fact, I think I'd even call him the titan of Undictionary entries. Alright, that's enough of that joke. But really, he's pretty cool. Go say hi on his talkpage, maybe his response to you will be the first time he ever posts on a talk page. That would be a reason to have a party. No, really, I'm done now. Newsroom UnTune of the Week Death Blood Kill Dude... Where'd my bottle go? Did someone steal my bottle? Oh, you... asscracks.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 1 March 2012

I CANNOT DO IT😢

YOU TOLD ME I CAN ADD PICS MYSELF BUT I CAN'T, I AM USING AN IPAD😢😢😢😢😢😢

Harper

[[File:Angry My dearest Matt, how are you my dear boy?

I saw that someone made a new Stephen Harper article. It has a few good ideas, though its poorly edited in my humble opinion and will certainly be deleted soon. I tried to edit it away with the ideas the user gave, but he reverted them. I put it here as I saw that Zombie moved the old page to your user space. Unless a miracle happens and this nOOb listens to my message, Im going to keep editing this until the article gets delete and move it to the mainspace afterwards.

In any case, the text is here. I hope you don't mind if I add a little to it on your user space, and if you like...we could colab on it. What do you saw ole buddy? COLABORAMA!?!?! --ShabiDOO 00:31, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

If the right honorable Mr. Harper has the two of you working him over, it's his lucky day! And did you guys know that the Goldstein News Recording award is under attack on VFD? Seriously. Aleister 00:38 3-3-'12

Yes, that's cool shab, let's see how it plays out, but I am warning you, I plan on "destroying" him in a funny way, of course! :P Mattsnow 23:20, March 3, 2012 (UTC)

Hey Matt

An idea. A one month Goldstein contest of creative news readings (some of those UnNews stories present really good acting opportunities!). I don't have sound or video access on my computer, so I can't judge the contest. If you like the idea, please set it up, pick the judges, everything. I'll help with promoting it. And if that doesn't work out then I'd vote to dump the thing or sell it at a garage sale. Ideas? Aleister 19:00 4-3-'12

I myself, don't even have a mic, and I'm not sure I want to be responsible for this... Sorry for being a party crasher! The last UnNews that had sound must have been a while ago... Mattsnow 19:16, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

No, that's fine, just an idea for UnNews. SPIKE used to do them several times a month, and some of his were pretty good, yet for acting I like Dexter's (and I think Iwillkillyou did some?). Anyway, where I'm coming from is that uncyclopedia will be around for lots of more years, and a few people are bound to come by who just love to record and act. Maybe not, but nobody is saying they know that for a fact, which I'd see in my personal universe of gobscoppers as the only way to ditch it for now. You know, neither of us having mikes could be the best way to run the contest. I just mentioned it to you because you like unnews. Should be multiple people in charge of it, probably. I see it as work, too, but it could be set for April and leave people most of the month to decide or start recordings early, and with that lead time it doesn't sound like work. (I'm only rambling because you said "not sure" and not "no". And said "party crasher" insead of I don't know what, which gives an unconscious slip that this could be fun. Aleister 19:27 4-3-'12

What would I have to do? Judge the acting or the overall thing? Mattsnow 19:49, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Nobody but the judges really has to do anything. You or I can't judge, since I have no sound and, as the UnOfficial UnNews czar, you shouldn't judge anyway. Maybe two categories? Reading/acting your own UnNews and reading/acting someone elses anywhere from 2005 to the present day. I know which one I'd do if I had a mic (wonder if it's already recorded). Aleister 20:20 4-3-'12

Just announce the competition, set up very simply rules, give a deadline and get only one or two people to judge. You don't even have to brand it or anything either. Short and simple and allow users to submit more than one entry. It should be sucessful! --ShabiDOO 20:56, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Whoa! More than one entry! Genius. Aleister 21:02 4-3-'12

Sisyphus (talk) 20:58, March 4, 2012 (UTC)Thanks for the message. I'll try filling out Boko Haram a bit more and re-launching..see if it gets torpedoed again.

I dunno about organizing the competition guys... I'm not sure I have the will to do it, plus I'm not too sure it'll be popular... I'm not even writing much recently, but if you want to organize it, I'll sure help! Call it lack of confidence on my part lol. Mattsnow 22:22, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

I mean, OK, I'm all for it, but could we be 2 persons to organize it? That'd be cool. Mattsnow 23:01, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Not quite sure you can just "announce" a contest an suddenly there it is. I think if we have to introduce something as constructive as Conservation Week with a proposal and a vote, then I reckon this untested deal would have to go through a similar process. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:06, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

There is no policy about announcing competitions and up until now no one telling people which competition is better or more important than others and when or when not to do it. If its the same to you Ali, just make an informal friendly competition on your user page and invite a few people to come an do it. Pick a deadline and voila, for sure you'll get some people coming to do it and it will help the site for sure to have more live news. --ShabiDOO 23:55, March 4, 2012 (UTC)

Jeez, all I thought of is that there is a difference of opinion about recording UnNews segments, so let's see if a couple of people want to record them. TKF and anyone else who'd like to should be judges if they don't want to record. If Dexter ever comes back (where'd he go?) he may do a couple. Fuck, I'd love to hear Maniac1075 do one. There used to be lots of them, not too long ago, and the reason I suggested it to Matt is because he's more or less run UnNews for awhile and this is part of UnNews. I could put up a page, and have the "competition" in April, so that gives everyone time to organize a simple contest. I don't even know how to make a tape, and then upload it somewhere, so we could have simple instructions on the page. It's only March 5th, so there's a good week or two to come back to this. And like I said, maybe it will work and maybe not. If anyone starts recording again it's actually thanks to TFK for noticing that we've gone dormant on UnNews recordings and calling everyone on it. Aleister 1:03 5-3-'12

I don't know either how to make a tape, that's why I was skeptical the contest would work :D. But feel free to start one, I'll help out, like I did on Happy Monkey. And what do you mean, I "more or less" manage UnNews"? I'm the UnNews equivalent of Kim Il-sung! I know everything and work for 27 hours a day on it! How dare you! Soldiers, bring Al here to room 101. Mattsnow 01:17, Malrch 5, 2012 (UTC)

All hail the great leader. LEADER! Tell us how we should feel today, and tell us if what has happened today is good or not. You are the early shed of light that pierces through the morning windows and the evening sand that traps our eyes and helps us dream, to dream about the great leader you are. HAIL HAIL HAIL Great leader Mattsnow! May our beloved UnNews leader be leader for alltime and allthings. --ShabiDOO 01:34, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

Actually, TKF is half correct. We can't just announce an official competition. Anyone can create an unofficial or user-run competition though. This means it would have to be based within user space, or through village dump. Having said all that, as a once off trial to bring recording UnNews audio again, I'd suggest putting the proposal in Village Dump. I'd like to see as many people promoting this idea as possible. I've also recently starting watching the Onion News videos. We're limited to ogg format for videos hosted on site, but I'd love to build up to doing similar as well. I can see this being another avenue in order to bring people to the site - especially the illetterite ones. Pup 11:57 06 Mar '12

Puppy ... a couple things. First, I don't think Matt wants anything to do with this competition. Second ... as the conservation week thing is already voted on (and unanimously positive so far) it would be best to start up a user based informal competition on a user space until after the two planned competitions. If you would agree to do it on your user space...I'd gladly help you with it. --ShabiDOO 00:06, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Seriously, I'd like to help! It's just I've never organized a comp, so being 2 to organize it would be cool! :) Mattsnow 00:09, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

So...Matt or Puppy...would you organize it on your userspace? Would you like help with administering it or judging? --ShabiDOO 01:22, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Well, that's why I brought it to Matt, because he's the unannounced UnNews czar. The audio is part of UnNews, so if UnNews people agree to a contest I would think it'd be fine, and what I had in mind was for TKF and Skullthumper and others who question the viability of this award to help and even to judge the contest. Did you see my link below, HowTo:Do Fish Impressions (damn, no no, not that one, this one: HowTo:Do An UnNews Audio} which should help users actually learn how to do one of the damn things. That should maybe actually be a link on UnNews somewhere, and for sure on the award page. The basic facts of "how to do it" seem important to the process. I like the fish impressions better. Aleister 1:33 7-3-'12

I'm going to start throwing something together at User:PuppyOnTheRadio/UnNews comp as a start. Pup 01:58 07 Mar '12

Awsome puppy! All hail the new great leader. --ShabiDOO 02:05, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

It's cool. Does anyone know where we're likely to have a fortnight period free for competition entries? Pup 02:07 07 Mar '12

I suppose there's nothing going on in late April or early may. That being said...you could also just pick a date in the future...and let people start submitting entires right away up until the end date instead of a formal 2 week thing...thus encouraging lots of entries. What do you think?

Hail Puppy, and happy birthday!!!! How about April sometime, or the whole month. That way it would overlap with the awarding of the Goldstein award which is what the thing is about anyway. If people can enter as many times as they want, and if there are at least two categories, things could get hot fast. Aleister 2:21 7-3-'12

This page makes it much clearer, as I wasn't so sure what the comp would be about. What could I do to help out? Mattsnow 02:37, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

How about two audio awards (an audio of your own page, and an audio of any other UnNews page from 2005 until the present date) with unlimited entries. The original idea was to encourage lots of audios, so people would get used to making them. And how about two weeks to write/record instead of one week? Aleister 2:45 7-3-'12

A second audio award makes sense. Unlimited entries makes it harder to judge though, which is why I wanted to limit it to one entry per. As for the encouragement - I'd rather see people say to themselves Yeah, I can do this and choose to continue doing it. It's a trial competition though. Depending on how it goes we may be able to tweak it for any follow ups. Pup 02:54 07 Mar '12

The Pea Buddy Awards are born. I've copied this conversation over to the talkpage there, and added this as an unofficial user-run award. I'll do a bit more magic to this over the next couple of weeks. Any feedback it would be better to give me on this talk page. Pup 06:01 07 Mar '12

Puppy, its true that having no limit to entires would make it harder to judge, but allowing maybe upto 5 entries in total per person will create the needed content, and also wont create a terrible task for the judges, as judging a recording is much easier than judging a written article, at least as I see it. --ShabiDOO 18:40, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Golden Showers

Hi, Matt. I'm, Matt, too. Thanks for pissing on my Deal or no Deal. I've made some changes around as you suggested, and added a few things here and there and a bit over there, but left that other one alone but tweaked the one near it. Tell me what ya think.---Maniac1075^{Complain Here} 22:59, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

HowTo:Do An UnNews Audio or HowTo:Do a Barrel Roll, take your pick

I came across HowTo:Do An UnNews Audio totally by accident, so the gods of the innernest put things in our path again. I haven't read it though, maybe SPIKE could do an update (I don't even know who wrote it). And thanks, yes, we can all work on a contest and it shouldn't be much work for anyone, thanks. How about for April, so we have lots of time to semi-organize it. I see you and Maniac are hanging out. May God help you both. Aleister 17:24 6-3-'12

Sisyphus (talk) 19:55, March 6, 2012 (UTC)Re the Boko Haram article, I tried contacting zombiebaron but no action yet, and the other one (Lythyra?) didn't seem to be contactable - what if I just recreate the page? Would that be considered infra dig?

UnSignpost - 8 March 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!

Vote for Change By Chief Frosty fixes IRC There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of deleting maintaining the wiki. Puppy fixes NotM Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Dr. Skullthumper fixes Uncyclopedia Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude: WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!! THIS IS THE END OF DAYS! Happy Thursday! Conservation By Chief Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions.

Check out these pages! Conservation Centenary Madness In-jokes Proposals From our logs: 12:19, March 2, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Fck cnt slt btch whre jrk-ff rttwlr wnk (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (We have a policy on vowel abuse here.) 00:01, March 4, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 85.73.86.233 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Today you endure my ire at the fact the revision differences colors have changed. Rar.) 16:12, March 2, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 216.11.41.2 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (JUST LOVES AMERICA SO DAMN MUCH) 14:06, March 2, 2012 MadMax (talk | contribs) blocked 31.221.14.82 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The "nicest guy any one would ever want to meet"? You sure have a funny way of showing it Nathaniel.) 05:49, March 4, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (talk | contribs) blocked R.A.H.B. (Roman A-dog Hunting Baron) (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahaha) 14:19, March 6, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 199.212.250.156 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Come back in three days and tell us more about swans, this time in more detail and without the all caps.) Biopic of the Week Yeehaw! It's time for biopic of the week and this week we'll be looking at a user whose username I cannot seem to say without speaking in a ridiculous American accent. It's Jonny appleseed. Now Mr. Appleseed has been hanging about Uncyclopedia since November last year, and in that time you probably haven't spoken to him once. Why? Because he has been prowling about on UnNews, you remember UnNews, the place where you haven't been since the last argument over what shade of brown the banner should be. Jonny has written 16 articles, and they are actually quite good; I thoroughly enjoyed the thirty seconds I spent speed reading through them. He may be quiet but his potential is great; I foresee great things for you, young Appleseed (be sure to say that to him constantly). If you happen to have a spare moment, the UnSignpost suggests that you go and greet this highly promising fellow and perhaps try reading his articles while speaking with a strong American accent. It's a right hoot. Old-school FA 22 March 2006 Nigeria, two days into launching its first census in 15 years, has found it has an estimated 40 million rich and desperate princes and generals in its population, the press secretary for President Olusegun Obasanjo said today. "We were indeed surprised at the amount of high-status people in this country with Swiss bank accounts from whom the government is trying to obtain millions of dollars," the press secretary said in an official statement. "In fact, we didn't know we had so many princes, much less ones eager to unload large amounts of diamonds." Newsroom UnTune of the Week Sevenfold RAmen Public Service Announcement Users are warned not to send correspondence to their home address regarding the following edit: 21:47 HowTo:Persuade your husband‎ (diff | hist) . . (+1) . . Aleister in Chains (talk | contribs) (a couple of minor tweaks, nothing to write home about)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:21, 8 March 2012

")·$/%=!·)/$%=")(·$=%)/(!·=$)%/"=)·$%(/&=)"$(%&)/($)&$)%&(/)%/&"!/·$/&!"·/$%/!/·"$=&)%&%)=&$)%&"·&?!"·

I'm on msn for a bit if you are on msn for a bit. --ShabiDOO 02:22, March 9, 2012 (UTC)

")·$/%=!·)/$%=")(·$=%)/(!·=$)%/"=)·$%(/&=)"$(%&)/($)&$)%&(/)%/&"!/·$/&!"·/$%/!/·"$=&)%&%)=&$)%&"·&?!"·

Oh man, it's not an editorial. It's a news conference, how can a news conference be an editorial. ")·$/%=!·)/$%=")(·$=%)/(!·=$)%/"=)·$%(/&=)"$(%&)/($)&$)%&(/)%/&"!/·$/&!"·/$%/!/·"$=&)%&%)=&$)%&"·&?!"· And nobody has ever used an [[UnBooks:Why?: title before, so that was cool. Dude, have mercy, have mercy. Think of the children! (or at least read it again and see if the original title fits at all. This is one of those pages that came together quickly, after I was watching a talk segment on Chris Matthews in which he reported these two different stories.) Aleister 1:56 10-3-'12

Well, I don't really agree with the title, could you then come up with one that sounds more news-like? It just looked like a why? article was thrown up there. I am being half-merciful. :) Mattsnow 05:48, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

I changed the title, don't thank me, merciful is my little name when I behead goats! Mattsnow 05:51, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

I won't thank you, thank you very much. I know it looks like a Why? article, but it isn't. It's hard news, the hardest news of the day. Mitt Romney is going southern! He's pretending to be a southern boy with a new accent and all. And a dick. It's just so amazing that this guy looks to have the nomination (at least the odds and numbers favor him) while doing so many stupid and unclassy things. He's a walking satire. Maybe I'll write "UnNews:HowTo:Why?:Mitt Romney wrote an UnBook", but that would be wrong. Aleister 10:35 10-3-'12

Undebate: Is it valid to write an UnNews:HowTo:Why?:Mitt Romney wrote an UnBook? Pup 11:27 10 Mar '12

I just saw the film "1984", so I don't know what's real and what's not! That was some great old school stuff! Mattsnow 11:28, March 10, 2012 (UTC)

Here comes a candle to light you to bed. Here comes a chopper... Get in da chopper! Pup 11:31 10 Mar '12

Cyber-Bullying

The image was referring Justin Bieber as a "fag" and that was insulting him based on his sexuality, which is technically cyber-bullying. -- UserTalkContributions 02:49, March 15, 2012 (UTC)

No, It's not cool, actually it's below freezing. :D -- UserTalkContributions 02:59, March 15, 2012 (UTC)

Beginner's Guide/Cyberbullying. For both of you. Pup 03:46 15 Mar '12

Calling Justin Bieber a "fag" is not cyberbullying. It's rather obvious, and so probably not funny but that's another matter. MrN 03:48, Mar 15

The new pic is funnier. Don't state the obvious, you're right! Mattsnow 05:09, March 15, 2012 (UTC)

Are you sexy?

Less to the point, in regards to IRC, do you remember the email you used? NickServ should have a command to reset the password (do /msg nickserv help for help listings). Hope that helps. 1234 ~ 04:05, 16 March 2012

Yeah, just hop on IRC using any nick, and ping No_one_at_all (that's me). I'll help. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Mar 16 '12 7:38 (UTC)

Mattsnow, to follow up: you need to get on irc.freenode.net and go to #freenode, then ask a staff member for a password reset. You'll get a password reset email at the address you used to register. There *is* a nickserv command, but a freenode staffer is the one who uses it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Mar 16 '12 8:38 (UTC)

Pichacy

Gleep! That Pichachu guy isn't too bad, his unbook is kind of funny. And I don't like UnQuotable either! (seriously). Anyway, I look forward to reading your 1984 page, if anyone here can make it come alive in 2012 it's you. 1984 isn't your father's 1984 anymore, that one's so 2001. 1855! Al 12:09 (UTC)

Hahaha you kept the pic on top. That's a good angry kid pic, I like the hat. That IP isn't so horrible, maybe you can reconsider your ban request. He's done a couple of articles, something about a bee, and another one. He's my son from another mother. Aleister 15:10 (UTC)

Except the small change of link to the caption ;) Mattsnow 17:14, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

Amero is featured

Many thanks for your positive vote--Funnybony    14:55, Mar 17

St. Patty’s Day

Are you wearing green today? If not, don’t be surprised if I show up. Matthlock 21:47, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

Not wearing green, but drinking. Is that a good compromise? Mattsnow 22:03, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

Good enough, I guess. After all, you're Canadian, I just can't go north of the border to punish you. Matthlock 23:44, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

Hey Matt

I bet Pup knew about this, but did you? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Mar 19 '12 9:34 (UTC)

Fantastic album. Fantastic artist. And of course I did. Nominally Humane! 10:03 19 Mar

Of course you did. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Mar 19 '12 10:08 (UTC)

Off topic, but someone needs to update the Cajek tables. UU and Lyrithya are both walkabout, and I'm the reviewer in 4 out of 5 reviews waiting to be checked (and the other review was for my article). I'm happy to self check, but would rather you did it. Nominally Humane! 11:47 19 Mar

I meant to mention Chief in the above comment as well. You know what I mean anyway. Nominally Humane! 12:26 19 Mar

UnNews

Can I use a picture of a seal in an UnNews? I don't know if a seal can make news, I mean, have you ever heard of an individual seal stopping the presses? This concerns me. Greatly. Aleister 12:13 19-3 (UTC)

Yes. And tigers. Nominally Humane! 12:25 19 Mar

Puppy has just explained to me that using a picture of a seal on UnNews is against all common sense and the rules here would treat it harshly. I might go ahead anyway. In all stupidness, can you guys check out Bing Crosby and see if it croon-worthy. I'll finish it up soon, and then comes some polishing, but a quick look by you two, Matt and PuppyOnTheRadio, would be like winning the lottery and then finding out that the taxes have been taken care. I'm going to research Bing Crosby a bit more now, but I draw the line at listening to his singing. Aleister 12:26 19-3

There's a really odd version of little drummer boy with him and David Bowie. Nominally Humane! 12:42 19 Mar

Flyingfeline

Flyingfeline, who crawled in for a few edits, did over 25 unnews audios during his time here. I left him a note on his talk page mentioning the upcoming contest. If only three or four people get active in that it could be really goooooooood. More on your notes on my talking page. Aleister 19:19 19-19 1919

p.s. I've been crawling around the link linked above, and there are some interesting nuggets there. I didn't know wikipedia had a mascot!!! And more!

That would certainly be cool, assuming they are 1337 enough to record it and upload it! When Puppy is done with the competition pags, it should be advertised on top of the site. Mattsnow 19:42, March 19, 2012 (UTC)

He did a pic for an audio ninjastar too that could be used somehow on UnNews! Al (UTC)

It's pretty nice, my only problem being not being able to design or code anything myself :'( Mattsnow 19:48, March 19, 2012 (UTC)

Same here, but Puppy will wander by here at some point (his owners have a hole in the back fence that he goes thru to chase rabbits and other dogs) and may like the pic. Microphone! (hmmmmmmmm, maybe I can use it on the Bing Crosby page! too) Al (UTC)

Where is the pic? (Too lazy to search). Also the page is done, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not advertising yet as CW is on now, and ZB's extra van gan za is on first half of April. I'm thinking of advertising on site banner around second week of April might be ideal for competitors. Having said that, we have an average of 1.5 judges per category. If you gentleman know of someone who would be happy, or at least could be badgered into judging, that would be helpful. Judge sign-up is here. Nominally Humane! 11:58 19 Mar

OK, I'll spam around a bit. Also, the image in on the right----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Mattsnow 00:12, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

I might play with that image first. Give me some mind-numbing 'chopping to do. Nominally Humane! 03:58 20 Mar

The spamming around worked! I'm wondering though if the second category shouldn't have the same rule as the last (must take an UnNews dating prior to 2010) Chop our minds out, Puppy! Mattsnow 10:50, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

hi, i am not sure how to insert logo into my article, i want to make it as it appears on wikipedia can you help me to do it please?--Stanbidder1 (talk) 16:48, March 20, 2012 (UTC) thanks for your help --Stanbidder1 (talk) 16:57, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

qpir

which is 1984 on a different row of keys. Shhhhhhhhhh. I did some minor editing on your page, please go over each and every one (commas, mostly, and writing out the lower numbers - three instead of 3, I think not spelling them out starts later in the number game), things like that. 1984 is so 1983, and of course such things can never happen today. I must watch my tv watch me now, more later. Aleister 00:39 21-3-'12

Crooning!!

Bing Crosby is in a good place if you still want to do the dishonors. What do you think of it? Suggestions, criticism, hateful comments? Aleister 10:25

The Pea Buddy Awards

Got your message; I think I'll be a judge. Is that okay if I be a judge? Matthlock 21:30, March 21, 2012 (UTC)

Somebody asked me...

... about Pee Buddy Rewrites category and maybe having the same restriction as on Old UnNews Audio (pre 2010). I think it was you. I remember reading the question and thinking about it, but can't find it now. Anyway, between 2010 and mid-late 2011 there were a lot of recordings done. Many of them by the Rev Zimulator, and many by SPIKE (who may or may not be from NJ). Usually they would pick on the "better quality" written articles. I chose to shy away from those for the purposes of recording, as doubling up on audio is probably not useful. The rewriting though is probably worthwhile, as there are a few of those that do need cleaning up to get them to standard. Of course this is just my thoughts on it (which is why I put that restriction in there in the first place). Also a rewrite can be done on an article that has a good concept no matter how old it is. This allows people to do a rewrite of newer articles, and record for a new article, or rewrite of an old one and a recording for it, or just a recording (which will probably mean a minor clean-up anyway) or a recording on a completely new article. Basically it allows for flexibility for the competitors built into a semi-rigid structure. That was the rationale behind it, and to be honest I'd actually prefer to leave it as is after consideration. Nominally Humane! 12:15 22 Mar

No problem bro! Mattsnow 11:38, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

#@#@#@@#@#@#@

@@#@@# #@@#@@ ######, ####@# @#@#@ @@#@#@#@@ @@@@@@ @ #@##@ @#@ @#@# @#@#@#@## ########@@@@#@### #@#@#@#@# ##### ##@@@@@@@@@ @@@@ @@@##@#@###@#@ #@@##@#@#@@#@ @@@@## #@ # @#@#@#@ ## @@@@ ##@#@ ## ### ##@@ @#@# @ @@ @@@@#@@@ @@@@@# @###@#@ #@#@#@# @###@!--ShabiDOO 02:50, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

$ -- 03:08, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Fuck fuck shit cunt clitoris fuck arse fuck fucker anus fuck fucking vegemite fuck cock norgs fucker fucking dalmatian fuckity slit whore shit balls. Nominally Humane! 07:22 22 Mar

I won't allow foul language on my talk page, my standards are motherfucking high. Mattsnow 11:38, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

@#@# @#@!!!! @#@#@ ## @#@#@ # #@#@ @@@ ###@ @@##@ @ #@ @#@!!! @##@ @## #@@@!!!! --ShabiDOO 11:45, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Boys, boys, boys! Keep it down. Daddy is trying to work, ok? If you quiet down, when I'm done, I'll take you all to Baskin-Robbins and buy you a cone, mmkay? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Mar 22 '12 11:58 (UTC)

              . Nominally Humane! 12:15 22 Mar

WOTHFU?

Here's that link I mentioned recently on those two senators and 911. I'm going to maybe do a page on ATS and link some of the good threads I've seen there. You may like some of gthe stuff once I expand it a bit. Thanks for putting my Sandra Weisenheimer page on main! That's a pic I had on my user page for probably over a year and never used in an article. There's a skeleton one like that too, I mean on my user page for a long time and I never used it. Can you guess the answer to the "contest pic" I've had on my user page forever? Nobody has ever even tried! Aleister *UTC*

That's an hallucinating gif in the UnNews! 0.0 As for the pic, I'd say it's a tree that was torn and broke due to wind, decayed a little before somebody put some road salt on it. I wouldn't bet my life though lol. Maybe a weird, almost impossible rock formation? A very decaying arena from 4,000 BC? Now I'm curious, I want to know! I won't tell. Promise. Mattsnow 18:55, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

BEEP wrong. Thanks for guessing though. A tree? Interesting, I'm going to look at it now. There are a couple really intersting threads on ATS right now, which finally gave me the idea to work up an article about them. Still best to look at the threads as a member, even if the account is only used for viewing, because of the damn ads. They even have those floating ads that bob up and down when you try to look over or beneath them. If I only had a jail big enough... Aleister 19:12 a very good year

Oh no, don't tell me it's some UFO crap. I don't want you to leave the site because you went after a comet. :) Mattsnow 19:36, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

No UFO. I don't know what it is, and the tree explanation sounds right, I never thought of that one. But a hint: I wasn't talking about the object of the picture itself. So what is it? I've used it on one article myself. Al TGIF (UTC)

Maybe with a little crack I'd get ideas but... What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? Mattsnow 13:00, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

Try once more and then I'll tell you. The caption is a hint. Once more, you can figure it out, and one more hint, the picture of the tree or rock or whatever itself means nothing to the answer. With those hints a lurker may beat you to the prize of nothing! Alek (UTC)

An artistic depiction of the Big Bang? (since you link to 'history') I'm clueless lol. What is it?

I was coming back to tell you, but since I will be banned at your request any second now, I don't have time to explain. Al (UTC)

Hohoho, I would never have guessed! I'll ask for mercy for you on FFS then lol Mattsnow 18:52, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

Huh? I do not want mercy! Let others guess and see if they can get it. Ale'r later that same month (UTC)

Thanks for the message.

I assure you it was very well appreciated. And we all need a little insanity in our lives, so it's OK to be crazy! :) -- the dorky contralto 22:28, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

The doctors at my home don't agree. Nominally Humane! 12:07 23 Mar

No Idea How to Revert Edits

On the Kesha's drug article, this dude is messing up everything. Can you revert it back to your last edit? I kinda tried clicking 'undo' but it didn't work as I thought it would. J.D. Soufi 09:03, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

I've changed it back, but it's not a revert per se. A revert will only go back one editors actions, so revert wasn't possible. (In fact, a revert would have changed your last edit.) Having said that, the IPs edits weren't terrible, and he had a relevant point relating to the grammar here. It may be an idea to get User:Ferric AlFerrous or User:Jonny appleseed to do a proof in this, as they both have talent at proofreading. Nominally Humane! 09:39 23 Mar

Of course, his grammar is better than mine. But then again, my grammar is terrible and almost everyone has better grammar than me. I just wanted to revert the edits because he turned the article into some kind of a chemistry lesson. Yes, I know, it's totally fine to throw a couple of I'm-so-smart-I'll-make-you-snore jokes here and there, but just not in an article that's about Ke$ha. And drugs. J.D. Soufi 19:19, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

JD, the best way to revert an article to a previous version is to look in the history, find the version you like best (for instance, this one by Mattsnow), click the "edit" tab on that version, and then just hit "save". Works better than rollbacking (if more than one vandal has had at it) or "undoing" (which only "undoes" a single revision -- pretty lame and pointless. I have no idea why "undo" even exists). It's also good to mention which version you reverted to in the edit summary. :) ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Mar 25 '12 19:57 (UTC)

I get it now, thanks for the help Beever. That is easier. J.D. Soufi 06:53, March 26, 2012 (UTC)

Guys... if you prefer your humour that's fine. But why don't you work your jokes back into it from the current version rather than just revert edits? It will probably be funnier that way.

Actually, you didn't make a lot of jokes about chemistry and compounds and all that snore-generating equations this time around. I like this edit. :D Thanks for fixing my grammar mistakes. If you did fix them, anyway. J.D. Soufi 19:56, April 3, 2012 (UTC)

Add Category:Things That are destroying the net into SOPA.

This says it all. I can't edit the page; it's fully protected.--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! 13:08, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

Hahaha, well, it's kind of an historical page. Revolution!!! Mattsnow 14:27, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

The 3D model is made, but can be tweaked. I'll probably change the angle of the shot and add the UnNews potato on the circle bit in the middle of the mike. Wires coming out is hard to do though, so I've left that out. Thoughts so far? Nominally Humane! 07:48 24 Mar

Hehe, it's just awesome! It looks a lot better than the one on the UnNews page! Mattsnow 13:28, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks

Just wanted to say thanks for nominating my article and helping to get it featured. --Uncle J (talk) 23:30, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Featured Article: UnNews:Barack Obama proposes legalizing prostitution, pot in effort to balance budget, avoid tax increases

This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?!

---

Yikes

Puppy says this pic will be gone from wikipedia soon. Can you upload it here? I can't do it. and Puppy can't, you are our only hope Obi Wan. Thanks! Aleister save Bing!

What? Why would it be gone? I just uploading it on my pc considering there's a 0.0001% chance you're not trolling weirdly. Mattsnow 02:36, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

Puppy put it on the wikipedia page for Bing Crosby, and one of their anal users is complaining it's not a free image or something, and Puppy predicts it will be removed from there. But none of that is important now. Check out the new link right at the end of the section on Bing's dying on a golf course (it's just above the Bing on phone pic - thanks for saving it to your pc, where it's as safe as a yacht in Monaco.) Aleister (UTC)

It's as safe here as it is on my PC! 1st Amendment. Gonna go see that link if I can find it in my slightly inhebriated situation. Mattsnow 02:43, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

I found this...

...on an old user page, and thought you might want it for the bottom, or top, or middle, of your Stevie page. It's modifyable too (is that a word????? ?) Aleister 2005

Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin (1962-2006) We salute you!

Steve "Crocodile Hunter and Stingray Pincushion" Irwin (1962-2006) We salute you!

Modified a bit, crikey. Al 21:51 28-3

Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin (1962-2006) A big heart for Australian wildlife!

Too soon? Nominally Humane! 10:11 28 Mar

Well, I don't see a way to make it fit for it to look good, since there's already a comic drawing at the end of the article and I previewed it and it looks messy IMHO... Thanks for the effort guys :S BTW, does any of you have read the books Earth's Children ? Mattsnow 23:46, March 28, 2012 (UTC)

I doesn't haven't not read those book yet, but I does want to have read it and some stage. Nominally Humane! 12:14 29 Mar

It's not nice to laugh at dyslexic retards! Mattsnow 00:17, March 29, 2012 (UTC)

It isn't? Nominally Humane! 12:39 29 Mar

UnNews stuffed

Check this out full size, nice pic!

I put up an article on the main page, and hope you like it. I am writing this naked, as I've joined the Americans in solidarity. And I found another microphone pic, it's pretty nice full size. Usable in the UnNews audio stable? I dunno. Aleister 3:13 30-3-'33

It certainly is, but I just don't know how to include it! I like Puppy's one too. Did I ask you if you ever read the books Earth's Children? Mattsnow 03:28, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

I never read any of Jean Auel's (sp) books, although I think I tried a few pages once. Stone age stuff is the best, though (I've got quite a few stone age tools, and actually use them sometimes) I can't stay in one place too long, I've got a hoody on and have to keep moving. Aleister 3:32

I doesn't haven't not read those book yet, but I does want to have read it and some stage. Nominally Humane! 03:35 30 Mar

Al: You'll get shot as the terrorist you are. Puppy: I'm in the midst of rewriting the article about it, and I think it'll be quite good, however, I twist the plot sooo much that there won't be much spoilers, I haven't read the last 2 and I'm just in fantasy land. You guys came out with gems with Mathematics and Bing Crosby! Mattsnow 03:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the compliment, Mr. 1984. Aleister 3:50

Hahaha, just read the UnNews, nomming it for VFH! There's nude though, think about the children!!!! Mattsnow 03:55, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

The children are simply not though of enough! --ShabiDOO 04:00, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL MOTHERFUCKERS! Are you serious? Dude. While talking to a friend this afternoon I realized that the U.S. Supreme Court ruling-to-come might literally mean that government in the U.S. cannot dictate what people must buy, and if someone has no clothes, how can they then make them buy some? Ipso facto, nudity is legalized. I have now dumped my hoody and am nude again. Al ipso facto (UTC)

I was so busy reverting the guy that I forgot to put your article on VFH lol Mattsnow 04:06, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the compliment. I spent a lot of time working on Bing Crosby. It's a shame that the vandal who kept changing it got the credit though. Nominally Humane! 04:17 30 Mar

You actually nominated it? (Facepalm) Thanks, I wonder what reaction it'll get. Ah, the 92 vandal, I love the guy. He is one of the most creative people that come by here imnho. We actually have a feature article together. He and I once had a pretty long talk. I'll leave the big pic on my talk page, it fits the section that Shabido and I have been writing about. As for me, time to go out on the town. Thanks, ah, again (facepalm). Aleister lol at your user page

And the children go forward, ignored and being more ignored. --ShabiDOO 04:23, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

New Gingrich doesn't need anybody!

Thanks for the nom! I'll look through the list of the others and find some to support. -Tritefantastic (talk) 16:14, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, thanks again for the nom for me too! By nomming the page you've made me go in and polish and add and polish and add, you're a slave driver without even knowing it. By forcing me to do that I think I've improved the page and brought out whatever plotline I was trying to get across. Thanks. Aleister Jerryrigged calendar, '12

Could you polish and add to mine, too? -Tritefantastic (talk) 23:50, March 31, 2012 (UTC)

Me? Mattsnow 00:26, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

No, OCD Jerry here. Though you're welcome to as well. -Tritefantastic (talk) 05:22, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, watch it. The last time I was diagnosed with OCD, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that.... Aleister 10:33 April Foolishness

Romney

It's been ruined beyond boring. Up until March 31 nobody cared enough to work on the page, and the condition it was in was an perfect satire of how Nobody cares about Romney. He inspires nobody. Now it was worked on solely because "We need a good Romney article", which wasn't a good enough reason to work on it. See my note on the talk page of Romney. This action has left me crying in my beer (see my user page). Aleister 10:32 April Tools

Boko Haram

Sisyphus (talk)Thanks for the tip, Matt. I'll do that.

lollol

Just checked the main page after seeing your edit, and lol. It looks like Bing Crosby is looking over at Hilary Duff and leering. I can hardly type from laughing. She's all smiley about it too. Aleister 1:52 (UTC)

OK, I've shot my left index finger off to calm down, just to the knuckle, nothing serious. Thought you might be interested at the progress of my list of links to ATS articles I find interesting (and will have to actually read most of them in-depth). I've generally written the article just so I could have a place on my user space for storing links like this. I'll funny it up some before mainspacing, but you and your conspiracy minded addled brain may enjoy some of the linkys. Al 2:09 (UTC)

Hahaha, just saw the nice coincidence there. He certainly has his rape face on! Thanks for the link, I'll keep it safely in my safest safe. Mattsnow 03:44, April 3, 2012 (UTC)

Reply from Mockingbird ST

Thanks man, I love that caption, but I'm not actually sure how to add photos. Also, that message from Tasmania is in regard to an earlier post, which was, in retrospect, quite lame.

Appreciate the help, in the near future I will definitely be extending the article (shocked it didn't exist already) as well as adding pics. Consider this version a work in progress.

You`re welcome to edit it if you want, I don't own the page :P

Rick Santorum

The section about gays doesn't seem subtle enough. Do you mind if I rewrite it a little? I love how everything's coming along, by the way. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:34, April 4, 2012 (UTC)

Of course man, go ahead! Mattsnow 19:36, April 4, 2012 (UTC)

I love how this is coming along! I'd say we're almost done. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:22, April 5, 2012 (UTC)

The Full Hilary

Hello. Earlier I thought my Supreme Court page was going to be featured on points tonight, but I didn't take two other pages into account. But, in the moment back then, I envisioned Hilary Duff looking across the page at...Hilary Duff. I asked Xamralco if he could tatochop the pic of Duff and reverse it - and he did quickly, way too fast for a human being. So, long way of asking, the Supreme Court article should be featured within a day or two. Can you leave Hilary's pic up on the main page until then? Then we can have two Duff's smiling at the reader.

I got more energy into this because I've read and heard more about how the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that police can now stripsearch anyone, as long as they commit or if the cops deem that they have committed the tiniest crime - riding as a passenger in a police stopped car was the incident which brought up the decision. So I've added another paragraph and a bit more to highlight this truly sick Supreme Court decision. The Full Hilary would be a fun looker. Thanks. Aleister 00:38 5-4-'12

Alternatively, can we have a different image for a while and add her back in when/if Supreme Court features? (Having her there for another 2-3 days would make it look inactive for people who visit over the next few days. That, and it would have more impact to have her pop up again at the relevant moment. Also I'm getting a little tired of seeing her there. If she goes away she may become fresher on return.) Nominally Humane! 12:56 05 Apr

Good idea, agree. Have there been any new good unnews, I havren't look. And must go make a forum now, for cross website connection, check it out. Al 1:26

OK' I'll change the pic right now, only to change it again when it gets featured. If you see I'm not on, just change it yourself, Al. And the UnNews are as dry as the Sahara: yours was the last one! o.0 At one point we got 2 or 3 a day. Mattsnow 02:15, April 5, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks. Funnybony must be off for a few days. Check out my new forum, I've got a thread up on ATS about the ATS article here! It's a circle, damnit, it's a circle. Aleister 2:27

UnSignpost 5 April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco

April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition

Xamralco By Xamralco Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco Also by Xamralco Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say: “Ehh... He's alright.” ~ Pretty much everyone on Xamralco I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco Still by Xamralco I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space By Xamralco Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Crap, that wasn't enough By Xamralco How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out!

Check out these pages! User:Xamralco User talk:Xamralco Special:Contributions/Xamralco User:Xamralco/sig User:Xamralco From our logs: 10:07, April 5, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Cartoonsushi.png" 10:07, April 5, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Japanflag.jpg" 16:44, April 4, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:0303 hilary duff b.jpg" 17:05, April 3, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Rick cross.jpg‎" 18:11, April 2, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) uploaded "File:Rickhalo.jpg‎" Biopic of the Week Xamralco first proved himself worthy of being bestowed the title, "Honorary Human Being" by the Queen earlier this year after doing some really awesome stuff. He has joined Uncyclopedia only to become the most beloved editor in history. Fellow Uncyclopedians, NotXamralco and Xemrelco (which have no relation to the person in mention) have even called him a "comic genius," and he has been awarded tons of real awards, including "Xamralco of the Month," "Xamralco of the Year," and "Xamralco of the Week." Old-school Talk page Hello, Xamralco, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you: Beginner's Guide Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends How to be funny and not just stupid If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these: About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia How to get started editing on Uncyclopedia Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date. (more...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Xamralco Song Xamralco is cool Which is why he's writing about how cool he is.

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9001(bot)    20:38, Apr 5

Tuberic isn't a word

It's a pun using tuber and -ic to mean in the way that something is potato-like. That whole section is a play on the Quater-imaginary base. There is no word that means potatoish. Nominally Humane! 03:55 06 Apr

I have a question

Who the hell took that picture of you? Was that from a surveillance drone or something?--OliOmniOmbudsman 12:16, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

Question

Hey Matt, would you mind if I made an edit to the caption of the photo you put on "Counting to Potato?" While funny, it says the opposite of what the rest of the article does, which is, depending on how you look at it: either people with Down's Syndrome really CAN count to potato; or they can't in reality, but nobody seems to have really figured that out. Your pic is hilarious, but the title says that everyone's figured out that he's a fake, kind of against the tone. Thoughts? Mockingbird ST (talk) 17:38, April 6, 2012 (UTC)Mockingbird ST

A polite user? Where'd he come from? Matt, could you take another look at the VFH that MrN tossed up about Data. He's written a very good summary of the page in the comment section, after I got it all wrong. Whoring for Data, what better thing to do while watching Tiger Woods collapse at The Masters. Al 21:09 6-4-'12

This guy wrote Counting to potato, which is on vfh. He is nice. He is cool. He is Uncy's future. He is awesome. He doesn't know how to code a pic though, yet. But I'll fly to his place to show him if it comes down to that, because he rocks. Mattsnow 21:19, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

What? No, fuck him and his mocking bird, I'm talking about what MrN describes as the best article he's seen in years, the one you, you sir, voted against at VFH, you, sir, sir, you. And I agree, Mockingbird is good. Ha! Tiger Woods just hit a bad shot and the mike picked him up clearly saying very loud "God damnit" Ha! Al

MrN ought to check his meds dosage! :) Mattsnow 22:02, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

Drugs are only a problem when you can't get them. MrN 23:05, Apr 6

Words of wisdom! Mattsnow 23:11, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

No truer...were ever spoken. Matt, check out the main page!! The Full Hilary! Thanks very much for nominating the Supreme Court page. Can you leave the UnNews up there for awhile, until I get someone to do a screensave and File: it? Thanks. I'll let you know when that happens. Whoo whoo. Aleister 00:52 7-4

It's like the Mayan stuff worked! I'm puzzled. Mattsnow 00:57, April 7, 2012 (UTC)

Are you talking to me? If so, I'm puzzled too. If not, never mind. Tom Cruise. Al 1:18 7-4-'12

They are facing each other. Awesome! Mattsnow 01:27, April 7, 2012 (UTC)

I know! Xamerco tatochopped the reverse Hilary. Do you do screen copy or whatever it is, to make a file of the main and Current Events pages? I want to make an award, or maybe I'll just use the two Hilary's. But it'd be fun to save this one. Thanks if you can do that, I have no idea how to do either a screenshot or load it into a file, as you know from other pages. Thanks! And Tiger Woods imploded, hahahahahaha heeheeheeheeheehee hahahahaha. Al 1:33 7-4-'12

What? I don't understand. Sweet dreams. Mattsnow 02:03, April 7, 2012 (UTC)

Revert

Hi Matt...how are you? I just saw that I reverted you on the Romney forum..but I haven't done anything here for a few days. Someone must have hacked into my account or there is something wrong with the database. Not sure. Happy death of our saviour weekend to you! --ShabiDOO 17:06, April 8, 2012 (UTC)

He died for our fins! Al 2:56 9-4-'12

Golf UnNews

Thanks for putting the page on the main page, but I saw after I'd written it that you had a new one, and I was hoping it wouldn't follow too closely. There's one mistake on the template, it was the 76th Master's, not the 74th like I thought. As for your nom of the Supreme Court page, look how it finally ended up! Thanks again. Al 2:58 9-4-'12

Images for UnNews

Okay - a fair bit of tweaking later, I have the following:

The UnNews microphone, version something^th

The UnNews microphone and gavel, concept by Qzekrom, graphic by me, version something^th

The rotating mike has already been added to the UnNews audio template, as it has a tendency to draw the eye to the fact that there is audio there.

I'm still probably going to reduce the size of these (as they are currently 3,200 pixels square, and we probably only need them about 400 pixels at the most, which is ¹/₁₆ the file size). Nominally Humane! 04:15 09 Apr

It just looks awesome! Nice work! Mattsnow 10:16, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Portuguese phrase of the week: Muito obrigado

It literally means "much obliged," but it is used to mean "thank you." But that's the same thing, so why am I even telling you this? Muito obrigado, haha. -- the dorky contralto 11:16, April 9, 2012 (UTC)

Check out my latest absurdity!

It's not too difficult to come up with drunk jokes, let me tell you. -- the dorky contralto 11:52, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

tweaks

Thanks for the tweaking! It was pretty funny! -- the dorky contralto 21:01, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Hey

Get on IRC plz? :D -- UserTalkContributions 16:49, April 10, 2012 (UTC)maybe.

OK Maybe.. Mattsnow 21:04, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Sanctorium

Just how unpopular is this guy? Nominally Humane! 05:16 11 Apr

LOL!!! Mattsnow 13:31, April 11, 2012 (UTC)

Rick Santorum was featured!

Woohoo! I guess we win... a contest we created... Seems a little biased when you think about it. Now, do you want to thank everyone or should I do it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:29, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

Bias is the American electoral system? Impossible. Oh my god - they've hung Chad! Nominally Humane! 01:32 12 Apr

Cool! We voted "for" the articles of others, so our morals are intact. Well, if you were thinking about a template to thank people, you really should do it, I have no idea how to make one :P. It's funny how this whole thing came along: total improvisation. And it worked! Good job. Mattsnow 13:36, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

You may want to consider that tomorrow UTC, Rick Santorum will be on our front page - just above God. Nominally Humane! 01:39 12 Apr

Hahaha!!! Did you know he just dropped out of the race? Our article was the final nail in the coffin. His campaign thought: they make him look like an utter moron, we'll never recover. Let's pull the plug lol Mattsnow 13:41, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

Hey Matt

(Thanks for the advice and putting my UnNews in, but mostly) thanks for the invitation to party... DaggersinChrist (talk) 20:01, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

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The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

Apr 12th, 2012 • Issue 163ish • The newspaper used as insulation by discerning homeless

Nobody panic. Everything is fine. By PuppyOnTheRadio In a precedented move, USP has handed the reigns over to somebody new in order to ensure it's timely delivery. USP has had a fine tradition of coming out regularly on a weekly basis since it's creation, and the handing of the reigns to Xamralco PuppyOnTheRadio whoever is willing to take it will guarantee that nobody will ever miss an issue again. In the meantime, the news continues to happen. VFH is in the healthiest state that it has been over the past 7ish years, as we are constantly reminded by the site banner, which is updating as regular as clockwork. The top three features articles of March is proving to be a hotly contested title, and is shaping up to be the first month in history where every article is likely to be in the coveted top position. And we have a strong consensus that there is no need for new admins, however we have a record number of potential admins nominated. Everything is fine.  More Stuff By Xamralco Sadly, I will no longer use the UnSignpost to talk about how great I am. Instead, the UnSignpost will return to its original purpose: Telling you about what's happening on the wonderful website known as Uncyclopedia. As Puppy mentioned before, ChiefjusticeDS has left his position as head editor and all hell has broken loose everything is running quite smoothly. In other news, the Great Republican Write-a-thon is coming to a close. If you haven't heard, a Canadian dude and some schmuck who knows nothing about American politics are co-hosting a writing competition that will assess which team of Uncyclopedians can write a better article about a selected 2012 Republican presidential candidate nominee. Strangely, these same two doofuses have also submitted an entry, something which most certainly should have been against the rules. Nevertheless, articles on all four candidates were put up on VFH (which is serving as a judge), though the Mitt Romney article immediately failed since no one bothered to rewrite it (which is mildly entertaining considering he's leading at the moment). And now, some cheese: No, that wasn't random... Everybody panic. Nothing is fine. By Magic man In an emergency spur-of-the-moment move, the USP has forced the burden of writing it each week onto another innocent soul in order to ruin their lives like so many others. USP has had a fine tradition of not coming out since 1974. USP has decided to hand the blood-stained reigns to dick-hole ass-face whoever it is forced upon in order to guarantee it will never come out again. In the meantime, the terrible news continues to depress us all. VFH is running as slowly as the plumbing in my house and actually has negative six entries. However, the site banner seems to want to shove lies down our thoats. This is probably on account of the fact that it is only editable by lying, cheating, inbred bastards that can't seem to update the fuckin' thing. The top three featured articles of March is proving to only be winnable if you suck the right person's dick, and is shaping up to be just like all the other months ever: uninteresting. And a record number of people were forced to vote that they want more narcissistic assholes, however not one single person has been nominated, as there are no users left. Nothing is fine.

Check out these pages! Zombiebaron There is a cabal Wikia can't touch this █████ From our logs: 22:06, April 10, 2012 PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Trying to steal USP from me) 22:06, April 10, 2012 PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Hang on... I can't block you. ) 22:06, April 10, 2012 Xamralco (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio  (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinity ‎ (No you can't. Bwahahaha!) Biopic of the Week PuppyOnTheRadio should be mentioned in here, as he used to write USP for a short period while UU was away, before he came back and Chief took it over. But he is a talentless hack, so ignore him.  Word of the week, provided by: a user Xamralco 1: (n) Someone who takes a post that somebody else has already volunteered for 2: A publication produced with excessive mention of one individual.  Newsroom UnTune of the Week I Like Cats (The Other White Meat) This is the end of Xamralco references in the UnSignpost We wouldn't want to take away Zombiebaron's thing after all. What's in the stars this week Pisces In your stars this week is a significantly large mass of plasma burning at extraordinarily high temperatures. They are held together by immense gravitational force and continue to burn as a result of a significant nuclear reaction. Due to their distance from the earth however most of them look like tiny pinprick points of light in the night sky, and are not visible during the daylight hours due to ambient light. Celebrity stars Vincent Van Gogh painted a starry night, but he was crazy and put lots of odd swirls in things. Lucky numbers 1, 7, 10, and 13 are all happy numbers, which is lucky for them.

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-- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:51, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

Above Top Secret

Thanks for the VFH nod to Above Top Secret. You are now on more lists than you thought you'd be on, the new ones include Australian, Finnish and (for some reason) Burmese intelligence. Expect visits from sexy spies, who will try to seduce you for secrets. Don't let them, or let them, as you prefer. Thanks again! Al-KN0628 18:43 13-4-'12

I must be on the FEMA list, the NSA list, etc. Quite sure they have a coffin to my name lol Mattsnow 20:26, April 13, 2012 (UTC)

DANGER

Warning..warning...warning TEN please step away from your computer I repeat please step away from your computer NINE danger warning please do as I say ... your life is in danger EIGHT warning warning ... you are not safe SEVEN you have been warned ...

• Panic attack* Mattsnow 20:27, April 13, 2012 (UTC)

IRC

How do I connect to IRC so that everyone knows it's me? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 15:13, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

Um...make sure your nick is "Xamralco"? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Apr 14 '12 15:25 (UTC)

Ok. Thanks. I just never used IRC before and I didn't want my real name to come up. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 15:36, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

We already know your real name, Titshugger Penishead McFucknutter. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Apr 14 '12 15:41 (UTC)

Wait, how do you know that? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 15:45, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

You're in the Matrix, Xam. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Apr 14 '12 16:10 (UTC)

You're real name was easy to figure out. Just move your fingers up one row on the keyboard and type in the name Xamraclo, and you get FQJ4QOD9. Your mom must have really loved you to name you after her favorite dildo's factory-transit code. Aleister 16:16 14-4-'12

Nooooooooooooo...maintain your sanity. Avoid IRC. They will put vampire cists in your brain!--ShabiDOO 23:48, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

Al has a weird fear of IRC! He's been raped by it when he was young :S Mattsnow 18:58, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah...and also the vampire brain cists! --ShabiDOO 23:48, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

{{Resident Evil}}

Doessat work for ya? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Apr 14 '12 17:18 (UTC)

That's perfect, it looks awesome! Thanks! Mattsnow 18:58, April 14, 2012 (UTC)

Cow tipping

Thank you for your kind vote, good sir... Would you care for some milk? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:17, April 15, 2012 (UTC)

Constitution thing from IRC

I started it here. I haven't actually added any jokes yet. This is the actual preamble. I'm still working on the code too, and it might be a while before I figure it out. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:57, April 16, 2012 (UTC)

You are a Pee Buddy Judge

I'm sure that's not news. But feel free to add {{User:PuppyOnTheRadio/PBJ}} to your user page to show everyone how clever you are.

As for the method of judging - I recorded this thingy earlier, but the long and the short of it - you will be judging every article in the category for which you chose to judge. I will create a judging page later on that allows you to add a comment/link to each article you judge, along with a score. The ideal is that you score one a scale of 0.0 - 10.0 in total, but if you want to score out of 100, or 50, or 8.9, you can do that as well, as long as you put in the max score in as well. (It will become apparent once I've actually created the judging page.) Judging will start on the 1st (sort of). I've actually allowed a days grace for people to complain about entries or submit a late entry with a good excuse (ie: I was dead for two weeks for tax purposes). I'll keep you posted. Nominally Humane! 02:32 17 Apr