User:Maniac1075/Deal or No Deal
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Deal or No Deal is a television game show for numb-nuts with an extremely low IQ. Being that idiots are found all over this planet (provided you are viewing this page from Earth) it should come as no surprise that each continent has their own version of the show. In the United States, the show is hosted by Howdy Doodee who was desperate to find work when his Jamie Kennedy Experiment rip-off show called "This is Howdy Doodys Doo-Doo" was dropped into a nose dive into solid ground harder then when Michael Jackson was alive and watching Sesame Street. In Australia, the host is some douche-bag that would never have gotten this job if his father had not written that song "I'm a real wild one, and I like a wild fun, dadaddad, I'm a wild one, oh yeah, I'm a wild one" but you are probably more familiar with the Iggy Pop cover version that was such a good cover, no one knows it was a cover, and the original artist is long forgotten about, as we wish the guys son would suffer the same fate too.
Origin[edit | edit source]
Since television began in the early 1950's, the broadcasting of game-shows has given many everyday normal people the chance to enter, and be part of a show, that gives away cash prizes, gifts, cars and unbelievable amounts of headaches to people who keep hearing the same line "Stay tuned, we'll be right back with the answer". Some of the most popular game shows of all time include events taking place that challenge people with an average to high intelligence ratio. For those who score high in problem solving or puzzle completing, then shows such as "Wheel of Fortune", "Sale of the Century" and "Jeopardy" have been the most successful, but a game was invented in the 1960's to cater for the retarded community. This show was called "The Price is Right". A dumbed down game where contestants act like dickheads when they are called from the audience, and then guess how much the prizes on the show are worth. The contestant who is the closest to getting the price right would go on to spin a wheel, stand still and smile, or guess more numbers in hopes to win prizes.
The show was most popularized when fat obese people would hear their name called out, and they would jump around in hysterics, and run down to the front of the stage and dance around like a guy mistaking his epileptic girlfriends fits as being a 12 hour orgasm. Often enough this resulted in the most exercise these fat fucks had done in years, and would end up their last move in life before they either tripped and fell down the stairs, had a heart-attack whilst running down, or where so excited they fell over while running onto another audience member and sadly crushed them to death... we say sadly because the show never aired these clips, otherwise we would have had joy from it watching the "Funniest Moments" on the P.I.R YouTube channel. It would have been even more joyful to see how many broken noses where caused when a contestant would bet 1 dollar higher then the other contestant, just to be a smug prick... and won.
However, since the mid 1990's, and the invention of cell phones and the internet, not to forget Justin Beiber and Paris Hilton influences, the kids of today have become precisely 12 times more retarded then the kids of the 60's, 70's and 80's. This called for a new, and even dumber show to be made up, so that the retards of today could have a show that even they could play, and quit complaining that "The Price is Right" is just too mind-fucking hard for them to say anything about the show other then, "It's totally gay"
How it's played[edit | edit source]
The Deal or No Deal crew specifically choose a contestant with an IQ smaller then the digit length of their bra-size, or penile length, so all of you geniuses who have a middle school diploma can give up any hopes of ever being part of the show. This is extremely profitable for TV networks, as it guarantees everyone in New Jersey, Tasmania and Geordie will tune in nightly.
The audience member is then shown a bunch of suitcases that contain numbers far higher then they can imagine since they don't have enough fingers to count to it. But it is eased up by just putting numbers from 1 to 30 on each case. Even though some members of the audience can not count that high either, they have another bunch of audience members hold the cases up, so if a contestant can't count say "21", then they can just say, "The chink in the front row's case, please". They select a suitcase for themselves, and then guess which other cases have money in them.
The highest prize is $100,000. On some special editions, the price can be raised to up to a million dollars in 1st world countries, but in second world countries it can be a bag containing a kilo of dope, cocaine or a box set of complete seasons of Jersey Shore. In some 3rd world countries it may be a collection of swine, poultry or as recently seen on the African edition, a years supply of Rice Bubbles. Which was one single box!
Contestants eliminate a few cases, and hope that the big prize is not in one of the cases they pick that an audience member is holding. The audience member holding the case can also guess how much is in their case, and if they are correct, they win $20. Which just proves that it takes a moron to play, as anyone who just said, "I think I have $100,000" guesses it right, you would expect you get the $100,000, right? That is why IQ tests are given before contestants may appear on the show, just in case someone clicks to being jibbed and demands the full amount for them to blow on such things as, pimping their own ride, and finally being able to have that 50 inch LCD screen under the rear axle of their own car... just like on one of their other favorite retarded TV shows that they have been dying to get onto.
During the show, bank offers will be given after a few cases have been opened. If the top prize money is still there, then a decent amount may be offered. But retards, like many people, are greedy, and have no idea that the average person's yearly income is around $33,000 per year since they are on welfare. So when a bank offer of $74,000 is given, they cross their arms, show off their retarded powers, scream "No Deal", wipe off the drool from their chin, and keep playing in hopes of winning more money then the offer the "banker" (who is as much of a banker as Inspector Gadget is an inspector) just came up with. To a normal person with an average IQ, if even $20,000 is offered, you would probably just accept it, and go home, knowing you just scored over half a year's pay. But no, audience retards scream for them to keep going, as they want to see more shiny objects open up so they can guess what is printed on the piece of cardboard inside of them.
Average Contestants[edit | edit source]
Contestants must pass, or should we say, fail aptitude tests, before appearing on the show. Anyone found to have an IQ lower than 70 is guaranteed to be allowed to partake in the show. This usually consists of brain-dead teenagers from America who can't wait to tweet about being knocked up and are expecting MTV to call soon and offer their 15 mins of fame. The elderly contestants are made up of the type of retards who have no understanding of modern day intelligence. If someone is so stupid they have to ask their kids how to turn the TV on to watch Deal or No Deal, then they are a shoe-in for the show. The rest of the contestant pool is filled with people from the "Ellen Degeneres" audience.
Questionnaires are required to be filled out to apply to appear on the show. Contestants are asked to bring their own crayons with them to fill out the forms. Anyone who can spell their own name in under 5 minutes in two colors or less is excused from being applicable. Unless of coarse they have an "i" in their name, and instead of dotting the "i", they use a love-heart instead. For the most part, applicants who draw pictures of smiley faces followed by a "xoxoxox" or "this is a picture of my BFF's" are automatically placed in the front row.
You can also tell if you are living with retards aka: suitable contestants, as they will watch this show and scream out "No Deal, keep going" which goes to show they either have a serious gambling problem or give too much of a fuck about someone they don't know possibly getting richer. But most likely they are just too fucking stupid to realize what might benefit a person financially (the contestant playing for money) rather then keep opening shiny objects till they get less money offered and walk away with 50 cents. It just goes to show that only a retard would want to satisfy a retards obsession with opening suitcases over actually taking away a lot of money for yourself.
Prizes to be Won[edit | edit source]
The prizes given away to the audience members are unbelievably retarded gifts. Some prizes are cash, as mentioned that if they guess the amount they have in their own case, they get $50, again, not being aware that they should get what they guess, but are too stupid to understand common logic. Other prizes are whatever the stupidest and cheapest products that can be given away... these include some of the following.
- The Shake 'N Wank.
- A plastic cup that lights up when you throw a ping-pong ball into it.
- The greatest hits of the Spice Girls CD.
- Subscription to M-TV.
- A spot as an extra in the next Farrelly Brothers movie.
- A vacation to the lovely
surf, sun& funof Arizona. - A Ford Prius
Viewers[edit | edit source]
It's already been explained that this show is by retards, for retards. This is the case all around the world, except for one country. Korea. The word "deal" in Korean means "fuck". So the Koreans have a great time watching a show called "Fuck or no Fuck", and laughing at those silly round-eyed cunts who invented the show. Heck, even you yourself would probably watch a show called Fuck or No Fuck. It's a mystery tho why the show is still successful there today, as by now they should have worked out that the show has nothing to do with people engaging in sexual acts, or not. Maybe the Koreans are just the most retarded of them all and still expect to see someone fucking, or not fucking? It's either that, or the fact that their major prize is ownership of a pet store... or as the Koreans call them, an "all you can eat buffet".
The future of Deal or No Deal[edit | edit source]
Eventually intelligence levels in the retarded community will get stupider as new technology comes into place, and education levels grow to an all time low. The future of game shows for retards will linger down into a more pathetic state of mind, that Deal or No Deal will become too hard for them to play, and it too will soon be labeled "gay" which translates into "It's too fucking hard for me to play it". So expect to see Beavis & Butthead hosting a show where retards can win a grand-prize of a $50 Itunes card on game shows with titles such as "Pull my finger, or Don't pull my finger", "Rock, paper, scissors or can I feel your boobs" and "Complete a Facebook status with perfect grammar, spelling and interest to someone other then yourself".