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Portal:Politics

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The Political Portal
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Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)

Featured Article
The American Dream in its most powerful and subversive guise.

A hauntingly compelling vision of crash consumerism in Mona Lisa Overdrive, the American Dream continues to call its public on closer to the precipice of overweight hubris. The most successful public relations campaign of all time, even exceeding that of Stephen King and surprise silent partner Jimmy Carter's conspiracy to Scare the Hell Out of Everbody at $36 a hardcover pop, this barbecue heat-shimmering vision transcends all times, all moral values, and all tax classifications. What is this silent killer, and why does it draw the ambitious onward like trailer park girls to a free keg party?

Existing as a featured article under the right to pursue Happiness with an itchy trigger finger, the American Dream rapidly gained a large following. Virginian, Carolinian and Georgian landowners resisted the idea, claiming that as they had gotten there first they deserved all the gains. Yankee carpetbaggers, naturally, disagreed.

Written by Shandon
Featured Image
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Recently discovered video show a younger Barack Obama mercilessly choking a cute bunny to death, "Just to see how it feels," 44th POTUS reportedly said.
Image by The Woodburninator
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Featured Biography
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Adolf "Chuckles" Hitler (20 April 1889 – 30 April 1945) had very sexy legs. I wouldn't mind a piece of that. Mmm, mmm, good. [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] He was an Austrian a German politician who served as the Chancellor and Der Fürher of Germany from 1933 to 1933. During his reign, he socially and economically reformed Germany after the injustice of the 1919 Treaty of Versailles, established the Third Reich (Deutsches Reich), architected the Holocaust, and had three root canals as a result of his infatuous indulgence in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

In addition to these accomplishments, Hitler was famous for leading Germany as an Axis power through World War II, where he liberated Poland from Jewish influence, liberated France from incompetent cheese-eating surrender monkeys, and liberated Austria from itself. He also attempted to free Russia from communism and Britain from its collapsing Third World imperialism, but was unable to do so.

An insatiable phytosadist, part of Hitler's "Final Solution" was to force the whole world to adopt a vegetarian diet. Hitler was also known for his amateur but passionate art and acting talents as displayed throughout his memorable thespian service to the German war effort in World War I, and for the penning and publication of his entertaining autobiography Mein Kampf.

Written by Bradaphraser
Did You Know?
  • ... that Talk radio (a predecessor to the podcast) would feature political commentary interspersed with hours of incoherent screaming?
  • ... that the Republicans chose the elephant to be their political symbol because they are fat, heavy and like to trample over Black people?
  • ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
  • ... that swing states are called "swing states" after Jazz musicians, who frequently vacillate between being Democratic or Republican?
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