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Portal:Politics

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The Political Portal
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Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)

Featured Article
It's right if you don't think about it.

Communism is the perfect form of government, although many capitalists portray it as evil and exploitative. This is mostly due to somewhat bad experiences with totalitarian governments, which often pretend to be communist in order to convince slaves to stay, causing them to develop the misconception that they are actually practicing communist teachings.

Communism has never actually been practiced, anywhere in the world. It is a mistake to call Russia, China, North Korea, Vietnam or Cuba "communist", but a lot of uninformed idiots do. Sadly, all currently existing communist organizations (which are not really communist organizations really) must be feeling pretty pissed off that they are not protected from being destroyed by imperialist groups, many of which, like the United States, are totally stupid.

Written by Tom mayfair
Featured Image
Mao Zedong portrait.jpg
Little known fact: Mae Zedong earned the pejorative "Chairman Meow" due to the mutated cat-like ears which grew out of his skull. Almost every picture of Mao has been airbrushed to hide them.
Image by Sockpuppet of an unregistered user
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Featured Biography
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Donald Ronald "The Donald" Trump, Sr. (born June 14, 1946) is an unevenly tanned American, real estate developer, reality television personality, a closeted secret agent from either Russia, China or North Korea, cereal rapist and intermittent Republican candidate who served as the 45th Televised President of the United States from 2017 to 2021. Following his landslide electoral victory against Kamala "Cometh in the Morning" Harris, he is now the current 47th President, wherein he will serve his scheduled term from 2025 until Elon Musk finishes taking over all three branches of government.

Born in New York City, Trump migrated to Florida in 2019 as part of the natural lifecycle of New Yorkers. Before he became Commander-in-chief, Trump dipped his big toe into politics by yelling at Obama on Fox and Friends. He ran for President on a platform condemning the political establishment and their Muslim–Chinese–Mexican vanguards. Trump won the 2016 election on the tried and true campaign strategy of not being Hillary Clinton. However, he faltered in the 2020 election against Joe Biden due to his campaign strategy of being Donald Trump. Prior to leaving office, he ordered hordes of deplorable rednecks on mobility scooters to storm the U.S. Capitol and vandalize all of Nancy Pelosi's favorite vending machines. He won again in 2024 on the even more tried and true campaign strategy of not being a woman.

Did You Know?
  • ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
  • ... that swing states are called "swing states" after Jazz musicians, who frequently vacillate between being Democratic or Republican?
  • ... that Newspeak is double plus good, whereas Oldspeak is double plus ungood and a thoughtcrime?
  • ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
  • ... that Political correctness is the state of being right about politics all the time, and should therefore be encouraged as much as possible?
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