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Portal:Politics

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The Political Portal
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Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)

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It's right if you don't think about it.

Communism is the perfect form of government, although many capitalists portray it as evil and exploitative. This is mostly due to somewhat bad experiences with totalitarian governments, which often pretend to be communist in order to convince slaves to stay, causing them to develop the misconception that they are actually practicing communist teachings.

Communism has never actually been practiced, anywhere in the world. It is a mistake to call Russia, China, North Korea, Vietnam or Cuba "communist", but a lot of uninformed idiots do. Sadly, all currently existing communist organizations (which are not really communist organizations really) must be feeling pretty pissed off that they are not protected from being destroyed by imperialist groups, many of which, like the United States, are totally stupid.

Written by Tom mayfair
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Donald Rumsfeld demonstrates his skill with paper.
Image by OG loc
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Barack Hussein Osama Obama II (born August 4, 1961) was the 44th President of the United States, the first to become so without the benefit of white skin, and the first to admit to being under the influence of marijuana and cocaine during most of his presidency. He was the perfect choice for a nation that, for two decades, had dealt with global adversaries and foreign invaders mostly by singing "Kumbaya".

Obama got his start as a young, shiningly optimistic upstart community organizer in Chicago. He served as an Illinois state senator from 1997 to 2004, and as a U.S. Senator from Illinois from 2005 to 2008. Obama was elected president in 2008 and reelected in 2012, setting out to shake up the system for a brighter and better tomorrow. He also had a cup of coffee in the Senate before starting his successful campaign for the presidency. Black coffee. In a white cup.

As president, Obama's chief accomplishments were policies to stabilize the weak economy, some of which gave the government an alarmingly larger role in the everyday life of citizens, and in turn, created a larger number of alarmed citizens. Critics claimed that Obama's authoritarian tendencies resemble the dystopia portrayed in the book 1984 by George Orwell. Obama responded with a curt "That's double-plus-ungood," and subsequently banned Fox News from the press pool.

Written by Sockpuppet of an unregistered user
Did You Know?
  • ... that the Republicans chose the elephant to be their political symbol because they are fat, heavy and like to trample over Black people?
  • ... that the Sans-culottes fought against the restrictive dress code of the day which demanded that all French people wear frilly breeches and silk chiffons?
  • ... that a Civil War is a form of warfare defined by its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to other methods like total warfare?
  • ... that U.S. President John F. Kennedy started the Peace Corps, a secret CIA project to dump potentially troubling bleeding-heart hippies abroad?
  • ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
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