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Portal:Politics

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The Politics Portal

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Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (Full article...)


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The American Dream in its most powerful and subversive guise.

A hauntingly compelling vision of crash consumerism in Mona Lisa Overdrive, the American Dream continues to call its public on closer to the precipice of overweight hubris. The most successful public relations campaign of all time, even exceeding that of Stephen King and surprise silent partner Jimmy Carter's conspiracy to Scare the Hell Out of Everbody at $36 a hardcover pop, this barbecue heat-shimmering vision transcends all times, all moral values, and all tax classifications. What is this silent killer, and why does it draw the ambitious onward like trailer park girls to a free keg party?

Definition: Existing as a featured article under the right to pursue Happiness with an itchy trigger finger, the American Dream rapidly gained a large following.…

Archive Article credit: Shandon (more…)



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Usually people want the President to kiss babies, but it's looking like fresh horizons all around.

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Highlighted Biography

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No, this is not Osama Bin Laden with plastic surgery and a tan.

Barack Hussein Osama Obama II (born August 4, 1961) was the 44th President of the United States, the first to become so without the benefit of white skin, and the first to admit to being under the influence of marijuana and cocaine during most of his presidency (nearly all U.S. Presidents were high on something while in office, they just all denied it). He was the perfect choice for a nation that, for two decades, had dealt with global adversaries and foreign invaders mostly by singing "Kumbaya".

Obama got his start as a young, shiningly optimistic upstart community organizer in Chicago. He served as an Illinois state senator from 1997 to 2004, and as a U.S. Senator from Illinois from 2005 to 2008. Obama was elected president in 2008 and reelected in 2012, setting out to shake up the system for a brighter and better tomorrow.…

Archive Article credit: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (more...)


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This Day in Politics

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Quote of the Day

“[I propose to create a] Commission on Erections and Mounting. ”

– Richard Daley on Senate.
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Did You Know...

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Notable Politicians

Below is a list of remarkable politicians without whom the world would not be what it is today:

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