Portal:Politics
Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)
Capitalism, more widely known as crapitalism, derives its roots from the Latin words capital ("head") and ism ("gooey, cheese-like substance"). It was created by a group of men calling themselves the "justification league". Capitalism has been misunderstood by the left and right of the political spectrum: Capitalism's ultimate purpose is to allow those born into luxury to justify to themselves that they deserve it, and to give those not born into luxury a life purpose to dismiss those creating wealth as "oppressors". It Can Also Mean The Study and Worship Of CAPITAL LETTERS.
Capitalism is a system of idiot economics that entails the rights of the elite to control the means of production and enslave the workers, with limited state control and judicially preserved property "rights". This system rewards those who create what the market is demanding, even if the market is demanding more videos of Tara Reid's deformed nipple slip or microwavable cheese products. You have to be a douchebag and a sellout willing to step on the meek to get anywhere. (See more...)
| “ | See if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper (belches) ends around under my—back to my bunghole | ” |
— Lyndon B. Johnson, on his bunghole
| ||
Dennis Kucinich's wife may be the hottest wife or mistress who has ever walked the halls on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., according to The Hill newspaper's centerfold section and presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. "Even I think she's hot," says Goodwin, "and I haven't been with a woman in years."
Hot. Her London neighbors thought she was sizzling, her relatives thought she was smokin', and all the stars in the sky thought "This girl is so aces that one day she will marry an American movie star and probably take up Scientology".
Then, upon entering Year Two (the school would not allow her to attend early infant school, saying it would have disrupted the classrooms, hallways, and the headmaster's office), her hotness did not diminish, but increased, sometimes on a daily basis. As the years came and went, and Mother Nature continued to carve Her masterpiece from flesh and bone, Dennis Kucinich's wife looks stunned and enchanted the growing crowd of British onlookers. Photographs taken from a discrete distance were sold door-to-door in her neighborhood, and soon nationally, and then throughout Europe. (See more...)
- ... that swing states are called "swing states" after Jazz musicians, who frequently vacillate between being Democratic or Republican?
- ... that Hồ Chí Minh was declared "most likely to ferment Communist insurrection" in his high school yearbook?
- ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
- ... that in the China, reading this website will lower your social credit score by five points per visit?
- ... that Political correctness is the state of being right about politics all the time, and should therefore be encouraged as much as possible?
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