Protected page

Portal:Politics

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Politics Portal)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Political Portal
Benny Johnson Biden sabotages Kamala for Trump.png

Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)

Featured Article
A still shot from the timeless classic, "Nalin' Palin"

Republican Party Pornography (also known as Red Meat) is the objectification of objects near and dear to the hearts of millions of red blooded Americans. As with other forms of pornography, it is the idea of putting on display those things and objects which would otherwise be forbidden and then objectifying them turns them into something exciting.

Republican Party Pornography may be as simple as taking the word and twisting the meaning into something that would flunk someone taking a high school vocabulary test, or it can be as complex as trotting Alaska’s Republican Governor Sarah Palin out onto a stage in Minnesota to say a few choice words, and out comes the penii of every horny Republican man everywhere to masturbate while watching the Republican National Convention.

Written by Prettiestpretty
Featured Image
FoxSpoof.jpg
Fox News has been criticized for its less-than-accurate, almost Manichean, coverage of the "War on Terror."
Image by Kharpert
Quote of the Day
Featured Biography
Sandersmarx.jpg

Colonel Bernard "Bernie" Sanders (born September 8, 1941) is an alleged U.S. Senator and dirty communist representing the 9,615-square mile patch of progressive insanity that is Vermont. After having served nearly a quarter of a century in federal office, a demented Sanders had developed delusions of grandeur, and announced a 2016 presidential candidacy, genuinely believing America was ready to elect a senile socialist to the White House.

Aided by an army of young white people with money and the Internet, Sanders had become a popular "meme" candidate, along with Donald Trump and, previously, Ron Paul. Sadly, another political underdog with her anti-establishment vagina won the primary and the nomination, and the millennials who upvoted him to success will hang their heads in shame, their nascent political optimism crushed by reality's cold grip. With Trump's ascendancy to the Presidency, all the political pragmatists who said, "Bernie is a pie-in-the-sky choice, choose compromise," will hang their heads from their ceiling fans. You fuckers.

When Sanders was a young man, Eugene V. Debs told him: "Socialism ain't that bad. Here, read some pamphlets." He's been a leftist ever since. Sanders was mayor of Burlington, Vermont, for several years, turning the cozy New England hamlet into a repressive socialist dictatorship. Dozens of Bernie Sanders statues were built in the city, and hundreds of bunkers were constructed, dotting the landscape like goosebumps on a moderate Democrat.

Did You Know?
  • ... that swing states are called "swing states" after Jazz musicians, who frequently vacillate between being Democratic or Republican?
  • ... that Talk radio (a predecessor to the podcast) would feature political commentary interspersed with hours of incoherent screaming?
  • ... that the Republicans chose the elephant to be their political symbol because they are fat, heavy and like to trample over Black people?
  • ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
Further Reading
Portal Categories
Political Categories
Featured Categories
Famous Political figures
Featured Articles
More Portals
Portals complement topics that nobody cares about and expand upon topics that everybody cares even less about.
Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Portal:Politics&oldid=6373305"