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Portal:Politics

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The Political Portal
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Politics is the art of being wrong. The name is based on the words Poly and Ticks, Poly meaning many, and ticks meaning blood sucking parasites. Politics therefore means many blood thirsty parasites. Basically these politics/politiks or politicians, exist to drink the blood of the citizens of a nation. There are generally three categories of politicians: liberals, moderates, and conservatives. Each are equally partial to the sweet, sweet fuckred liquor of the populace. Conservatives want to make all but the the richest 1% into slave laborers who are forced to build giant pyramids, whereas Liberals want to allow gays to legally marry you against your will. Moderates strike a balance between the two positions, arguing that gays can only force you into a "civil union" and that everyone should have the option of building giant pyramids. Besides these groups, other known practitioners of politics include waitresses, who are most proficient at doing so while businessmen slowly get stoned. (See more...)

Featured Article
It's right if you don't think about it.

Communism is the perfect form of government, although many capitalists portray it as evil and exploitative. This is mostly due to somewhat bad experiences with totalitarian governments, which often pretend to be communist in order to convince slaves to stay, causing them to develop the misconception that they are actually practicing communist teachings.

Communism has never actually been practiced, anywhere in the world. It is a mistake to call Russia, China, North Korea, Vietnam or Cuba "communist", but a lot of uninformed idiots do. Sadly, all currently existing communist organizations (which are not really communist organizations really) must be feeling pretty pissed off that they are not protected from being destroyed by imperialist groups, many of which, like the United States, are totally stupid.

Written by Tom mayfair
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Mao Zedong portrait.jpg
Little known fact: Mae Zedong earned the pejorative "Chairman Meow" due to the mutated cat-like ears which grew out of his skull. Almost every picture of Mao has been airbrushed to hide them.
Image by Sockpuppet of an unregistered user
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Dennis Kucinich's wife may be the hottest wife or mistress who has ever walked the halls on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., according to The Hill newspaper's centerfold section and presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. "Even I think she's hot," says Goodwin, "and I haven't been with a woman in years."

Hot. Her London neighbors thought she was sizzling, her relatives thought she was smokin', and all the stars in the sky thought "This girl is so aces that one day she will marry an American movie star and probably take up Scientology".

Then, upon entering Year Two (the school would not allow her to attend early infant school, saying it would have disrupted the classrooms, hallways, and the headmaster's office), her hotness did not diminish, but increased, sometimes on a daily basis. As the years came and went, and Mother Nature continued to carve Her masterpiece from flesh and bone, Dennis Kucinich's wife looks stunned and enchanted the growing crowd of British onlookers. Photographs taken from a discrete distance were sold door-to-door in her neighborhood, and soon nationally, and then throughout Europe.

Written by Aleister
Did You Know?
  • ... that U.S. President John F. Kennedy started the Peace Corps, a secret CIA project to dump potentially troubling bleeding-heart hippies abroad?
  • ... that the Republicans chose the elephant to be their political symbol because they are fat, heavy and like to trample over Black people?
  • ... that the Democrats chose the donkey to be their political symbol because they are loud, obnoxious, lazy and prone to shit on the floor?
  • ... that swing states are called "swing states" after Jazz musicians, who frequently vacillate between being Democratic or Republican?
  • ... that the Republicans chose the elephant to be their political symbol because they are fat, heavy and like to trample over Black people?
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