NASCAR
NASCAR (short for Now A Sport for Cowboys And Rednecks) is a redneck activity because it involves drivers going around in circles for hours. NASCAR stands for Nasty Cars, nas for nasty and car for car. It was invented when the creator shat in his car. People who watch NASCAR are 98% rednecks, 1% Yanks and 1% others. You can see that a lot of people joke about NASCAR but others are die hard fans. It also became America's least past time because it was hard to become a driver (the hardest part was passing the drivers test).
History[edit | edit source]
NASCAR dates back to 1476 B.C. when God created man and horse. It used to be run on horseback until Henry Ford created the first automobile to be used in racing competition. When Bill France made it legal to race on track. 1949 was the first "unofficial" year that NASCAR was competed in. Nobody cared for NASCAR until 1959 when the first Daytona 500 came out. Johnny Beauchamp and Lee Petty came very close to winning the race. However they gave the win to Petty after looking at stilled photographs of naked women for 60 hours. One time, from 1960-1970 NASCAR had to shut down all races north of the Mississippi River due to termites and rabies. Richard Petty, aka "The King of NASCAR" won 100 races over those years but nobody saw it. In the 70's, Michael Angelo took a picture of a car going 260 hp and Angelo reported that "this is the duchebag of NASCAR." At one point, Cale Yarborough won 3 championships in a row but some say that Adam Sandler was driving that car and Cale was drinking beer on the sidelines. By 1980, Dale Earnhardt had entered NASCAR for a full 21 years and Earnhardt won the 1980 championship. During the 80's Earnhardt was caught cheating on his wife and placing electric batteries in his car so he can 6 more championships. Jeff Gordon came to race in 1993 and by 2001 had 4 championship under his belt. Jimmie Johnson had used Earnhardt's electric battery technique to win 5 championships in a row. He also FUCKED many boys and men. By 2011, he was rated the most hated driver in NASCAR history with 88% of the votes going to him. The 2013 Daytona 500 was won by Johnson and Matt Kenseth won 3 of the first 12 races.
Classic[edit | edit source]
Classic NASCAR (used to be short for National Stock Car Racing) was an excellent American motorsport that was created in 1948 and was great from the late 1960's until 2000 when, starting at the beginning of 2001 Winston Cup Season, FOX (along with NBC and TNT later that season) replaced CBS, ESPN, ABC, TNN and TBS as the main networks that would broadcast NASCAR races during the Winston Cup Season and the sport began it's ongoing death spiral because at the end of the amazing 2001 Daytona 500 race, the face of the sport, Dale Earnhardt, who drove the iconic big black Goodwrench Service Plus Chevrolet Monte Carlo #3 car, died in a last lap crash at the final turn of the Daytona 500 which changed the whole entire NASCAR world and Motorsports in general forever and not for the best.
The Playoffs[edit | edit source]
The Playoffs is a type of NASCAR term used for rabbits on bicycles. 12 rabbits compete in the last 10 races in the NASCAR schedule to see who wins the National Rabbit's Trophy and winner of the "Race For The Playoffs." This year, they allowed 16 rabbits rather than the normal 12 rabbits.
Popularity[edit | edit source]
In the South[edit | edit source]
NASCAR became a popular sport in the south because of Dale Earnhardt. However, he died when Kim Jong-un placed bombs into his car just to back at the U.S. We all know people think it was an actual crash but according to our sources, Kim Jong-un did indeed place bombs. His son, Dale Earnhardt Jr., has been voted most popular driver in the decade (Just because his dad died). Even though it was popular down South, up North it never became popular in the North, due to segregation and Martin Luther King, Jr..
In the North[edit | edit source]
NASCAR is way less popular in the north.
Crashes[edit | edit source]
A reason why Yanks watch NASCAR. The cars get into huge crashes and that gets those fans getting reeled in (yes by fishing poles). Crashes became the main face of NASCAR. Talladega was the track voted the most crashes and the track with "The Big One." The Big One is when one tiny spin turns into whole pile of dog poop or Darth Vader comes and destroys earth (whichever comes first). There has been over 40 fatal crashes due to lack of experience by some of the drivers. Some famous deaths in NASCAR are Fireball Roberts, Dale Earnhardt and Joe Weatherly.
NASCAR jokes[edit | edit source]
- What is the chance that a driver will hit into a jet dryer? Juan in a million!
- Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again... Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.
