User talk:Multiliteralist/Archive3
Begin Ramblings Here
The Russian Invaded Your Talk Page[edit source]
How dreadful! They will never learn! Also, you just overwrite it and place links to old archives above ~ 11:11, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009[edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen. |
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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:52, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009[edit source]
The edition that's black and white and dead all over
July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!
Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you. |
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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:35, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
Hi[edit source]
Hi Multiliteralist, RabbiTechno told me you're the man to come to for quality collabs of an artistic nature. Now, I had been working on Albrecht Durer for a while, but have become increasingly disappointed at my own efforts. I need a fresh perspective, are you interested? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 14:33, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- Good ideas, and yeah I'd like to collab on a Gustave Dork page, sure, the guy's an absolute leg end.--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 18:37, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- Hello again, yep, the diary entries were intended to be some obsessive ramblings, I just never got round to decided exactly what Durer should ramble about. I make quite a lot of references to various things in the text - his wife, his perceived divinity, Leo, Luther, perhaps even Bosch - that could technically be the focus of his obsessive ramblings, but it would be better if they revealed something more. Not directly, but like something he didn't realise, but we did. What I do like about the article so far is its closeness to the truth. I mean the images - apart from the slightly doctored one - are all originals, many of the events in his life are original, or are original in terms of the route his life took and then given a slight spin treatment from myself for the sake of the Great Comedy Gods. Sure, the pic of his wife isn't actually his wife, but I couldn't help but notice how similar she looked to Durer and so it fit in with my original scheme with Durer as a self-proclaimed Christ due to pretty blatant narcissism (something we should still emphasise btw).
- As for Dork, you're right about the Divine Travesty and Don Quixote, the important thing to note being that they are both about voyages of some kind. They could easily be spun. I think he did some
engravings(what medium did he work in?) for The Ancient Mariner, which is another odyssey, a lot of potential there. Sure, I'll concentrate on the writing, but I'll need to get my head around real-life Dork, to some extent at least, to see whether I can parody anything obvious about his life.--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 19:43, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- As for Dork, you're right about the Divine Travesty and Don Quixote, the important thing to note being that they are both about voyages of some kind. They could easily be spun. I think he did some
Hey...[edit source]
...I've got an idea. First, I've been thinking of doing an UnBook for a while because I haven't written one yet. Secondly, the more I write about the CCC the more ideas are coming to me - I've got a skull full of them at the moment. My proposal is, we abandon the encyclopedic article and start writing it as a thesis written by a student at an invented university (Cambridge or Oxford are obvious choices, since even most of the American readers will have heard of them). The student is English but is working towards a PhD in Welsh history, which brings the story of the CCC to his attention. He gets funding to travel to Wales, researching for the thesis, and turns up evidence that the CCC - who most people believe are a thing of the past - are still active in rural parts of the country so he begins to investigate further, turning up half-forgotten tales of their formation such as the glorified kings and fairies stuff along with the actual version of events which is what I've been writing. Eventually, he is successful in proving that they still exist, and manages to get in contact with them. He's then invited to attend one of their meetings which takes place in some remote Welsh valley, but the CCC members have plans for him - they tie him to a giant Welsh Hate Spoon and burn him alive as a sacrifice to their pagan gods, rather like what happens to Edward Woodward in The Wicker Man. His work is then discovered and published after his death (there's a term for that which I can't remember at the moment). This gives us the opportunity to satirise several different things - Wales, students, the KKK, mythology and the Wicker Man.
Not sure if it'll grab you in quite the same way because chances are you're not having the same "vision" I am, but what do you think? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:07, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!![edit source]
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!
Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump
Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on |
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:45, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
A Mr Sherlock Holmes is at the door, sir[edit source]
that you had voted for an entry on me to be featured. Of course, this was to be expected for a man of such reputation, Watson, was it not?
Elementary, Holmes, as you would have put it.
So it is. But it appears that the author nevertheless wishes to thank you, so I'll leave him to it. Meanwhile, I shall return to my cough drop bottle.
Hold on a minute ... Holmes, is that cocaine?
Watson—
I'd thought Dr Freud had made you fight off that vice! Here, give me that. You know how many times I've told you to smoke tobacco instead.
Thank you for voting for this article! Sir MacMania GUN—[05:32 11 Aug 2009]
Thanks[edit source]
But you have achieved what few others ever manage:
The respect of the
Kosher Nostra.
You can rest assured that you henceforth enjoy our protection,
our support and a bed free of beheaded bagel crumbs.
La Kosher Nostra.
Sorry to hassle you but...[edit source]
...any developments with the fox image? We've got the back end stuff on our site pretty much up and running and are moving onto the graphics and stuff. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:50, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
OK...[edit source]
Sure...replace it if you want. I don't care, I just want it featured one day.--
Thanks—the remake[edit source]
Thank you for supporting! Sir MacMania GUN—[21:04 16 Aug 2009]
UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are![edit source]
The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!
Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better
UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything
EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite |
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UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is![edit source]
The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.
Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news
Fantasy Football Draft Finished After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it. |
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Dude[edit source]
I have an image request if you are looking to do some drawing sometime. :-) I'm putting "something" together and I need a logo with some text. Something like an angry Uncyc logo shouting at the user to "Shut the fu%k up and edit". You get the idea? Maybe the logo on the left side, but with the Uncyc potato shouting the message across the page. Something similar to the thing you did for the Collab would be great if ya fancy it. Maybe not use a "%" to hide the u in fuck, but maybe use a picture of Wilde or something else maybe? MrN 08:31, Aug 30
For this[edit source]
List it as a redirect (eg: {{Redirect|User:Multiliteralist/Mega Blast}}, which displays as User:Multiliteralist/Mega Blast (redirect) (delete)), instead of linking to the page (which, being a redirect, automatically redirects to where the page is now). Doing it properly minimizes the chance of a drunk and surly admin deleting the page, instead of the redirect. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:29, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost 4th September[edit source]
The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.
Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway
Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is:
Thank you for your time. |
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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:49, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost Randomber 15th[edit source]
The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized
Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough
Random Headline
At 8:00 p.m., mammary glands optimised an igloo. While bamboo was bamboozling, a zebra suddenly programmed. A bachelor can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked. Barbara Walters hears glass orb! Witch Doctor earns a dot! FRIENDS' FREE ELECTIONS'! In contrast, hare earns sporks! Did the pastor widen...
At the same time, Angelique Carrington Kung Fu Butterfly Swords Ninja leashes larger Kraid pigeon Ash Ketchum legs Lebanese knuckles IchBinFunneh Stalingrad moccasinified Blam! 992 BC Bubba Erin Esurance Kathleen Tomkins. Uncyclopedia is the worst!!1!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane
Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! yotz . PIGGY. |
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To sum up, please think of the Tues. autobiographys!
16:38, 7 September 2009You can has free advert?[edit source]
It appears so. 'Tis here - Who Invented Foxes?. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:13, September 11, 2009 (UTC)
You featured Comparative evaluation of the indirect immunoperoxidase test for the serodiagnosis of rickettsial disease![edit source]
Thank you! I am much obliged.
14:25, 20 September 2009UnSignpost September 10/17[edit source]
Just like Grandma used to make!
Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!
Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia
This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry! |
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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:59, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009[edit source]
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living
UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings:
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:19, September 26, 2009 (UTC)