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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

*gets classical music mp3*

*ahem*... 3... 2... 1...

After gaslighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffrey Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts, however, as it has been revealed that Brown9622 has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia, and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Gergdown has deleted their Discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian Discord server. So how did this story occur? (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
...that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
...that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • Ace Frehley • Any hopes for a KISS reunion

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom • Coral reefs

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On this day [edit]

October 19: Feast of Saint Roger (Estonia). Feast of rogering saints (Bulgaria).

24 - Saint Roger invites his chums to his residence, Gobblewood Mansion, and holds a feast.
26 - Saint Roger gets raped by Hillbillies while on holiday in Bulgaria
1161 - The first trout was launched into space by the ruskies, onboard Stenchpotski 12.
1297 - Someone, somewhere, goes to the lavatory.
1349 - Postmen all over England suffer the Sack Death.
1492 - Christopher Columbus sings the blues.
1607 - Elizabeth I of England rises from the dead as a zombie- then dies again of a bad cold.
1704 - Nokia renames itself Bobcom.
1734 - Bobcom renames itself Fredphone.
1764 - Fredphone renames itself Kings Cross Talk.
1824 - Kings Cross Talk renames itself Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications.
1854 - Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications renames itself London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft.

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Picture of the day

Though Zoloft has been very successful in its ad for fighting depression on American television, it's had difficulty adapting its campaign for Japan.

Image credit: RadicalX
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