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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Many eons ago, homosexuals were unilaterally banished from mathematics faculties all over the Christian world as their sensitivity, hygiene and fabulous fashion sense showed up the serious failings in these areas by heterosexual mathematicians. This left gay scientists pondering how to find and hook up with other gay mathematicians who shared their passion for opera, rodeos and solving quadrilaterals in tight fitting shorts.

The urge to square root a whole bunch of logical chuckle buddies has been the driving force behind the majority of all scientific advances since the renaissance:

Galileo Galilei's invention of the telescope
Leonardo Da Vinci's invention of the bouncy castle
The invention of male figure-skating auditions

Yet these all led to embarrassing situations that served no purpose other than providing the plots of Shakespeare's most famous farces ("All's Well That Bends Well", "Much Ado About Muffin", "Romeo & Julio", "Twelfth Knight" and "What Can We Do With A Problem Like Aksapada Gautama?". (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?

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In the news [edit]

SIX SEVEN!

Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" (Pictured)
The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
The UK to ban the resale of tickets
Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed

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On this day [edit]

November 29: Magic Appreciation Day (Hogwarts)

1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Christian Pop singer Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do The Welsh Know It's Christmas?.
1984 - Chocolate rations are increased from thirty to twenty grams.
1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by vanishing the Statue of Liberty, reappears three hours later in New Jersey.
1993 - The NYPD start investigation against Copperfield after the mysterious disappearance of Queens.
2003 - Donald Rumsfeld attempts to find WMDs with divining rod, finds three cursed talismans and a forest dryad instead.

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Picture of the day

A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image credit: Hindleyite
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