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From today's featured article 

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Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.

This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.

What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)
  • ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
  • ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
  • ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ... that homeopathic solutions are an effective treatment for thirst?
  • ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
  • ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
  

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