User:Strange but untrue/Magnesium
“MMMMMMMMMMM...Magnesium”
Origins[edit | edit source]
Magnesium was invented by Sir Thomas Magnesium in 1879 after a drunken night-out.
Properties[edit | edit source]
Magnesium owns several properties, mostly in the south of France and Scunthorpe.
Also, Magnesium can be used to treat leprosy, by rubbing it on the affected detached limbs - this treatment is known as magnetism; Magnets can also be used in a similar fashion.
Magnesium Day[edit | edit source]
Every 28 of February is Magnesium day, children line the streets for the Magnesium parade and Sir Thomas Magnesium is said to visit every house leaving a lump of magnesium for good children and a lump of sulphur for those who have been naughty. Adults and bunnies, being both good and bad, get some Magnesium Sulphate.
It is traditional on Magnesium day for people everywhere to eat a lump of roasted Magnesium, often containing stuffing, served with roast potatoes, Lithium sauce and Potassium Nitrate pudding, which is soaked in brandy and set alight for spectacular effect. Please try this at home.
Blindness[edit | edit source]
Leading statisticians state that burning magnesium creates approximately 149 bright spots each year, searing everything within a few metres. The statisticians then sneak these bright smears into boxes and scurry off with them. Crafty statisticians, it's magnesium that gives them their powers.
Specifically, the statistician will come up to a victim with a box of burnt magnesium and ask if she enjoys staring at the sun. When they condescendingly answer "No," the statistician will then open the box with a "Whoo-aa!"
The point being, "Magnesium is bright when it burns."
Make sure you memorize these for the test!
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.