User:EMC/Mainpage

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Why hello Officer. It is always a pleasure to meet a high ranking official from the Federation.

Are you Elim Garak?

At your service. I was very curious why it is I have been asked to meet you. But let us first enjoy pleasantries. Do not let my sly grin and murderous stare alarm you – I am not a threat.

Inspector McGinley – Federation Chief Investigator. I'm here to ask you a few questions.

Oh it is a shame we must skip the polite greetings. Well Chief Federation Investigator, ask away, I have nothing to hide. I am merely plain, simple Garak, at your service.

In light of several crates of evidence, the Federation has the authority to question you. Regardless of how it may seem, all my questions are relevant to the case. First, what is your current profession?

I'm glad you asked. I am ... a tailor. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
  • ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
  • ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?

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In the news

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Never Say Never Going Back


Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • ICE actually doing their job and rounding up illegal immigrants • The Grammys • Saturn Awards

Recent deaths: Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright • Marianne Faithfull

Upcoming deaths: TikTok, for real this time • The Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl win hopes • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse

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On this day...

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February 5: Peyton Manning Does Everything Day

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Today's featured picture

Dali's 'Stache
 You want surreal? Try wasting four hours a day waxing your 'stache until it closely resembles your entire Catalonian name. That's surreal.

Image credit: Imrealized
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Featured users

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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