National anthem

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A national anthem (also national hymn, song etc.) is a generally patriotic musical composition used as musical opium to convince a country that it is better than all others. The term is a portmanteau of the words "national socialist party" and "anathema".

Forms[edit | edit source]

Some National Anthems use patriotic imagery to arouse feelings of superiority. Examples:

  • The British colonial National Anthem, Oooh-If you're a darkie and a heathen we'll Annex! Oooh- If your're a darkie and a heathen we'll annex! So remember what we did to Africa and India it will be your arse next! Hey!-this song was co-written by Queen Victoria and Oscar Wilde.
  • The German Nazional Anthem - Hörschtweßellietzwei (Ve are ze losers, again, 1966 version)
  • Australia's National Anthem, "Down Under" by Men at Work

Other nations use less jingoistic approaches:

Points[edit | edit source]

All anthems are graded each year by Billboard for an end of year magazine.

Bonus Points[edit | edit source]

Bonus points are added to all countries where the vast majority of the countrymen and women sing the anthem with heartfelt passion, yet have no idea what the words mean (e.g.Wales).

Notable Anthem[edit | edit source]

Italy has one of the finest anthems, having the scale and form of a major opera. And I'm not just saying that because some fucking i-ties threatened to whack me if I didn't.

England has one of the worst, being a colossal dirge that takes about three hours to sing, with one note every ten minutes or so. Although that's what they get for getting John Cage to write it. Its called G O D S A V E T H E C U R R E N T I N B R E D R O Y A L L E A D E R

Canada has the shortest anthem, having ripped it off from England and translated it to French, so the English won't know.

Spain has an anthem which they stole from a rapper. It says "It's getting hot over here, so we're gonna sweat our asses off!"

Norway has an anthem commercially sponsored by the state of Iowa.

Wales has a remarkable national anthem - Hen Wlad fy Nhadau - which is really just an excuse to spit at foreigners. The welsh language, and particularly this song, is the reason that TV cameras in wales have automatic wipers.

Turkey has three national anthems because some of the people were furious about the first anthem written - Our Country Name Reminds a Chicken. The people who were against that anthem wrote a different anthem called Your Chicken Name Reminds our Country. The two anthems were sang in two different parts of the land until a politician wrote the new anthem Being a Collapsed Empire Does not Necessarily Say Nothing. Today in schools, each morning the principle chooses a new anthem to sing.

Romania is the only country to have a contest to determine its national anthem. Only five songs were registered, Dragostea din tei by O-Zone, Numai Tu by O-Zone, Despre Tine by O-Zone, De ce Plang Chitarele by O-Zone, and Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Sweet Home Alabama would have won (achieving Alabama's colonial ambitions) but Dragostea Din Tei won because WWII veteran Gary Brolsma, who also single-handedly liberated Romania, made a better cover of it (incorrectly calling it Numa Numa) on December 6th 2004.

Russia has a very pathetic anthem called the National Anthem of Russia. It have been their anthem since their independence from Sweden in 1917. Before 1917, the National Anthem of Sweden was the national anthem of Russia.

Other Anthems[edit | edit source]