User:Brown9622/Alkali metal

Picture of two alkali metals, natrium and potassium, mixed together

In chemistry, the alkali metals are a set of metals that belong in the first period of the periodic table. These metals are unusually explosive and will combust on contact with water to form a hydroxide. Reacting this hydroxide in an acid like uric acid or hydrochloric acid will result in another combustion, creating a salt and more water. This technology has been used by Uncyclomedia to feed their tireless workers for the past few years, which is why alkali metals are of high demand for the company.

Elements

Below are excerpts from the elements' Uncyclopedia articles. If there is no article, a custom paragraph will be used until said article is created.

Lithium

Lithium can be spread on toast as part of a complete breakfast and is a good source of cancer.

Lithium ("The Big Fuckin' Li" to its friends) is the first of the ignoble gasses (This is a lie. Lithium is an alkali metal.), which are not, in fact, gassey, but rather take the form of lumps. Like all metals, it can be found in toothpaste, Flintstone vitamins, your mom, evil demons and baby formula. At one time it was found in a vat of Philadelphia Cream cheese and promptly labelled by the US FDA as "acceptable 1.53% allowable nasty lumpy matter."

Lithium is notable as being an important component of Chanel #5, providing it with virtually unprecedented capacity to pollute air.

Natrium

Natrium is a chemical element with atomic number 11 and symbol So. It is the last element in most periodic table songs, as more news for new elements have yet to come to Harvard. Like many other alkali metals, Natrium reacts violently with dihydrogen monoxide. It is also allegedly used "for salty times."

Potassium

Potassium