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From today's featured article 

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Mario Kart is a CIA-assisted conspiracy project driving simulator franchise developed by the power-hungry Japanese corporation-from-hell known as Nintendo. It has went on to become one of the company's best-selling franchises since its beginning in God-knows-when. Various characters from Nintendo's Super Mario franchise are placed into a massive friendship-destroying hellhole to drive go-carts and annihilate each other with various weapons of mass destruction. While its well-known origins as a coordinated attempt by the paranoid American Central Intelligence Agency to sever bonds between youth in order to reduce the possibilities of juvenile uprisings around the U.S.A. (and the rest of the world) still have influence over the development of modern Mario Kart games, the main driving force nowadays is Nintendo's endless lust and greed. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

In the news 

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"BOMBOCLAAAAAT!"

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career • Coral reefs • The economy of Capitalism in NYC • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing horribly to the Miami Dolphins

On this day 

One way to assure Lightning Awareness is to be struck by it

November 12: Lightning Awareness Day

  • 1513 - In one of his lesser-known works, "Mein Scheisskampf", Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his "Scheisse" as a weapon. No shit.
  • 1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a gigantic rock off the Massachusetts coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
  • 1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
  • 1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
  • 1996 - The Paris Hilton opens for its first customer.

Picture of the day

Microsoft Word Processor
 The Microsoft Word Processor is good for the office and the kitchen! It can be yours for just 3 easy payments of $39.99!

Image credit: Tripod2282
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