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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Pandemonium erupted in a South-East Melbourne suburb when a homeless man wearing nothing except a beard ran wild after police attempted to give him a bath.

The man, a local transient, is well known to police as a serial offender, having already been charged multiple times with loitering, affray and creating a public stench without a permit.

The public ordeal, which was captured on video by amateur voyeurs, shows the man running from police after an attempted sanitary-based intervention. After escaping the clutches of local police, he assaulted several on-lookers with his malevolent odour; some of whom suffered bloody noses and required medical attention. Police then attempted to recapture the man, only to lose their tentative grasp on the naked man's soapy body. Futile attempts at spraying the man with a can of deodorant failed to subdue the stink and an observer was seen buckling over in pain after getting the deodorant in his eyes.

After a brief chase, the exposed man fell over and police officers closed in to apply a healthy dose of hygiene with a few swift strikes from their cleaning sticks. However, the man refused to go down without a fight, and police officers could be seen running away from the stinky bum as he continued his dash for freedom. After several minutes of police following the man at a safe distance, the chase came to an end when the man collapsed under the weight of his own intolerable stench. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... tennis isn't just a game?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?

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In the news [edit]

Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)

Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured)
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!!
New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing the NBA Finals
Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice
Taylor Swift buys back her masters
"Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard
Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane
Austria wins Eurovision
MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF
New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom
BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!!
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's breakup • The IRS hunting late tax payers • NBA finals and Stanley Cup • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team

Recent deaths: George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • Carolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly ~~Stallone~~ Stone • Brian Wilson

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success and ego • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Los Angeles, again

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On this day [edit]

June 13: Double Entendre Day ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

1076 - Mad King Vladislav II "defeats" the Polish cavalry, if you get what I'm saying.
1893 - Grover Cleveland "tries" to "remove" a "massive cancerous growth" in his mouth, if you wink what I'm nudging.
1927 - Charles Lindbergh "mourns" the loss of his "dead son" after his young child's body was "discovered", if you get my drift.
1971 - The New York Times "publishes" the Pentagon Papers, if you know what I mean.
1977 - The man who "assassinated" Martin Luther King Jr. attempts to "escape" from "prison", if you see what I'm saying.
2012 - A "series" "of" bombings kills "over" ninety (90) people in Iraq, if you catch my comprehension.
2009 - The last "veteran" of World War I "dies", if you metastasize my methodology.
2015 - A crazed "gunman" murders "twelve" policemen in Wichita, Kansas, if you're queefin' what i'm seepin'.

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Picture of the day

DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."

Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.
Image credit: Nonymous
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