User talk : Kippy/UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Yankees 0

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history!

By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.

New admin time

By Frosty

Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face ~~comedy~~ tragedy!

Biopic

For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

From The Logs

14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

F4 (10/0)
Potatoe (10/0)
Bidet (10/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

You Are Gay (13/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

Quote(s) of the Week

[17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

Notes

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:07, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]

Contains zero calories!

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Yankees 0

...And they're off!

By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!

VFH smells

By Frosty

This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.^{[citation needed]}

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic

This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

From The Logs

16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

Rape (11/0)
What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)
F4 (10/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

You Are Gay (14/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

Quote(s) of the Week

[21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

Notes

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:37, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost![edit source]

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Yankees 0

The return of TKF (sort of)!

By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.

Forum dramaz

By Frosty

Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...~~and the sequel~~ rest of the trilogy.

Biopic

This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of ~~winning~~ losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

From The Logs

11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

Rape (12/1)
F4 (11/0)
Jared Leto (10/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

Quote(s) of the Week

[20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

Notes

~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:19 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost![edit source]

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Yankees 0

I'm back

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good ~~200 years~~ 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.

New admins for you!

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic

This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

From The Logs

05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

04:26, August 13, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (threatening to ban me)

15:04, August 12, 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Achievement Unlocked: Unban yourself one minute before your ban expires)

Top VFH Competitors

Humans (12/0)
F4 (13/0)
HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

This just in: Don't hit your children.

Quote(s) of the Week

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

Notes

~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:07 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular![edit source]

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Yankees 0

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten

Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.

RAHBs Sexuality

By Banzaikitten

I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

Shame on you

By [[User:{{{author3}}}|{{{author3}}}]]

By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“

Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you!

”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work!

Biopic

bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

From The Logs

15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

VFH Highlight Of The Week

F4 (13/0)

From The Forums

Quote(s) of the Week

[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

Notes

~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:10 (UTC)

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE![edit source]

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Yankees 0

Returning MASTERMINDS

Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic

For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“

no

”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

From The Logs

00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)
Rape (12/6)
UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

Quote(s) of the Week

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

Notes

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:56, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion[edit source]

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Yankees 0

Pee Review pls

Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day ~~and some cash~~ you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it).

Biopic

Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

From The Logs

22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)
My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)
A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

Quote(s) of the Week

[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Notes

ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 02:20 9.21.14

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming![edit source]

Coming in with the sports news: YANKEES SUCK!

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Yankees 0

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH?

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which ~~mimics~~ is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic

Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

From The Logs

13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

Quote(s) of the Week

[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

Notes

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)[edit source]

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Yankees 0

Incoming October bullshit

So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic

Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

From The Logs

12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

VFH Highlight Of The Week

UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

Quote(s) of the Week

<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Notes

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?[edit source]

The newspaper with the most ^{[citation needed]}s since forever!

5 October • Issue #211 • Yankees 0

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola

Shabidoo's competition has begun.

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic

Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

From The Logs

12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Firesheep (10/1)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

Notes

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time![edit source]

The Yankees STILL SUCK!

19 October • Issue #212 • Yankees 0

Hi

Shabidoo's competition has ended.

Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic

Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

From The Logs

02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

VFH Highlight Of The Week

UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

None

Notes

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)[edit source]

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

9 November • Issue #213 • Yankees 0

Donate ~~your soul~~ to Uncyclopedia!

Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic

You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

From The Logs

05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)
UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)
Electricity (8/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

President Hoover (11/1)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

Quote(s) of the Week

None.

Notes

Vote, Vote, Vote[edit source]

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:22, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021[edit source]

Now with 100% less news!

1 May 2021 • Issue #215 • Yankees 0

Most Active Admin Gets Promoted to Bureaucrat, Transitions to Female

By Cassie

Following an incredible (by 2021 Uncyclopedian standards) 16 VFS votes, Uncyclopedia's most active administrator has initiated their transition to female. Said admin, now known publicly as Cassie, has had a talk page that often inflated by 80,000 bytes or more weekly, and singlehandedly managed a vast variety of things, including (but not limited to): vandal whipping, being the school principal, managing VFH, and more.
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.

Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama

By Cassie

Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.

Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized

By Cassie

it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect!

Biopic

This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!

From The Logs

1 May 2021 Cassie renamed user Redacted (8224 edits) to Cassie (Per message here)

10 April 2021‎ JJPMaster (38 bytes) (-13)‎ . . (Reverting edit(s) by Gale5050 (talk) to rev. 6045969 by Celeste:shhhhhhhhhhh (RW 16.1dev))

22 February 2021 Cassie blocked JJPMaster with an expiration time of 4 hours and 20 minutes (account creation disabled) (You [[Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit

Top VFH Competitors

User:Zombiebaron/Resignation (9/2)
UnNews:As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far (5.5/4)
Patent nonsense on Wheels! (1/2.5)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

COVID-19 (6/1)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.

Quote(s) of the Week

Supergeeky1: Boner.

Notes

It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]

This page is a [[:Uncyclopedia:Kiss My Ass Holiday Competition|Template:Kiss My Ass/ Holiday Competition]] entry.
}}

}} Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penn Sign Up Today! (pretty please) ~Formerly Annoying Crap 13:19, 13 December 2021

UnSignpost? I hardly knew her![edit source]

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

December 10, 2025 • Issue #233 • Yankees 0

Christmas sig time!

By Fish on skates for the third time

Repeating the trend from October with the spooky signatures, Fish on skates has made her own Christmas-themed signature that looks suspiciously like DaniPine3's uhh... year-round signature. And, also repeating the trend, Turb0-Sunrise has come out with a "Christmas" signature of his own, suspiciously shortly after Fish showed hers off. OPOSSUM has also jumped on the bandwagon with a popup sig featuring, among other things, the disclosure of a relationship with Krampus and the accusation of presumed-dead user Squaw Dee being Santa's ninth reindeer.

Gergdown for UOTM

By Fish on skates again

Resident no-lifer and hockey lover Gergdown has been nominated for UOTM after RealDonaldTrump's smashing success last month. The outcome looks good so far, but you never know what can change in a month. Will Gerg be the last UOTM of 2025? Will a new contender rise to the challenge? Will the author stop talking like the back cover of a book? You'll just have to wait and see.

LPTEW blanked, WTools allegedly to blame

Fish on skates, trying to save an edit to a "sectoin" of Last person to edit wins, accidentally replaced the entire forum with said "sectoin". This was appropriately met with horror by DaniPine3 and Turb0-Sunrise and resulted in a three-second block by DaniPine3.

Fuck Around and Find Out Nommed on VFH

By Turb0-Sunrise finally

It's been a wild ride, but with the help of Shabidoo, Fuck Around and Find Out is featured. And here's the catch: I didn't nominate it!

Do you celebrate Christmas or any other December holiday? — Fish on skates
- Yes

What's your favourite sister project? — Soviet
- None of them

If pigs flew and I ran for admin, what would you vote? — Fish on skates
- You can vote for multiple people, you know that?

From The Logs

23:56, 3 December 2025 DaniPine3 (talk | contribs) blocked Fish on skates (talk | contribs) with an expiration time of 3 seconds (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Turb0 told me to (for making a fatal grammatical mistake))

00:56, 2 December 2025 Fish on skates (talk | contribs) moved page University of Moccasinia to User:Fish on skates/University of Moccasinia (tropicalpanther has been banned and this shouldn't be in mainspace anyway)

Top VFH Competitors

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Google (6/3)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

This is probably the first UnSignpost written mostly by Fish on skates.

Quote(s) of the Week

“stick the top of a tree up my asshole and call me a star”
– Turb0-Sunrise
“was it that what you said”
– User:DaniPine3

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 22:01, 10 December 2025 (UTC)

Have a very merry UnSignpost![edit source]

Just like Grandma used to make!

December 24, 2025 • Issue #235 • Yankees 0

From the USP to You...

Merry Christmas.

The whole story

On December 16 or 17, I asked DaniPine3 to block me until the 19th because reasons. However, I had not accounted for who would deliver the UnSignpost, figuring Turb0-Sunrise would do it. Little did I know, Turb0 had taken his name off the paperbots list, leaving me as the sole UnSignpost deliverer. This was appropriately reacted to by several editors. And might I remind you that when you sign up for UnSignpost home delivery by putting the template on your talk page, you agree not to sue?

New ASBOWAAT?!

Following a conversation on a forum thread built one comment at a time, moccasin-lover and agent of chaos OPOSSUM created a gif built one frame at a time.

Biopic

From The Logs

Alula blocked 208.249.1.6 with an expiration time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(as for you, fuck off please)

Nothing else here.

Nothing at all.

Top VFH Competitors

Microwave oven (0/0)
Frodo Baggins (4/2)
Osu! (3/1)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

I love you brah (3.5/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

“this website is a prisin”
– Fish

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 00:42, 25 December 2025 (UTC)

The last UnSignpost of 2025![edit source]

Tip your waitress!

December 31, 2025 • Issue #236 • Yankees 0

By Turb0-Sunrise and Fish on skates

Happy New Year!

It's been a wild 20th year of Uncyclopedia. Several new people joining, the continued making and purging of ASBOWAATs, tons upon tons of Deltarot (Deltarune brainrot), the return of the UnSignpost, memes abound, YANKEES SUCK!, and The Daily News.

Cassie and ARandomPage come back!

By Turb0-Sunrise and Fish on skates

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!! Two people who haven't been heard from in a while have started editing Uncyclopedia again. Funnily enough, Page continues to describe herself as an "UnSignpost everythinger", a title which would be more fitting for Turb0 or Fish at this point.

I get nommed for UOTM

Holy shit. I all but won it, and it's still DECEMBER!

Top10 edit war

The original image

The alternative image

It all started when Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2025/voting was created by Alula with a "temporary" image of some dude pointing at the reader. DaniPine3 replaced it with a picture of someone dressed as Tenna from the hit game Deltarune and later added what I can only assume is a Deltarune reference. The two admins went back and forth between the images until OPOSSUM whacked Dani with a "Delta-Trout".

Biopic

The main boss of Deltarune chapter 4

Priest Goofball is the main boss of Deltarune chapter 4. His hobbies include chess, preaching, and being the main boss of Deltarune chapter 4. Did I mention that he's the main boss of Deltarune chapter 4?

Why does my arm hurt? — Gammakid999
- That's where i injected the virus

do you have pet siblings — Fish on skates
- Twenty-seven.

Favourite image on this site? — Soviet

From The Logs

18:32, 28 December 2025 DaniPine3 (talk contribs) changed block settings for Gergdown (talk | contribs) with an expiration time of 15:26, 31 December 2025 (account creation disabled) (asked for it (again))

Top VFH Competitors

Frodo Baggins (6/2)
Osu! (4/2)
Microwave oven (2/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

I love you brah (4.5/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

The Daily News is officially in print... well, not print. You get the point. Put {{The Daily News}} on your talk page to get daily spam in addition to your weekly spam!

Quote(s) of the Week

“Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood.”
– Oscar Wilde

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 18:59, 31 December 2025 (UTC)

Didn't know you had this page. Oop.[edit source]

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

January 1, 2026 • Issue #237 • Yankees 0

I forgot how to write these things.

By ARandomPage

After having my the UnSignpost ~~stolen~~ revived by Turb0-Sunrise and Fish on skates, going on monthly month-long hiatuses for 3 years (what do you mean it's been 3 years since I was active???), and forgetting Uncyclopedia's existence despite frequently lurking in its discord server, I have forgotten how to write an UnSignpost. How do I use the template (which I myself modified back in 2022)? What do all these inputs mean? How do I write things? I'm quite sure the UnSignpost wrapper used to be centered! What's even happening in this site these days? AAAAAAAAA!

Anyway, it should be January 2026 for everyone here, right? ... Right? So, first UnSignpost of the year goes to me. I sure do love collecting meaningless achievements and titles! ...gosh, what do I even do here anymore? What am I allowed to put in this signpost, again?

Deltarune can be tomorrow again

By ARandomPage

As it is now 2026, the possibility for tomorrow to be the release day of Deltarune Chapter 5 has become existent once more. Despite the halfway mark of their game having been attained, new chapters are not likely to stop the insanity of Deltarune fans. Assuming Chapter 5 is not shadow-dropped and instead has a release date announced, the world will once again have a day where "tomorrow" means "the day after today" instead of "the day a new chapter of Deltarune releases". Once that happens, there will only be up to 2 Deltarune Tomorrows until the world's concept of tomorrow returns to something that doesn't always mean Deltarune.

Biopic

I don't know what a biopic is

From The Logs

*plant noises.ogg*

*animal noises.ogg*

Oh, it meant stuff like Special:Log and stuff. Well, gotta use these sounds I recorded from inside a literal log somehow. We're keeping it in.

Top VFH Competitors

Frodo Baggins (6/2)
Osu! (4/2)
Microwave oven (2/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

I love you brah (4.5/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

ARandomPage writes her first UnSignpost in 3 years. She has forgotten how to do that.

Quote(s) of the Week

miaaow mrrow mrrp miaow meow mreooow -Alula

Notes

ARandomPage, also named Space (ARandomTalkPage) (ARandomContributionsPage) 13:28, 1 January 2026 (UTC)

An UnSignpost did it[edit source]

Tip your waiter!

January 14, 2026 • Issue #239 • Yankees 0

Everybody was here

Continuing on the "was here" userbox trend where people make userboxes saying they were here, Gammakid999, MK, and L10nM4st3r have userboxes of their own.

People have opinions on the Yankees

Turb0-Sunrise has started a "War of the Yankees". It all started when he made a "YANKEES SUCK" userbox. Noopnurf then made a "YANKEES RULE" userbox, and MK and Gamma quickly coming in to attack Noop or the Yankees or... I don't even know anymore. I'm just here to watch the chaos, which is why I made a "YANKEES NEUTRAL" userbox.

Beat a Dead Shoe contest

OPOSSUM made a contest for the title of "Moccasin Man" because he's done with moccasins. Soviet's Bot won by putting the most moccasins on OPOSSUM's userpage.

Injoke created and overused, setting new record

US President RealDonaldTrump made Testing the VFH widget (again) (do not feature!), a page that was meant to test some new feature. Turb0 then voted on its VFH page, with many others including me and several admins voting. Because I think I'm sooo clever, I made a VFH page for the VFH. And because Turbs also thinks he's soooo clever, he made a VFH page for that, and a VFH page for that. Gergdown also contributed somewhat to the joke. Alula later deleted the test page and closed all of the nominations.

Biopic

Cassie, also known as Cassandra, is a bureaucrat I'm pretty sure, and has been around for a long time. Anyway, she's not dead. Pretty sure. She's on the active users template and I hope she stays a while.

What is your opinion on '___ was here' part 2? — Gammakid999
- i have one, don't i?

what's on your 2026 bingo card — Fish on skates
- i don't have one

did you win 2025 bingo? — Gammakid999
- no
do you the spoon? — Fish on skates
- no

From The Logs

04:47, 11 January 2026 Cassie (talk | contribs) huffed page User:Soviet (UN:VFD)

19:05, 14 January 2026 Alula (talk | contribs) blocked Turb0-Sunrise (talk | contribs) with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) (clearly learnt his lesson from last time. oh wait)

Abuse filter blocked MK with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled) ‎(Blocked by abuse filter. Description of matched rule: Mandatory cancellation)

Top VFH Competitors

Maxipad (3/0)
Osu! (5.499/2)
UnBooks:Harry Potter Summarized in Less Than a Minute (3/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Microwave oven (5/0)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Turbs got blocked so now I have to deliver this thing. And he was also messing with the UnSignpost template so it may look weird.

Quote(s) of the Week

“Fish "I don't change the score number" "on" skates strikes again”
– Gerg

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 23:42, 14 January 2026 (UTC)

Driving in my car right after an UnSignpost[edit source]

Better sign it.

January 21, 2026 • Issue #240 • Yankees 0

Admins at it again

L10nM4st3r and DaniPine3 blocked each other and unblocked themselves a lot. The entertaining edit summaries were "Not banned enough yet", "blocking me when i did nothing >:[", ">:]", "Finger slipped", "Finger slipped again", and "banged my head on the keyboard". See for yourself.

The Uncyclopedia Trading Card Game

MK has potatochopped a whole bunch of trading cards of active or notable Uncyclopedians to make an article that's been requested for years.

MITK song rankings still ongoing

You, yes YOU, can rank some Uncyclopedian-made songs! Part of the ~~hit~~ albums Make it to Ketchikan and Bust into Boston these noises you hear before you can be ranked for the second time! So what are you waiting for?

Biopic

In the span of some time that I'm too lazy to count, Deemox has gone from a total noob to a slightly less total noob. He's already made an article and in my humble opinion has quite a lot of potential.

what would you do if someone used Template:Welcome on your talkpage nowadays? (For no particular reason) — Gammakid999
- archibe

how about {{Oh dear}}? would you like an oh dear? — Fish on skates
- yes

a Template:Welcome-anon, perhaps? — Gammakid999
- gimme
What do you think about my bot? — Soviet
- you had a bot?
What tasks should my bot do? — Soviet
- i dunno
Are the allegations true? I'm not going to elaborate, for comedic effect. — Gammakid999
- yes and no at the same time
favorite non-ASBOWAAT article that you didn't write — Fish on skates
- uhh get back to me on that one

From The Logs

20:20, 19 January 2026 L10nM4st3r blocked DaniPine3 with an expiration time of 10 minutes (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (Not banned enough yet)

20:21, 19 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked L10nM4st3r with an expiration time of 10 seconds (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (blocking me when I did nothing >:[)

16:46, 21 January 2026 Therealcmack created page Kirkification (An author's descent into madness.)

Top VFH Competitors

UnNews:RFK Jr. fat-shames Annoying Orange (1/2)
Berkelium (4/0)
Maxipad (3.5/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Osu! (7.5/2)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

“FOR THE LOVE OF JOHN, ARCHIBE!!!”
– MK on LPTEW

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 22:37, 21 January 2026 (UTC)

Hey, that bump is shaped like the UnSignpost![edit source]

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

January 28, 2026 • Issue #241 • Yankees 0

Viva la revolution

By Soviet, Turb0-Sunrise, and Fish on skates

Gergdown has unleashed an "Agenda 2026" that aims to make Uncyclopedia great again, one edit at a time. This plan has quite a few people onboard already, probably because people will join anything advertised in a big fancy box.

Teh Epik Duck unbanned, retires

"Newcomer" and Wikipedia sock puppeteer has finally gotten unbanned after socking and vandalism. Three months ago, Teh Epik Duck consistently vandalised talk pages, forums and encyclopedic articles before being banned by Alula for being a dick.

In an attempt to bypass his ban, Teh Epik Duck told Alula

“Unblock me now you retard.”
– Teh Epik Duck

clearly showing this was his masterstroke. He resorted to socking but was quickly banned for an extended period of three months.

However, Duck requested his userpage and subpages be deleted as he has retired. Miss him, miss him.

Last chance to vote!

By Fish on skates, who hasn't yet voted on the top 10

Time's running out to vote for the xOTY awards and the top 10 articles of 2025! So what are you waiting for? Get your LaziBum to the polls and be opinionated!

Biopic

It was L10nM4st3r's birthday on the 25th. He's the guy that made the original a story built one word at a time, a cat-loving bot, the word "tytpo", and everyone's favorite page-blanking recent-changes-flooding userscript. Here's to another year of mastering lions, or lioning masters, I'm not sure.

Do you drive a Saab 900? — Gammakid999
- what the fuck is that

opinions on said Saab 900? — Fish on skates
- see above

have you attended Harvard? I'm working on a conspiracy theory and need to know. Also do you like burger king? — Gammakid999
- i attended fenway park
do you even intend to answer any of these questions? — alula
- yes and no at the same time
What is your home address? (I need it for the theory) — Gammakid999
- take your mother's. don't change anything about it.
What operating system do you use? — Soviet
- one that's better than gerg's
Do you edit at school/work? — Soviet
- yes

From The Logs

01:52, 26 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 1 minute and 40 seconds (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (suggesting that I, an ADMIN, should get banned. this is clearly conspiracy against the [totally non-existent] cabal!!!)

02:18, 26 January 2026 DaniPine3 blocked Fish on skates with an expiration time of 1 minute and 41 seconds (account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (idea of Turb0-Sunrise (plus, you edit conflicted on my own talkpage!!!!))

00:32, 28 January 2026 DaniPine3 huffed page Your Article Name (wtf is this: content was: " == The Bee Movie Script == {{", and the only contributor was "Soviet's Bot")

Top VFH Competitors

12 year olds invading the Internet (2/0)
You (5/0)
Kirkification (5.5/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

Rob Gronkowski (13/0)

From The Forums

Quote(s) of the Week

“OH BOB SAGET!!! SHIT. SHIIIT. GOD DAMN IT!!!”
– GlitchyZorua

“I BLEED CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA! OH CANADA!”
– Gergdown

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 20:22, 28 January 2026 (UTC)

USP, how about you read?[edit source]

The Newspaper With "Love" In Every Paragraph!

February 4, 2026 • Issue #242 • Yankees 0

Uncyclopedia goes down!

By Fish on skates and Soviet

A diagram of what happened

At the end of January, the server of en.uncyclopedia.co went down. This led a bunch of people (Alula, Fish on skates, Gergdown, Turb0-Sunrise, Soviet, and RealDonaldTrump), to join the spoon and discover that Spike is a sockpuppet of OPOSSUM. The spoon's LPTEW also received a spike in activity as everybody from the fork scrambled to figure out what the heck was going on. Fish tried reaching out to Alula through wplace about what would happen to the Top 10 voting, which was extended a day to account for the server outage. The construction tag deadlines on multiple articles were also extended by a few days too.

Top 10/XOTY ends

And I fuck everybody over. Let's hit it.

First off, the Top 10 ended up perfectly. Road Rage in first place. Pure greatness.

UOTM ended up great too. 12 for. None against.

And now for the big ~~papi~~ cheese of them all. WOTY.

Won.

BY ME.

MK's user page vandalized

It all started when our resident potatochopper and weeb MK hid the edit buttons on her userpage so no one could edit it. I, thinking I'm so clever, found an actual use for the visual editor and used it to prove I could still edit. This escalated into a vandalism contest much like the one OPOSSUM held, and even spread to pages like her editnotice and her signature. This is what the userpage looked like at the end of the silliness.

Biopic

This biopic is about the Top 10 Articles of 2025! In case you were living under a rock, here they are, in no particular order: Road Rage, Charlie Kirk, Video essay, Gouverneur Morris, Moccasins, 9-11, Antonio Brown, Uncyclopedia Gold, Analog horror, and An image built one pixel at a time.

Will Ask Deemox exist? — Deemox
- my magic 8 ball is broken

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you that the Pro Football Hall of Fame is moving in the right direction? — MrX
- bullshit

are you the same person as DaniPine3, Alula, OPOSSUM, L10nM4st3r, and Spike — Fish on skates
- maybe spike (he's from New Hampshire)
doo yue wawntt 2 hehllp kreeayt noo engilsh — Fish on skates
- how abouht b'wost'n englesh
What do you think of saying "archibe" instead of "archive"? — Soviet
- archibe

From The Logs

(spoon) 16:39, 31 January 2026 Spike blocked RealDonaldTrump with an expiration time of infinite (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (You can't do that)

00:28, 2 February 2026 RealDonaldTrump blocked SPIKE with an expiration time of 4 millennia, 9 centuries, 9 decades, 9 years, 364 days, 17 hours, 49 minutes and 12 seconds (account creation disabled, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (You're not allowed to do that)

08:31, 2 February 2026 L10nM4st3r changed block settings for L10nM4st3r with an expiration time of 21:58, 1 February 9025 (account creation disabled) (Not banned enough yet)

Top VFH Competitors

UnNews:Trump still wants Greenland; Wall Street shits itself (5/3.5)
Worst 100 Nutty Conspiracy Theories of All Time (0/1.5)
John Marshall (2/0)

VFH Highlight Of The Week

(go put/something on vfh)

From The Forums

UnSignpost News

Quote(s) of the Week

“i clog up QVFD too much. i should be admin.”
– Turb0-Sunrise on why he should be admin

Notes

--Dame Fish on skates CUN 01:08, 5 February 2026 (UTC)

I thought i quit doing this[edit source]

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

February 11, 2026 • Issue #243 • New look, same lingering taste of shit

FEATURED ARTICLE DELETED!

This isn't a joke. We actually VFD'd an FA! Taylor Swift's "psy-op", an article^[duh] created by alleged AI-writer Tranvit, has been ~~fucked~~ ~~baleeted~~ tossed down that super deep hole in Russia or wherever it is on VFD. MrX briefly lost his shit over it, before everybody seemingly forgot about it all. What were we talking about?

Courtroom Shenanigans

By Gammakid999

On LPTEW, Fish on skates started complaining about Turb0-Sunrise's constant edit conflicts. Both of them complained like 5-year-olds to DaniPine3, when ColonelKurtz decided to hold a fair trial, hearing both sides. Upon hearing both sides, Kurtz decided Turb0's description of the events wasn't detailed enough, at which point Fish threatened him. Hockey salmon was there too, for some reason. As with all court cases, it eventually came down to more angry five-year-old arguing. Aside from arguing, highlights include God making an appearance, confirming his secret gay relationship with Satan.

I can apparently make sitenotices now?

So. Uhh. Yeah. You probably know what a sitenotice is. Those things nobody looks at and dismisses as soon as they pop up. Well MrX had the bright idea to parody Wikipedia's 25 year anniversary. I made the editnotice, MrX made some tweaks, and long story short, my work is on every page of this website.^{[note 1]}

New monstrosity created

Dani's revision of the original drawing. The horrors... nice tits on it though...

Fish's reply. Not to be confused with GlitchyZorua, the topic of the biopic, even though the damn wrapper puts it in the biopic section and i don't feel like adding more whitespace to this fucking thing to make it not in the biopic, even though this ridiculous rant is causing way more whitespace than should be allowed in an average UnSignpost issue

Demon spawning ground and local dumbassery^{[note 2]} LPTEW has spawned yet another monstrosity, this time in the form of a moe personality of LPTEW itself. Fish on skates began the horrors, mentioning it in a completely unrelated thing, only for DaniPine3 to create an eldritch abomination beyond the wildest dreams of Satan himself.

These creations were met with mixed reactions, with GlitchyZorua calling for them to be killed with fire, ColonelKurtz having a stroke, Turb0-Sunrise forcing Fish to give hers red socks, and somebody masturbating. I heard it. It was in the broom closet.

If you see these creatures, seek medical attention immediately. You will likely die if exposed to these creatures for long periods of time. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

LET IT BURN! BURN IT ALL!!!!!!!

The week is upon us. Forest Fire Week. BURN THE SHIT! BURN IT! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Biopic

There's a place in France or somewhere. They say there's nude dancing. Sounds like fun. This has nothing to do with GlitchyZorua, who is honestly great. They don't do much actual writing, but they're around. Mostly on VFD, but if you hide in the dark corners of MrX's talk page, Zorua'll be there.