User talk:Gerrycheevers/archive6

'Ello!

I rape your dog, no? Oh! I rape YOU!!! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 17:11, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

stay away from my dog! what did Blue ever do to you? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:20, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Arg!!

It's blank! /Me throws paint at Gerry's page! (damned ECs)    Orian57    Talk   17:12 16 June 2009

oh great, now the furniture's got paint on it. i'm not paying to have this cleaned up. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:20, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Revoo

Rejoice, Gerrycheevers! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

Nobody gives those out anymore. But you tottally deserve it, tenfold. Also some RE

• Yes I meant beer, I'm just really bad at spelling.
• Good points on the ending, it's kinda shit. I'll see what I can do with it.
• Oh yeah and as for the picture, I already mentioned pens and typewriters in teh first line so I thought I'd show people what a pencil looked like.

Thankies again and I'd really apreciate a spell check becuase I really can't spell. anything that Word misses isn't my fault.    Orian57    Talk   18:43 17 June 2009

my pleasure, 'rian. i gave it a once-over as far as a few misspellings and comma usages were concerned. i look forward to seeing another version of this, because it's already awesome! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:51, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll probably get to this later! I I think it'd make a pretty good feature actually.    Orian57    Talk   18:54 17 June 2009

'Post

Gerald, I'm gonna have to hold my hands up and say there's no UU involvement likely with this week's edition either. Just had some bad news (Mrs UU's Dad has cancer, if you must know, and she's understandably emotional). I am therefore needed elsewhere more than here right now. Normal UU service will be resumed soonish. --UU - natter 13:50, Jun 18

no problem, friend. i'll see that an issue gets done. my regards to you and your missus. take whatever time away you need, we'll be here when you get back. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:56, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

You're coming to North Dakota?

Where? Don't say Minot or Grand Forks. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:35, 18 Jun

...grand forks. i'll be at UND. go sioux! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:15, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

also, it's good i have somewhere to crash now. i live near leddy, and his couch smells like his dads. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:15, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Well dude, that's only an hour drive north. If you ever make it down this way drop me a note and we'll go have a beer or something. -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:19, 19 Jun

that sounds excellent. i'll have a car and an overlaod of free time, so i'll be taking you up on that in the fall. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:25, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm also curious to see how our winters compare to yours. I could be mistaken, but I think you're in for a bit of a shock (if you haven't experienced it before). I firmly believe that if Hell exists it's frozen and not burning. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:25, 19 Jun

boston winters can be brutal, and we get a major blizzard every five years or so, but i am fully expecting to become a whiny crying baby whenever i go outside upon arriving in NoDak. once things started to thaw around here and the temperature got up to 50, it was still like -10 in fargo. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:30, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost

It's not finished yet. Can I help you with anything? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:17, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

saber put the beginning of a story into the press room, so i think i'll stick it in and edit it for length to match the right. what did you have in mind? we're always reaching for content. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:19, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Something minor about IRC. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:20, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

write up a draft in the press room and we'll see if we can fit it in. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:23, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll post it right away. If the left side gets a bit too long, we can always add some "Todd Lyons goes crazy on Cajek" thing on the right. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:47, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

right you are. there's a million different things we can do with the boxes on the right. that's what i love about writing the signpost: it's so flexible. that, and the massive salary. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:48, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Draft delivered. Initially inspired by the recent Luvvy incident, though generalized as to not offend anyone. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:54, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Awww!!! <3 You bio'ed me <3 That's so sweet! Thanks Gerry ^_^ --^Dame 23:06, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

you earned it! keep up the good work! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:42, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:59, 19 June 2009 (UTC) quality

A Request...

Hi Gerry! Recently, you voted against my article (Fruitopia) in its failed VFH attempt. As such, I put it back on Pee Review for a second opinion. Considering your against vote and the high quality of both your articles and your reviews, would you mind doing the review? Thanks!--You know what the music means... Our time is up. 14:00, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

sure thing. this will have to wait til wednesday, but i'll certainly give it a once-over then. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:43, 21 June 2009 (UTC)

Moar Feature Thankies

Writers, of all kinds, would like to thank you! For voting for the article on Writing to become featured. They wrote this template just for you, please apreciate the effort - it is a work of art after all!

   Orian57    Talk   12:56 22 June 2009

Gerry!

The USP needs you! I always fuck it up. By that I mean I'm willing to help but some direction from you wouldn't go amiss. like I link to the people you've done bios on and past old school features and stuff. would be great.    Orian57    Talk   11:24 26 June 2009

no problem, i keep things at User:Gerrycheevers/usp. i was unavailable most of yesterday, but i plan on finishing up the issue today. the stuff you have is great, thanks! if you want to keep on adding stuff then go ahead. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:11, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll just sort out the side bit. I'll let you do the lead stories. :D    Orian57    Talk   12:13 26 June 2009

sounds good. the only concern i have is the 24.5 thing...that is certainly noteworthy, but i'm pretty sure it's not a record. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:15, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

It is for this week.    Orian57    Talk   12:24 26 June 2009

Oh actually, who should teh Biopic be on? Not sure I know many other users that haven't already been mentioned.    Orian57    Talk   12:31 26 June 2009

hmmm well yea we're running low on people to bio. and count mamoosha and saber out for a few weeks, as per the press room. i see we've never bio'd So So, and he seems to be currently active-ish. lately i've taken to doing a bio on people in the upper UN:HS who haven't had one yet. i'd go with so so for this week, and the hall of shame should give us a few week's more material, but we might have to come up with something clever to do, or re-bio people, or drop it altogether. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:27, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah the thing is I don't actually know So So so I'd feel kinda awkward writing a bio, might miss something from before I was around and stuff. Maybe you should do it. I think re-bioing people would be a good idea though, for example updating people that have become admins or wrote a particularly noteworthy feature, got WotM or whatever.    Orian57    Talk   15:02 26 June 2009

Did you ever do one about LotofLOLS? I think it would be funny Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:17 June 26 '09

Who?    Orian57    Talk   15:18 26 June 2009

The kid who wrote mr winkler is gay Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:22 June 26 '09

Oh.    Orian57    Talk   15:23 26 June 2009

It has potential, you know Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:25 June 26 '09

Sannse hasn't been bio'd, to my knowledge. Just a suggestion. --UU - natter 10:24, Jun 29

bah! sorry orian, that's all i could get done for now. i finished the lead story but got locked out of the server so it didn't save. if you feel so inclined you can round out the issue, otherwise i might be able to write some more stuff tonite (eight or so hours from now). SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:47, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Gerry! (redux)

I threw an idea out there for our current IC project and I'd be curious to see what you thought about it. Check the talky type page thingy. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:36, 26 Jun

cool. i will check in shortly. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:21, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

UnSignPost Delivery

Hey Gerry. After some odd months of me not wanting to fix TheDudeBot and random extended absences, TheDudeBot is finally back and ready for action. Socky told me to tell you, so whenever it gets finished, i can have it out with in a few minutes. Just say the word whenever its ready. here, there or anywhere is good. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 15:53, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

great! we're a little behind on this issue, but i'll let you know when we're ready! thanks! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:20, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

And remember, if you can't get any of the bots to deliver, all you have to do is ask me on my talkpage to deliver it. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 10:30, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

USP

Gerry, as you may have noticed, I took a mini-break because I've been feeling run down through IRL stuff, work and Uncyc. I'm now back, but trying to throttle back on stuff to avoid full burnout. I'm therefore stepping aside at least temporarily from pretty much all Signpost involvement. If I see something, am inspired, and have a moment, I may still chuck something in, but I may do nothing at all. However, I'm concerned about you also trying to do too much. I suggest bugging Orian to become a regular contributor, and maybe trying to get someone else to commit to regular involvement, to avoid you feeling any kind of pressure to get issues out. Please note that if I become miraculously re-energised by anything, all this may be rendered moot. --UU - natter 10:23, Jun 29

understood, my sewer-dwelling chappie. last week's issue is still in the works, as my end-of-the-week got mangled by one thing and another. i hope to finish that issue today and also produce a fresh issue for thursday. orian put in a lot of effort towards last week's, it just needs another story. i should be able to focus large amounts of time on uncyc and the signpost this week, as my boss and his boss have buggered off on vacation, leaving me with a schedule full of thumb-twiddling. here's hoping you'll be re-energized indeed! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:10, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Please Gerry, for the love of everything that is good and just and pure in this world, devote some space to TKF's epic deletion summary work on TYATU in the next issue. --UU - natter 08:46, Jun 30

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   14:59 30 June 2009

Why the fuck didn't you stop me!? This is horrible! A lesson in self destruction, I feel like I'm going though a mangle!    Orian57    Talk   14:59 30 June 2009

Give me an award!

Right now. That was litterally the worst six days of my life. I want my soul back. I want it back... <breaks down entirely>    Orian57    Talk   15:49 30 June 2009

i know, i know, going without the signpost for six days can be trying...oh, you mean delivering it. well, if you do it just two more times, you can see your name up on the marquee of paperbots at the unsignpost main page! but once is enough for some recognition...i'll see if i can rustle something up. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:05, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

It's fucked up my edit count too. 45% of my edits are in "user talk" now. before it was less than that.    Orian57    Talk   16:07 30 June 2009

haha, well i suspect that's because you'r eone of the few users with the motivation to actually send thank-you templates anymore. that and you idly loiter on seemingly dozens of talk pages simultaneously...and yet i think you still manage to write more stuff than most other users. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:58, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Ta!

I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably.

Think this might be newsworthy - Queer Wins WotM - What Next Human Rights? Or something I'm just being vein :)    Orian57    Talk   12:06 1 July 2009

UnSignpost

Can we finish it in one hour? I'll write the other article if you can do the rest. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:13, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Guess I was too late. Anyway, I'll be available during Friday. Let me know if I can be of assistance. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:08, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Let me know when it needs to be delivered. I WILL do it this time. I do think we need to think about getting some more people using AWB around the place if people have been having to deliver the paper by hand. That has to smart. MrN 00:12, Jul 3

Oh it's horrible. Some pages have every issue and it takes a billion ears to load! I'd be happy to set up a bot but I'm bassically illiterate when it comes to computers and stuff, if it's easy to do then I'm sure someone can walk me through it.    Orian57    Talk   00:19 3 July 2009

That's kinda the problem. It's not really "easy to do" using AWB is a right pain in the arse sometimes. Also, it's tricky as you need to be confident in what you are doing enough to be sure that you don't mess the site up any more than you intended to... MrN9001 runs on "AWB". There is a lot of information about AWB on wikipedia and such, but it is going to take a good deal of effort to get into it depending on your level of experience with computing. MrN 00:29, Jul 3

I tried downloading it once, but no matter what I did, it refused to work. While I was failing at getting it operational, Charitwo made some kind of config file for delivering the UnSignpost, so maybe that could help in some way. (The config file might be a bit outdated though.) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 00:40, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

I agree that people need to just set up AWB on a bot when delivering the paper, and we should have at least a few more people with it on the site. Though, unfortionatly its not that easy to set up if you dont really know what you're doing and all the snannanigans needed to set up for unsignpost does make it dificult not to mess up. If anyone really needed help setting it up, It's not too hard if you know what to do, and i'd be happy to help teach. Also, MrN i will fight you to deliver this weeks unsignpost. I've been wanting to do it for weeks... or at least last week... Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 01:07, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Cheers me dear

For voting for me in my quest for Foolitzer and helping me win it for June 2009!--Sir Sunbeam no u F@H KUN 13:30, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:14, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildy

---

IC stuff

Hey Gerry. I was looking at the colonization page and think it's about ready for mainspacing. Could you look it over and maybe do a bit of polishing. That way we can have a new colonization for the rest of the week. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:14, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

sure - i've been once again neglecting our project, but i'll make sure we get a new one going by mid-week. a cursory glance indicates we need some images and links, but it looks about done. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:18, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Unused image?

Found this image on Special:UnusedFiles and was wondering if you still wanted it. MadMax 01:20, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

yes, please. it's under an <option> tag on my userpage, but i guess that doesn't keep it off the unused files list. i'll put it somewhere else in my userspace to keep it off of there. thanks! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 12:42, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

In which case, allow me to introduce you to the {{notorphan}} tag, which is very handy for such images, and I have just applied to that one accordingly. --UU - natter 13:13, Jul 8

handy indeed! thanks UU. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:20, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

This is where I meant to put the header initially but forgot

• This is a link to a PEEReview
• This is the article that was reviewed at the time it was reviewed
• This is the Article as it appears now
• This is the talkpage at the time the PEEReview was done
• This is the home page of the handsome and charming reviewer
• This is what happens if you type "Nipple" and "mouth" into google image search

This is PuppyOnTheRadio, signing out --> Pup 01:25, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

thanks for the review! i'll take a look at the article again and make some of your suggested tweaks. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:21, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:16, Jul 9

Amendments made to Vitiligo

Hi there, due to some of the feedback around this article there have been a number of amendments made. As the significant joke in the article has not changed, this does not appear to be against the spirit of VFH. Given that it was partially due to your feedback that this has been changed, I felt it best to thank you for this, because that also give me an excuse to subtly whore my works. Pup 06:54, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

i see you've changed some words around so it's not an exact copy of the wikipedia article, but i still wouldn't vote for it, if that's what you're asking. though it's certainly a welcome addition to uncyclopedia overall. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:06, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

CHEERS!
 Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.

Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!!
Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

You're the proofreader guy, aren't you? =) Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:29, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

sure, i do proofreads. i can make stuf spelt real good. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:07, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

capitalization

why don't you ever capitalize anything? i don't understand. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:54, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

my keyboard is missing the caps lock key and both shift keys. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:08, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

i DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. tHIS LACK OF CAPITALISING STUFF MUST BE A cOMMUNIST THING. i HAVE TO SAY i REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. bUT APPARENTLY cOMMUNISTS HATE cAPITALISM. iNSERT rUSSIAN rEVERSAL JOKE HERE. Pup 1:12 13 July 2009 (UTC)

Really? I thought you did most of your Uncyc from work, which means your boss really needs a new keyboard. Also you manage to do spell checks which must involve capitalising some stuff or do you copy and paste? It's about now that I reallised you were probably joking.    Orian57    Talk   13:14 13 July 2009

ARGH! CODE! EVERYWHERE!    Orian57    Talk   13:14 13 July 2009

but i am a capitalist. i had two cows, and i traded one of my shift keys for a milk bucket. capitalism is the pursuit of milk, right? also, christ, is your sig legal, puppy? it's seven lines of code! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:16, 13 July 2009 (UTC)

I usually don't spew the full code version of my sig everywhere, but yeah, it's legal. What's more it had elements stole from sigs by a few people, one of whom keeps complaining about my code everywhere... and trying to spoil Torchwood for me... and for your information I cried like a girl watching that... Pup 07:32, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Well I cried like a man, all chocked up but holding it all inside. You pussy.    Orian57    Talk   20:29 15 July 2009

LazyThnaks

Joshy would like to thank you all again! For featuring LazyTown on the front page, he’ll be pretty much thrilled. Not sure what his mum’s gonna say but it’ll all be fine... He might be grounded forever though.

   Orian57    Talk   20:29 15 July 2009

Favor

I've currently got four articles up for Peeing right now. Could you review any one of them, please? I had a revising binge over the last few days, and am anxious to see the results. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:40, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

sure. i'll take a look at one tomorrow morning, first thing. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 22:47, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:31, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I'll follow your advice, and hopefully improve the article. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:58, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

I revised the article as per your advice (I'm quick, I know), and if you wanted to give it a quick look and let me know if my additions have been improvements, that would be welcomed. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:50, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

wow, that's some quick work! i'll take a look-see sometime soon, but thursdays are always a bit of a crunch for me, with the signpost, plus i've got the IC buggers breathing down my neck. i'll certainly be along shortly, though. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:55, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Sorry I haven't been around much to help with IC lately. My wife's dad was in town for two weeks and now my work has decided to move to a new location this weekend so I've been swamped IRL. Things should settle back down in a week or two and I'll get back to work I promise! -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:46, 16 Jul

no worries, mr. c, i've been a little lacking there too. i've got some feedback on my feedback to you, and i hope to close it off and move it today or tomorrow. we should be set for a new colonization by the weekend, but take you time coming back, and good luck to you in your IRL endeavours. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:59, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Arr! There be a Thanksplate at Thiry Noughts!

Martin would like to thank you! For helping him stay afloat during his time with Marline and until his rescue/untimely death.

   Orian57    Talk   15:01 16 July 2009

Damn

Please say something more properly. Thanks. —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 19:05, 16 July 2009 19:05, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

which bit wasn't clear? i appreciate the effort, but i'm not quite through with wrapping the issue up. shall i call on you again when it is finished? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:08, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm touched down there

Dude, I got my very own UnSignpost piece. Thanks. -- malevolent Ape (burglarise) (Riot Porn) 20:06, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

you earned it! keep up the good work! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:04, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Same here. Thanks, gerry! *hetero manhug* Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 13:12 July 17 '09

no problem! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:14, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

*non-hetero manhug* -- malevolent Ape (burglarise) (Riot Porn) 13:56, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

...eww. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:03, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

*non-hetero, non-hug manwrap* sexy Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:05, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

*anal penetration, doggy style* Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:15 July 17 '09

HowTo:Cross the Line. By Mahm00sha. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:18, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh, sorry Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:29 July 17 '09

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:20, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Why, that's sweet

Thanks for those kind words, and it was flattering to see some of my work in the On This Day button. I quite enjoyed your Armstrong on the Moon image; it gave me a good chuckle this morning.

I would love to come back -- I really would -- but I no longer have the time I once did to devote to writing articles, or at least the time to do quality work. Most of those pieces took two hours or more to complete; Political advertising came closer to six. But I do hope things will eventually calm down enough to allow me to come back. I have some ideas bouncing in my head, and it's wonderful to have a community like this that encourages you to write articles about sexed-up Communist Party leaders. Thanks for the encouragement.--Procopius 14:49, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Drive-by: Just nice to see you drop by, Procopius - like your work! --UU - natter 14:53, Jul 17

Fly-by: Damn it Procop, I miss you (in a non sexual manner. Well, maybe that as well). Come back! ~ 14:58, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

wow, it's procopius, on my talk page! i'm starstruck! yes, i hope to stick that armstrong image around a few places, what with the anniversary coming up and whatnot. in honor of the fact that you are still present, if not fully active, i have nominated Joe Namath for feature, after reading it and laughing quite a bit. also check out your biopic in the april 23rd edition of our in-house newspaper, the unsignpost. i know about not having time, i've taken quite a few months-long breaks in the last few years where i haven't had time to write much of anything, but i do hope you can one day make a glorious return! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:00, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Draft

It's going on now. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:43, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

...hooray! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:49, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

League Info

League ID: 322847

Password: wilde

League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/322847

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:43, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

this weeks USP

I dont suppose its ready to go is it?

this weeks USP

I dont suppose its ready to go is it? Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 02:09, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

yeah, it is. i finished it and totally forgot to ask for delivery. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:37, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

I figured that. I just started it, figured any changes could just be made to the template. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 16:38, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:38, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

I feel like I owe you a puppy or something

Dude, thanks for the bio thing. -- malevolent Ape (burglarise) (Riot Porn) 20:06, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

you owe him a cute little monkey, obviously.. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 20:38 July 24 '09

Agreed! Leave me out of this! Pup t 23:39, 24/07/2009

I knew your sig looked familiar!    Orian57    Talk   00:49 25 July 2009

you are welcome, ape! it was a travesty that you were not bio'd sooner! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:43, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

WTF!?

Just in case you did'nt read my message of article of CJ, here you go (in a different manner): Vote for deletion!? CJ is a gangsta, duh! I find this article hilarious, and you consider it to be voted for deletion!?! What are you trying to do, make me (and the others) feel bad!? CJ. IS. A. GANGSTA and I like him a lot, when it comes with him, capping the Ballas and stuff. Don't VFD on CJ, please! This article I find is funny! 70.45.128.108 22:14, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Humour is subjective! Some people find things hillarious while others don't. It's that simple.    Orian57    Talk   22:46 24 July 2009

as i mentioned in the deletion nomination, this article is fairly typical videogamecruft, which means that it's rather juvenile and wandering, without any element of comedy to bring it together. please see HTBFANJS for a complete list of ways to improve this article, or write a better one after this gets deleted. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:47, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

But the article of CJ received good reviews, so this makes no sense in deleting on CJ. 70.45.128.108 14:49, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

can you link to these reviews? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:53, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Right, this is now a bit of a moot point, as the article just got deleted. Mr IP, if you find the article hilarious and want to improve it, here's the deal: get an account, come to my talk page, ask for a copy of the article. I'll restore it to your userspace, and you can work on it there. If you make it good enough, I'll move it back to the mainspace. Deal? --UU - natter 14:56, Jul 27

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildy

---

On the Clock

Yer pick, Cheevers! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:04, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Yer up again for Round 3! 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 20:39,26July,2009

Yer up again, Cheevers, quit slackin'! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:16, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Stone the Israeli Tank

Was this a cleanup, or a rewrite (for Unwehr purposes)? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:01, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

it was a rewrite, but it came far before the days of unwehr. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:36, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Ah, gotcha. I must say, it's quite good. I was going to read it when I got back from work the other day and vote for it, but by the time I got back it was featured already, so yeah. Anyway, good article. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:06, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

thank you sir! it was similar to Kingfisher in the fact that the basic groundwork was there, and it just needed a good shove to finish it off. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:12, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Sir

You are not pants MrN9000 could not help but notice that you are not pants. As such, you have been awarded the Titanium Trousers by way of recognition. Any suggestion that this is a pants award will be treated accordingly...

MrN 13:26, Jul 28

this award is most certainly not pants! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:36, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Awesome.

:) MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:24, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE: you is up 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:32,29July,2009

Yep, it's your pick again. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:51, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

1993

I've chucked a bundle of stuff I've taken from here into the talk page. Keep it or kill it as you see fit. Pup t 03:37, 29/07/2009

On the Clock

Yer up, Cheevers! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:39, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Oh man. Braylon just showed up in Cleveland a day late for training camp, and then failed his physical. What I'm trying to say is that he scares me a little bit. Good luck with that. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:50, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

i'm willing to roll the dice...again. he did ok for me last year. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:13, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Congratulations!

This user created Red Baron, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

You're the first person to recieve the {{reqaward}}. As far as I know, its the first substantial article ever created on UN:REQ. I actually remember when it was first created, and I don't mind saying, its one of my favorite articles. By the way, if you have any suggestions and/or improvements for the template I hope you'll let me know. MadMax 16:19, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

awesome! thanks, max! yeah, i remember going through UN:REQ and seeing that, and having a flood of ideas immediately. i'm glad you like it! the template looks great, i'll go stick it in my designated award area. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:34, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Well I'm a pretty big history buff, especially for WWI topics. I've always meant to ask this but have you ever considered writing an article on Roy Brown or one of the others who've claimed to have shot down the Baron? MadMax 03:53, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

hm perhaps, i am a fan of consistency among many articles...i'll put it on the idea list! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:38, 31 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

Orian57 would like to thank you! For voting him Playwright of the Month! He appreciates it and is also uncertain about why he is speaking in third person - he hates that. Seriously though, thanks, I'll almost certainly do more in the future.

   Orian57    Talk   22:13 1 August 2009

Go man(?) Go!!

Get yo ass in gear! 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:57,3August,2009

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 23:02, 3 August 2009 (UTC)